Author's note: Thank you very much for nominating and then voting this story in the poll for the Klaroline awards. It gained the award for Best Crime/Mystery/Thriller Fiction. Thank you for reading and liking this story so much.
Songbird
Summary: She asked for his protection. He gave it to her. But with Klaus Mikaelson everything came with a price and into his web Caroline Forbes went. However that was only the beginning. Mafia!Klaroline AU/AH.
Chapter VI: Be terrified. It's you I love.
Added warnings for this chapter:
References of abuse. Domestic abuse and domestic violence. Depression and mental illness. Loss. Grief.
...
I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside
…
Detroit
February 2013
She walked down the road when the sound of a familiar accent reached her ears.
"Caroline wait!"
She closed her eyes and heard tires screeching on the pavement and turned around to see Klaus running after her and almost getting hit by a car in the process. The men of his security watching him from the other side of the road with wide eyes.
"Seriously can't you take a hint?" she protested tiredly. This has been a long night and she had a headache and this man would just not give up! He was relentlessly stubborn. Always trying to get into her good graces as his old fashion vocabulary would say whenever he was trying to woo her. He was trying everything. Asking her out, asking her for a drink, giving her flowers and even diamonds. He was crazy and smart and funny and his dimples and accent were wearing her down but she would never admit that. She was smarter than that. She had to be.
"Just give up already," she groused.
"On you love? Not ever," Klaus jested even though something told her that he actually meant it.
"What do you want Klaus?" she asked as she wrapped herself more into her coat. The midnight air already messing her hair.
Klaus sauntered closer and reached out for her. Caroline narrowed her eyes confused taking a step back noticing that he was actually trying to give her…her phone.
"You forgot your phone in the bar," Klaus said, his hand stretched out offering her phone back.
"Did I?" she suspiciously wondered out loud taking the phone from his hand and trying to ignore how his fingers momentarily brushed against hers.
Klaus' wolfish grin made her tilt her head up and examine his features carefully in the night. His roguish charm more pronounced under the moonlight.
"Thank you," she softly said and Klaus nodded.
"See you again tomorrow night love," he told her with a smile and Caroline chewed on her bottom lip. They were standing close and for some reason her body was not obeying her brain's orders. Her legs were not moving and she was not leaving.
She nodded at him and when Klaus let his finger push a thread of hair from her face she shivered and pulled back.
"Good night sweetheart," he whispered and Caroline gripped her phone tighter.
"You just don't give up don't you?" she blurted out and Klaus smirked at her bluntness.
"Never. Not from the things that matter," he simply said not pretending to not understand what she was talking about.
Caroline raised her eyes to meet his and saw the intensity in those blue orbs and it made her knees go all weak and her breath hitch inside her chest.
"Sooner or later you will give me a chance," Klaus told in a matter of fact tone and Caroline raised a challenging eyebrow at him.
"So what? You are trying to tire me out?" she laughed knowing all too well that she should not poke the monster.
"Is it working?" he flirted with her and Caroline tried to swallow back her smile feeling the edge of her lips trembling. She shook her head and Klaus gave her his most boyish smile making her feel as the blood inside her had just melted and warmed up her skin against the coldness of the night. She had not felt like that for so long. She had not flirted, she had not used her playful side, she had not allowed herself to show her carefree side; and she was doing that right now with a mafia boss that was relentless when it came to flirting with her. She was treading into dangerous waters and yet the only word she could use to describe what she was feeling right now when it came to Klaus Mikaelson was…gravitational.
"I think it is sweetheart," he beamed taking a step forward invading her personal space and then giving her a challenging gaze daring her to move back. That kind of game, that kind of pull and push was making her restless and unable to resist. She didn't want to let him win. He was not intimidating her but he was provoking her and she was never one to back down first.
"Arrogant much?' she sarcastically fired back and saw how Klaus' chest rose up with a hint of laughter. The amusement in his eyes glimmering in the night.
"No. It is not a matter of arrogance," he confessed as he hovered over her. The fragrance of his cologne burning through the air making her inhale him in. "It's understanding your opponent."
Caroline gave him an incredulous look.
"We are at war then?" she questioned and Klaus' smirk turned dangerous. So dangerous that created heat between them. It vibrated in the air.
Thoughts like 'Ah Caroline Forbes where did you get yourself into?' blurred in the sweet dizziness that engulfed her. And all she could think was that she should have run before it would be too late. Why was she not running?
"Where all is fair," Klaus played with the words of the known idiom making Caroline cross her hands in front of her chest.
"And what is it that you understand about me then?" she pushed back knowing all too well that this was not clever. She should just walk away. Why wasn't she? Why was this danger making her feel… safe?
"You, just like me, love a good challenge love," Klaus declared and Caroline felt a charge of electricity invading her bloodstream.
She took a step forward and noticed how Klaus dipped his head down to reach closer to her. His eyes fixated on her lips for a moment before returning to her eyes.
"You don't know me," she told him with a steady tone.
"Then give me a chance to get to know you Caroline," he whispered longingly and Caroline felt her weight lift on her toes. She swayed on her heels feeling her whole body being propelled forward completely out of her control. All she had to do was throw the match to the gasoline and she would lose herself. To the unknown. To the challenge. To all she feared and all that she had missed for so long. All that was so close to her reach now. She saw those raspberry lips and she realized how much she had missed the taste of a kiss. The tasted of lips pressed against her own and the seductive whisper of a kiss.
"Your hopes, your dreams, everything you want in life," Klaus words were laced with such an alluring note of enticement that felt like a touch as intimate as a lover's caress.
"Give me a chance Caroline. I dare you."
Klaus did not move to touch her. He did not try to initiate this but he was already burning her. She was burning.
But she had been burned before.
She stepped back abruptly feeling the violence of her memories dissolve any desire and saw how Klaus' eyes darkened when he saw her rise he walls up once more. She looked at him and understood in that gaze of his that should she take him upon his challenge there would be no coming back from that.
Her hands were trembling and she felt an ache in her heart at the disappointment she saw in his eyes.
"Thank you for bringing my phone," she hoarsely mumbled avoiding drowning more into that ocean of need they had created between them.
Klaus' demeanor quickly changed and he bowed slightly at her. It was frustrating how fast he could compose himself again.
And yet the challenge was still there. In her grasp. Tempting her.
"Good night," she whispered and felt shivers going up and down her spine at the way he smiled at her. A gentle smile. An understanding one.
She turned around to leave and took two steps forward feeling his eyes boring holes into her back.
She abruptly stopped and turned her head to the side a little.
"Just so you know, I am too smart to be seduced by you," she said knowing all too well that he was still standing close watching her walk away from him.
She heard his throaty chuckle and just as she started to walk away his voice made her halt once more.
"Well that's why I like you."
Caroline shook her head and left not daring to look back no matter how much she wanted it to. It would hours later that she would realize that Klaus had saved his number into her contacts.
...
Chicago
Today
Caroline was standing behind the bar registering in her personal notepad the club's clientele that would attend the celebration the Mikaelsons would host in Loup Noir. She wrote down her personal notes for every 'guest' mentally preparing herself for Klaus' birthday party. Every time all the Mikaelsons gathered in Chicago things always turned tense and dangerous. She would have to be careful around Klaus' allies and potential enemies and to keep up the image of the King's demure and naïve mistress while also gathering intel by using that same image to her advantage. A skill that was quite useful really.
Klaus never allowed anyone he did not trust into his house so these gatherings still took place in Klaus' domain but on neutral ground; always however only at places that established Klaus' power. The last years this place was Loup Noir. The security in the club especially ever since she started singing here was high and the club itself was now known for being sacred ground. A sanctuary of sorts. One of the few places in Chicago where all hostilities would cease upon entering the gates. Caroline herself had established that rule.
Now however she had to make sure that everything would have to be perfect for the big night and even though Klaus had people working on the details she was there to supervise everything.
Before coming to Chicago and starting her relationship with Klaus it was usually Rebekah that would arrive a few weeks earlier to take control of everything and prepare the party but Caroline was not having any of that. She loved hosting parties after all and preparing events like these and Rebekah had her own territory to command. This one was hers.
