Summary: AU. Slightly OOC. Kagome Higurashi used to be such an innocent 15-year-old. When the zombie apocalypse hits, it takes everyone by surprise. She and her friends need to work together to escape the undead. Will they ever find love in such an environment, or will they get infected first?
disclaimer: i don't own anything. :(
~ How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse ~
nothing
Inuyasha and I walk so far from camp that I'm beginning to get nervous. I tug on his hand a little to make sure he knows we've wandered pretty far, but he ignores me.
I tug harder. Finally he turns to face me.
"Are you okay?" he asks, looking very concerned. My heart flutters.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I tell him, managing to smile a bit. He looks skeptical, so I sigh and we sit down.
"Mind telling me exactly what happened back there?"
Of course. I knew it would come. I don't know why I thought I'd be able to hide it from him.
"I don't know." I feel horrible for lying to him, but I don't want him to know about my panic attack. He'll freak out. "I just didn't want to be around her, I suppose."
He narrows his eyes at me. "You're using your lying voice."
The hell? "I don't have a lying voice."
"Yes you do."
"Wha- do not!" Nice one, Kags.
He doesn't respond, just sits there and glares at me, and finally I concede.
"Fine."
I pause, trying to stall, but he begins tapping his claw on the ground impatiently, telling me to hurry the fuck up, so I sigh and continue.
"So I had a panic attack yesterday…"
"What?"
Oh no. I knew it.
"Calm down! We can't have any zombies hear us!"
"Calm down? You had a panic attack!" Inuyasha's eyes are wide as saucers.
"You make it sound like I nearly died!" I mean, it felt like it, but he doesn't need to know that.
"Are you okay?" He grabs me, eyes searching my face.
"You think I injured myself having a panic attack?"
"Hey, it's possible! Stop shoving me!"
"I'll shove you as much as I want if you keep grabbing me like that! It's uncomfortable!"
He grunts in frustration. "Fine!"
There's silence for a moment, and then…
"What happened?"
I take a deep breath.
"I don't know, to be completely honest…" I tell him truthfully. "It seemed at the time like it just happened for no reason. But I began to think about it after the fact, and realized that it probably had something to do with the fact that it was taking you guys over an hour to catch fish for us… I guess I got scared and worried myself into an attack? I don't really know. It's not your fault. But in essence, that's what happened."
He stares at me for a while before taking my hand gently into his once more and pulling me to his chest.
My heart starts to pound. I hope he can't hear it.
The thought makes my heart pound harder.
He rests his chin on my head, pulling me closer to him. I close my eyes and sigh a bit with content.
We sit there like that for a while.
Then Inuyasha breaks the silence and speaks into my ear.
"I hope you realize I'm never letting you out of my sight ever again."
I smile.
"I know. Thank you."
After around thirty minutes or so, Inuyasha and I make our way back to camp.
The minute we get there, Kikyo sends a heated glare in my direction.
"And what took the two of you so long?" she asks, sneering.
"It's none of your concern," I tell her sharply. "You shouldn't go sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."
Kikyo's glare deepens. "I'll do whatever the fuck I want."
I scoff. "Suit yourself."
Kikyo continues to glare at me as I take my seat by the fire. Inuyasha sits next to me, a bit closer than before.
"Could you two, like, not?"
I roll my eyes. "Oh my god - could we not what?"
"Sit so close to each other!"
Before I can throw a rock at her face, Inuyasha butts in, sounding very angry.
"I'll sit as close to her as I fucking want to, thank you very much." And he picks me up and puts me in his lap.
In his lap. In his fucking lap.
I'm trying really hard not to blush. He's only doing this to make her more angry - I know because as Kikyo's face turns equally as red as mine, I can feel Inuyasha's mouth lift into a smirk against my shoulder.
The movement makes my insides burn.
I stiffen, sitting ramrod straight. He chuckles, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Relax," he says into my ear. "It's fine, right? This is okay with you, right?"
"Uh, yeah," I tell him, trying my best to sound casual. "I'm fine. It's fine."
Kikyo is glaring at Inuyasha now, surprisingly, and she stands up.
Before she can open her mouth, I get off of Inuyasha's lap, facing her, and shake my head. "No. Stop. We don't want to hear it."
She turns her furious glare to me instead. "Kill yourself."
I look her in the eye, trying to ignore my shaking hands and hide them by putting them behind my back. I know Inuyasha sees them, but I try my best to ignore it. "If you want to talk about it, we can go into the forest. Don't get everyone else involved."
She scoffs. "Fuck you."
Well, I tried. I turn around and sit back down next to Inuyasha. He pats my hand comfortingly before picking up another fish-kabob.
His hand hasn't moved from on top of mine, but he isn't looking at me. He's looking at Kikyo.
Who is, of course, sulking off to the side and pointedly not looking at anyone.
So yeah. That sucks. Knowing that he's only being touchy with me to make her jealous.
Hurt, I remove my hand from under his. He spares me a brief glance before tugging my arm back down and putting his hand on top of mine again.
Are you kidding? "What are you doing?" I ask him, glaring at him. Can you blame me? I've had a crush on this guy for a good three years, and this is the shit he decides to pull? If he likes Kikyo, then he should tell her, not drag me into this mess.
He shrugs. "What? Your hand's warm."
My glare is so icy it could freeze the depths of Hell. "You're not slick."
He looks genuinely confused, but I'm not fooled. "What are you talking about?"
I've had enough. I set my fish down and yank him to his feet. Without I word, I drag him back into the woods.
"Ka- hey! What are you doing-"
"Shut up," I hiss at him, tugging harder.
I ignore Kikyo's words of protest, and continue leading Inuyasha away from the group.
Finally, we reach a nearby stream and I drop his arm.
