She's waiting inside a janitors closet; waiting calmly for a certain boy who texted her minutes ago. She had never done this. She hadn't ever had sex with someone within school quarters. Given that she could be a bit uptight when it came to breaking the rules. But there were two things that were different this time. One, she was no longer in high school. Two, they couldn't get a moment alone all weekend.

To understand how in heavens she got to that closet, which smelled strongly of cleaning products and heavy chemicals, Rachel would have to go all back to New Years' Eve. And gladly so.

She wasn't going back to Ohio, her parents were still a little short on money and couldn't pay for the flight home. It was okay, nonetheless, because Kurt would be in New York as well and a certain other someone she had yet to tell Kurt about, would be too.

At the beginning, there were just simple texts he sent or smiles at the conversations they had. But then, Rachel started asking him out, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Obviously, this drove her to invite him to her apartment on the 31st; Jesse couldn't fail to be there.

Rachel wasn't certain how simple, innocent kisses transformed into what would be a curse to both of them. As in now, she was hiding in a closet because she wanted to have sex with her ex-boyfriend, who just so happened to spend almost every night with her. Kurt was done with it too, because when the so called 'sleepovers' took place in the apartment he shared with Rachel, he had more than one or two things to complain about.

"This can't end well, Rachel." He told her as he joined her in their table, serving himself a bowl with cereal too. "I know I told you to talk to him. But this outcome wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"I know, Kurt, but there are just some things you can't control." She explained, unsure of how her answer would leave her best friend calm. "And besides," she added, "we're not ready for a serious commitment again, and I think this is a fine way to keep our relationship going for now." Kurt snorted silently into his food.

"Like you were an 'on-call girl'?" He teased.

"Hey! He comes over too." She stated, merely offended by his comment; too late to realize it was all the same, didn't really matter in whose apartment they met at.

"I'm just saying, there has to be a better way. You could be just friends, like the original plan intended." He offered.

He was right, Rachel couldn't help but think he was right. And like many other times in life, she would've listened to the person she thought held the right answer. But she was tired of that, what about what she thought was right for herself? This was pure research; what would happen when and if she listened to herself?

"It's not that simple anymore. And we have never been just friends." She remembered herself saying, quoting Jesse even as she didn't notice so.

"But you could try." Was the last thing Kurt said to her before placing his plate on the sink and rushing to get ready before he arrived late to work.

It was true too, they could try to be friends and leave all things complicated behind. Live a simpler life outside of drama, like she had dreamed of many times before. But just as she was thinking that, the door to the closet finally opened bringing with it the smell of his cologne and the beautiful sight of his face, then she realized she didn't want to try. Not now, at least.

Jesse threw his messenger bag to the floor, not caring whether it may sting with something questionable. His full attention was on Rachel, who just expectantly stood there in the little light of the single lightbulb.

"You took long enough." Rachel stated, and still as she wanted to sound mad, her grin just wouldn't let her.

He smirked just before he took her face into his palms, bringing her closer to his lips. He kissed her hotly and fast, like he had been waiting so long to do so and this was his first chance. He pulled her waist closer to his own body, needed the contact just as much as she did. He kissed her neck as he managed to trap her against the door.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you; about this." He whispered to her ear, snaking his hands under her thin shirt; roaming her body with his fingers until he got to the hem of her jeans. Stupid cold weather.

The sound of the buttons being undone were all that could be heard, aside from their heavy breathings and some indistinct conversations walking past that door. Jesse finally managed to take Rachel's pants off, leaving her in her panties and that single blouse on top.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, her lips once again assaulting his with desperation. Her hands a shaking mess as she tried to undress him too, failing to do so as he had the same plan. Rachel was left in only her underwear while he stood fully clothed.

"I don't think this is fair." She said, kissing his neck slowly. He smirked, placing one hand firmly on her ass and letting the other wander through the thin material of her parties.

