Well, hello! Long time no see! I'm such a horrible person :( I said I would post before Christmas and I did not! I know! We're in February 2016, and I'm such a horrible person. Again, I'm sorry. I know I say that a lot xD but it's just that with school and real life, I really have no time. But, good thing is that I have the next chapter already written so it WILL be posted soon.

So last time we saw Jesse he said 'I love you' to Rachel. Big thing, I know. And even though I wrote it, I still felt like it was too fast and I have a propose for it, because not all of this story is fluff, I swear my brain dries off with fluff xD And this chapter is kind of what happens between Thanksgiving and the Winter Showcase in Swan Song. Only a line or two in the next chapter refers to what happens in McKinley at the time, because as you already noticed this story has nothing to do with that. Just NYC and my babies :))) I'll let you read now, enjoy!

He said it, and she was asleep.

Any other person wouldn't have trouble saying it out loud again when she woke up. But he did. He was a confident person, sometimes way over confident, it was true. But somehow when it came to Rachel he always felt exposed and when those three little words left his mouth he couldn't have felt any more insecure; not on what he felt, on what Rachel would feel. And for a second he was thankful that she hadn't heard him but the next he felt incapable and nervous, and a bunch of questions started to pop up in his head.

What if she did hear me? What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if I am not ready to say it again? What is wrong with me?

Never had Jesse St. James felt so vulnerable by saying just words, but then again, those words meant everything to some people, he just didn't see himself as one of them. He always thought they were meaningless and could be said at ease with no kind of commitment attached to them. Also, the last time he said something like it was when...

"I loved you." And then he cracked and egg on her head and didn't spoke to her in over a year. Big acting experience though. Asshole.

Jesse was absolutely fine with saying those words without meaning, but this was way different, this was Rachel and this also was his first damn serious relationship, and it was with her, he couldn't give himself the luxury to screw things up, not again.

Minute by minute his brain produced so many questions, so many answers, so many situations he wasn't ready to deal with, until finally when he was too exhausted of brain-wracking himself, Jesse fell asleep with Rachel in his arms.

Once the morning came upon them, Jesse woke up laying in the couch with his arms around a pillow and the smell of coffee flirting though his nose thrills. He instantly straighten up and tried to ignore the voice behind his head that kept telling him to look himself in a mirror to see what a not so good night sleep would do to him.

Jesse heard Rachel hum and turned his head to the kitchen where she was moving around the place, in the apparent search for something. She was cooking, he concluded. She was in her pajamas and a robe while he was still trapped in his clothes from the night before. Rachel looked happy though, really happy and Jesse went ahead with being self-centered and thought that was debt to him, because he felt the same way because of her.

He chuckled, suddenly remembering all of the things he had been thinking of before he fell safe and sound in his sleep. He thought it was ridiculous, but truly, everything he did with his heart was. He just had to go with it.

"Hi." He said, catching Rachel's attention. She looked over to where he was sitting and instantly smiled.

"Hi." She echoed. They were staring at each other now, like it was the first time they saw the other. "I thought you may want some coffee and food," she looked around her kitchen with a hand on her forehead, seeming ashamed, "but I think Kurt forgot to buy the groceries before he-"

"Doesn't matter, Rach." He interrupted, getting up from the couch and walking towards her. "We can go to the farmers market, yes?" Rachel smiled.

"Yes. But, one thing though: I can't cook and neither do you." She reminded him with a followed chuckle. She had been so caught up in finding where Kurt kept the food that she forgot she couldn't even boil water without making a complete mess.

"We can try and burn something."

"So, are you nervous?" She asked sweetly as they walked hand in hand through the street, making their way back from the market, each holding a bag of groceries with their free hand.

"About what?" Jesse replied.

"The winter showcase!" Rachel exclaimed as if it was an obvious thing.

"Oh, I see." He shrugged it off. "Are you?"

"Yes, very much, but you didn't answer my question."

"You're absolutely getting invited." He told her as they rounded one corner.

"Jesse, my question remains unanswered." She said, ignoring his previous comment as something to distract her from her initial doubt. His usual and effective tactic.

"Am I nervous about the winter showcase?" She nodded. "Not really, when you become a soulless automaton you stop feeling those kinds of things." He joked. "You know, machine problems."

"Jesse." Rachel stopped Jesse in his tracks, pushing his chest so he'd stop walking. "This is serious."

"It's just a competition, Rach." So he insisted on pushing it aside.

"And since when did it stop being important to you, Jesse St. James? You live and breathe competition." She pushed.

"Since there are more important things in my life." Jesse answered, exasperated. He looked at Rachel meaningfully. She was right, he had lived and breathed competition, he had seen what was behind that curtain and he hadn't liked it. Loneliness, regrets, hurt. He didn't want to go back in there. Jesse knew his drive and obsession over success were strong, stronger than himself sometimes, he would go through everything and everyone he ever cared about to achieve his dreams, but he didn't want to be that person anymore. He had caused too much damage. And then Rachel came along as this hope and light for him, he didn't want to let go of that for a simple competition. He wasn't that person anymore. "Since there is this person in my life who makes me want to be better." He confessed, reaching out for Rachel's hand again, making her heart jump. She smiled at him, like it was everything she could do. But she kissed him. Knowing exactly what she was doing. Knowing exactly what she was playing with. Knowing exactly that Jesse let himself be him with her and she could be herself with him.

