Chapter 21: This

Severus sat alone in his office, a large stack of papers in front of him waiting to be graded. Rose had once offered to help him read and mark essays. Severus had quickly dismissed her from the job for being too liberal with passing grades. "They are never going to learn," Severus scolded her, "if you give them 'Outstandings' for 'Dreadful' work."

Rose had rolled her eyes at him and kissed his lips lightly. Severus pulled her in tighter to deepen their embrace. Kissing Rose was as easy as taking a breath. Everything about being with Rose was incredibly, amazingly easy.

Rose smiled with her lips still pressed against his. She pulled away slightly. "Have you noticed, Professor Snape," Rose began. She liked to tease him by calling him by his title. "That you give the Slytherins higher marks than the other students for the same work."

"I do not," Severus protested.

"Yes, you do," Rose replied, pulling up a 5th year Slytherin's paper and comparing it to that of a Gryffindor's. "This young Slytherin spelled newt incorrectly and yet he got an 'Exceeds Expectations.' This Gryffindor young lady spelled newt correctly and wrote a lovely paper in general and only received an 'Acceptable.' I would hate to think what you would mark me on an essay if I wrote you one. And I don't think I would have been a Slytherin."

Severus shook his head at her. "Probably not," he agreed. "If I was grading your work, I would have to be fair as to not cause suspicion of favoritism."

"Good thing I'm excellent at potions," Rose replied.

Severus shrugged slightly, "You consistently under dose your ingredients and your potions always come out slightly watery."

Rose looked at Severus, her hand pressed over her heart pretending to be scandalized. "My potions, Professor Snape, are not watery. And if I remember correctly, it was my brews that healed you. You would be my least favorite teacher," she teased.

Severus gave her a look of mocking anger. His eyes narrowed upon her. "Take that back," he hissed at her, leaning in with a sneer. "I would be your favorite professor. You would always be getting yourself into trouble so that you could get a detention with me."

Rose laughed. "You think so?" She brought her face closer to kiss him again. "Probably for the best that I was not your student then. I would have been far too distracted to learn anything about potion making."

It was that night, when they had made love, did Rose say to Severus that she believed she was made to make him happy.

She had kissed her way down his chest and moved lower still, throwing her head under the blanket. She poured all her attention into him, meticulously loving his body, slowly at first and then so rapidly that Severus's head spun, unable to think at all, he was no longer a tangible being, he was only intense pleasure.

When Rose emerged from the sheets, Severus was breathless. He smiled at her brilliantly, making her heart swell. "You are more than I deserve," he said as she rested her head on his chest. His heart was pounding.

That is when she said it.

"No Severus," she whispered to him. "I am exactly what you deserve. I was specially made to make you happy."

Severus was speechless. Her words filled him with warmth that seemed to seep through the time and space of his mind, melting away the ice of his cold hard past.

She was his. He felt it the strongest when they were intimate.

When they had first been together, Severus could not quite process the fact that he had never been so close with another human being. He felt connected to Rose, like she was an extension of himself. The good and best parts of him that had been missing his whole life.

That first moment he had physically connected with her, he was in awe how her body accommodated him. She had gasped as he penetrated her. Severus had frozen, suddenly terrified he had hurt her or had done something wrong.

"It's okay," Rose had told him. "You feel good."

Her eyes filled his. She looked at him and saw him completely. It was in that moment that Severus realized that Rose knew who he was. She knew him better than he knew himself. And she accepted him for who he was and everything he had done, good or bad. Severus felt unashamed. Rose's eyes told him that no need or instinct he felt, both physically or emotionally was off limits, not with her. It was finally safe for him to be free.

"Severus."

His own name pulled him from his reverie.

Severus took the mirror from his pocket. Rose's face grinned back at him from the other end.

There were voices in the background. She was still at St. Mungo's.

"Rose," Severus breathed. Seeing her face after his recent memories made his heart race in anticipation.

"Hi," Rose said casually. Her mind was clearly in a different place.

"Are you ready to apparate here?" Severus asked her. It was Friday night and Rose had promised him her full attention for the duration of the weekend. Anytime she came to see him at Hogwarts, Severus would walk to the edge of the grounds where apparition was possible. When he was there, he would use the mirror to tell her that it was safe to come and then they would walk together to the castle, occasionally ducking behind trees.

