Mint watched the back door of the café swing shut. She thanked her lucky stars that Lettuce was so quick to comfort Ichigo, and slow to anger. Herself? Not so much.
She whirled around on her heel and fixed her sharp hazel eyes on Quiche.
"You. Colossal. Idiot," she hissed, enunciating each word pointedly. She crossed her arms and glared up at him.
"Save it, birdie," Quiche snipped back, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. He turned his head and spat – more blood, mixed with mucus. Mint curled her nose in disgust. Quiche brushed one hand through his hair as if to appear nonchalant. He straightened his back. "I have to go find Ichigo."
"Um, no, absolutely not," Mint replied with a sneer. "You've done enough damage for the evening ... telling her secrets like that. She'll never forgive you."
"It takes two to tango," Quiche muttered. "It wasn't her secret to keep."
"It was when she had everything to lose," Mint snapped. She glared into Quiche's angry eyes. He clenched his jaw and averted his eyes, obviously uncomfortable.
"Aoyama's pockets, he had –"
"I know, I saw it too," Mint muttered. She let out a frustrated sigh. "It's like I told you the other day … but everything is up in the air now. You'd better stay away from her for a while, for everyone's sake."
"What's with all of you? Ordering me around like a dog," Quiche mumbled under his breath.
"Act like a dog, get treated like one," Mint snapped. She uncrossed her arms and turned to walk towards the back door. "I'll have Tart bring you some ice for that face of yours," she called over her shoulder. "After that punch, you're going to need it."
Masaya,
I love you endlessly and I am so sorry for everything that happened yesterday. I mean everything that's happened in the last 10 days. Has it really been 10 days? It seems like so much has happened...
"No no no, too much rambling."
Crumple, toss.
Masaya,
I love you endlessly and I am sorry for everything. It's been so stressful on me with everything that's happened, and I was so busy I just didn't know know to...
"That's a lie … geez, I need to quit making excuses for myself. "
Crumple, toss.
Masaya,
I love you endlessly and I don't want to break up but I also want to maybe not spend forever learning about endangered toads and living away from all of my friends...
"Too honest! Am I TRYING to get dumped?!"
Crumple, toss.
Masaya,
I love you endlessly but I am confused. AnditsmaybebecauseofQuiche-UGH!
Ichigo balled the paper up in her fist and threw it across her bedroom. It bounced off her pastel pink wall and landed by the foot of her dresser among the other discarded letters.
She looked like a mess; eyeliner from yesterday's makeup smudged under her eyes, her café uniform hastily discarded on the floor. Ichigo hadn't slept. Her night consisted of dozing off for half-hour intervals between crying fits. She had thrown up twice – once in the café bathroom after the confrontation, and once after she got home. No matter what she did, Ichigo couldn't shake the feeling like she had passed a point of no return.
Ichigo's thoughts were swinging like a pendulum. She felt trapped in a cycle of feeling like the worst girlfriend in the world for not telling Masaya about what happened with Quiche right away, then feeling like she was right to wait before telling him, then feeling like she was an even worse girlfriend for even thinking that it was okay to keep a secret from Masaya for any amount of time. This cycle of anger with herself, confusion over what she should have done, and guilt over rationalizing her behavior ate at Ichigo for the whole night.
Not to mention her embarrassment over Lettuce and Mint witnessing the entire fight. Ichigo was ignoring their concerned text messages, still sitting unopened on her phone. Lettuce expressed sympathy tinged with bewilderment ("idk what's going on but we love you no matter what!"). Mint had her own way of expressing support – "you're a dumbass. you'd better come in to work today. love you xo".
The worst part about the whole thing was that even after the confrontation between Quiche and Masaya, Ichigo still couldn't shake the invasive thoughts about Quiche out of her head. Now that everything was out in the open between the trio, Ichigo felt a mild sense of calm that could only come from releasing the weight of a secret from her shoulders. Her biggest fear rested in confronting her own feelings about Quiche – and how honest she should be with Masaya about them. The guilt-ridden burden on her chest told her that she needed to be transparent with Masaya going forward, wholly and honestly. But another part of her wasn't even sure what to be honest about.