Not many people knew it but Klaus has given her Loup Noir as a gift. He had even signed the deed in her name. She was not just singing but she was also running the club and she had managed to make it a much more profitable business than it used to be and by doing that she actually paid Klaus back for giving her the ownership of Loup Noir. Originally this place was inspired by Rebekah's Loup Rouge but Caroline changed it from a shady mafia hangout to one of the most glamorous clubs in the city that also hosted special events and had its own private restaurant and even a scene for musicals and concerts.
The underground dealings of course kept happening but Klaus had managed to keep them under wraps and to be more discreet.
However the doors of Loup Noir always closed and opened only for a few special guests whenever all the Mikaelson siblings joined Klaus in Chicago. Something that happened only twice a year. On Klaus' birthday and on the anniversary of Mikael's and Esther's deaths. Both events turning into joyous glamorous festivities that could last even for days. Those were also the only two days in a year where Klaus would grand favors freely. Usually using even those as leverage against other enemies or even the people that asked him those favors. Fear and gratitude. Leverage and collateral damage.
Caroline looked at her notes smiling as she recalled that Klaus also had his own notepad. He had even promised her to allow her to shuffle through his personal notes in the future.
Caroline bit her lip and highlighted with a marker a few names and she pondered to which list she should place one of the daughters of the Italian mob that would escort one of Klaus' advisors; she had to make sure that everyone would be seated in the right order because she did not want any bloodshed or brawl to happened because adversaries would end up sitting on the same table. She knew that no one would dare push Klaus' limits and break his rules especially in his birthday but still she had to be careful and to make sure that people would actually have a good time.
She was absorbed in her thoughts when she heard a cracking sound and looked up. Her eyes grew wide and her expression turned from pensive to horrified.
"No no no! The string lights need to swirl down on the corners and not hang like that!" she shouted to one of the guards that held the thin cable with the lights in his hand trying to stretch it over the hooks between the ripple of the curtains. And he was doing it all wrong!
The man looked at her awkwardly for a moment before bowing his head down and trying to follow her directions.
Caroline then huffed and snapped her fingers angrily making the rest of the guards look at her with fear. Which would be a funny sight since they were really tall buff men carrying knives and guns and yet they were cowering in front of her presence.
"And seriously! Who had the idea to put the ice sculpture base next to the heating systems?" she yelled with an exasperating expression and the men looked at each other silently and guiltily before running around to move the base when she glowered at them.
Caroline shook her head disappointed and then pinched the bridge of her noise when she heard a familiar sarcastic voice coming closer and closer escorted by the clanking sound of heels against the carpet.
"My brother has given you everything I see," Rebekah snide comment came as usual as the blonde female Klaus -as some of the guards would call Rebekah Mikaelson- put her Chanel purse on the bar and looked at Caroline with her usual gaze of disdain and superiority.
Caroline plastered a forced yet natural looking smile on her lips before turning around to see Rebekah checking out her red nails looking bored.
"You think so?" she asked her sweetly and Rebekah arrogantly hummed in disapproval as she looked around with sharp eyes and Caroline knew that once more she would find everything to be lacking.
"If only it yielded results instead of mediocrity," Rebekah sneered and eventually turned around again to look at Caroline that did not even bothered replying at her rudeness.
Instead Caroline gestured for the guards to stop looking and spying at them and to keep on with their work. Rebekah grimaced at their meek behavior before shaking her head.
"I never understood what he saw in you," Rebekah bluntly groused as her eyes scrutinized Caroline up and down not bothering to hide her dislike.
Caroline smirked knowing how much Klaus' sister hated the way she had managed to gain her brother's favor. They had always been in shaky ground ever since she had tried to threaten her into Klaus' arms and Klaus had retaliated but ever since that day Rebekah realized that Klaus actually cared for her and that resulted to her instant hate. Rebekah's animosity and dislike turned to a competition and to clashing feelings of hate and genuine aversion.
Caroline never knew what Klaus had said or done to Rebekah the night she had tried to demote her from a singer to a call girl but all Caroline knew was that after that night Rebekah Mikaelson always looked at her with rage beneath her manners of faux civility. At first this had scared her but Caroline was never one to back down from a challenge. And she came to understand that neither was Rebekah. And Caroline might not be the Queen of Chicago but the Mikaelson Princess has managed to find an opponent she could not scare away and Caroline always found that amusing much to Rebekah's dismay. As so did Klaus.
"Maybe he saw a challenge," Caroline responded with a knowing look and then shrugged playfully enjoying getting under Rebekah's skin.
...
Detroit
January 2013
Caroline blinked looking appalled. For a moment she was unsure as to if she had heard Rebekah right. It was as if her brain refused to cooperate but then she felt anger bursting into her.
Rebekah Mikaelson had just ordered her not only to go and get a drink with her brother but to also stop 'playing' hard to get and go and spend the night with Klaus or as she candidly said to go and be her brother's strumpet for as many nights he would want her before she would bore him to death.
Caroline gulped down and looked at Klaus that had his back turned on her and was having a drink at the bar with another man and then she looked at Rebekah with heated cheeks while trying to keep her calm. The club was packed tonight and Caroline did not want to draw any attention but this was just ludicrous and beyond offensive.
"I am a singer not an escort!" she hissed at Rebekah that had the audacity to look at her with eyes full of pity and mockery.
"What you are, is about to be unemployed," she simply said and Caroline gritted her teeth.
"So be it," Caroline bit out through clenched teeth and tried to walk away only to feel Rebekah's nails sink into the skin of her arm. Caroline looked at Rebekah's hand with open wide eyes before looking at her soon to be former employer's eyes that now shone with fury.
"This was not a request," Rebekah declared looking down at Caroline with a glare, "you will go and get a drink with Nik and then do what he wants," she ordered and Caroline looked at her as if Rebekah had gone crazy.
"Seriously!" Caroline protested trying to yank her hand away and then she saw two of Rebekah's guards taking a step forward pushing their coats to the side showing their guns. Caroline stilled and her breath hitched; Rebekah pushed her and she stumbled back.
Rebekah Mikaelson took an intimidating step forward and a sense of foreboding washed over Caroline. She then noticed that the guards came even closer looking at her in a menacing way that turned her stomach to a knot. She knew for whom she was working for but she had never imagined this. She had heard the stories about Rebekah Mikaelson's legendary mean streak and stories of the vengeful side of the Mikaelson sister. Some people called her the Mikaelson princess of Chicago and others the Queen of Detroit but Caroline never paid much attention to these rumors because she didn't have to. So far Rebekah had been professional with her. If anything it was Rebekah that never allowed any of her clients to be rude or to sexually harass any of the girls that worked in Loup Rouge.
That was of course until now.
Ever since Klaus Mikaelson had shown his interest towards her Rebekah's attitude changed. She became more demanding and condescending and the once upon a time strictly professional working place had turned quite suffocating.
Rebekah Mikaelson now looked at her with an enraged expression.
"Who do you think you are? You know who he is and you think you can keep on making a fool out of him in public every night? I thought you were smarter than that," she grit out with a patronizing smile.
Caroline looked at Rebekah and then at the guards that came closer and stood some steps away looking at her with dark eyes.
"Is this a threat?" she whispered trying to hide her fear even though her voice momentarily trembled.
"Of course not," Rebekah denied but the devilish smile that appeared on her lips was telling another story.
Before Caroline could retort back Rebekah turned around and walked away but one of her guards came closer and leaned down to whisper in her ear.
"Do as Miss Mikaelson commands. It would be a pity to find yourself in a ditch all of the sudden puddin," the man threatened her before harshly pushing her towards Klaus' direction. Caroline looked back at the guards that looked at her with hard expressions and she felt her body going numb. This was so surreal and yet terrifying.
Caroline felt as if she was going to scream. She felt as if the air was vacuumed away and there was no more oxygen for her to breathe. That feeling of helplessness she had felt with Logan returned with a vengeance. The same feeling of weakness she had sworn to herself to never feel again. That feeling of being a pawn for others and being too small to resist or even fight back.