"It isn't?" He asked, now his hand had all but forgotten about any fabric being in its way. He massaged her clit slowly and rhythmically, hearing her breathing speed immediately and a small moan being suppressed. He loved the way she shivered in his arms, melting away with each finger he put inside her and then curled, just in time to hear her muffled cries. That was one thing he hated about having sex in public spaces, they couldn't be as vocal.

"No." She muttered, taking his length into her hand. Two could play the game. She held it, feeling how hard he was against her; feeling herself get wetter once he rocked against her body. She pulled his neck closer to her, placing open mouthed kisses all along his jaw while she teased him endlessly through his pants. Rachel knew this made him crazy; to feel at a loss of control, and how she was the only one capable of taking it from him.

He smiled, all he could think about was kissing her again, making her his again. And all through some rapid motion, he couldn't keep teasing. His pants came undone and his boxers went down. He left Rachel completely naked from the waist down and he couldn't believe how beautiful she was.

He pushed into her, making her moan out loud, correcting her small mistake by biting onto his sweater. He thrusted again, this time aggressively, not caring whether they could be heard outside their little world.

Everything was raw and so intense; she shuddered and cried out each time he entered her, stretching her deliciously. Every few strokes he changed his angle to brush against her clit; her hips jerking against his body unintentionally.

"Jesse." She panted. Unable to remember any other word for the moment being. She kept pronouncing his name as if it was a mantra of her own. Every time he thrusted into her making it more difficult to recall why she had to be quiet.

Her eyes were closed and her mouth busy kissing him, hard. Not able to do anything else but let herself go. "Come, babe." She heard him say, stroking into her one, two, three times more; she cried out loud, not being able to hold it anymore as she came.

Unsure of when he came too, she just felt him fill her whole, not caring anymore. Jesse shuddering too at the intense discharge of pleasure; his arms still holding her on her place between the door and him. He watched her eyes open for him, and he could've sworn he wanted to stay in that place forever. He kissed her flushed cheek chastely and let her down onto the floor.

I'm taking you out tonight. Said the last text Jesse had sent.

She walked inside her apartment with an unbelievably large smile. Just as she put her phone away, Rachel noticed the not so regular faces around her apartment.

"Quinn! Santana!" She smiled all the same, but this time her face was more surprised than anything. She hadn't talked to both girls in a long time, maybe ever since they all graduated high school. As Rachel hugged them, she couldn't help but wonder what had brought them there; what motive could they possibly have to pay Kurt and Rachel a visit. "Uh, wow, you guys, what are you doing here?"

"Hold up on your excitement, Berry." Santana said, with the smirk that had become her signature.

"Yeah, one may even think you were expecting us." Quinn added. "But since we had to wait close to three hours for one of you two to show up..."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Kurt must be stuck in work and well, I had to stay a couple of extra hours in school to rehearse. But if you had said anything about coming, we might've actually been here." She paused. "Which brings me to-"

"Yes, Rachel; what the hell are we doing here? And together at that." Santana finished for her. Rachel could only gather as much energy to reply with a sweet smile.

"We have been planning this since Thanksgiving." Quinn explained simply. "I mean, after certain slapping and all that, we had thought to cancel the trip altogether. But then we realized how much we had missed you. And you alone, Rachel, because you weren't there with us for Thanksgiving."

"I know, I was...saving up, a.k.a not ready to go back to Ohio." She confessed.

"To see Finn." Santana offered with a tilt of her head. "Although, Kurt did slip us something about Jesse St. James. Is that still going on?"

Rachel's smile faded immediately, there was no denying that something wasn't making her happy and she wasn't precisely ready to tell Quinn and Santana all about it. Truth be told, she wasn't entirely sure she knew what was going on herself.

"Lets sit down." Rachel said, watching her friends' faces go from zero to worried in a heartbeat.

"Okay, what's going on?" Quinn asked, following Rachel to the couch, alongside Santana.

"Jesse and I, we broke up not too long ago. Turns out that, after all this time, we weren't ready for a relationship, not with each other, that is." She confessed. "On the bright side, we're trying to be friends. But it has been much more complicated than I had imagined it would be."

"It always is, with relationships, Rach." Quinn soothed. "Don't worry."