What was a flutter in her stomach, really? What was a feeling in her fingertips when he touched her? Ichigo struggled to put words to what she felt when she thought of Quiche. The closest thing she could fathom was a crush. She couldn't deny that the buzz under her skin took her back to when she was 13, trying to catch Masaya's eye.
But it wasn't just that. Ichigo was beginning to worry that deep in her repressed, smothered thoughts, there was a whole trove of emotions she hadn't yet unearthed. Something told her that there was a vast, unexplored something between herself and Quiche, just waiting to be unpacked. Like a treasure chest sunken at the bottom of the sea, or a forgotten time capsule buried in a backyard.
That was how Ichigo found herself laying out on her bed with a pen and notepad, trying to distill her thoughts into a letter to her boyfriend. What could she possibly say to fix their broken relationship? Did she want to fix it? Of course, her brain insisted, Masaya is your best friend. Your everything. Why would you ever consider throwing it away?
The chest would remain sunken in the deepest depths of the ocean. Let it grow algae, Ichigo thought bitterly, scowling. She blew her bangs out of her face and again began to write.
Masaya,
I love you endlessly and I am sorry.
Ichigo jumped when her phone started to buzz suddenly, flinging her pen across her room in surprise. Snatching up her phone, she inhaled sharply when she read the text on its screen.
Incoming Call
~:Masaya Aoyama:~
Ichigo's heart began to race as she felt panic rising in her chest. Her first instinct was to reject the call; her thumb hovered over the red button on the glassy screen. The phone continued to vibrate incessantly as it rang.
What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?! Ichigo thought in terror. She wasn't at all prepared to talk to Masaya – she hadn't even gotten through three lines of her letter she was writing to him. What if he dumped her then and there, over the phone? What could she say then?
No, Ichigo thought, I have to face whatever it is he wants to say. It would be worse to ignore the call, after everything he's been through.
She took a deep breath, pressed the green button, and held her phone to her ear.
"...hi, Aoyama," she greeted softly.
At first, there was a 2-second silence that made Ichigo's throat clench up into a knot. She held her breath anxiously.
"Hey, Momomiya," came Masaya's warm, comforting voice from the other line. Ichigo let out a small breath of relief upon hearing his voice. Masaya sounded tired.
"I … how are you?" Ichigo started hesitantly. She immediately regretted her choice in words. I'm an idiot, she thought to herself, of course he's feeling terrible after everything I did to him. Geez.
"I'm feeling better this morning," came Masaya's voice through the speaker. Ichigo raised her eyebrows in surprise with his unexpectedly upbeat response. He continued: "Ichigo, I wanted to apologize for walking away so suddenly last night. I should have just talked through things with you."
Ichigo was startled. She wondered how her boyfriend could be so kind and considerate of her feelings, even when she had been so inconsiderate of him. It made her wonder why she ever doubted that he was the best boyfriend she could ask for – loyal, sweet and endlessly understanding.
"I– ...no, Masaya, it's okay," Ichigo replied meekly, using his first name as he had just used hers. She swallowed her nerves quickly and continued. "Last night was a lot."
A heavy silence rested in the air. Ichigo could almost visualize Masaya's face on the other line, thinking back to the previous night.
"I'm sorry, again," Ichigo blurted out quickly. "There's no excuse. I'm just…"
"Ichigo, I understand," Masaya said. "I had time to think, and … I think I get it now. It was unfair of me to blame you when you were the victim, and this was really all Quiche's fault to begin with."
Ichigo chewed on her lip. What Masaya was telling her wasn't exactly true. It was hard for Ichigo to agree with his assessment of the situation. But she knew that this was her chance at digging herself out of the colossal pit she had thrown herself into the night before. Better to agree with Masaya than to argue over semantics.
"It's ok," Ichigo replied. "I … I should have told you earlier. I was just scared of how you'd react."
"I understand," Masaya reassured her. "I figured as much, after thinking about it. I understand how the whole situation could look bad from the outside … worse than it really is."
Ichigo swallowed the lump in her throat. It is worse.
"I … yeah," Ichigo agreed lamely. She immediately chastised herself for not agreeing more enthusiastically. "It means a lot that you're so understanding, Aoyama," Ichigo continued, louder and with more cheer in her voice. "I feel a lot better already."