She looked at the bar and saw how Klaus was laughing at something his friend was saying to him. They were having drinks and he looked so casual as if nothing was wrong and as if he hadn't put his sister on this.
She huffed and marched on to Klaus. She was seeing red. Who the hell did the Mikaelsons think they were? She had done nothing to feed Klaus weird obsession with her and she was not a thing to be passed on to the highest bidder. She was not going to be manipulated or forced into anything. She was not going to become Klaus' whore just because he could not take no for an answer. She already had her share of abuse and terror and she would be damned if she would allow anyone else to terrorize her again and mess with her life.
Klaus saw Caroline striding at him and his lips turned into a genuine smile that vanished when he saw the anger that lingered in her stance.
Caroline finally approached him vibrating with rage and Klaus frowned.
"Hello love," he carefully said but with a welcoming voice. Caroline however paid no attention to his greeting. Instead she leaned over at the bar and gestured for the bartender to come and get her order. Klaus seemed confused and the man he was talking too seemed intrigued but didn't comment at all.
"Hey Gary. Bring me a glass of champagne please," she asked in a sweet tone. An overly saccharine tone that made Klaus sober up immediately and look at Caroline all puzzled.
She tapped her nails on the polished surface of the bar as she waited for her order.
"Is everything okay Caroline?" Klaus questioned in a concerned voice that made Caroline press her lips. She didn't dignify him with an answer. She didn't even look at him.
"Caroline?" Klaus insisted and she grimaced in annoyance.
"Everything is…perfect," she bit out and Klaus seemed more confused than ever by the way she was acting. Caroline turned her head to the left and saw the other man that was sitting opposite to Klaus.
"Hey I am Caroline," she introduced herself with a dazzling smile ignoring Klaus completely.
"Stefan Salvatore," the man replied smiling back at her and then giving a shrug at Klaus that had tensed behind Caroline.
"Nice to meet you Stefan," Caroline beamed and gave her hand to Stefan for a handshake. Klaus seethed behind her and Stefan had to cough in order to hide his uneasiness and…amusement.
"You are Rebekah's singer right?" Stefan politely asked putting some distance between himself and the blonde when he noticed how Klaus glared at him.
"Don't really know about that," Caroline bitterly said and Klaus blinked at that but before he could ask her what she meant Gary brought the tall glass of champagne Caroline had ordered and she smiled at the barman and then pointed at Klaus in a casual way.
"It's on him," she sarcastically said and Klaus for the first time ever since they met looked startled and out of his element.
Caroline took the flute of champagne and whirled around to stand up against Klaus. She considered throwing at his face the contents of her glass but instead she gave him a glare full of indignation before she apathetically clinked her glass with the glass of his scotch on the bar and then without taking her eyes away from his she gulped down the bubbly liquid in one go making her eyes burn and shine as the champagne tingled down her throat spreading the sweet dizziness in her bloodstream. She looked at Rebekah's guard that watched her from afar and she felt as if she had not just drunk champagne but acid.
She then pushed the empty glass to Klaus chest aggressively and he caught it numbly; his eyes did not miss hers even for a moment as he first followed her gaze towards Rebekah's guards and then looked at her again. He stared at her dumbfounded with questioning eyes and in any other case it would be comical to see Klaus like that, all speechless and shocked, but right now Caroline was too angry to even notice.
"There! Happy now! I hope you are pleased because this is the only thing you will get from me!" she snapped at him and strode away furiously.
"Sweetheart wait a minute," Klaus called as he ran after her but she didn't turn around. Klaus knew people were watching but he did not care.
Caroline walked even faster going towards the back corridor that led to the private bathrooms and the storages. She felt her eyes burning. She was so angry with herself most of all. She hated feeling weak. She hated having people push her around.
Before she could take another step Klaus practically jumped in front of her and she almost fell on him.
"Why won't you just leave me alone?" she shouted at him desperately and Klaus' eyes travelled up and down her shaking form with what seemed to be a mix of worry and concern and for some reason that made Caroline even more furious.
"What happened Caroline?" he seriously asked and she huffed and tried to walk away from him but he was not allowing it.
"I am not for sale you asshole and you are not going to get into my pants by threatening me!" she yelled at him all aghast and Klaus looked at her as if she had gone crazy. She pushed her finger against his chest and Klaus astonished eyes followed her aggressive gesture before going back at her face. No one has ever dared to act that way in his presence. Everyone was too scared and cowered in front of him except this hurricane of a woman that he did not know if she was overly brave or just crazy.
"That does not work with me!" Caroline yelled furiously and pushed her finger more aggressively into his chest repeatedly," So you can take your stupid threats and your guns for hire and shove them in-"
Before she could even finish her rant Klaus had pushed inside the first room he saw next to them and closed the door behind them. He had gotten her inside a dark dusty storage room. The place they were storing the scotch bottles.
Caroline pushed him back with her hands ready to kick him and scream.
"Let me go! I swear to God I'll-"
Klaus turned on the lights of the small room and took a step away raising his hands on the air in a reassuring gesture trying to show her that he was not going to hurt her. But he could not let her treat him like this in front of everyone either and they had to talk in private.
Caroline heaved and blew at the curly hair that had fallen over her face and Klaus looked pleadingly at her.
"Calm down Caroline!" he gently prompted and Caroline stomped her foot down.
"I am calm! I am perfectly calm!" she screeched looking all livid and Klaus raised his eyebrow as she crossed her hands over her chest while continuing to glower at him.
"Let me out of here!" she demanded and Klaus nodded.
"I will. Once you tell me who has threatened you," he resolutely told her. There was steel in his voice and somehow that made her anger dissipate a bit. His tone threw her off. There was an eerie calmness in him that was more threatening than any outburst of anger.
"As if you don't know," she spat with disgust and Klaus studied her with a piercing gaze and Caroline saw for the first time in him the dangerous gleam everyone seemed to be afraid of. The fear she had felt a few moments before in Rebekah's presence was nothing compared to this. It was as if spiders started crawling against her skin.
"I don't," Klaus growled, "but I promise you that anyone that dared something like this will never dare do it again," he said with a menace that took away her breath, "you have my word," he vouched and Caroline felt unsure and confused.
Klaus approached her and looked at her intently.
"Who was it Caroline?" he quietly asked again but it was the fervor in his question that made Caroline gulp down her erratic breath. He looked sincere and angry.
More angry than she had ever seen him before.
Caroline pressed her lips, her hands turning into fists as she averted her eyes from his and looked down at the floor.
"Bekah," Klaus realized and cursed under his teeth as all the pieces connected in his mind. He remembered seeing Rebekah talking to Caroline before she came at him all raging and angry. And then Caroline glanced at Rebekah's guards with fear. It all made sense.
"I am so sorry sweetheart," he sincerely apologized, "my sister is overzealous when it comes to my…happiness," he said and Caroline looked at him as if he was crazy.
"Happiness? Seriously?" she blurted out giving him her most disbelieving look that made Klaus smile tenderly at her.
Klaus took a step forward and Caroline narrowed her eyes.
"You don't have to worry about my sister. I will deal with Rebekah. I promise you," he gave her his word and then his smile turned more affectionate. Caroline was stunned and glanced up at his face.
They were really close and the anger she had felt was quickly replaced by another feeling she did not want. It was electrifying and she felt another kind of helplessness now. She was falling for him. He was making her fall for him with his stupid reassurances and his care and his even more stupid dimples and lovesick gazes. He was a mobster and his sister had just threatened to throw her in a ditch if she would not sleep with him and surely Klaus was just as dangerous as Rebekah was. Hell he was more. So why was he not like that with her? Why was he screwing with her mind like this? And why was she letting him?
She shook her head and huffed in frustration. The anger returned. She wanted to punch him and make him reveal his true character. This could not be real. She should know better right now.
"Don't! Don't do that! You can quit with the whole gentleman act! I don't buy it Klaus!" she yelled at him feeling her eyes burning. Klaus looked offended.
"Have I ever forced you into anything? Have I made you feel threatened or made any inappropriate move towards you?" he demanded and Caroline stared up at him feeling her heart beating faster and faster.
