Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.

Tag: Season 13 Episode 22: Exodus

Summary: My thoughts on what was going through Sam and Dean's mind during those tremulous moments when all arrived at the camp. Liberties have been taken, but most came from the episode.

A/N: Enjoy!

Shame and Regret

Sam didn't want to make that deal.

Lucifer has tormented Sam for years. His time in the cage was…awful isn't even the right word. He didn't think there was a word to describe the terror Sam was subjected to in the cage.

Sam didn't want to make that deal.

Sam needed to get to Dean. He was sure that Dean was worried about him. Deep down, Sam knew his big brother was going to come back. And he didn't want Dean fighting all those monsters alone with no backup.

Sam didn't want to make that deal.

Dean would be so disappointed if he found out that he made a deal with the devil once again. All this time, he wanted to show Dean that he could be trusted. That he wasn't putting something evil before Dean.

Sam didn't want to make that deal.

But he had to if he wanted to get to Dean.

Sam looked at Lucifer. He could see the smug look on his face. Sam wanted so much to wipe that look off him, but he needed him. His throat tightened, thinking about the disappointing look Dean will have when he finds out what Sam did.

"Yes," Sam said.

"I'm sorry," Lucifer said, cupping his hand behind his ear as if he didn't hear what Sam said.

"Yes, dammit," Sam growled. "Yes, I need your help."

"See," Lucifer smirked. "That wasn't so hard. I can be reasonable when I want to."

Lucifer waved his hand, and the monsters parted, making a pathway so they could leave that small cave. Lucifer walked out. Sam just stood there for a second.

"Well," Lucifer said. "You wanted out. Let's go."

Sighing, Sam walked out of the tunnel.

_000_000_000

"Where's Sam?" Mary asked, looking up at her oldest.

Dean just looked at her. Saying the words was just too much for him. He didn't want Sam to come here in the first place. Once again, Dean failed to take care of his baby brother. History repeating itself.

Dean stepped around Mary and headed for the entrance of the camp.

"Where are you going?" Mary asked.

"I'm going to get my baby brother," Dean said. "I'm bringing him here."

Dean regretted being forced to leave his baby brother behind. If he had to kill every one of those monstrous freaks to get to his brother, Dean was going to carry his baby brother out of that tunnel.

Dean didn't even take a step towards the camp entrance when an alarm went off and one of the sentries screaming that someone was coming.

Sammy was walking towards him. Sammy wasn't dead. Sammy was alive. Dean wanted to scream to the highest mountain. He wanted to rush over towards Sam, touch him, make sure he was indeed his Sammy.

Sam wanted to walk to his brother and let him know he was okay. He could see the surprised look on Dean's face and knew he was worried about him. Sam was going to take a step forward but stopped.

Dean looked at Sammy and saw the dried blood on his neck, but there was no indication of where the bite was. Dean opened his mouth about to call his brother to him when he heard another set of footsteps.

Sam saw the disbelief look on Dean's face when Lucifer walked in behind him. Sam closed his eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment on Dean's face when he saw who was coming in.

Mary was a wonderful distraction. Sam didn't have to see the disappointment on Dean's face if he was in his mother's arms.

"Sam," Dean said. "What happened?"

Not being able to look Dean in the eye, Sam replied, "He brought me back."

"I gave Sammy an extra life," Lucifer said. "Shouldn't you be thanking me?"

Sam wanted to crawl into the most bottomless hole. Having his weakness shoved in his face. In front of Dean. Adding on to the long list of malicious deeds Sam had done against Dean.

While the conversation was going on around him, Sam's only thoughts were that he made a deal with Lucifer. And significantly so, Dean was mad. Everything started running through Sam's mind. Ruby. Lilith. The demon blood. Soulless. The trials. Not looking for Dean.

All of Sammy's greatest hits, as Dean once called them.

It was asking about Rowena that brought Sam out of his gloomy musings.

Rowena. Sam remembered the conversating they had in the Impala. She understood Sam's fear. He understood hers. It was the one thing that Rowena and Sam had in common; they both saw Lucifer for what he truly was.

Sam knew he had to make this right. He had to deal with this. He needed to show Dean that he did change. He wouldn't do what he did in the past.

Sam walked to the back of one of the gutted cabins and put in the estimated time they had before the rift closed when he heard footsteps. Turning around, it surprised him and frightened Sam at the same time. He berated himself for fearing Dean. This was Dean. His big brother. There should never be fear. But Sam knew he needed to make things right.

"I'm sorry, man," Sam said. "I should…"

"Are you good?" Dean asked, cutting Sam off.

Sam was stumped by the question. "Uh," shrugging, "I'm alive."

"Then you've got nothing to apologize for," Dean said.

Before Sam could sigh a relief or be surprised that Dean wasn't angry, he was wrapped in his brother's arms.

Dean fighting vampires, looking across the cavern to his baby brother being overpowered by three of them. Them tilting Sammy's head to the side and taking a chunk out of his neck. Hearing his baby brother scream his name. Once again, not being able to reach him in time. Cold Oak all over again. But unlike Cold Oak, Sam died alone. Before Dean was holding him, letting his baby brother know he was there. This time Dean was forced to leave Sam behind. Just the thought of not having Sammy's body crushed Dean. But seeing Sam standing before him. Breathing. Neck, though with dried blood, pristine. Dean didn't care how Sam was standing in front of him. Just that Sam was standing was enough for Dean.

"I thought I lost you, man," Dean said, tightly holding his brother.

Sam and Dean held on to each other as long as they could, but also knew they had to cut it short. There was still work to be done. And now, on top of everything they had to do, they must deal with Lucifer.

"What are we going to do about Lucifer?" Dean asked once they stepped away from each other.

Sam, still surprised that Dean wasn't angry about what he did, wanted to show his brother that he can handle it. He will not have Dean clean up his messes. Not anymore.

"I'll deal with Lucifer," Sam declared.

When Dean gave Sam that disbelieving look, Sam wanted to make sure Dean knew that Sam was serious. Sam would not let Dean down.

"I'll deal with him," Sam said again. "Please."

Dean nodded.

Sam sighed.

They had work to do.

FINI

A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Please leave a review letting me know what you thought of it.

Many hugs and kisses to you all!

Mandancie