It was a half-lie. Ichigo couldn't help but feel like she was still hiding her true feelings from her boyfriend. But Masaya was metaphorically rolling out a red carpet to an escape route that Ichigo would be stupid not to take.
"I'm glad," came Masaya's warm, comforting voice from the other line. "I know you're probably on your lunch period right now — I didn't want to call you during classes, otherwise I would have called earlier."
Ichigo used her free hand to brush her bangs out of her face. "Uh, actually," she started hesitantly, "I stayed home from school. My mom thinks I have food poisoning."
The excuse she told her mom was much better than having to explain to her parents that Masaya had nearly dumped her, especially considering she would have to lie about the situation with Quiche. Her parents didn't even know she had male coworkers besides her bosses; she was sure her dad would blow a fuse if he knew about Quiche. What's another lie? Ichigo thought to herself. She realized she was getting too good at it.
"Ah, I see," Masaya said. "That's too bad you're stuck at home … I was actually wondering if we could meet up today to talk some more, maybe over ice cream? But we can always go out tomorrow instead."
"No no no," Ichigo quickly insisted, "I can sneak out! We should meet."
Masaya let out a short laugh. "I don't want to get you in trouble! But if you insist, we can try to meet today. Maybe the park by your place, the one with the duck pond and all of the cherry blossom trees?"
"Perfect!" Ichigo agreed, picturing the beauty of the small, popular park just a few short blocks from her street. She sighed into the phone as she allowed herself to relax, slumping her shoulders. "I'm really glad you called. And I'm excited to see you."
"Me too," Masaya agreed. Ichigo could hear the smile in his voice, and it put her at ease. "How about we meet in, say, 20 minutes? Is that enough time?"
"Perfect!" Ichigo agreed. She began to plan how she would sneak out, eyeing the small Juliette balcony connected to her room. "I'll see you then!"
"See you then!" Masaya replied. Ichigo dropped her phone from her ear and hung up the call. She let out a long, wistful sigh.
All things considered, the call could not have gone any better. Ichigo allowed herself to get lost in the easy, comforting affection of Masaya as she drifted around her room, changing into a pair of denim shorts and a white tank top. She carefully crossed the hall outside her bedroom and stole away to the bathroom to freshen her appearance.
All you have to do now is not say something stupid, Ichigo told herself as she brushed through her slightly oily hair. A momentous task, truly. Ichigo scrunched her face at herself in the mirror, languishing over the dark circles under her puffy eyes. She snuck back into her room and picked up a tube of concealer. How the heck am I going to get back inside after I sneak out?
"Whatever, I'll figure it out later," she muttered to herself as she finished blending the concealer. She grabbed her small crossbody bag from the back of her chair and slung it over her shoulder.
Ichigo opened the sliding door to her balcony as slowly as possible, stopping and cringing at every squeak and squeal. It felt like ten minutes before Ichigo finally had the door open wide enough to fit through. Once it was open just over a foot wide, she squeezed through the gap and out onto the small balcony. She relished the fresh spring air of the early afternoon. Peering over the side of the balcony, Ichigo swallowed her anxiety and heaved a deep breath. She didn't know if her cat reflexes still worked quite as well in her normal human body, but she had to try.
Awkwardly, slowly, Ichigo swung one leg, then the other, over the balcony. She held onto the railing behind her and crouched on her heels, balancing on the lip of the concrete. Inhaling quickly, Ichigo crouched and jumped.
It wasn't her most graceful jump – she wasn't as agile as she was a few years ago – but Ichigo managed to land on her feet in a crouch. Her knees hurt. Ichigo grimaced, standing up and brushing the grass from her palms. She convinced herself that walking if off would likely help. With that, she started her trek to her neighborhood park.
The walk to the park was less than ten minutes, but to Ichigo it felt like only moments had passed before the voluminous, pink cherry blossom trees of the park came into sight. She was lost in her thoughts as she walked, thinking of what she would say to Masaya. Above all, she was determined to be honest. Honest, transparent, true … and kind, the way Masaya was endlessly kind to her. Her conflicting feelings from earlier in the day were quieter in her mind as she allowed her thoughts to steep in soft, familiar feelings of love for her boyfriend.