"I'm not actually," Rose told him. "Severus, I'm sorry for the late notice but some of the senior healers just invited me out to dinner. They are interested in my work and want to talk to me about my integration of magical and nonmagical medicine. They said they would like to discuss making my ideas a standard of care at St. Mungo's." Rose's voice was excited and bright. She was very enthusiastic about her career.

Severus frowned. "Alright," he said rather coldly.

Rose eyed him for a moment. "I will come over tomorrow?" she suggested.

"No," Severus told her. "Come tonight. I will wait up for you."

"I don't know how late it will be," Rose protested. She hoped dinner would turn into dessert and then drinks. If all went well, she would be talking to the other healers well into the night.

"That's of little consequence," Severus told her roughly.

"Rose are you coming," Severus heard a man's voice issuing from behind her. Rose turned her face away from Severus to look towards another man. "Are you talking to someone?"

"No," Rose told him quickly, "I'm ready."

Severus scowled deeply.

Rose turned towards Severus without really seeing him. "See you later. Love you," she told him hurriedly and then put the mirror down.

Severus stared into the dark mirror for several minutes before stowing it back in his robes.

Severus felt stringing disappointment and a bitter loss. Then he felt angry, irrational as he knew it was, he was angry that he had to share her with the rest of the world.

When she was his healer, it was just them two day after day, with the nagging exception of William Sinclair. Now Rose was more often away from Severus than with him. He could not shake that persistent fear that someday Rose would meet someone that she would prefer to be with instead and there was nothing Severus could do to stop it. It still baffled Severus that Rose followed him around and showed up time after time. Someday he worried she might just not come.

Severus heard of a fable once about an old, gnarled wizard who had married a beautiful young witch. The witch loved the old man because she admired his wisdom and power. They were happy for a short time and then the wizard saw his young bride smiling at a handsome warlock. The old wizard went mad with jealously. He put a curse on his wife so that she could only see, hear, and speak to him. In her eyes, the world would be forever void of other people. The curse could not be undone and without the company of others, the witch became sorrowful and ended up falling out of love with the old wizard anyway.

Severus never really gave this fairytale much thought, besides thinking that the wizard was a lunatic. Now Severus felt like he could understand how a man could be driven mad by seeing the love of his life simply smiling at another.

He wondered who Rose was directing her smile at tonight.

Someone cleared their throat.

Severus looked up from his desk towards the portrait of Phineas Nigellus.

"Sorry to interrupt," Nigellus droned in a bored voice. "Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I do believe you are passed due to deliver a potion."

Severus stood up at once, looking towards the cloak. It was nearly 11. He always gave Ephraim the potion at a quarter passed nine. Severus was too distracted by thoughts of Rose. Guilt flooded his mind.

Severus grabbed the vial of potion he had prepared for Ephraim and slipped it in his pocket. He swiftly made his way to the Slytherin dormitory.

It being Friday night, there were many students still awake in the common room. Most of the students averted their eyes as Professor Snape walked in but continued what they were doing. It had become a routine occurrence to see the head of house there nightly.

The first-year boys' dormitory was dark, most of the boys were asleep already. Definite sniffing sounds could be heard coming from Ephraim's bed, making that feeling of guilt burn deeper into Severus.

Severus lit his wand and moved over to the boy.

Ephraim turned over to look at Professor Snape at once. He quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. At least there was not screaming or wet sheets tonight, Rose handled those things far better than Severus would.

The boy looked up at Severus with teary-eyed contempt. His expression clearly stated, 'how could you have forgotten about me.'

Severus pressed his lips together.

At that moment, Rose's voice issued from his pocket. "Severus," she said.

Ephraim looked questioningly at his professor's pocket, momentarily canceling out his expression of distain.

Severus sighed. "Get up and put on your shoes and cloak," he told the boy roughly.

Ephraim narrowed his eyes at his teacher.

"Hurry up," Severus hissed impatiently, "if you want to see Rose."

That did it. The boy jumped out of bed and quickly slipped on his trainers and swung his cloak over his oversize pajama's.

Ephraim followed his professor out of the bedroom and passed the wondering eyes of the other students, then into the corridor.

Severus halted and pulled out the mirror. Ephraim watched his professor curiously.

"Rose," Severus said into the mirror, avoiding Ephraim quizzical eyes.