"No," she reluctantly admitted, "I mean…I-"
Caroline bit her lip feeling uncertain and on edge. Klaus gazed at her for a long moment before he nodded and took a step back. He opened the door of the storage surprising Caroline and he stepped to the side allowing her to walk away. Caroline did not move.
"You have nothing to fear. I will deal with Rebekah," he promised her and Caroline saw the sincerity in his words. She slowly walked towards the door but without knowing why she stopped in front of Klaus. She did not move. She stood there not daring to look up at him. He was standing inches away from her holding the door open for her. He leaned down and inhaled her scent as she took a deep breath looking at the empty corridor outside the room. One step away and she would put distance between them and yet her legs were not obeying her.
"You are safe with me Caroline," Klaus whispered to her ear, "I only want you to give me a chance. To get to know me better. But only when you are ready," he told her in a low voice that made her shiver. She closed her eyes and felt his fingers skim the line of her jaw. He gently turned her face to him and cupped her cheek. Her eyes snapped open at the intimate gesture and without even understanding it she leaned into his touch pressing her cheek against his palm.
"You will always be safe with me," he promised and she saw no lies hiding behind his words; and for some totally insane reason that made absolutely no sense …she believed him.
"Whatever it is you should know by now that you can't walk away and if you hurt my brother I will end you!" Rebekah threatened Caroline without bothering to hide the menace and distaste from her voice. However Rebekah was taken aback by the way Caroline's face lit up at her threat. She didn't look scared. If anything she looked as if she was enjoying this.
Caroline smiled and turned her attention solely to Rebekah. She stared at her for a few moments knowing that it would make her feel really uncomfortable. Something Klaus had taught her. Eye contact was always important and it could determine the outcome of a confrontation and many times appearances were more dangerous and effective than knives and guns. And according to Klaus this was where Caroline actually excelled. She was not just a peoples' person. Her communication skills and her body language could be both alluring and intimidating. It took a lot of effort from her part but the instant fear she used to express to any incoming threat was long gone. In its place determination and conviction thrived in waves. Fearlessness and boldness had become Caroline's best armor; one that Klaus himself had taught her how to use in the right way. When she had first gone to him she already had that armor on but there were dents and cracks and open spaces in it. Klaus Mikaelson had made her realize that should she want it her armor could become impenetrable and eventually Caroline decided that this what was she really wanted. Not just Klaus' protection but his tutelage too. And she had become a great student. One that could now survive in his world.
Klaus had surely given the same lessons to Rebekah and Rebekah had grown into those lessons from the first day she was born but Caroline was a natural.
Rebekah Mikaelson was born into the blood and the carnage and turned herself into a Mikaelson. She was not just born into the name. She also claimed it. But Caroline did not want to be one of them. She wanted to be treated as an equal. She didn't want blood in her hands in order to prove herself to be worthy. Caroline knew that there was more in her than just that. But that did not mean she would back down from a challenge. She did not have to draw blood in order to win. There were other ways and in those Caroline excelled.
And Rebekah would have to understand that too and along with it her place also because Caroline was not going to allow her or anyone else to step over her again. Never again.
Caroline kept her indomitable gaze locked with Rebekah's and it was only when Rebekah glare faltered and she pressed her lips to a thin line that Caroline allowed her eyes to relish in her victory.
She then looked at Rebekah with a satisfied smirk.
"The time you could threaten me is long gone Rebekah. Please try to remember that," Caroline nonchalantly dismissed Klaus's sister with a mockery she knew Rebekah would absolutely loathe. Caroline made it so that her tone would also carry a sweetness that would hide tones of challenge underneath the surface.
Eventually she held back her laugh when Rebekah's cheeks inflamed with a fury she did not dare to express. Not in front of anyone that could report back to Klaus and not in a way that would make her seem as if she was losing control. Caroline looked as the infamous Mikaelson sister furiously turned around all angry and indignant and left without saying anything else.
Caroline simpered but turned around abruptly at the sound of clapping.
Kol Mikaelson was standing some feet away watching the whole scene with an expression full of glee. He had got in the club from the back entrance.
"Nice one darling!" he applaud as he came closer and hopped on a bar stool, "I haven't seen my trollop of a sister lose it like that since high school when she was not crowned the prom Queen. And you really don't want to know what happened to the poor girl that got the crown," he mocked as he reached for a bottle of scotch.
Caroline rolled her eyes refusing to be intimidating by another one of the Mikaelson siblings today. If anything their behavior patterns made it clear they were related.
"Don't mind Bekah," Kol reassured Caroline as he gulped down the alcohol from the rim of the bottle, "She just hates not being the center of attention," Kol dismissed and Caroline gave him a sarcastic 'no kidding' look.
"Oh so she took after you?" she pointed out sardonically and Kol's eyes widen comically.
"You wound me!" he complained childishly and Caroline laughed.
"I am sure you'll survive!" she jested still laughing and Kol shuddered as he looked at the way Rebekah had went and then back at Caroline will a doubtful look that made Caroline laugh more.
At first she had not liked Kol at all. His crude jokes and his childishness were something she did not appreciated and she disliked him even more when she found out that he was the one that had given a full report to Klaus about her past. However after a while she learned to tolerate him and even enjoy his spats with Rebekah and the way he could make Elijah cringe. Most of the time she had to make sure that Klaus would not attack his younger brother though since Kol relished in pushing Klaus' buttons.
"Rebekah might not see it but I do," Kol suddenly said and Caroline furrowed when she noticed that this was one of the rare times when Kol had a serious look on his face.
"See what?" she asked confused and Kol smirked.
"What Klaus sees in you," he pointed out and Caroline pointed a warning finger at him.
"If this is going to be one of your weird innuendos-"
"He cares for you," Kol cut her off and Caroline was taken aback by his momentary serious disposition. She saw that Kol was not joking at all and he was not backing down so she straightened her back and look straight into his eyes.
"I know," she softy and yet resolutely admitted and Kol nodded.
"And what will you do about it?" he asked her solemnly and for the first time Caroline saw Elijah and Klaus in him. Kol was stern and serious and expected an honest answer. He had turned into the protective sibling out of nowhere and Caroline knew that she could not mess around with this. Kol was the most volatile and violent of the three Mikaelson brothers. He even surpassed Klaus because Klaus had a temper but he was not extremely sadistic or sociopathic.
"I don't know," Caroline whispered holding her breath in. She did not bother acting as if she had not understood what Kol was asking. But truth was that this was the only answer she could give. She did not know. She did not know how to be with Klaus with no borders between them. She did not know how to care with him without walls and without holding back. She did not know what kind of commitment she could freely give to him. Klaus had her loyalty and her presence in his life. But she did not know if she could give him her heart and Klaus would not settle for anything less than that. That much she knew.
Kol's gaze was intense as he inspected her. His eyes delving deep into her fears. Something that made her feel extremely uncomfortable.
Kol then hummed as if he had gotten the answer he truly wanted.
"You better find out," he advised her and Caroline saw that underneath all the juvenile behavior there was a man hidden. A man that despite his young age had seen a lot and lived a lot. "You can't have it both ways. Either you are in or out. There is no middle ground in this family darling," Kol simply said and Caroline swallowed down hard. He was right and they both knew it.
"Also you have a sharp tongue you probably put in a good use and you look good in skirts and heels which I am sure that plays its part too," he crudely blurted out in his usual annoying fashion breaking their moment of understanding and making Caroline glare at him.
However she knew better than to provoke Kol and have more of his endless insolent jabs directed at her so instead she shook her head irked and as she was about to change the subject her eyes popped open as she noticed what two of Klaus' guards were doing.
Caroline huffed annoyed and looked as if she was going to be the one that would commit murder now.
"That goes higher!" she yelled with an ear piercing voice at the guards that kept trying to pin the lights on the curtains in the wrong way over and over again; Kol immediately closed his eyes and grimaced at the blonde's loud high pitched shrill that seemed to scare Klaus' guards that rushed to obey her commands like headless chickens.
Caroline then gave Kol a threatening glare that prevented him from making any further comment and from putting the bottle on the surface of the bar without using a coaster underneath.
All in all maybe he should take his chances with Rebekah's wrath instead.