Ichigo spotted Masaya quickly. He was sitting on a bench near the beginning of the cobblestone walkway of the park. Ichigo noticed that he was wearing a button up shirt and blue slacks – something more formal than what he normally wore. She felt mildly embarrassed that she had (once again) underdressed for a date. Masaya looked up from his phone as Ichigo approached, smiling warmly. Ichigo found herself folding her hands in front of herself anxiously as she grew closer. She couldn't help but smile back at Masaya's warm, comforting visage.
"Hey, Ichigo," Masaya greeted, calling Ichigo by her first name again. She loved when he did that. Ichigo held out her arms, welcoming Masaya's warm embrace. She inhaled deeply, losing herself in the smell of his cologne.
Cologne, Ichigo noted curiously. Masaya wasn't the type to wear cologne daily, or even on many dates. Ichigo didn't mind – she appreciated his thoughtfulness into his date with her, even if it was just an ice cream date.
Ichigo broke from Masaya's embrace, smiling and feeling a light blush blooming on her face. "It's so good to see you," she murmured. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and tilted her head to one side.
"Want to walk around for a bit?" Masaya offered, glancing into the pink and white of the cherry trees in the park. "It's so beautiful this time of year."
"Yeah," Ichigo agreed. She slipped her hand into Masaya's as they fell into a leisurely stroll.
The park was still fairly busy, even on a school day. Tourists and locals alike were weaving through the trees, taking photos of the elegant, delicate cherry blossoms on the old, knotted trees. Ichigo found herself idly rubbing her thumb in circles over the back of Masaya's hand.
"I'm sorry again for leaving so suddenly last night," Masaya said, breaking their comfortable silence. Ichigo let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.
"No, no," she said quickly, shaking her head. "It was a totally normal reaction. To everything."
"To be honest, I kind of scared myself a bit there," Masaya admitted thoughtfully. His gaze remained fixated in the trees. "I didn't really expect to … lash out like that. When I hit Quiche, that is."
Ichigo bit the inside of her cheek. If she was being honest with herself, she was surprised with Masaya as well. The punch was nothing like anything she'd seen Masaya do before.
"I think that was a normal reaction, too," she replied. It was the truth – if she was in Masaya's shoes, she could see herself doing the same thing. Maybe with less force. She wondered to herself whether Masaya had broken Quiche's nose. She raised her eyebrows at the thought. "He kinda deserved it ... a bit."
Masaya let out a sigh. "Yeah, but it was violent, and I know it was out of line. I'm sorry."
Ichigo furrowed her brow. "Stop apologizing," she insisted, looking up at Masaya with concern. "You're acting like it's all your fault. I'm the one who should be saying sorry."
"It's neither of our faults, really," Masaya replied coolly. He cracked a smile. "In all honesty I'd rather just move past last night. I know it's been a difficult week, and we've been through a lot. But we always end up stronger than ever, don't we?"
Ichigo nodded, smiling. Moving past that night – moving past everything that had happened in the past week – was just what she wanted. "That's true," Ichigo hummed happily. "I always know I can count on us."
"Me too," Masaya replied. He squeezed Ichigo's hand affectionately. Ichigo heard him take a long, deep breath before continuing. "I was actually wondering about something. I've been thinking a lot about us being long-distance and all that, with me going back to London in a few days here."
Ichigo felt her heart rate speed up in anticipation of what Masaya had to tell her. Was he dumping her after all? Was he reconsidering the idea of a long-distance relationship? She looked up at Masaya with wide eyes. He looked deep in concentration.
"I thought about it some more, and I really … I really don't want to be apart anymore," Masaya said finally, glancing down at Ichigo. His deep brown eyes swirled with equal parts concern and the affection Ichigo knew well. "I was wondering if you'd consider moving with me to London. For university, that is. Not just for a few weeks."
It was the very topic Ichigo was concerned about, sitting at the root of her relationship with Masaya. Her relationship with her boyfriend was paramount, but she still had strong hesitations about moving abroad, away from everything she knew.
Ichigo chewed her lip. "Aoyama … you know I'd love to be around you like this all the time," she started. "But I … I don't know about moving to London. Not that I don't want to be with you. It's just … a lot to think about."