"And I knew that, girls. But I hoped it would be different this time; we have all this bumpy history together and I thought we had healed and we were ready. I wanted us to be ready." She placed a hand on her forehead. "I feel so stupid."

"I get it, Rachel." Santana said. "Sometimes we crave for something so much, it can hurt a lot when we don't get it."

Rachel only smirked sadly, and laughed softly after. "I wish it were only that, but it's not. I can get over some silly little wanting; I love him." She smiled. "And what I feel with him is different, it has always been different. It's so intriguing, like we're getting to know each other all over again. I think he's exactly what I need right now."

The room was silent as Santana and Quinn got to register the weight of Rachel's words. What she was telling them was not something you said lightly. To actually say all those things out loud, required hours of thinking, consideration and feelings. So it was clear to say that, this time, Rachel Berry did know what she was talking about.

"And you want to be friends with him?" Santana questioned, extremely skeptical. "I'm sorry, but I don't think that's going to be possible." She stated.

"Santana." Quinn reprimanded. "You don't know that, they could make it work."

"Didn't you just hear her?" Santana pushed back. "The girl is in love for Christ's sake, and your tiny, cold heart can't even acknowledge it."

Rachel heard them fight about technicalities and how both of them sensed love. She couldn't help but think that their definitions were far off from where hers stood. She thought love was more than just a feeling, it was something so real and present that it could make you do or say anything for the object of your affection. Love was something raw that couldn't exactly be described, something that flew in the air and caught those who were off guard. Love was something that made it impossible for two people to stay away from the other. It was something overwhelming; it drowned you ocean deep and made sure you felt like flying. Love was something Rachel knew she was feeling.

She sighed, Quinn and Santana weren't going to end their debate any time soon. And for sure when they ended their discussion, they wouldn't remember what they were talking about in the first place. So Rachel, naturally, sat back and enjoyed the witty banters she had missed the most.

Later into the night, just as Kurt had arrived and Santana and Quinn had already filled her in on the details of their lives. Rachel decided she could not stay longer in her apartment; she needed to get to Jesse before he got to her and initiated the hundredth of the awkward conversations she had had with her high school friends.

"Kurt! I'm so glad you're here! Because, you see, we have guests and I have been entertaining them since I got here. I have things to do too, sweetie." She said that last part under her breath, loud enough for only Kurt to hear.

"Are you going to see Jesse tonight, by any chance?" He mocked, he already knew the answer. "I don't think so."

Rachel pouted at him; watching how his pale blue eyes did anything but soften. She considered begging for a second or two, but she knew his best friend was not going to cave.

"Kurt, I promise I'll wash the dishes for a month if you do me this one favor." She pleaded, though uselessly, because Kurt's arms remained folded and his brows furrowed.

"No, the dishes are too small of a payment. I don't want to swallow my thoughts on this anymore, Rach." He raised his voice now, letting their guests peep on a bit of their conversation. Rachel felt her heart skip a bit at this.

"Then name it; whatever you want me to do." He did seem to consider her words.

"It's not that; what I really want you to do is stay, with me and the girls. Stop worrying about your ex." He paused and sighed. "Or whatever you are now."

"Kurt, I want to stay with you but...I made plans too and I can't cancel them." She gulped, she didn't think she would be saying this to anyone any time soon. "My relationship with Jesse is complicated, most of all fragile right now. But I don't want to stop seeing him, it's hard for me to do so. And I'm afraid that if one of us make one wrong turn, it'll all fall apart." She was whispering still, but her best friend could hear her voice crack.

"That's what I'm worried about, Rach; what you just said is not the description of a well-functioning relationship. Even when you're supposed to be apart." He grabbed her hand slowly. "I just...I don't want you to end up hurt. I think we've had enough heartbreak for a year." Rachel smiled sadly at this and squeezed her friend's hand.

She only nodded slowly and gave in to Kurt's wanting. They both turned around to look at two of their best friends whom were smirking at them. Rachel then decided she could handle whatever conversation came upon her; whatever opinion her friends decided to voice.