Rose's face appeared, smiling from the other end.

"I will be there shortly," Severus said roughly, "Don't apparate until I say so."

Rose raised her brows at him, she detected the edge in his voice and she did not know what had warranted it. "Like always," she answered him with exasperation.

Severus stared at her for a long moment before putting the mirror down without another word. He turned towards Ephraim, "Come on," he said.

Ephraim followed Professor Snape without a word. Severus knew he was not yet forgiven for forgetting the potion, but taking the boy to see Rose, who was clearly his favorite person in the world, was a good start.

Once at the edge of the grounds, Severus pulled out the mirror again and spoke into it. "Rose."

Without a word back from her, there was a loud pop and Rose appeared in front of Severus and Ephraim. Her long hair catching in the autumn breeze and swirled briefly around her face. She looked at Severus and then caught sight of Ephraim who was eagerly waiting to be noticed.

"Ephraim Fayden," Rose said with sweet excitement. The boy smiled as she said his name and he stepped towards her. "What a wonderful surprise." Rose knelt slightly and briefly pressed her palm against Ephraim's cheek, like she did when she would say goodnight to him after he took his potion. Rose quickly surveyed the boy for any signs of harm. Ephraim currently did not look distressed and he smiled up at Rose; however, there was a weariness about his eyes that made it look like he had recently been crying. Rose threw Severus a questioning look.

"Professor Snape forgot to give me my potion," Ephraim told Rose at once. He was not answering Rose's silent question, but trying to get Severus in trouble, clearly still angry with him.

Rose looked up at Severus in alarm.

"I did not forget," Severus lied, "I was simply behind in doing so."

Rose's eyes scanned over the boy, again assessing for any harm. "Are you alright, Ephraim?" Rose asked gently.

"He's just fine," Severus answered with exasperation.

Ephraim gave his professor a fleeting, resentful glance. Then after Rose pulled him into a tight hug, Ephraim looked at Severus smugly.

Severus rolled his eyes. "There is no reason to linger out here any longer," he complained.

The three walked back to the castle. Ephraim walked as close to Rose as possible without running into her. He talked the whole way there, telling Rose excitedly about how he was the first person in his class to perform the mending charm successfully and how Professor Flitwick rewarded him 10 points for his house. He told Rose how a Hufflepuff girl had told him that she thought he was 'really good at magic.'

Rose grinned as she listened to Ephraim. She could tell he was significantly happier than when she had first met him. Rose attributed it mostly to Severus's attentions toward him.

Once in the castle, Ephraim asked if he had to go to his dormitory, not wanting to be sent to bed just yet. Rose said 'no' at the same time Severus said 'yes.'

Severus shot Rose a warning look and Ephraim scowled at his professor.

Rose had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing, the look Ephraim was giving Severus made him look like a miniature version of his potions master.

Rose and Severus walked Ephraim to the entrance of the Slytherin common room. Severus handed the boy the potion and watched him drain it. "Get to bed now," Severus told Ephraim, taking the empty vial from him. Ephraim gave Severus a curt nod. Severus knew he deserved the coldness. "Tell Phineas Nigellus if you need us," Severus added in attempt at amends.

Ephraim nodded again and then looked at Rose expectantly. Rose smiled and opened her arms for another hug. Ephraim quickly fell into her. Rose pressed her hand against the back of his head and lightly touched her lips into his hair. "I will see you tomorrow," she promised as she released him.

Ephraim smiled at her and then threw Severus another self-satisfied glance; not even he got a kiss.

Rose and Severus watched Ephraim safely go inside.

"How could you have forgotten to give him the potion?" Rose remarked as they made their way to Severus's quarters.

"I didn't forget," Severus said sharply as he opened his office door for Rose to walk through.

Rose looked at him skeptically. "Just don't do it again," she said back blatantly, walking passed him.

Severus fumed as he followed her inside, shutting the door a little more forcefully than he meant to.

Rose turned to him with raised brows. "What has you all hot and bothered?" Rose asked.

"Nothing," Severus answered coldly.

Rose sighed and sat on Severus's desk. She was exhausted. She had just been hoping to crawl into bed with Severus and go to sleep. However, that did not seem to be what was going to happen. "The dinner went well," Rose said with irritation. "Thank you for asking."

