Chapter 15: Regret

Rose's lips were soft against his. Her hand was still pressed against his face. Her touch was like a soothing balm. Severus found himself trying to remember every curve and peek of her lips.

At first, the kiss was delicate, but a hunger was awoken in them both. Severus pulled Rose in tighter so that their diaphragms were pressed together. Rose let her lips part, deepening their embrace.

They drew apart, out of breath.

They looked at each other with amazement, like neither of them could believe what just happened.

The song had finished. They hadn't heard the music anyway.

"Bloody hell," they heard someone say.

"She was snogging Snape," someone else said in an audible whisper.

Severus's eyes shifted to the people around them and grimaced. It was like he had forgotten that they were in a room full of people. "Can we get out of here?" he mumbled to Rose. Severus was beginning to feel uncomfortably warm at having an audience.

Rose nodded feeling slightly dazed.

Severus grabbed her hand and led her from the Great Hall, passing many muttering people as they went.

The rest of the castle was quiet. Everything came rushing back to them in the clarity of the calm.

They looked at each other and heat seemed to radiate between them. Rose nearly jumped on Severus, wrapping her arms around his neck, finding his lips once more. Severus pulled away, looked down at her, then back at the wide-open doors of the Great Hall.

He tucked Rose under his arm and led her around the corner, out of sight.

Severus half expected her to laugh at him and tell him that this was all a prank. If the longing look in Rose's eyes was not enough to convince him, the memory of her patronus was all Severus needed to know that Rose wanted him.

Rose could see that his mind was working feverously. "Severus," she muttered.

The sound of his name in her voice was the confidence he needed. In a sudden burst of passion, Severus pushed Rose up against the wall, taking her breath away.

He kissed her greedily. He did not think, he only felt. He relished the feeling of her warm body against his.

Rose wrapped one leg around Severus's waist. She knotted her fingers in his black hair. Rose moved her mouth down to Severus's neck, peeling back the fabric of his robe with her fingers. She kissed the light scars left from the snake bites.

A gasp escaped Severus's lips and he grasped at Rose, pulling her in closer still. His blood began to race. Rose could feel Severus's hot, growing erection pressing against her abdomen. Rose knew she was becoming undone. All she wanted to do was rip open Severus's dress robes with her teeth. It had been over a year since she had had sex and it was not until that moment that she truly wanted to.

Giggling could be heard behind them, slightly dimming, but not extinguishing the fire. Rose and Severus turned. A painting of three young women sniggered with their hands over their mouths.

Severus pulled away from Rose, standing up straight.

Rose couldn't bring herself to look away from Severus, her eyes moved down his body, just below his abdomen.

"Severus," Rose said breathily. "Where are your rooms in the castle?"

Her weighted question made the ladies in the portrait giggle even harder.

Severus looked uncomfortably back at Rose, thinking for a moment. "Come," he said hurriedly, "let's get out of here."

He took her by the hand again. He walked swiftly. He practically dragged her behind him. There was purpose behind his steps, yet the new carefree air that had just possessed him, seemed to have evaporated.

Severus led Rose down to the dungeons. He passed his potions classroom and a few more doors down was his office.

He pointed his wand at the door and it blasted open, then shut them inside when they were behind it.

Severus waved his wand again and lanterns lit themselves around the room. Severus released Rose's hand.

Severus's office held only a desk, chairs, and a single shelf of books. It was a claustrophobic little space with low ceilings. Rose wondered why Severus would want to have his office down here.

Just behind the desk was a door that led to his personal chambers which held a small sitting room, bedroom, and bathroom.

Rose eyed Severus's desk. It was empty except for a stack of parchment. Rose vaguely wondered if Severus would mind if she pushed the papers onto the floor. Then she looked back at Severus, his back was to her.

Rose moved in closer. She wrapped her arms round him from behind and kissed his shoulder. She began to finger the buttons on his robes. Severus's body stiffened. Rose released him and walked around to see his face. Severus was clearly bothered by something.

"You know," Rose said, trying to sound lighthearted, "I was your healer after all. You don't have to worry, none of this," she gestured to his body, "I haven't seen before."

Severus sighed and pressed his lips together. "Rose, I," he sounded frustrated for some reason. "I haven't…" he trailed off. Something unfamiliar flashed behind his eyes. Rose realized it was fear.

"Oh," she said, understanding washing over her. "You've really never been with a woman before."

Severus turned away from her. "Forget it," he said roughly.

"Severus, no," Rose said gently, adjusting the shock from her face. She placed her hand on his shoulder. "hey, look at me." He didn't turn around. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I was just surprised that's all."

When she realized that he was not going to turn towards her, she moved to look at him again. Severus had a disgusted look on his face. Rose knew Severus well enough to know that that was more frustration with himself than with her. She stroked his hair away from his face and peered up at him.

"Severus Snape," she said earnestly. "I want to be with you, badly," she added. "If you want to be with me too, all you have to do is ask me to stay."

He just looked at her; his expression was unreadable. She knew he was working out what he wanted, privately, not letting her into his thought process. Rose felt slightly hurt that his answer did not come to him immediately.