In the spirit of honesty, Ichigo was allowing her true thoughts to tumble from the forefront of her mind off of her tongue. She hopes Masaya would understand. There were so many complications to moving abroad – and so much Ichigo would have to leave behind.
"I understand," Masaya replied softly. "What are you worried about, mostly?"
Ichigo paused a beat. A plethora of concerns presented themselves in her mind; she began plucking them out one by one. "Well, there's the obvious things...like the language barrier. My English is terrible. And there's my grades … I don't know if I could get into a university with my grades right now. Plus paying for it all."
Ichigo sighed, hoping that Masaya wouldn't think badly of her hesitation. He was quiet as they continued their walk. "I guess," Ichigo continued slowly, "my main concern is more to do with what I'm leaving behind. You know? I mean, all of my friends are here … my mom and dad … my work, my life."
She glanced up at Masaya. He nodded thoughtfully. "I know what you mean," he replied finally. "I felt the same way when I first moved abroad. It was really terrifying at first, but I feel like I grew a lot as a person. It's about being out of your comfort zone, you know?"
What Ichigo wanted to say was "That's your life!" or "You're the one who's wanted to study abroad since you were young!" But she bit her tongue, thinking carefully about how to reply. "Mmhm," she murmured, wanting to fill the silence with something of an agreement.
Hearing Masaya talk about his experience moving abroad made Ichigo think more about the differences between her and her boyfriend. Masaya had all of these ambitions to study in the UK, and had dedicated so much of his life to his work and school. Ichigo had always admired his work ethic, and his dedication to causes that mattered to him. But the more she thought about Masaya's career trajectory, the more she wondered if she was in the same place as him. Did she know what she wanted for her life? Was she walking a path she was paving for herself, or was she simply following Masaya down his?
What did she want? Ichigo didn't even know – and as a 17-year-old almost ready to graduate high school, it made her anxious to think about making such a monumental decision to move abroad and change the course of her life so quickly. What if I need to figure myself out first?
Ichigo swallowed, feeling a tightness gripping her throat. She breathed deeply through her nose and glanced back up at Masaya. He looked concerned, catching her gaze with an anxious look.
"You know that in the end, I just want you to be happy," Masaya said softly. He squeezed Ichigo's hand. "I've just been thinking lately that I don't want us to be apart anymore. But if you feel differently…"
Ichigo was quick to cut in. "No, no," she insisted, "I … I would love to not be long-distance anymore. It's just … a lot to think about."
Masaya nodded again. He stopped walking, squeezing Ichigo's hand. She turned to face him, inhaling deeply as she felt a strange energy pass between them. Masaya took Ichigo's other hand in his and gently rubbed the back of it with his thumb. Ichigo looked up into Masaya's warm, chestnut-colored eyes. She cracked a small smile, allowing herself to melt into his comforting gaze.
"Ichigo, it's not just moving abroad," Masaya said finally, shifting his weight from one hip to the other. He looked nervous; Ichigo felt herself tense up as she sensed his strange mood. "It's just … wanting to always be with you. After everything we've been through, especially this week, I've realized something important. I don't want to ever be without you in my life. I don't care if that's long-distance or not. I just know that the most important thing in my life right now is you. And you always will be."
Masaya let go of one of Ichigo's hands. Ichigo's eyes widened, her heart leaping into her throat as she watched Masaya reach into his pocket. It felt like time was moving in slow motion as Ichigo watched Masaya drop to one knee, and pull a small box out of his pants pocket. Her breath quickened, feeling the pulse of her heartbeat thrumming in her ears. The whole world seemed to fade into the background. Ichigo felt like she would faint. Oh god, oh god, oh god...
The delicate spring breeze carried fallen cherry blossom petals around them as Masaya lifted the lid of the box to reveal the most beautiful princess-cut diamond ring Ichigo had ever laid eyes on.
"Ichigo Momomiya … will you marry me?"
(A.N./
Hah, you probably all hate me for that cliffhanger. :)
Huge, huge thank you to everyone who responded to my last A/N asking for suggestions on character POVs – I've started writing scenes based on your feedback into my outline, so you should expect to see some new POVs coming up shortly. As always, please leave a review and let me know what you thought of this chapter!)