It was Santana who opened the door at exactly 10:15 that night. She saw him standing there, with hands in his pockets and a beige sweater covering him up. He looked at her then; someone he hadn't spoken to in close to two years. Someone he knew hated him.

Rachel stood up right away, leaving aside her cup of coffee and forgetting all about Quinn's gossip. She walked to Santana's side, who still hadn't said anything, much to everyone's surprise. And then, her eyes moved to Jesse's confident smile, not at all surprised by the presence of both Quinn and Santana.

"Hey." He said, relaxed as could be. All Rachel wanted to have at the moment was his calmness and confidence. He knew what he was there to do: pick up Rachel and take her to dinner, hopefully having her to himself all night. But he was also aware he had to answer a few questions before leaving with his girl.

"St. James, fancy seeing you here. Uh, in the house of your ex?" He chuckled at Santana's catty tone; it was left clear that she wanted a verbal spare, like in good old times. But he wasn't going to give in. He wanted it to be different this time.

"It's nice to see you too, Santana. I'm taking my ex out tonight, if that serves for an explanation." Santana now frowned, completely caught off guard with this new information. "Hey, Rach." Jesse grinned at her and winked.

It was out of Rachel's hands at that moment; she smiled, oh, she smiled that goofy smile she makes when she wants to kiss someone and she feels her heart is bumping out of her chest. Kurt and Quinn caught sight of this, knowing very well she was far too gone by now.

"I don't know about that, St. Jerk. We just got here, and I think Rachel owes us part of her valuable time." Santana intervened again. Still unaware of what both Kurt and Quinn had witnessed. Nobody noticed, but Jesse flinched slightly at the very old nickname.

"Let Rachel decide then." Jesse said with ease, although his voice had turned colder in a second. He still didn't find Santana intimidating; after all those years he was the one who only gave her a funny look after she finished her angry rants. He remained to be one of the few people who weren't afraid of her once she started yelling.

"Fine." She said.

Both pair of eyes were now on Rachel, and everyone knew she didn't act that well under pressure, so Kurt decided to step in.

"Hey, we're all friends here. Why don't you stay, Jesse? The more the merrier, right?" Kurt side glanced to Rachel, who still looked anxious.

"Uh, sure." He answered, trying to get some kind of clearance from Rachel. And just as he was about to step inside the apartment, he got the exact opposite from her.

"You know what guys; Jesse and I had plans. I'm sorry, but what if we take you on a big tour around the city tomorrow?" She paused. "It'll be so much fun, in the daylight and all. You'll love it."

Jesse and Rachel were already gone by the time any of her friends could say a word. Santana still stood there, confused as could be.

Kurt sighed and shook his head in disapproval. "I like the idea of the two together, just not like this." He told his friends.

"He's trying to win her back." Quinn stated.

"He has her, Quinn, make no mistake." He rolled his eyes and snorted as he said this. "I mean, that look in her face alone gives me a toothache." Quinn chuckled at his words and sipped her cup of coffee calmly.

"We need to save her." Stated Santana.

"From what?" Asked Quinn skeptical.

"Let it be, Santana. Rachel knows what she's doing." The angry woman shook her head, not believing how incompetent her friends could be.

"Wake up. She's getting into a toxic relationship and we need to get her out of it now." She sighed. "Or else she'll be trapped in it forever."

"Come on, it's Jesse St. James. She knew what she was getting into." Quinn argued. Of course, that she wouldn't know how much Jesse had changed. They hadn't heard the entire story, but they had always been good with jumping into conclusions.

"Okay then, you don't want to help; don't call me when another egg is cracked on her forehead." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"You're letting your anger speak for you again, Santana. We all know you resent Jesse for some reason. But this time you don't get to intervene in Rachel's life; she knows how to make her own decisions." Kurt stepped up for his best friend. He may not have been the greatest fan of Jesse when he first got to New York, but the guy wasn't all that bad, or at all. "I thought all you cared about was seeing her be happy, at least that was what you said."