Rose stepped away from him, she turned, and slowly began to walk towards the door.

"Wait," Severus breathed.

Rose halted. She slowly turned back towards Severus. He was there right in front of her. Cautiously at first, he caressed her face in his hands. It was hard for him to touch her freely in this new way. He just kept waiting for her to tell him to stop.

When she didn't, Severus leaned in and kissed her again, hard and deep. He backed her into his desk, pushing the parchment to the floor.

Rose seated herself on the desk and wrapped her legs around Severus's waist. She savored the feeling of his body rubbing against hers. She ran her hand between his legs, feeling him getting hard again.

"We should go to the bed," Rose said when she came up for air. Now that she knew that this was going to be Severus's first time, she thought that maybe it should not be done in hast and on a table top.

Severus nodded, eyes intently upon her. Then without warning, he pulled her up into his arms, making her smile brilliantly at him. He smiled too. That same happy, true smile that he had when they were dancing. What was it about Rose?

Again, Rose felt like she wanted to cry as her heart swelled. She kissed Severus chastely on the cheek.

Severus turned the knob and pushed the door open with his foot.

Rose did not see her surrounds. She kept her focus only on Severus.

Soon he deposited her on his bed. He then seemed at a lose as to what do next.

Rose smiled slightly. "Come sit beside me," she said softly.

Severus did. Rose crawled over to him and from behind she began to undo the buttons on his robe. She kissed the newly exposed skin on his neck and then ran her palms over his bare chest. She then stood from the bed and moved in front of him.

She turned her back to him and knelt. "Will you help me unlace my dress?"

After a moment's pause, Rose felt Severus loosening the back of her dress. Once freed, she straightened and turned towards him again. She hugged her chest to hold up the front of her dress.

Severus sat still as a statue as she let her arms go and the dress slid from her body, revealing her firm, pale breasts. Rose pushed the dress down and stepped out of it.

Rose stood before Severus in nothing but lacy underpants and her shoes.

Rose shimmied out of her panties and let them fall to the floor. Then she knelt to unbuckle her shoes; she kicked them off her feet.

She then fell to her knees in front of Severus. With his tunic unbuttoned, his trousers were exposed. Rose placed her hand over his erection. Severus's eyes rolled back and he tilted his head to the ceiling.

Rose unbuckled his belt and undid his trousers. She reached into his pants and he sprung forth, hot in her hand.

Severus looked down at Rose. He reached out for her hands and guided her back into a standing position. "Lay on the bed," he told her in a low hum.

Rose did as he said. She backed herself up against the pillows. She gripped at the bedpost for support.

Without further undressing, Severus moved on the bed towards her. He watched her for a moment as if waiting for permission.

Instead she gripped at his open tunic with both hands and pulled him in for a kiss.

Severus then swung his leg over her. He pulled his face away, out of the reach of her kisses. He looked at her pretty face. Her gentle eyes looked back at him, they held no room for deceit, everything Rose was, was right in front of Severus.

She nodded at him, a kind smile touching her lips.

"You are very beautiful," Severus hissed.

"So are you," Rose replied, running her hand from his cheek, down his chest.

Severus leaned in slightly before pushing himself inside of her.

Rose gasped and pressed herself deeper into the mattress.

Severus froze.

"Its okay," Rose breathed. "You feel good."

They began to move together, slowly at first, then as their need grew greater, they sped up. Rose arched her spine against the bed.

In everyday life, Severus Snape, was selfless, intense, and meticulous. That was exactly how he was with Rose in the bedroom.

Severus reached out for Rose's hands. He intertwined his fingers with hers, pinning her down.

The pressure within Rose began to build quicker than it would have otherwise if it hadn't been so long. She was at the edge and there was nothing left to do but fall.

Rose let out a gasp, her body fought against Severus's hold. Her back flexed and her toes curled.

In response to her sudden elation, Severus's body followed. His eyes closed tightly and he nearly collapsed on top of Rose. His body quivered and he throbbed within her as he came.

They were both still.

Severus was still inside Rose. He opened his eyes slowly, worried to see the expression on her face. Her eyes gazed at him with contentment. She turned her head and kissed the bit of his arm that she could reach with her lips, it was the skin just below his faded, graying dark mark.

Severus flinched slightly.

Rose tried to gage his mood. His face went from elated to blank, again hiding his thoughts from her.

After several minutes of just being, Severus carefully pushed himself off her and stood. He quickly secured himself back into his trousers.

Rose sat up and crossed her legs tightly. "I should probably get-"

"I'll make it for you," Severus interjected. He was not meeting her eyes, as if they hadn't just been staring at each other moments before.

Rose nodded and Severus left the room the way they came in. Rose reached for her wand. "Accio," she said. A drawer in the tall chest off to the side of the bed opened. The black, long-sleeved t-shirt Rose had gotten Severus zoomed towards her. She caught it in her fist. She stood and collected her panties from the stone floor. She padded across the room to the door she assumed led to the bath.

The bathroom had high ceilings, a strange contrast to the rest of Severus's chambers. Rose eyed the large porcelain tub against the far wall, wondering what it would be like to soak in there while sitting on Severus's lap.

