She hadn't wanted to leave the apartment tonight. She hadn't since Thanksgiving, but December had served to amplify her feelings. As Christmas approached, so did her desire to not get out of bed.

To his credit, Yevgeny picked up on the holidays being difficult for her and refrained from trying to cook them a turkey or put up a tree. Feeling like she owed him for that, Carrie agreed to an evening walk around the city center.

"The first December snow in Moscow. It is magical. And I am not one to use that word lightly," Yevgeny said, slipping an arm around her shoulders. Carrie forced a smile on her face, managed a nod as they walked by some storefronts.

They stopped in front of a jeweler's window, with a gaudy display of white lights and pieces so ornate they almost resembled costume jewelry.

"Normally it is not so…"

"Overdone?" Carrie asked with a snort.

Laughing, Yevgeny nodded as Carrie's eyes locked on a necklace in the center of the display. A fine gold chain holding a small diamond star.

"That is charming. Simple but classic. It catches your eye."

"You moonlighting as their salesman or something?" Carrie snorted, but still hadn't looked away from the necklace.

"I have been with you long enough to know that a standard sales pitch would never work on you," Yevgeny said. Moving to stand behind her he curled one arm around her waist. Rested his chin on her shoulder.

"No?" Carrie asked, as playfully as she could despite the lump forming in the back of her throat.

"No, of course not. For you, I would go above and beyond. Let you take the piece from the case. Put it on."

His voice was a purr in her ear as he moved her hair away from her neck, brushed his lips there. If it were any other moment, it would've made her melt.

Breaking free of his hold Carrie shook her head, wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

"Carrie…" Yevgeny sighed, his frustration giving way to concern at how small she looked in that moment. The way she still couldn't stop staring at that star.

"I'm fine. Just tired. I'm fucking freezing, too."

Putting his arm around her shoulder again, Yevgeny kissed the top of her head.

"We will go home then. Get warm."

When she nodded, leaned more against him but didn't move her feet he stayed in place, stroked her hair.

"You know, while I am not an official salesperson looking to earn a commission, I still believe I can get you that necklace in time for Christmas."

"No, Yevgeny-"

"Possibly persuade the owner to sell me the exact piece you're staring at."

"I said no, alright!" Carrie snapped, breaking free of his hold again.

"Jesus, I thought we had an agreement. No gifts, no celebrating."

"Yes. The unspoken agreement. The most unspoken agreement we could agree to. Any verbalization of it at all, strictly forbidden," Yevgeny mocked as her eyes iced over.

"It's a kid's holiday. What the fuck is there to talk about."

Pulling her coat tighter around her she turned on her heel, started walking away.

"Carrie. Carrie!"

Breaking into a jog, Yevgeny caught up to her as she stepped out into the street, tried to flag down a cab.

"I can have a driver here in two minutes. Can you just-"

"I don't want to wait two fucking minutes, I….fuck!" she swore, in English followed by some Russian when the cab didn't stop.

"Carrie, please. This is ridiculous."

"Well just walk away then! You won't have to watch."

Calling her bluff, thinking some distance between them wouldn't hurt right now, Yevgeny rolled his eyes. Turned and started walking in the direction of a nearby liquor store just as she managed to hail a new cab.

Glancing back over his shoulder, Yevgeny watched closely as she got in. After making sure she wasn't bothered, that it drove in the direction of their apartment without issue he resumed his stroll. Making a mental note of the name of the jewelry store before stopping off for some needed supplies.

…

When he arrived back at the apartment, he realized he was right to stop off and restock the liquor cabinet. The living room was dark aside from the light over the top of the bar, and a brown bottle was missing from the glass shelf.

"Carrie?"

He heard Miles Davis echoing from her phone and opening the bedroom door, saw her curled up in the corner arm chair.

Shaking his head sadly, Yevgeny approached and sat on the floor between her chair and the bed.

"About time you joined the party," Carrie murmured as he took the fifth of vodka from the plastic bag. Uncapping it he raised it in her direction, took a sip.

"Za tvajo zdarovje," he said solemnly as she nodded, took another swig straight from the bottle of Maker's Mark.

"I don't want to talk," she choked out as he nodded in understanding. Shifting closer to her chair he reached for, gently squeezed her free hand.

"When you want to talk, to laugh, you drink tequila. We drink tequila. Until I get tired of the tequila and switch us to vodka, knowing so long as whatever's in your glass is clear, you won't give a shit."

Earning a trace of a smile that somewhat met her eyes, Yevgeny swallowed hard, braced for it to fade.

"Tonight though, straight bourbon. I also know what that means."

Her eyes glazed over with a combination of liquor and unshed tears, Carrie bit her lip.

"Out of respect to your wishes, just nod if I'm right. The pendant in the window?"

Getting a nod, Yevgeny shifted closer to her still. Held her hand tighter as she sipped some more bourbon.

"I wanted to give him a star. I fucking drew one on the wall in magic marker knowing that's the only way he'd get one," Carrie recalled, smiling softly in spite of herself.

"And it wasn't just because he earned it. Because he pointed to one at the cabin that first..."

Voice breaking she shook her head, squeezed her eyes shut against tears.

"I wanted something that I could show Frannie. Something she could see. I could take her to that wall when she was older, so she'd know. It's how I told myself I'd tell her about him, about her dad. About everything..."

Curling in on herself more, her whole body fighting back a sob now, Yevgeny moved to join her in the chair. Taking the Maker's from her he set the bottle on the rug. Curled himself around her as she broke down in his arms.

"And I can't tell her anything now! I...I can't see her. I can't ever...see her-"

"Shhh, shhh," Yevgeny soothed, rubbing Carrie's back.

As painful as it was seeing her in this much pain, a part of him was still relieved to see it. That she hadn't walled herself off from all the hurt and loss and outright bullshit she'd endured, and that she trusted him enough to be with her on the rare days her walls and defenses were down. Like this rare day that he realized had been building up in her for weeks.

"She's my fucking kid and it's Christmas. I...I just want to know where she is! See that she's alright and I...I'm not even allowed to..."

When her voice broke, trailed off completely, Yevgeny shook his head. Continued holding her as a stubborn gleam filled his eyes. He was far from thrilled at 'not allowed' being applied to him or Carrie, but looked forward to finding a creative way around it. For both their sakes.