August 20, 2004

Harry's p.o.v

The doctor directed me to one of the chairs and sat across from me. "Why don't we start by sharing our names?"

"I-I'm Harry Potter."

Dr. McDouglas extended her hand and I hesitate to shake it. "Hello Mr. Potter, my name is Doctor Mackenzie McDouglas. You said that you were a puppet outside, would you like to tell me a bit more about that?"

Instead of letting it all out as verbal vomit I grip the chair's arms and make sure to censure myself. "I- it began seven years ago. I was part of the military. There were battles that I can't tell you about but we won. We won and then everything went wrong."

"What went wrong Harry? Can I call you Harry?"

I nodded at her but my eyes didn't leave the stain on the floor. "I didn't want the fame that came with winning. I always just wanted to be Just Harry. I didn't want to be a war hero! But then we won, everyone was looking up to me and my best friend left me so I just let it happen. I didn't fight back."

The doctor scribbled something and clicked the pen. "Why didn't you fight back if that wasn't what you wanted?"

"Because it was the easier thing to do. I'm a coward," I whispered the last sentence and realized just how true the words were. I was a coward. I had let others fight the war against Voldemort instead of just doing it myself.

A hand on my knee shook me out of my stupor. "You're not a coward Harry." I shake my head but the doctor grabbed my chin and made me look at her. "You're not a coward Harry. The fact that you're here, asking for help shows that you're not a coward."

My gut sunk even lower. People always said great things about me but none of them were ever true.

"The office officially closes in ten minutes Harry so how about this. We make you an appointment for this week and we can talk more then. Go over your situation in more detail so that we can find a way to help you okay? Tonight, go home and try to remove yourself from as many negative ties as you can okay? It doesn't have to be permanent, just take a break and if you want to return to it later you can. As a stronger man. If it causes you pain then get rid of it. Think of it as a new beginning from now on. Does that sound good?"

I could do that. I could cut my ties to the past. There were some people that I couldn't ignore but I could do that. "Yes."

McDouglas smiled and sat down in front of her computer. "Great. How does eleven on Thursday work for you?"

I nod. She typed away on her computer and I stood up and said my goodbyes to the doctor and her secretary as I walked out. I was going to fix this.

My resolve grew weaker the nearer I got to Grimmauld but there was a stubborn part in me that forced me to keep going. To a least give it a try. That voice sounded suspiciously like Sirius.

I nodded at Kreacher as I enter and summon quill and parchment. For the first time in a while, I sat down and thought about what I wanted and put those thoughts to paper.

'To Head Auror Auburn,

'I'm writing this letter to give you my official resignation from the Auror force and the Department of Magical Law Enforcement as a whole. I have enjoyed my years under your service but it's time for me to move on.

I could go on with a thousand reasons why I'm doing this but I'll just give you one: I refuse to be the Ministry's poster boy. In my own, honest, opinion, things have changed under Shacklebolt but it's not enough and I refuse to head this 'movement'. Let someone else do it for a while.

I do not know what my next steps will be but I will take this time as a Sabbatical to determine my future path. Thank you for your guidance for these last six years.

Sincerely,

Lord Harry James of the Ancient and Noble House Potter.'

I don't give myself time to rethink my words. I seal the letter and hand it to Kreacher. "Kreacher owl this to Head Auror Auburn."

Kreacher's old ears touched the ground. "Yes, Master Harry."

I stared after the elf as he disappeared from view. I had signed away my childhood dream of catching the bad guys but for the life of me, I couldn't say that I regretted it. If anything, I felt like I could take a real breath for the first time in years. I wanted to keep feeling so light.

The chair dragged on the floor as I moved on to the next room. I passed many portraits of the Weasleys and myself and I stopped in front of the lone picture of me and Hermione. It was taken during our Fifth Year and we were happy.

When did we stop being happy?

Fingers grazing against the frame I pulled the picture down and observe the little details on the picture. The light reflected on my glasses, her mussed hair, we were young and so. Bloody. Happy. And then everything had gone wrong.

