Chapter 12: Light

"Expecto Patronum."

That allusive silver doe erupted from the tip of Rose's wand yet again.

She was not even surprised to see it anymore. It had been over a month since she had been in that little house with Severus, since her patronus had changed.

Rose was laying on her back in her bed. She had a small, one room flat. The doe, glided around, filling the dark corners with warm light.

The doe lit up a stack of books on Rose's nightstand. The titles read: 'Patronus: The Hidden Guardian,' 'The Art of Producing a Patronus,' and 'What Your Patronus Says About You.'

Rose let out a long sigh and dropped her wand arm. The doe dissolved into the atmosphere.

"Expecto Patronum," she said again. The doe danced around her. Rose felt tears welling in her eyes. "That's enough," she announced to the room at large. She stood from her bed quickly, making her head spin. She sniffed once. "That's enough," she told herself, a little bit louder this time.

She glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand. It was only nine at night, still early.

Rose was wearing a short, tight, and shimmery blue dress. Tiberius had loved her in this, probably because of the plunging neckline.

During the extent of their relationship, Rose and Tiberius did not go out much. It was not safe. However, occasionally they would steal away to some obscure, nonmagical location were the chances of being recognized was near to none. These places were often borderline sketchy. All the restaurants they went to, surly had some sort of health code violation. They loved these little excursions though. It made them feel like a normal couple, surrounded by people who have never heard of Lord Voldemort.

One of their favorite things to do as a couple was to go to nightclubs like normal 20 and 30-somethings.

Rose walked into the bathroom and examined her figure in the mirror. This was her special outfit for Tiberius. She wondered how he would feel about her wearing it without him. She felt guilt burning within her, but she had to get out of her flat.

Since those last confusing moments with Severus, Rose had been a complete and utter disaster. She felt like she was sleepwalking though life. She would go to work and all the while her body would ache with the weight of the baggage she was carrying. When she was not at work, she would sleep. Rose slept and slept and never lost that feeling of throbbing exhaustion.

In her waking free moments, she would produce the silver doe, over and over again. Sometimes she wished to see the silver fox it once had been, but mostly she watched the doe, for hours sometime. It made her think of Severus. But though, bright and warm, the silver doe only made Rose feel a shadow of the safety she felt with Severus Snape.

Rose needed to get out. She couldn't just wait around for her life to spiral out of control again.

Before what had occurred that day with Severus, Rose had come a long way since Tiberius's death. Somedays, she had even felt like she wasn't pretending to be alive. After the shock and utter destruction that Tiberius's death brought, Rose felt as though she was just floating lifelessly from day to day. She experienced everything as if she had a veil over her face, never quit allowing her to interact with the world around her.

It was not until she met Severus, had she found a new purpose. She was determined to give him the life he had earned. Severus challenged her and not only as a healer. He awoke an excitement in her that she though was long dead. Severus Snape lifted the veil, by surviving and showing Rose the prevailing goodness of the world.

That goodness lived within Severus and within the silver doe.

Rose peered at her reflection, at her meticulously done up makeup and hair. She thought perhaps, if her outside looked good, then maybe her inside would feel good too.

Rose tried to ignore the creeping numbness she felt at the knowledge that Severus was gone from her life, that Tiberius was gone from her life.

Rose also tried to ignore the feeling of guilt for thinking so much of Severus, when 'really' he was nothing to her at all. She wondered if she was being unfaithful to Tiberius for putting so much thought into another man.

Rose narrowed her eyes at the girl in the mirror. "Pull it together," she said. She decided that her patronus was for dementor attacks only, no more of this obsessive charm work. She would be okay. She would move on with her life. She would move on with her life, without him.

"I don't need Severus Snape," Rose told herself. His name burned on her lips. This was the first time she had uttered it since she had seen him last.

X

Severus moved slowly down the streets of Hogsmead. It was the night of August 8th, still nearly a month before he would resume his old post as potions master. He had moved back into the castle several weeks ago. Besides the headmistress, he was the only teacher there. He used the excuse that he needed to create lesson plans and prepare his classroom, but that did not occupy his time for nearly long enough to justify him being there.

So, Severus spent most of his time in his dungeon quarters. During the day, he only ventured out long enough to return a book to the Hogwarts library.

Severus was beginning to realize that he had no idea how to fill his spare time. He hadn't had time to himself in nearly two decades. He didn't have any hobbies, nor could he say what he liked to do.

At nights when he couldn't sleep, he would wander the many corridors of the castle. Occasionally meeting a stray house-elf or ghost, both literal and figurative.