"I'm foul mouthed now, foul tongued, yellow fanged. There are bullet tears in my eyes.
I know you'll go, betray me, stray from home. So better by for me if you were stone." [1]
Caroline quietly read from the pages of the thin book she was holding and then Klaus voice wrapped around her like mist and smoke.
"Are you terrified? Be terrified. It's you… I love," [2] Klaus drawled the words of Medusa and Caroline felt a shudder pass through her and send tingles of electricity into her heart. It was the kind of words that it was safe be to read and spelled from paper but not said spontaneously. The dangerous words she was afraid to hear and he was afraid to call them out loud.
None the less Caroline smiled and felt a warmth that made her relax. She knew that Klaus did not appreciate relatively modern poetry and yet he always read the things that moved her and memorized them. Many times reciting passages by heart for her to hear ever since she had admitted that she loved his voice. Maybe it was the accent or the husk his vocal chords brought to life but the mystery and the soothing velvet his mouth sang or whispered was a lullaby to her ears.
Caroline smiled when she noticed the small smile in Klaus lips while he did not even look up from the paper in his hands. He was sitting on his couch and sketching silently. Waiting for the right moment to show off obviously. Something that many times irritated Caroline even though it was kind of sexy too. They had been in his private study for the past three hours. She was lying on her stomach on top of the velvet pillows on the floor wrapped up in nothing but his shirt, swinging her feet back and forth while steading herself on her elbows reading from the book in front of her.
The flames from the fireplace next to her were casting their light and shadows on her sprawled body while the scratching sound of the pencil sliding over paper was accompanying the cracking melody of the fire. A soothing sound that was actually one of the few things that made Caroline ease up no matter how tired she was.
When she had first found out that Klaus could draw she had been surprised. She didn't expect a man like him that carried guns on his belt and blood on his hands to be able to create something that spoke to the soul. Something that was an instrument of peace instead of war and yet it was an effortless part of him as much as his violence was. A contradiction. A getaway to all the emotions he could not express and yet was able to channel into shapes and colors and drawings.
And he was good. He was really good. The first time he had showed her his work she had been impressed and even more so when she had seen the awkward blush in his cheeks as he was anxious to see her reaction over his art; but it was the first time he gave her a drawing with her face centered on the paper that she realized how much she could learn to care for him.
Out of all his gifts and compliments and everything he had given her it was these silent moments and the drawings that she cherished the most.
Caroline hummed and returned her attention to the poems and shuffled the pages a bit when Klaus' interrupted her thoughts.
"Has Rebekah bothered you again?" he asked as he put down his sketchbook and pencil. Caroline knew that his guards had probably reported Rebekah's arrival at the club and their brief meeting and Klaus knew of the rivalry that existed between her and Rebekah.
Caroline gave him a careless shrug and hid back her smile when Klaus approached her and sat next to her. His fingers threading her hair smoothly.
"Caroline," he pressed for an answer but instead Caroline laughed and hoisted herself up on her elbows. She stretched and gave him a gentle peck on her lips as she disregarded her book. Klaus' lips were soft before his kiss turned more demanding and Caroline pulled back much to his dismay giving him a challenging smile and his shoulders shook with laughter before he started tingling her making her laugh loudly and falling back to the cushions on the floor, her hair spilling over the velvet.
She wrapped her fingers on his necklaces and pulled him closer until he lied next to her.
"She cares for you," Caroline simply said and Klaus rolled his eyes.
"She is a bloody menace," Klaus grumbled and Caroline laughed more before giving him a sweet smile.
"She is trying to protect you… in her own way. I wish I had that," she muttered. Her eyes losing some of their laughter.
Klaus titled his head to the side, his brow furrowing.
"You do," he assured her and Caroline's smile turned melancholic.
She heard Kol's voice in her mind.
"You can't have it both ways. Either you are in or out. There is no middle ground."
Caroline's skin turned cold and she realized that she had to stop standing on the middle ground. Not so much for Klaus and his world but for her own sake. She could tell that Logan was coming closer. It was an instinct she had cultivated a long time ago. She could feel his presence and she knew that Klaus would protect her no matter what and even though this had been part of their deal she also knew that he would protect her because he also cared for her. More than he was allowing her to see. If anything for that alone she owed him the truth and her honesty.
She sat up and looked at him with sad eyes.
"I mean…you know…the kind of love only family can give you," she said feeling an emptiness inside she hated. An emptiness that reminded her of how alone and unknown she had been ever since her mother had died. It was a darkness she hated.
"I never had siblings but my mom used to love me like that," Caroline softly said and looked into the fire, "she was ready to shoot anyone that would hurt me really. And mind you she was serious with her guns," she laughed and pushed some of her unruly hair behind her ear.
"I wouldn't know," Klaus mumbled, "my parents would prefer to shoot me really," he sarcastically jeered but Caroline could see the pain under his thin veiled mockery.
"But not Rebekah, or Kol, or Elijah," Caroline reminded him and Klaus sat next to her, his shoulders losing some of their tension slightly.
"No. Not them," he said and Caroline nodded as she turned to face the flames in the fireplace once more.
"I miss her. I miss her so much it hurts," she confessed with tears in her eyes. Klaus said nothing but caressed her hair. She knew that he was there to listen and that was enough.
"Me and my mom…we didn't get along so much. I was in my rebellious phase and she was a workaholic but having to be a single mom to a teenager that seemed to hate everything she was could not have been easy," Caroline mumbled feeling her neck constrict with pain.
"My mom was serious and all about duty," she told Klaus as the memories of a life that seemed to be so far away came rushing back. She hated remembering those times. She hated having to remember the horrible things and so she had even exiled the good memories along with the bad.
"I was…well I was a kiddie pool," she bitterly said.
"That's hard to believe sweetheart, Klaus argued with a smile and Caroline shook her head. She took his palm in her hands and fidgeted with his fingers searching for a connection. To hold on from something.
"I blamed her for my dad leaving us. I mean he was gay and she was mostly interested in climbing up the ranks in the police force and I was more attached with my dad and he just left. It hurt so much and I had no one to blame but me and my mom," she said with a grimace.
"Not him?" Klaus asked and Caroline didn't dare to look him in the eye. She knew she had been unfair with her mom. She had been so unfair. Now she knew better. Now she was more mature and she could understand her mistakes and her mom was not there. She could not apologize anymore. It was too late. Her mom was not perfect but neither was she. Her mom that was the only one that really loved her unconditionally and Caroline hadn't even had the chance to tell her how sorry she was. How much she had regret being such a bitch to her.
"No not him. Somehow in my mind he was never at fault. I had to grow up to realize that he and mom both were to blame and both were not. I mean you can't force someone to love you and be with you and they used to fight so much before they broke up," Caroline whispered with a broken voice as the memories of her parents fighting came back, "but then my dad moved out and left me behind. I was not his first choice and he barely even cared after that except for the holidays and the child support he was sending my mom. A part of me believed back then that I was not good enough and that if I had been the perfect girl like my friend Elena was then maybe my dad would care more. Maybe he would come back. But he didn't and it was easier to put the blame on my mom than myself or him. It became a constant," she groaned and let go of Klaus's hand. She felt cold sweat forming on her forehead.
"And then he died. Car accident," she whispered feeling a knot forming in her throat and breaking her voice.
"And I hated him so much for that," she cried, "For leaving me, for dying on me. For not being there. For not having a second chance to be there," she harshly revealed, still feeling the hate and the anger she had once felt and she could tell that those were emotions that Klaus knew all too well. His eyes were on her now. She could feel him next to her but he did not make any attempt to initiate any physical contact because he knew that it would hurt. She was ready to bolt away at any moment and it was his silent acknowledgment and support that encouraged her to continue. She had never opened up to Klaus like this before.
She knew he had investigated her life and that he knew some of the facts but she had kept her truth inside. Maybe Kol's words were the obvious cause that prompted this confession but it was that fire that was burning inside her that was the real reason she was opening up like this. She needed more than just protection and sex and even companionship from Klaus. She needed to feel that she was not alone. That there was someone that could understand her and be there for her. She was suffocating by holding everything in and she had been struggling for so long. She needed a respite from the constant pain. From the constant denial. She wanted this nightmare to finally end. Hiding behind Klaus' security and tall walls was not enough. Not anymore.