The paint behind the picture was chipping. I dig my fingers in and I peeled away at it. Now that I had seen it I couldn't unsee it. I didn't think about my wand in my holster or any of the home spells that would make the chipped paint disappear.

"Kreacher!"

Kreacher popped into existence beside me. "Yes, Master Harry?"

"Remove all the pictures and paintings from the walls. We're remodeling the house."

Number 12 Grimmauld Place screamed Man-Who-Conquered and not The-Boy-Who-Didn't-Give-A-Shit. That was going to change tonight.

Three more owls left that night. One left for the Burrow, to Ginny and the Weasleys apologizing for my behavior. The other also went to the Ministry to inform the Wizengamot of the change in affairs of House Potter and my intention to claim my seats. The last was to Gringotts.

I knew she would hate it. Hermione never hid her distaste for the Wizengamot and their archaic laws. But Evangeline was a half-blood in a country that still considered those of "pureblood" as superior. And Hermione...Hermione would fight tooth and nail to give our- her daughter the best chance in the world. I'd known for years that Hermione would be the best Regent for House Potter and House Black. I was just doing what Just Harry would have done in a heartbeat.

I signed the paperwork with ink and blood. Evangeline would be the Heir to House Potter and House Black and Hermione would be their Regent.

Kreacher and I spent the night remodeling the main entrance of the house. We tore down the expensive navy wallpaper and transfigured the floor about four times before I decided to simply return it to its original form until I could decide what I was going to do with it. The entrance was in disarray but so was my life and that felt strangely satisfying.

I felt back in control again. It was early morning after dinner with Hermione and the weight that I had been feeling since I first heard of her arrival was lighter. Seeing her again after so many years in front of Gringotts felt like coming home.

"Does Master know what he will make the new house like?"

I look at the elderly elf and then at the picture of Hermione and me. "I will make a home Kreacher and not just a house." The grandfather clock chimed and I remembered that I hadn't slept in twenty-four hours. "What time is it Kreacher?"

Kreacher popped all the rubble away from the entrance and started working on making it more presentable. "It be seven in the morning Master," he answered.

Seven. Normally I would be getting ready for work at this hour. "Kreacher I'm going out to see what stores are open. Have breakfast ready by nine please. I'll try to be back by then."

"Yes, Master Harry."

I apparated to Kent, a smaller shopping district in magical Britain, and throw on a glamour charm. Deliberately I ignore the minor Gringotts entrance that leads to the main bank preferring to peruse the stores for any that may fit my needs. If I didn't have to step foot in Diagon Alley today then I would be most happy.

For the most part, most stores were closed due to the early hours but then there were the stores that seemed to open before more conventional times. I enter one of them.

"Good morning and welcome to Ilks' Silks. We have everything from silk to wool to decorate your home. How may we help you today sir?"

I approach the counter and smile at the teen manning the table. "I'm decorating my house and I need…"

"Master Harry is back!"

I hang my coat in the coat rack and let Kreacher take the bags from me. Everything had been shrunk down for better transportation and was ready to be used.

I slide into the table with the food and dig in. "Has anyone owled this morning Kreacher?"

The elf shook his head in the negative. "No Master Harry but owl do come with Prophet sir."

With a snap of his fingers, the morning's newspaper appeared in front of me. The piece of toast went down the wrong channel when I saw the front page. In big bold letters, the name of the author couldn't be missed. Rita Skeeter and Hermione Granger in one paper article were not good news and the more I read the story the more my suspicions proved correct. And Ron had gotten involved. Shit.

My heart dropped to my stomach and the thought of food put me off. My hand brushed against the buckets of paint and I blink. I didn't remember getting up from the table and into the main entrance. Still, my hand had a paintbrush in my hand and the walls had been prepped for the cream color.

A knock on the door resonated through the hall and I stop Kreacher from attending to it. I was closer anyway. Ignoring my disheveled appearance, I open the door.