He often thought about walking these halls as a student. He had filled his time then by studying, hungry for knowledge, and obsessed with the idea of becoming as powerful a wizard as he possibly could, anything to separate himself from his muggle father. He desperately wanted to prove himself. It was exhausting.

It was only with Lily Evans did Severus ever feel that he was enough, just as he was.

He and Lily would spend hours out on the grounds, just talking. She was the only one he trusted with his feelings and secrets about what happened at home. With Lily, it was like Severus could breath. He felt free to joke around and laugh. He could just be a child with his best friend by his side.

There were two different versions of himself, the angry, obsessive, power-hungry Severus and then there was his true self, the self he was with Lily, happy and content, if only temporarily.

But it was impossible to live both lives, to have two selves. Something had to give. That happy and content Severus, never stood a chance against his angry and power-hungry self. That side devoured the other, destroyed the light and destroyed Lily.

Severus clung to memories of that other self, like one would hold onto the memories of a deceased loved one.

For years, Severus was sure that side of him was dead, that it had died right alongside Lily.

Then he met Rose.

Severus could not shake the feeling of her calming presence. Her unconditional kindness towards him made Severus feel safe, like he had nothing to prove, like he was enough.

There were moments with Rose that Severus was almost sure that he was happy.

As Severus walked up the dark street, he thought of Rose with a mixture of fondness and anger. He thought about her patronus and scowled. It felt as though she was mocking him somehow. All those kind smiles and sweet looks of concern she gave him, suddenly all were cheapened.

As that silver doe bounced around that dusty old room on Spinner's End, it was like an expectation put on Severus. Rose was clearly displacing feelings and making Severus out to be something he was not. For there was no way she could possibly-

"Professor Snape."

Severus turned, abruptly pulled from his reverie.

It was Potter who spoke. He was coming out of the Three Broom Sticks, the Weasley girl clinging to his arm. Granger and the other Weasley followed, they were holding hands.

Severus wanted to groan. He took in a deep breath. "Evening," he said to the group of teenagers.

"Its good to see you, Professor," Hermione said gently. She nudged Ron.

"Yes," Ron agreed after a moment.

Severus frowned in response. His gaze briefly rested on Harry and Ginny. If he squinted, he could have seen James and Lily standing before him, a tall, ruffled haired boy with a pretty redhead girl on his arm. Like father like son.

"How are you feeling, Professor?" Ginny Weasley asked.

Severus suppressed an eyeroll. "Well, thank you, Ms. Weasley."

"We were glad to hear that you will be returning to Hogwarts," Harry said.

It felt very peculiar to hear James Potter's son say that he was glad for Severus to be returning anywhere. Harry's green eyes looked upon his former teacher. He was Lily's son too. "Right," Severus replied.

"I was wondering," Harry said, "about your healer, Rose." Severus's body stiffened. Harry had written to Severus shortly after Rose had been attacked to inquire after her. The last thing everyone had seen was Severus disapparating with the fragile, beaten up young woman. Severus had never responded to Harry's owl.

"She recovered," Severus said, trying to keep his tone empty of emotion. "but other than that, I would have no idea."

Despite his efforts, a bitterness crept into his voice.

The teenagers before him exchanged awkward looks. There was a tense silence that surrounded them. Then suddenly the quite was broken.

"Severus Snape."

Severus's eyes widened, everyone turned towards Ron Weasley.

Ron looked just as stunned as everyone else.

It was Rose's voice that spoke Severus's name and her voice was issuing from Ron Weasley's pocket.

Ron reached into his pocket and pulled out Albus Dumbledore's deluminator.

Ron and Hermione shared a weighted look.

"Weasley?" Severus questioned.

Ron shrugged at Snape and clicked the deluminator. A bright, golden orb bubbled out of it. It hovered innocently for a moment before floating towards Severus.

He felt its warm light on his face.

"Severus Snape," Rose's voice said again. Except this time, he was sure he was the only one who heard it. Her sweet voice washed over him. He hadn't known how much he'd longed to hear it again.

The glowing orb moved closer to Severus. He vaguely thought it would be wise to step away, but he was too mesmerized to retreat.

The ball of light touched his chest and moved inside of him. Severus's whole body filled with warmth.

Suddenly, all the anger and doubt he had about Rose's intentions seemed to melt away. As the light glowed within Severus, he could feel what Rose felt for him; he could suddenly see himself though her eyes. Everything was so pure and true.

Perhaps it was possible.

The light was pulling him. Severus knew that he must follow it.

He disapparated.

I hope you've enjoyed. Please review.

TJ