"And then I stopped being the girl that wanted to only have fun with the cute boys. I wanted to prove that I could be more than that. But my mom didn't take me seriously and who can blame her? I was after all girly little Caroline that all she wanted was to get drunk and have fun," she grumbled and then her nails slowly embedded into the flesh of her palms. Her hands turned to fists and she looked into the fire that seemed to grow more with every breath she was taking.
"And then enter Logan," she said with a cold voice and did not see how Klaus' eyes darkened more than hers, "I never actually fell in love with him. But at that time he seemed sweet and …safe," she laughed at her own stupidity.
She took a deep breath and continued. There was no stopping now.
"I was interested in journalism back then. And he was the best in Mystic Falls. So I started asking his help for my papers and for getting to know the field better. And he was kind and nice with me. Back then that was enough me. A kind word. Even if it was fake. He seemed to really listen to me and to be interested to what I had to say. He made me laugh and everyone liked him," she said and shook her head with a sour taste in her mouth. If only she could turn back time and slap her stupid naïve younger self. Not that it would probably do much good. She had been so young. So lost. Truth is that she had to lose herself completely in order to find the strength to search who she really was and who she really wanted to be. And still she became something else. Something she could have never predicted or even wanted and her naivety was long gone.
"And maybe if my mom saw him believing in me then she would see that I was not kidding about taking journalism seriously," she voiced her past insecurities. Knowing that they probably sounded so shallow now.
"When she got sick I kind of lost it I guess. I was there for her and we finally got along but it was so surreal. I had detached myself from the pain I think. I did everything right but it was as if I was on auto pilot. And we said our goodbyes and they were heartfelt and honest and she died," she said with no emotion in her voice.
"And I was all alone. Everyone had died on me. I had no more family left. No one to ever care for me. An orphan," she uttered chocking down a sob.
"And Logan took advantage of that," Klaus understood. He knew how it was to take advantage of people's weaknesses. It was obvious to him. It had been for his whole life. But that was not something Caroline could have seen coming back them. They had grown up so differently after all. No matter her dysfunctional family Caroline had a relatively normal upbringing. She was not trained for war. She was not taught to not trust people. And that had cost her dearly.
"Yeah," Caroline spat out scathingly, "I…I got so stressed that after the funeral I didn't sleep for days and I broke down. You know how I am all neurotic and a control freak right? So I acted as if nothing bad had happened and there was a committee I was in charge of for a fundraising and Matt and Elena told me not to go and to get some rest instead but I went anyway and I snapped. I screamed at people and laughed and I was like all psychotic on crack," she scoffed and chewed her bottom lip awkwardly.
"People called an ambulance and they got me to the hospital. There they gave me some benzos and I slept for two days straight and I was fine after that. But everyone acted as if I was made of glass. A fragile broken doll," she stammered half joking half lamenting.
She felt Klaus' eyes caressing her form. But she focused on the sight of fire. Those memories still made her feel so raw. As if she was opened up and bleeding from the inside out. Rotting and breaking.
A tear fell from her eye and she quickly swept it away with the back of her hand. Feeling angry for her weakness. She wanted to be detached. To not allow to the memories to hurt and scar her more than they already had but it was impossible. Sometimes she felt as if those things happened to another woman and then there were the other times. Times like these. Where she felt as if she was reliving everything and the pain was lashing out on her again.
"I got kind of depressed after that," she sighed, "I didn't feel like doing anything. I could barely take a shower. I used to be so pumped with energy and I always liked going out but being in my mom's house all alone and having to deal with all the responsibilities of adulthood…it became too much," she confided and then chuckled. A foreign sound so harsh as she remembered how Logan had stepped in.
"Logan helped me through it. Or so I believed," she snarled and gritted her teeth, "he took me into his home. He took care of everything. He helped me sell mom's house and got me to a friend of his for some sessions. A therapist. And soon enough before I even knew it myself we slipped into a routine and we kind of became a couple. It was weird at first. He was older than me. Hell he used to babysit for me when I was ten. But I guess I felt safe and it was easy to get lost into something that for the first time did not make me ache."
Caroline took a deep breath and winced when she felt a dribble of blood slip from her palm. She had scratched herself with her nails. More scars for her to carry.
"But then things changed." Klaus simply said. A rhetorical observation. Something he could have seen coming even if he didn't know her story.
Caroline bit the inside of her cheek and nodded.
"Gradually," she said swallowing down a heated breath that made her lungs burn. It was as if the room had no more oxygen left. She brought her bare knees underneath her chin and hugged her legs. She hated feeling so helpless. But the memories were assaulting her with so much force that she was left hovering between pain and breathlessness.
"He always used the excuse of caring for my health and of not wanting me to get overly stressed," she quoted Logan's old excuses that seemed to be comforting once upon a time. Now even the remembrance was making her physically ill.
Caroline shrugged and hugged herself tighter starting rocking back and forth a bit trapped inside old nightmares.
"So he was deciding stuff for me. Small stuff at first. Like how it would be best if we were to stay at home instead of going out to the movies. How it would be better if we would not go out and meet people. Or that I should trust him the most and not my friends. How I should not duel to my friends' problems because they would make me sad and would stress me out and that I didn't need that so I should distance myself from them. How it was just me and him against the world. How the only safe space for me was our 'love' and him. Then it was what I should eat. Or drink. Or wear. It became suffocating and eventually he started yelling at me for the simplest things," she cringed chocking back tears.
"I should have known back then but he was the one that had stood by me and it felt as if he loved me so much and that this was his way of showing it. Being over protective you know," her voice quivering and she shook unable to hold back the shivers that racked her body.
She then bit back a sob and Klaus felt an itch in his hand. One that demanded a kill.
"The first night he hit me it was because he was stressed with work and he had a little more to drink. He said he loved me and he apologized a thousand times afterwards. He became really sweet for the next two weeks. And caring," she sniffed and then clenched her eyes shut. Her fingers bruised her upper arms as she gripped her skin violently.
"And then it happened again and he pushed me down the stairs. I fainted and I walk up in a private clinic. In a psychiatric clinic. His sister helped and covered for him and suddenly I was the crazy lunatic that harmed herself and was a danger for herself and others," she whispered and the horror returned.
She remembered the drugs. The nausea. The terror. The pills. Everything that was a blur and every image that was crystal clear. All coming at once. The pain from the fall. From the punches. The restraints. The lack of trust from those that she loved. No one had helped her.
"I tried reaching out more than once but people believed that I was a nutcase. The floozy that turned into a crazy madwoman making up stories," she croaked and tried to calm down.
"Logan was the golden child of the community. He belonged to one of the most prestigious and wealthy founding families of Mystic Falls. And I was…well not perfect no matter how much I was trying to be," she said with a sad tone. She had been abused and people had blamed her for it. They had not even believed her and scolded her for trying to harm the innocent Logan Fell that only loved her and only wanted to take care of her. She remembered how people looked at her as if she was insane and how they were always supporting her poor and gracious boyfriend. It was if she was screaming to a void. And the void swallowed her whole.
"I tried to run but it never ended well. I was afraid to leave Mystic Falls back then. I was still really young. I had nowhere else to go. It was fear and stupidity I guess. I was a coward. And part of me still believed that maybe it was my fault. If I only did what he wanted then maybe everything would work out. And then the slaps turned to punches and kicks and I lost the will to even scream. More bruises and broken bones. A concussion here and there. A bleeding nose. He was getting me admitted to the private clinic his sister worked more often. At first with my name and always claiming that I had a breakdown. His friends backed him up and so did his sister. Their stories always matched. Logan had the support and the money to cover up everything. He made sure to get the official statements and to turn me into one more certified case for the mentally ill but then he knew that this would eventually draw suspicions as the wounds kept pilling up. Eventually he started admitting me secretly and with a different name," she said as she reiterated her story with no emotion in her voice.
"It became a vicious cycle," she said and for a moment she dwelled on the bitterness. Then her gaze turned hard.