"Yes, I want her to be happy. But she was destroyed when she was talking to us about her relationship with him. It's not okay. I can understand the intensity of lingering feelings, but it's not right to go after them when you know it's not going to make anybody any good."

"Let her make her mistakes." Kurt pushed.

"Fine, I'll speak to her by myself. But you have to understand where I'm coming from; I'm just trying to protect Rachel. Jesse broke an egg on her forehead and then-"

"Took her to prom?" Kurt finished.

"You're defending him." Santana stated. "Why?"

"They're going through a weird phase right now but, he loves her, truly. I just want that for my best friend is all." Quinn smiled at Kurt.

"What do you think, ice queen?" Santana asked.

"I'm glad she's not marrying the quarterback before graduation. I'll take St. James for now." She said.

Santana couldn't honestly believe them; they had watched on and on how Rachel had suffered for that jackass and still, they dared to defend him. Sure, it's been a few years, but to her, he would always be that same guy who was annoyingly self-absorbed and way too cocky for his own good. In conclusion, she didn't like him, not one bit. So he couldn't be with Rachel, not like this.

They were outside a restaurant, waiting for their table to be ready, Jesse was looking at the street in front of them, like he was waiting for something to emerge from the ground. Rachel, in change, was looking at him; she didn't know if he was mad or confused or tired, his face indicated he was all of the above. And she didn't know how to break their silence. At first, when they had exited her building he had let out the tiniest of snorts and then shook his head, like in disappointment. She didn't know what to think of it.

She considered asking about it for a while, but she expected something to happen first: their table to be ready or maybe a phone call that would make all of the tension go away. But that wasn't going to happen, she knew this because she was familiarized with her bad luck; and nothing ever happened to remotely help her live her life.

Drama was always there, one way or another, she thought. And for a while she believed that this was because of her; that this was her fault. Sure, sometimes she was at a loss for words, maybe even acted the wrong way. But she had never intended to hurt someone badly, never in her whole life. Now, with the gained experience she had, she knew not to crave for control in life; that things happened because they had to.

"I wasn't going to ask but, did you ever tell your friends about us?" His question came before she even knew it, and she had to pause her thinking to analyze what he had just said, if she had heard him right.

"Yes." One word answers under pressure. Always.

"Really? Because it didn't seem that way at all back there." Her eyes were wide, now she was sure, he was mad. "I mean, I get that they don't like me because I criticized their singing in high school, the egg thing too. But that was years ago."

"Well, they're not good at the whole forgive and forget thing, Jesse." She tried to explain.

"See, I don't think that's the reason. I do think they still hate me because you didn't tell them all about what happened here." He pushed. Rachel took a big intake of air; so this was happening again, a fight.

"I didn't tell them anything at all."

"There it is, I knew it. I've been an asshole, Rachel, we've stated that long ago. But I believe I've changed in the last year or so, and even more when we were together, I really tried." He said.

"Jesse, I don't know why you care about what my friends think about you." She frowned. "You should only care about what I think."

"My friends don't have you in a bad concept, Rach, even the ones from Vocal Adrenaline, and I think it does matter. Your friends are like your family to you, don't think I haven't noticed, and if your family doesn't like me, this isn't going to work." He paused. "It isn't going to work at all."

"Hey, your friend Erin hates me, she has even lied to me several times to make us break up; she has succeeded once." He rolled his eyes.

"Erin isn't my friend anymore." He stated. "And I will hate myself for saying this but, I think part of why Finn keeps calling you is because you didn't ever tell anyone about the reality of our relationship, except for Kurt."

"You can't honestly believe that. Finn is part of the past, one would think you had gotten that by now."

"Rachel, it has been only months since you two broke up, and you were engaged. I just...I'm starting to think that you still want another chance with Hudson is all. Because if not, then why didn't you ever tried to make your friends come around the idea of us?" She gulped at his words; she didn't know what to think, or what to say for that matter. Rachel wanted to prove him wrong, but he was right, it had only been months and she had forgotten all about Finn romantically, but what if it had been too fast? "Maybe you didn't want all that trouble for nothing?"