Rose shook her head slightly as if shaking something off her shoulders. She looked at her naked body in the tall mirror. Her hair was a mess. She pulled out the pins and let her curls fall around her shoulders. She had just had sex with someone who was not Tiberius Malfoy. The sickening thing about it was that she didn't even feel sorry about it. She felt bad for not feeling bad. All these feelings raged within, there were so many just twisting her insides, but there was only one feeling she could distinguish, and it was the strongest of them all.

Rose cleaned herself up, slipped back into her underwear, and pulled Severus's shirt over her body.

When she walked back into the bedroom, Severus had a small cauldron bubbling on the bedside table.

Rose crawled back into the bed and held her knees to her chest.

Severus did not look at her but focused intently, probably more intently than necessary, upon his brewing potion.

After about five minutes, the potion turned from a pale blue to a deep purple. Severus ladled some up into a small shot glass and held it out to Rose.

"Careful," he told her, still not meeting her eyes. "It's very hot."

"Thank you," Rose said, taking the potions. She blew on the little glass before throwing it back. The thick syrup like flavor was familiar. She had taken this potion countless times with Tiberius and a few other times as well. She always associated this flavor with complete and utter satisfaction and contentment.

Perhaps it would be a bit presumptuous if she asked Severus to bottle his brew for the future.

Severus pointed his wand at his work space and it cleared itself away.

He finally looked at Rose. She was in his bed, in his shirt, and looking at him with large expectant eyes. "Would you like to sleep here tonight?" he asked her, because that must have been what was expected.

She nodded. "Yes, please," she said.

They were being oddly polite with each other.

Severus continued to stand over her.

"Care to join me?" she said in a sweet tone of sarcastic amusement.

Severus rolled his eyes at her, but did not make any motion to lay down beside her.

For someone who had just had sex, Severus was still mostly clothed. He was even still wearing his shoes.

Rose sighed and stood from the bed. She got on her knees before Severus and began unlacing his shoes for him.

He slipped his foot away from her. "I can undress myself," he said.

Rose looked up at him from the ground. "Old habits," was her reply. She stood, then got underneath the sheets.

Severus eyed her from his peripherals before kicking off his shoes. He loosened his belt and let his trousers fall to the ground.

Rose tried hard not to watch him undress, even though she had seen it all before and even though she wanted to look at him. Rose could sense the unusual air of shyness surrounding him and she knew that Severus was out of his comfort zone with any degree of intimacy.

He finished undressing down to his briefs, but he hesitated before getting under the covers beside her.

Rose smiled encouragingly at him.

Severus tensed as their bare legs touched.

Rose turned onto her stomach, draping herself across Severus's chest, making his body become even more ridged.

Severus kept his left arm extended, keeping the remanence of his dark mark from rubbing up against Rose.

Rose caught on to what he was doing. She reached back and pulled his arm around her. Rose listened to Severus's pounding heart.

They had been so driven by lust, but now that it was all over, reality set back in. Severus's thoughts were like a swarm of angry bees.

"You are uncharacteristically quiet," Severus said to her after a moment.

Rose smirked and shifted so that she was looking at him. "I'm just relaxed," she replied.

Severus was frowning up at the ceiling.

Rose reached out with one finger and stroked the deep line that developed between his brows. "Your mind is racing, Professor Snape," she whispered.

He felt his face being pulled towards hers.

"Do you want to tell me what you're thinking," Rose played.

"Not really," Severus said flatly, his face was unreadable.

"That bad?" Rose mused. She craned her neck and lightly placed a kiss on his lips.

The corner's of Severus's mouth twitched slightly. He carefully reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair behind Rose's ear. He touched her so cautiously as if half expecting her to slap his hand away.

A shadow cast over his eyes. "Rose?" he asked in a hard tone.

"Yes, Severus," Rose replied seriously, matching his mood.

Severus struggled with words for a moment, which was something Rose had never seen him do. He sighed. "Did I," he looked extremely frustrated. He stopped and considered again, hating himself all the while. "You don't regret anything, do you?" he asked. His words were so uncertain, so vulnerable, Rose was surprised to see Severus's lips moving before her.

"Regret," Rose mouthed. She suddenly felt her cheeks get hot. He was asking her if the sex was okay.

Severus scowled at his own ridiculousness. He looked away from her.

Rose sighed and gently pressed her palm against his cheek, moving his face towards hers. "Severus," she began, releasing him when she knew he was listening. "I don't regret anything between you and me," she told him earnestly. "Not even a little bit." Doubt suddenly spilled to the front of her mind. "Do you?" she asked.

Severus eyed Rose, getting caught in her gaze. He shook his head once.

"Okay," Rose said back. "Good."

Then she lowered herself back onto Severus's chest.

Severus let out a long breath that he did not know he was holding. Rose felt his muscles release beneath her.

They both fell asleep.

DEAR READERS,

Dying to know your thoughts…this chapter was a bit of a risk. I hope it worked for you all. Please review.

Sincerely,

Thora Jane