"And then he started talking about marriage and children and that was it… I decided I could not take it anymore. It would be either my freedom or I would die trying," she harshly spat.
She then threw her head back and looked at Klaus that was now wearing a murderous expression. She had seen that look before. People always died when Klaus eyes changed their color from their bright color to this darker bleak shade.
"Funny how back then I never thought of ending his life. It was always mine at stake even in my dreams of escape," she realized and now knew that this was not the case anymore. She was going to hold on to Klaus promise. She was out for blood now. She wanted heads to roll and she wanted revenge. Not just justice. Not just protection. She wanted her abuser to suffer and break. She wanted Logan to die. To die screaming.
She pivoted around on the cushions and faced Klaus. Her gaze locked with his. Unyielding. Unforgiving. The iron that blended with the shed tears was not one Klaus could miss. It was forged from pain and it turned to steel. And Caroline had steeled herself with it. She was reborn from her ashes and she was stronger than ever.
"You have searched my past," she stated the fact and Klaus nodded, "you know that Logan lost control and people called the cops," she smiled and there was the faint tint of irony that made Klaus raise an eyebrow.
"It didn't exactly happen that way," Caroline told him without taking her eyes away from his.
Klaus moved closer and his gaze turned curious.
"What really happened?"
Caroline's smile was not the usual bearer of light. It now held darkness.
"Logan was not letting me use phones unless he was present," she revealed, "No internet either. But I convinced Matt to get me a phone and a camera in secret. He didn't believe me at first but I made him swear to our old friendship. And the fact that my mom was a Sheriff and he was now working in her department helped. I had way too many scars by then and Matt probably felt guilty for not being closer to me in my time of need. So he sneaked those in the house without Logan noticing," she hummed and Klaus started connecting the pieces.
"When Logan came that night I fixed him a drink and then another. He was always more violent when he was having more to drink," she snorted and even though Klaus seethed he could not help but feel intrigued by her behavior. Deadly. Manipulative. Dangerous and desperate. It reminded him of him but Caroline never harmed others. Instead she only harmed herself and that was their difference.
"Then instead of calling the Mystic Falls' police department I called 112. They had to send the call to the authorities. It was official and they wouldn't be able to discard it as usual. Then I called Matt and let the phone open," she divulged and wet her lips with her tongue. She had tasted her blood that night but it was worth it.
"It was all or nothing," she came clean and Klaus understood.
"You provoked him," he observed and remembered the endless times he had gone into fights he could not win. Fights that left him half dead. Elijah always stepping in to save him from his own self.
"I did."
Two words that slipped effortlessly from Caroline's lips.
"I told him that I was sorry for throwing away his notes for the piece he was writing but hell it was a shitty article so I probably did him a favor ," she laughed as her story was funny and not tragic, "he became furious of course. He would miss his deadline after all and then he started yelling and I yelled back and threw stuff at him. She remembered how satisfying that had felt. Back then she had minimal fighting skills and she could not inflict the damage she could now. Klaus and Stefan had made sure that she would be able to defend herself now.
"It didn't take much. He went crazy and this time I pushed back as much as I could. I yelled and cursed and kicked him and told him I was leaving," she remembered how she had screamed at Logan and how he went ballistic not knowing how everything was being recorded.
"He basically admitted how I couldn't go anywhere because everyone thought I was crazy and he would make sure they would keep believing that even if he had to pay his buddies ten times higher to keep me sedated into their clinic. Maybe that time he would admit me as Cecilia. He liked the name he had said. Maybe this time he would also let them have fun with me too while strapping me to the hospital bed," she hissed feeling disgust.
"He grabbed me by the hand and I kicked him in the nuts," she quipped and Klaus smirked. And then Caroline's gaze turned into blue and black.
"I did not run when he fell down in pain. I waited. And he completely lost it," she said her voice echoing between her and Klaus.
Klaus had seen the pictures from her file. Kol had managed to get those too. So he knew what followed next. But those pictures were a living memory inside Caroline. She could still feel the pain that kept her awake at night.
"By the time the cops came half of the neighborhood was out and I was his half dead punching bag on the floor," she told Klaus. His posture a picture of rage. Hers a relaxed sight.
"The camera Matt had got me kept rolling even after they got me in the ambulance and Logan in the station. Of course nothing of all of that went to the papers or even the file in the police because then the authorities would have to actually admit how they have refused to help me all the times I had begged them to in the past. Official calls and statements they discarded," she sarcastically noted.
"I let them. It would not help for me to duel in the past anymore and the last thing I wanted was more publicity and to get into more trials. I was just so tired and I all I wanted to do was get out of that town and start a new life. And I did. I reinvented myself and turned a new page leaving everything behind," she sighed and then looked at Klaus. Her gaze intense.
"Maybe I was weak and maybe in the end I got all suicidal but… I survived!" she declared and Klaus smiled and his fingertip trailed the wet path her tear had left on her cheek. A sign of her strength.
"You did."
He then took her hand and pushed her fingers against his scar on his chest just under his heart.
…
Chicago
December 2014
Caroline panted as the aftermaths of one of the best orgasms she had in her life washed over her trembling body. She rested her head over Klaus's chest and enjoyed the way he heaved after giving himself to her completely. In those moments he was only hers. He belonged to her and there was no world of guns and terror in the between.
Their legs were entangled and she let her fingers travel up the sweaty muscles of his chest and she then felt the smoothness of his body break into a gruesome line of stitched up skin. A scar just under his heart. An old one. A big one.
"How did you get this one?" she asked him. His body was filled with scars. Scars he gained from gang fights and from bullets and knives. But none was so close to his heart and none looked like this one.
Klaus tensed and pushed her hand away distancing himself from her.
"Maybe one day I'll tell you."
"Some scars run deeper than skin deep," Klaus told her and Caroline gulped down. Her fingers trembled over his scar. He was opening up to her. The middle ground was shaking and dissolving into nothingness. Maybe the road led to a dead end but at least they now walked on the same line.
"Mikael was not my biological father but he was still the one I got and the only one that got to give me these scars," Klaus told her with snarl and Caroline's eyes filled with tears again. But this time those were not because of her pain. They were for his. And yet Klaus did not cry. He did not shed any tears. He only let out his memories as a reminder of how he gained his crown and his vengeance.
"I was five when he gave me this one with a shard of glass from a broken bottle" he revealed to Caroline as she pressed her fingers over the heated skin. She felt the scar underneath her fingertips. "For years I lived in terror. My first memory is not a good one and neither are those that followed. I know all about pain and abuse Caroline. All too well. I was six when I swore to one day kill him and I did," he proudly told her. Sick satisfaction and vindication danced in his eyes and so much hate that it made Caroline gasp. She knew that he was better than this but this was also a side of him. A side that lived and breathed inside him as effortlessly as his heart was beating.
"But you didn't kill the wounds they still bleed," she muttered sadly and Klaus let go of her hand and she pulled back. Her finger tingled feeling the sensation of the scar still against her skin.
"Sometimes…and then there are those other times where I hold the knife. And the blood that runs is not mine and the voices in my head seize," he revealed to her and she saw the madness that reflected in his eyes. It was poison and venom and it had latched into every part of him. And it had made him strong and it had killed him.
"You will get to hold the knife when the time comes but what you will do with it will be up to you sweetheart. Maybe your wounds will close one day," he murmured and Caroline looked at him sadly.
"Yours can too," she softly said and Klaus snorted.
"I don't want them too."
Caroline gaped and gave him an incredulous look and Klaus' lips curved into an unsettling grin.
"I don't want to forget. The more I remember the more powerful I get," he explained to her. And Caroline noticed the edge in his voice. He was not battling his demons. He was letting the demons battle inside him and reign over him. He was using those demons for their wings and their horns and hooves and their power. He was feeding them with his anger and blood. The more blood he was giving them the more they grew inside him. It was more than just survival for him Caroline realized. It was a homage to murder and power. She might have gambled with her life but Klaus has gambled his soul.
"Powerful enough to not let anyone hurt me or anyone I care for ever again," Klaus told her decisively and the pride in his voice shone covering the vulnerable infinitesimal trembling of his vocal chords.