"Jesse-"

"I don't want to be that guy again in your life, and I'm not picking for a fight here, I don't want that, truly. But if there's only space for me in your heart as the rebound guy, I guess...I guess I'm not going to take the spot this time." He said, his voice less agitated, he had finally found the words to express his worry. "I may have gotten good at dealing with your rejection over the years, but I can't handle it now, I'm way too involved."

"Jesse, I don't think about him that way anymore, and I don't want you worrying over nothing; he's a friend or will be one eventually..."

"I'm supposed to be your friend too, is it the same kind of friendship with him?"

"No! Of course not, he's my ex-boyfriend and sure, there will always be something between us: affection? I don't know, but Finn and I have shared a lot of things and I can't just cut him out of my life, Jesse, I'm sorry."

"You can't cut him out the way you did me?" He questioned.

"It's different." He nodded, he understood and he wasn't stupid.

"Different how?"

"I don't know, it just is. I don't have the words for it, okay? But that shouldn't be a problem because that's between Finn and I, and all I care about now is you and I, Jesse."

"Great, Rachel, only, it is a problem. The way I see it, you just told me you can't be just friends with him neither and there will always be something lingering between you two. And I know you still talk to him, so-"

"No, I...you're hearing what you want to hear."

"Maybe, or maybe you're finally telling me the truth." He bit his lip and looked inside the restaurant. "I don't think we should keep this going. Behaving like a couple when we're supposed to be classmates."

"Classmates?" She repeated, not believing what she was hearing.

"I can't be your friend, and I can't be your boyfriend until you have this thing sorted out. And I think I have to apologize to you, you asked me for time and-"

"I texted you."

"Yeah, still, I should've been stronger. I have to learn to be stronger when it comes to you." He put his hands inside his pockets. "You have to consider whether you want your friends to get to know me as who I am now, or whether you want them to think of me as the guy who keeps you apart from Finn." He took her hand in his. "I can play both parts perfectly, Rach, but you have to give me a callback." Jesse gazed into her eyes, watching how she didn't intend to speak anymore and walked away from her.

"Miss, your table is ready." A waitress was holding the door open for her, looking around the restaurant for that handsome young man who had been waiting too.

Rachel didn't reply, she just stood there, wondering how and why that had happened, and cursed her bad luck for the hundredth time in her life. Maybe if she hadn't listened to Kurt hours earlier...

That didn't matter anymore, she had to think about the conversation that had just ended. She turned around and walked back home, leaving a very confused waitress behind.

"So, they got into fight?" He asked, smiling. "What was it about?"

"I don't know, she didn't get into much detail, but your name was mentioned." She replied. "Kurt's talking to her and I've been sent out to run some errands."

"Well, that's great, that means she still cares about me." Finn concluded. "I still have a chance to win her back."

"It doesn't necessarily means that, Finn." She tried to put that idea into his head, but she had always known the guy was stubborn.

"Come on, Rachel's been head over heels for me since sophomore year, that doesn't go away so quickly."

"It's been different for Rachel here, she has other things to think about besides glee club and the cute football player. Life's changing."

"She loves me." Finn insisted. "The wedding's going to be soon and the invitations have been sent, it may be a couple of days before it arrives to New York, and I need you to be there when she opens it. Make sure St. Jackass isn't there with her, if that's even a problem by then." She frowned.

"Why?"

"I took the liberty of leaving a little message inside her invite." He chuckled. "It's sort of romantic." She rolled her eyes.

"Okay, Finn. But I'm not going to be your little Valentine's slave."

"Yes, thank you."

"And I can't guarantee anything. If she gets back with Jesse by the time your little creepy message gets here, don't blame me." Finn sighed at the other end of the line.

"You said you would talk to her, Santana." He smiled again. "You can be pretty persuasive, as I recall."

"Well yeah, but at the end of the day, Hudson, the heart wants what the heart wants."

The rating´s changed, I know. Well, after a long time and another blocking, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for reading