Severus scowled. "good," he replied.

Rose frowned. "We are going to start using certain no mag techniques at St. Mungo's," Rose told Severus straightly. "We are going to start teaching healer to place IVs and give injections. Things that you once call primitive, if my memory serves me right."

Severus pinched to bridge of his nose before moving towards Rose, trying to alleviate some of the tension within him. "Who was at the dinner?" he asked, attempting to sound casual. He stood right in front of where she sat.

"Four senior healers," Rose answered skeptically.

"Men or women?" Severus asked.

Rose groaned. "Really, Severus," she said, sliding off the desk and stepping away from him. "It doesn't make a difference, but to answer your question they are all wizards. They are highly respected healers and they are interested in my work."

"Are you sure it's your work they are interested in," Severus said under his breath.

Rose's jaw dropped in shock. "I can't believe you right now?" She retorted. "You know how important my career is to me. This is a 'big' deal and you are spoiling it, Severus." She crossed her arms firmly across her chest. "A normal response to this situation could have been 'Rose, I was really looking forward to seeing you and I felt disappointed that you couldn't make.' This dinner was to discuss business, obviously I would have preferred to have spent the evening with you, well, before you started acting like a child."

Severus chewed on the inside of his cheeks, making his face look even more gaunt than usual. "I'm sorry," he told her roughly.

Rose looked unconvinced. "Are you though?"

Severus's face darkened. "Not really," Severus admitted.

Rose took in a deep breath and moved towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Severus asked, a twinge of panic in his voice. He walked quickly ahead of her, blocking her path.

"I want to go home and go to bed," Rose said irritably.

Severus's brows knit together. "I am sorry," he said more sincerely.

"Okay," Rose said shortly, "great. I still want to leave." She tried to move around him, but he shifted to stand in her way again.

"Wait," he pleaded, "You take the bed and I'll sleep on the sofa."

Rose brought a hand to her temple.

"Please stay," Severus said under his breath.

Wordlessly Rose turned towards the bedroom. Severus followed about a foot away.

Rose stripped down to her underwear and climbed into the bed. She sent Severus a scathing look but gestured to the other side of the bed.

Severus slowly undressed too and got under the covers next to Rose, careful to not rub up against her.

"I love you," Rose whispered as she stared up at the ceiling, "but sometimes you can be very, very frustrating."

"I'm aware," Severus hissed back.

Despite herself, Rose laughed, feeling the anger begin to leave her. "I'm lucky to be the one that gets to put up with you," Rose said, the annoyance gone from her tone.

"Are you?" Severus asked drily.

"Yes," Rose told him honestly.

"I didn't mean what I said before," Severus admitted. "You are a remarkable healer, and anyone would be interested in learning from you."

"Thank you," Rose said.

"I'm I forgiven?" Severus asked softly.

"Only if you promise to remember something," Rose said, easing her head onto his bare chest. She sprawled her hand over his abdomen possessively.

"What?" he asked. He laid very still, ready to agree to anything in exchange for her forgiveness.

Rose could feel his heart pounding. "For me," she began, "it always comes back to you." Her voice was firm. It was a statement made with full conviction.

Severus let out the breath he was holding. "I hate sharing you," he admitted into the darkness.

Rose chuckled lightly. "I hate sharing you too," she agreed, "but how would the students of Hogwarts ever learn to brew potions if I kept you all to myself."

Severus's long fingers stroked Rose's spine and then his hand froze. "I'm never going to get this quite right," he said.

"Get what right?" Rose said through a yawn, nestling closer to him.

"This," Severus said unhelpfully. "I'm going to make you angry with me," he continued, "Often."

"Its bound to happen," Rose said unconcerned.

"Don't threaten to walk out when you're cross with me," Severus said. "Please," he added.

Rose could hear the desperation in his voice. It was a little thing. He was making her mad and she wanted her space, but she would have come back eventually. Rose wondered where this distress at her leaving was stemmed from. 'Lily,' she thought at once.

"I think I can do that," Rose replied.

"Promise me," Severus pressed. He wanted her to say it; he knew her word was good.

"I promise," Rose assured him. Rose had not realized how tense Severus's body was until she felt him relax. She drew closer still, wrapping herself around him like a vine grows around a tree. He responded in like and they fell asleep entangled together.

PLEASE REVIEW