Caroline let a bittersweet smile grace her features. She looked at Klaus and how the flares for the flames from the fireplace reflected on his dirty blond hair.
"I know. This is why I came to you remember?" she reminisced and saw the shadow that passed through his eyes.
His gaze scrutinized her for a few long moments and the madness she had just seen in his gaze shimmered down. He became more human again and then for the first time ever since she met him Klaus lowered his gaze at his hands refusing to look into her eyes.
"Would you have given me a chance if you didn't need my protection?" he wondered. His tone barely above a whisper and Caroline's breath hitched. And for a very brief moment she contemplated lying to him.
"You want the truth?" she questioned him feeling weak and Klaus raised his gaze to meet hers. This time he was not averting his eyes. There was a blend of uncertainty and hope in the depth of his intense stare and Caroline was mesmerized and terrified by it.
"Always."
"No."
Her honesty cut him deep and Caroline could see the exact moment when it happened. It was an unspoken truth between them. It was never uttered out loud in a moment of sincerity and understanding. Until now. They used to dance around this for so long and Caroline wished to have another answer to give him but this was the only one she had.
Klaus face fell and he got up. He turned his back on her and remained silent. Caroline sighed and got up. She hated this distance between them and even though she approached him and put her hand on his tense shoulder she didn't feel the distance shrinking. If anything it was getting multiplied and Klaus was not reacting to her touch at all. He was standing still as a statue. Cold and hard as just as unreachable.
"I sometimes feel that you are bad for me," she tried to make him understand. Her confession coming out in a soft whisper that made his body turn to stone. "You bring out the best and the worst in me. But truth is that I hate living in fear and you bring that out in me too. You always did," she confessed and Klaus turned around as if her touch and her words had burned him.
"You are afraid of me?" he incredulously asked her.
"Yes," she firmly admitted and Klaus jolted back as if he was electrocuted.
"I am afraid of you," Caroline insisted and Klaus looked at her horrified, "for everything you make me feel and for everything you can't give me," she breathed out and Klaus narrowed his eyes confused.
He opened his mouth to say something but Caroline rushed to him and placed her finger against his lips silencing him.
"I used to be this insecure girl and this made me take all these choices that screwed up my life. I can't go there again. I won't," she vowed with a pained expression and Klaus' features softened. He took hold of her hand and gently kissed the finger that still lingered against his lips.
"You know I'd never hurt you Caroline," he promised her but she shook her head. She detached her hand from his and took a step back.
"Physically no and I don't think that you ever would intentionally. That I know. But we also hurt people with more ways than attacking them," she said and Klaus nodded in understanding.
"We only hurt those that are close to us," he confirmed and Caroline looked at him exposing all of her insecurity and doubt and vulnerability to him.
"Are you close to me?" she asked him and even though she knew she sounded needy she didn't care. She saw how Klaus lips trembled. He knew that she expected from him the same honesty she had given him. No matter how much it would hurt.
"Can you be all mine? Will I ever be your first choice?" she pressed and Klaus looked at her unable to tell her what she wanted to hear. He could not even tell her what he wanted to say. It was impossible.
Caroline understood his struggle and smiled sadly.
"Being with you means…that there is no middle ground. Your world does not allow it. You don't allow it. So it is either all in or all out and yet… this does not go both ways does it?" she voiced out her thoughts and then straightened her back and armed herself with determination.
"I want to come first. No second thoughts. No middle ground," she declared.
She took a step forward and cupped Klaus' face with her hands demanding his undivided attention.
"This is what I want," she professed. Her eyes blazing with fire. With need. With longing. But it was a clear gaze. Tainted by pain but not by lies. It was her truth. And she was asking nothing more than what she deserved and what she was ready to give. But only if he would let her. Because she would not settle for anything else. "You are dangerous and you want power. You just said it yourself. You don't want to forget, you don't want to forgive." She threw his words back at him and noticed how he flinched. The previous arrogance was not there now, "but I have seen more in you," he assured both of them, "It is not all about revenge. It is also about protection. You protect those closest to you. Those you care for," she told him with fervor.
Klaus remained silent for so long. Lost in her touch. In her words. And Caroline was not sure if he would say anything but then his fingers wrapped around her palms holding her hands against his face.
"I care for you," he whispered. His voice low and suggestive. And so very seductive. It burned through her like wildfire. Almost like love. Almost.
"How?"
Her question was bold and Klaus looked at her startled.
"How?"
Caroline drifted away and he let her.
"How do you care for me? In what way?" she pressed and he seemed stunned. As if she was talking to him in a foreign language he could not understand.
"You put your family first and you always want to win but I don't want to be a game. I want more. More than being a trophy for you to parade around. More than a challenge and certainly more than a conquest," she insisted. Her stance and her tone commanding respect.
She resolutely stared up at him and Klaus took in every detail of her face. His penetrating gaze focused solely on her reactions. On the way she was drawing breath. On the way she had her chin titled up. On the way her lips trembled but refused to utter anything in surrender. Her hair a golden halo around her face and her eyes sparkling with pride and defiance. But most of all with strength.
"I asked you for protection and in return you asked me to be with you," she reminded him, "it was my choice and I don't regret it. You did not force me to have sex with you but your protection came with a price. I constantly keep bringing it up and using it as a shield because I need the reminder," she tried to desperately make him understand, "it is so easy to lose myself in you but I want someone to care for me with no strings attached and not selfishly. And maybe I want too much and maybe it is me that is being selfish here but you always ask me what it is that I want. So this is what I want," she came clean.
"After everything I have lost I have managed to stand on my feet and yet when I felt fear again I turned once more to a man for protection. I am not proud for this but I have decided to put my survival first even above my pride," she said and even though her voice slightly trembled with shame she refused to look away from his eyes.
"But when all is said and done your forever is me becoming the mistress of the King and I do not deserve this. You know I don't," she urged him and then took in a sharp breath expecting from him a truthful answer.
"So can you tell me that there will be a day that you will be able to give me more than this? To give me yourself without holding back? Scars and wounds and all? Even healing? Can you tell me it is worth the wait? Should I even wait?" she asked shedding her armor down for the first time in years. This was her. Bare and honest. No pretenses. No middle ground. She wanted everything. She wanted him. But she did not want to let go and turn to a shade because of love. That kind of love was not the kind she wanted. And if this was the only thing he could give she would not take it. And she would not allow him to pretend that he was giving her what she wanted either.
Caroline faced him and raised her chin up. Her heart was pounding so fast and so hard.
"Above your Kingdom and your crown. Above everything you hate. Can you care for me more than that?"
Klaus lips compressed to a thin line. She was asking too much. More than he could give. Things he did not even know if he had to give.
He glanced up at her and he felt as helpless as he used to be a long time ago. When he had no power. No walls of violence to hide behind. His frustration flared and he felt trapped. He wanted to lie. To tell her whatever she wanted to hear. Anything that would keep her by his side and so he opened his mouth with every intention of telling her yes. Even if it would be a lie.
"I don't know."
He could not lie. Not to her. And it shook him to the core that his answer was not a 'no' either. But even that answer was not enough. It would never be enough. Not for her. And if he had to be honest. Not for him either.
Caroline nodded and exhaled painfully. Her face contorting to a mask of disappointment showing him how much she longed for another answer. Showing him that she had grown to care for him despite everything.
"I don't know if I can forever wait for you to find out. I don't deserve that," she repeated her conviction with a wary gaze and Klaus felt his cruelty surfacing again.
"Life is hardly ever fair love," he told her sharply and Caroline gave him a smile. A wistful knowing smile.
"No it is not," she agreed; her sweet voice tainted with regret as she turned around and walked away from him.
When she closed the door behind her Klaus closed his eyes knowing that she was right. She deserved more. More than what he could give her but he was still a selfish man and men like him hardly ever did the right thing. Men like him were the reason life was never fair.
In the end doing the right thing would mean losing her and he could not do that. It was beyond him. Because when all was said and done the question would not be if he would be able to give her what she wanted but if he would be able to let her go if he couldn't.
And he didn't think he ever would.
...
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
References: [1],[2] : Medusa by Carol Ann Duffy
Song: Plumb - Cut