"It's us, Jesse, you know a winter showcase won't change that and I want you to be the best and for you to be happy. I know singing makes you happy and makes everyone who ever heard you agape. Don't hide that, don't you ever dare doing that." Jesse smirked at her words, he liked it when she got all bossy. He sighed.

"I am nervous."

"So, you're spending the night with St. James at his luxury Manhattan apartment while I stay alone in the village? That's just mean." Kurt complained to Rachel, watching her slip a few things into her bag.

"I'm sorry, do you want to come with us?" Kurt frowned. "We're going to watch a movie." She offered.

"No! God knows what I'd have to hear through the night. And I'm sick of having to wear my earplugs." Rachel laughed out loud as an involuntary flush crept over her cheeks.

"Kurt, please!" She pleaded. "And besides, when do you have to wear your earplugs anyway?"

"Every time St. James comes over, one can't never be sure." He replied. "Can one, Rachel?" He said suggestively. As her best friend it was his duty to tease her at every chance he got.

"Kurt!" She insisted again. "You know very well that if something had happened you'd know by now."

"Oh, you can't be serious!" He threw to the air. "That's why! I found the reason!" Rachel frowned this time, utterly confused by Kurt's words.

"What are you talking about?" She said, trying to get him to explain.

"Well, you see, dear and innocent Rachel," that caused her to roll her eyes, "that you've been irritating me since I came back from Ohio and first I thought you were on your time of the month but it is due two weeks from today, and now I know the real reason..." He smirked.

"Which is?"

"You're not getting some." He finished. Rachel looked at Kurt for some more seconds before getting back to her bag and carrying it to the living room where she had been followed by Kurt.

"Well, you are wrong, that's not it."

"Then, Ms. Berry?"

"I-I don't know, but that's not it. I assure you." She tried again desperately.

"So, you are having sex?" He questioned, more than eager to make her flustered again. Rachel could be such a child sometimes.

"Oh, Kurt, can we please stop talking about this? I have to go." She tried to busy herself with something so she didn't have to keep having this amusingly uncomfortable conversation.

"Fine, but if I were you I would put my black underwear on tonight." He said, winking at her.

"What?"

"I'm not blind Rachel and I know you're not. Jesse has his fair share."

"His fair share?" She repeated, suddenly amused with Kurt's explaining words.

"Yes." He groaned irked. "Do I have to spell everything out for you? He's hot, Rachel. Your boyfriend's hot." It was Rachel's time to smirk.

"Well, I'll pass the message along to Jesse then." Kurt glared at her.

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would." She assured, smirking evilly to Kurt. Two can play the game.

"Really? Then I guess you'll really enjoy when everybody we know gets a text that so expressively says 'Rachel Berry is planning on doing the nasty with Jesse St. Jerk tonight.'"

"How about you add, 'her hot boyfriend' to it?" She grabbed her bag and walked out of her apartment grinning and holding back a laugh. Kurt could be such a child sometimes.

"Hey, Jesse!" He turned around at the sound of his name being called just before he made his way down the stairs. "Jesse!" He smiled when he saw her face.

"Hey, Erin." He greeted his friend. "How are you? I haven't seen you in a while." He said, scratching the back of his neck in concentration. He had been so focused in other things, rather someone else, he hadn't seen his friends.

"I'm okay, thanks, but you totally forgot about us. Alex keeps saying you got domesticated by that girl of yours." Jesse rolled his eyes as he let a small laugh escape his lips, even though he didn't like that joke, at all, and it actually made him grimace a little. "What was her name? Raquel?"

"Rachel." He corrected while a smile formed on his lips once again. He just couldn't help it sometimes.

"Oh, yes, that's it. Well, you should hang out with us some time, we're always missing you." Erin placed a hand on his arm and smiled sweetly, friend like, or not friend like, he couldn't quite tell. And what came next? Ah, yes, the infamous smirk. Jesse St. James was still Jesse St. James, take it or leave it.

"Sure, tell me when and I'll be there."

"See? I told them you hadn't been domesticated." Erin exclaimed, grinning.

And Jesse just laughed again. Maybe there was a little truth on those jokes and he didn't like that. He was Jesse St. James, for Christ sakes! He had a reputation and everybody knew it hadn't been built in one day. It had taken him years and invaluable time. Problem was that not twenty minutes ago, he couldn't have cared less about that, now…now he did. And he slowly began wondering if the love he was sure he felt was worth that much of a loss. If four letters she hadn't even heard were worth all the fun he could have and all the pain he would feel.

He had said it, and she had been asleep.

And maybe that was what would save him in the end.

So, did you like it? Be honest! I know it's confusing, Jesse mostly, but you will see why. ;) Thoughts on the chapter, ideas, constructive criticism totally accepted and appreciated. Thanks for reading! :D