"What has gotten into you?" he asks me.
I whirl on him, now totally furious. "If you like a girl, tell her."
His face turns red. My chest aches. "W-wha-"
My jealousy and hurt or combination of the two - who even cares - has manifested into anger in 0.2 seconds.
"If you're in love with Kikyo," I tell him, "tell her! Don't use me to make her jealous!"
"Kikyo? What are you talking about?" He looks slightly hurt, and grabs my wrists gently in protest. Ah, crap. Butterflies.
But I can't show him he has power over me, or else he won't be truthful. I tug my wrists away immediately, turning away from him.
"Hey," he says, making me face him again. He lifts my face up towards his with a single claw. "I'm not in love with her."
"Maybe not, but you're into her at least, aren't you?"
He sighs. "Kagome.."
Oh God, my heart.
"Exactly," I breathe, and pull away from him. "So don't do this to me, please."
"Do what to you?"
"Stop being so touchy with me if you like her!" I cry out. "Don't give me the wrong idea. You know I get attached too easily!"
I hadn't meant to say that last part, but, well… the cat's out of the bag now.
Inuyasha looks at me in shock, red in the face.
"Why are you blushing!" I'm near tears, and so so ashamed. "Stop that! This falls under the 'don't-give-Kagome-the-wrong-idea category, Inuyasha!"
And he laughs.
He fucking LAUGHS.
At this point, I've had enough. Knowing your crush likes the person who has been giving you nothing short of hell throughout the two weeks you've been traveling together was difficult already. But now he's not even taking my confession seriously?
"Alright," I say curtly, feeling the emotional walls starting to reconstruct. He had knocked those down years ago; ironic that he's the one rebuilding them. "We're done here. I'm going back."
"Kagome," he says, his laughing fit over, thank God. I don't think I could handle another second of humiliation. "I'm sorry. Come here, we need to talk about this."
"No," I say, not turning back to look at him.
"Kagome." He says my name so seriously that for a split second, I'm about to stop and look back at him.
I don't.
Be strong, Kagome.
I keep walking.
"Kagome, I promise you it's a misunderstanding!"
"I couldn't care less!" I say this over my shoulder.
I hear him trudging after me, calling after me, but I don't stop. I focus on getting back to camp. I focus on not being alone with him anymore, which is a relief, considering I was just rejected by him, which, let me tell you, does not feel great.
Finally, the camp comes into view. The fire looks comfortable, and for a second I relax, momentarily forgetting what had just happened.
"Kagome! Can I eat your last piece of fish? It's been cold for a while now!" Miroku says to me in greeting, to which I nod and smile at him.
"Kagome! Get back here!"
I ignore the now seething half-demon behind me, and sit down on the log, ready to prepare myself another fish kabob.
"Kagome," the teenager says from behind me. I ignore him. "Get. Up."
"No," I tell him simply without looking at him, and bite into my kabob.
"Kagome! Now!"
"Stop. Yelling." I mock his voice from earlier, but stand up and face him, a look of death on my face. He shrinks back slightly, but continues to stand his ground, which annoys me.
The rest of our group is slinking away, but Kikyo is watching closely from her spot by the fire, eager to see what happens next. Eager to see him reject me.
I won't give her the satisfaction. I refuse to. So I turn to her.
"Get out of my sight," I spit at her, and she scrambles away.
"Kagome," Inuyasha says. "That was-"
"What? Uncalled for?" I can feel my heart breaking. "Inuyasha. She told me to kill myself."
"And?" He responds so harshly, I almost collapse right then and there.
I don't know what to say. Too many words are bunched up at the front of my mind, I can't choose between any of them. They all feel wrong.
I want to say so much, and yet I want to say nothing at all, and it's overwhelming, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or feel, or say. And so instead, I do the one thing I know how to do.
As if it was second nature, or a survival instinct, I shut down. I push away all these feelings. I push away the love I feel for Inuyasha, the love I feel for my friends and for my family, the bitterness I feel toward Kikyo, the fear I felt when Sango was nearly bitten, the warmth I felt when Miroku's hair was on fire. I refuse all of it.
It's happening again.
Last time, I welcomed it. I didn't want to feel anything after the pain of losing my beloved father… so I locked them all away, and ignored them.
But I don't want that anymore. I learned to not want it anymore. And I'm trying, I promise. As I stand in front of the man I had fallen in love with, I feel myself fighting so desperately, not wanting to feel lifeless, not wanting to feel so empty.
I don't want this.
But…
They do, right?
Ayame, Sango, Miroku, Mom, Dad, Souta, Grandpa… they don't want my love. Inuyasha doesn't want my love.
Despite everything, I doubt Kikyo wants to be hated. She wants everyone to be in love with her, even though she acts outrageously and without respect.
No one wants anything from me, and within a minute, everything I have to offer them anyway has been taken from me.
Because of this man…
He stands before me, molten amber eyes glaring at me with such intensity that I feel weak, and my legs won't stop shaking. This man…
I faintly hear him continue to talk, his eyes slowly becoming more and more anxious as I become more and more unresponsive. I feel him reach up and caress my cheek with his hand, undoubtedly asking me with worried eyes if I'm okay.
Before, I would've been a blushing, stuttering mess as I assured him that I was fine. But not this time. Without thinking, I slap his hand away. He looks hurt, but I feel nothing. Nothing.
No contact. No worrying. No words. Nothing. I want nothing from him.
I turn and leave.
The same man who destroyed the emotional walls I built around myself, who taught me to love and hate and be happy again, who restored my ability to feel things…
As fate would have it, he ended up being the one who would take it all away again.
I won't forgive him for it.
a/n: i'm back! sorry for the ridiculously long wait. to make up for it, i'll be posting another chapter right after this one. hope you enjoy. :)