My eyes meet the honey brown that was Hermione's and the paintbrush falls to the ground. My heart also dropped further than my stomach, it dragged through the floor when I saw the miniature head of hair in the same shade brown as her mother.

There was a polite smile on Hermione's face but her eyes were cold and furious. "Hello, Harry. Won't you invite us in?"

I stepped aside like the entrance was on fire. "Please come in. Can I take your cloaks? Would you like something to drink? I can have Kreacher fetch us something." I stammer out.

Mini Hermione looked around and turned up her nose at the mess that was the main entrance. "Mama this place is a mess," Evangeline told her mother in French.

I bit my lip to stop a laugh from bubbling out. Merlin but she looked so much like her mother. Through her eyes of green and brown, I could see her six-year-old mind judging me and finding me wanting just like her mom did when we were eleven and on the train to Hogwarts.

Hermione also looked at the foyer with distaste but refrained from saying anything. Evangeline had that covered.

"English sunshine," Hermione gently chided instead.

I jump in at the opening. "It's fine Hermione. I know some French and wouldn't mind practicing with Evangeline if she doesn't mind." I say excitedly.

Mother and child exchange looks and I was afraid I'd come off too strong.

"Be that as it may Harry, we're still in England and must speak the language."

Of course, Evangeline would need to speak English. She would need the practice to communicate with the people around her. And here I was trying to go against one of Hermione's rules.

"Of course!" I try to reassure quickly. "I just wanted her to know she had the choice with me."

I swallow down any of those thoughts afraid of what else I might say and usher them deeper into the house. "Please excuse our appearance, we're in the middle of remodeling."

Hermione stopped her progress into the house and turned to glare at me. Too late I realize that was the wrong thing to say to her.

"Why are you remodeling?"

We both turn to look at Evangeline still staring curiously at the house.

"Grimmauld was asking for a change."

Eva giggled. She giggled. "Houses don't talk silly!"

"Shh don't let Grimmauld hear you say that." I joke.

I guide the two females to the living room and take a seat after they do. Kreacher popped in with the snacks and thankfully stayed out of sight.

"Not that I'm not thankful or anything but why are you here?"

Hermione pushed her hair back. It had grown longer in our time apart, the weight of it smoothing out her curls into softer rings.

"Last night was a...mess." That's one way to put it delicately. "I wanted you to have the chance to speak just us and actually introduce you both.

"Evangeline, meet your father Harry James Potter. Harry meet Evangeline Lilian Granger, your...daughter."

Hermione's face told me there was more she wanted to say but right then I only had eyes for the little girl in the room. It was one thing to know I had a child, it was entirely another to truly be introduced to her.

There were too many emotions for me to identify. But I knew regret, shame, and guilt like they were old lovers.

I extend my hand to her. It dwarves hers in comparison but nothing in the world compared to holding my daughter for the first time. "Hello, Evangeline. My name is Harry and I guess I'm your…dad. Do – would you mind if I called you Eva? Evangeline is a mouthful, right?" I try to joke.

Evangeline frowned and my heart fell to my stomach. "But what do I call you?"

This time, it was Hermione and me who shared a look. "Whatever you want," is my response. Hermione nods softly as well.

"I'll have to think about it then," Eva said very seriously. Merlin, she was just like her mother.

Hermione smiled and ran her hand through Eva's hair. "Why don't you think about it somewhere else while I speak to Harry for a while sunshine?"

Eva noodles gently and jumped off the couch. "Okay. I will be right over there mama."

I open my mouth to start talking but Hermione raises a hand and stops me. "Muffliato."

I flinch at the spell. It was a war spell.

"I hate that spell," I said unthinkingly.

Hermione's face remained unchanged. "It's a convenient spell." She answers.

I give a wry smile. "Then we've exchanged stances."

"That's not the only thing we changed our minds on." Hermione gives me a look. "You named me your Regent."

I shrug. "Who better than the mother of my Heir to watch over my House in case of my untimely death?"

Her face went white. "Don't even joke about that Harry."

I stare at Hermione. "If the war's taught us anything is that we can die at any moment, Hermione."

"Don't," she snaps, "talk to me about the war."

"You've come to the wrong country then. The war is all anyone wants to talk about here. In Great Britain, you're either a War Hero or you're not."

Hermione reaches out for her cup. "In Great Britain, you're either loved or hated."

"So you read Skeeter's article."

She huffs out a laugh. "Is there anyone who hasn't read that article by now?"

"Of course not. They will be talking about this for days."

We fell silent again. This is what half a decade apart had done to us. It wasn't too surprising, at this point we'd spent almost as much time apart as we did together.

We weren't going to talk about the elephant in the room. We didn't want to.

Hermione fidgeted with her blouse. To anyone else, it might simply be her adjusting her clothes but to a person who knew her, it was a glaring tick of hers.

"Are you planning to kill yourself?"

I choke on the tea I had picked up. "Wha- Merlin's beard Hermione! Where on Earth did you come up with that idea?"

She counts off her fingers. "The woman you slept with once has a kid, your daughter is a mess who wavers between hating you or loving you, and the people that you have called family have left you in the dust. This is the Fifth Year all over again."

"I made my peace with the past!" I snap.

"Have you really? Then I commend you for it. My ghosts still haunt me. I live with them every single day."

The cup was threatening to break so I relieve it and hold her hand instead. "Hermione, I'm sorry. I was a shitty friend, I still am but please give me a chance to make things right. I'm trying-"

Angry brown orbs glared at me. "I don't want empty platitudes, Harry. You always do stupid shit when you feel compromised and I always bear the brunt of it. I just want to know what the hell you were thinking."

"You're not listening." I hiss. "I'm not suicidal! I'm just trying to protect you both!"

"Has it occurred to you that I don't need protection?" She bites back. "I can damn well protect myself and my daughter."

"You. Always. Do. This." We're both standing now. "You always think you're right and ignore everything else. I'm trying the best I can to protect you from the vultures and make assassins like the Neo Death Eaters think twice before attacking the Potter Heir and Regent." I'm trying to protect you like I couldn't before.

The fight leaves her. She knew. Hermione knew just how important names and blood still were in Europe. "I just want to know why." Hermione wasn't looking in my direction.

"I just want to know why wasn't I good enough for you to chase after me."

My breath becomes short then. I couldn't speak about it. Not with her, not with anyone. "Hermione–"

"Why did you sleep with me, Harry?" I looked away and I heard the moment she gave up on me. Hermione pulled her hand away and stomped to her daughter and the door. She stopped just outside the threshold.

"Sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in you. As a friend and as a lover. Goodbye Harry." The door slammed behind her and the last pieces that were intact in me shattered.

The room I was in became blurry and my hands clenched under saline drops.

"I love you," I say to the empty house.

NEW POTTER HEIR REVEALED!

Sources in Gringotts and the Ministry all say the same thing. Around 9:00pm last night an owl arrived at both locations. While no official confirmation has been shared regarding the contents of the Gringotts letter, sources point out that it was posted by one Lord Harry J. Potter. The Ministry owl was filed and added to official records and this afternoon it's been confirmed. His Lordship Harry J. Potter has named Evangeline L. Granger as the sole Heiress to the Potter fortune and name. While little is known about this little girl, her mother, Mistress Hermione J. Granger, is a world-renowned Potions and Charms Mistress who's more than made her mark on the world.

But what does this mean for any aspiring Mrs. Harry J. Potter? Records do not state if Heiress Evangeline is the sole heir regardless of future children or if Lord Potter will make his final selection in future years. A well known and "fan" favorite for this exclusive position has been Miss Ginevra M. Weasley who has been dating Lord Potter on-and-off for years. Many have predicted that the two would soon tie the knot and produce heirs of their own but that has been called into question with Miss Weasley's sixth brother's tell-all interview with the Daily Prophet.

Continued on page 2.