Chapter 40: Remorse

"You came back," Tobias said drowsily as Rose entered the flat without knocking. It was afternoon and Tobias was still right where Rose had left him the night before.

"Yep," Rose said shortly. Her arms were laden with bags of groceries and vials of various potions and medical supplies.

"You didn't bring my son," Tobias commented.

Severus had not come home yet since he left after they had argued. Rose had waited around for him all morning, not really expecting him to come back "Were you expecting him to come?" Rose mumbled.

Tobias surveyed Rose with the eyes that matched her husband's. Rose broke his gaze and looked off to the side. "Does he know you're here today."

"If he doesn't already, I'm sure he'll find out," Rose said bitterly.

Rose had taken the children to be looked after by Hannah and Neville. Rose had told the children and her friends that she was needed at St. Mungo's. Ephraim did not like the idea of being away from Rose when clearly there was something wrong. However, he was convinced into it when Neville told him that they could go up to the school together and Ephraim could help him prepare the greenhouses. If Severus was truly at Hogwarts, like he said, then he would know instantly where Rose was, once he saw Ephraim with Neville.

"Where are Severus and the children today?" Tobias asked.

Rose found a semi-clean spot on the kitchen counter to set the bags down. "Does it matter?" she answered, not looking at him. "They aren't here."

"Obviously," Tobias said dryly.

She continued to feel his eyes watching her from the bed. "The children are with my friends and Severus is working?" Rose said quickly as she began to empty the bags.

"And what is it that my son does for a living?" Tobias asked

Rose sighed. "He's a potions professor."

Tobias made a little huffing noise.

Rose didn't comment. She was not in any mood to defend Severus or his wizardry career choice. "Are you hungry?" she said instead, turning towards him.

Tobias stared at her for a moment and then nodded.

"Okay," Rose said. "I will make you something, but first you need to tell me about some of the symptoms you've been experiencing. I also need to examine you. I brought some potio- medicines that I think might help."

Rose grabbed the bag of potions and supplies and knelt in front of Tobias. "Are you in any pain today?"

"I'm always in pain," Tobias answered.

"Where?"

"My bones and joints," Tobias said roughly as he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position. "and my stomach and lungs burn."

Rose's brows knit together. She pulled a stethoscope out of her bag, not a tool she usually used but she thought that would be better received by this muggle. "Take a deep breath," Rose instructed as she held the bell of the instrument to Tobias's chest. "again." She moved to listen to his lung sounds from the back. He was still and quiet as she continued to listen, feel, and examine various parts of his body. Rose tried to keep her face stoic as she gathered information about Tobias's health. It wasn't good. His lung tones were raspy and wet. In some places they could not be heard at all, which usually was the result of an obstructive mass. She could feel tumors in his abdomen. Her assessment confirmed what she was already told; Tobias was dying.

"Are you a nurse?" Tobias questioned her when she was through.

"I'm like a doctor," Rose sighed.

"Like a doctor?" Tobias said skeptically.

"Drink this," Rose handed him a vial of potion.

"What is it?" Tobias said with mistrust.

"It's medicine for the pain."

"That doesn't look like any medicine I've ever seen," Tobias retorted. "And why should I take anything from someone who is 'like a doctor?'"

Rose rolled her eyes in frustration. "Do whatever you want," she said irritably. She stood and went into the kitchen to cook. "I'm a healer," she explained. "That is the magical equivalent of a doctor."

Tobias let out a little snort.

"That potion will help," Rose continued. "Your son made it." Severus would keep them stocked with various remedies and brews. Every potion she brought for Tobias was one Severus had created. Rose tried not to think of what Severus would say if he learned what his potions were being used for.

"Even more reason for me not to take it," Tobias returned.

"He didn't specifically brew them for you," Rose informed. "And quite frankly, if Severus had truly wanted you dead, you would have been so years ago."

"What does it matter," Tobias said, pulling the cork off the vial. "Can anyone really kill a dying man?"

Rose had a horrible and sudden though to Albus Dumbledore.

Tobias drank the potion in two swallows. The effects were immediate. His shoulders slackened in relief and he sighed.

"Better?" Rose asked with raised brows.

Tobias did not answer but discarder the vial on the ground.

Rose narrowed her eyes at him with irritation. She pointed her wand at the vial, and it flew through the air and neatly rested itself on the kitchen counter near were Rose stood.

"Don't do that in my home," Tobias barked at her.

Rose did not say anything but began pointing her wand around the room. Soon the place was a frenzy of magic. A broom and wash bin appeared out of thin air and began performing a sort of dance around the room. Trash began throwing itself away into black garbage bags that Rose had brought with her. A knife began chopping and cut vegetables began flinging themselves into a simmering pot.

"Stop!" Tobias demanded her. "Stop this now!"

"Why?" Rose said, stepping out from the kitchen. "It's not hurting you. Magic is cleaning your flat and cooking you a meal. I used magic to fix you a nice place to sleep last night. What is your problem anyway? You married a witch! Your son is a wizard!"

"She lied to me!" Tobias bellowed.

"Who lied to you?" Rose pushed.

"Make it stop!" Tobias yelled at Rose.

Rose waved her wand lazily and everything dropped. The room was suddenly eerily still and silent. "Who lied to you?" Rose asked again.

"Eileen," Tobias said with exasperation, his peripherals nervously eyeing the broom that laid lifeless on the floor.

"She didn't tell you she was a witch before you married her?" Rose questioned. Not that that would make any of his behavior forgivable.

"When I met Eileen, I instantly loved her," Tobias told Rose.

That was the last thing she was expecting him to say. "Okay," Rose muttered in surprise.

"She was no beauty," Tobias told Rose, "but she was a quiet, meek sort of girl, who was starving for affection. She was so wanting to please me." Tobias smiled slightly at this portrayal of his idea woman.

Rose grimaced. "You're disgusting."

"And you're unnatural," Tobias returned causally. "Anyway," he continued. "When she became pregnant, she cried when she told me. She apologized over and over again for not being more careful. She thought I would be displeased by the news, but no, I surprised her and forgave her and married her without knowing what she truly was."

"When did she tell you?"

"Right before Severus was born," Tobias said bitterly. "She said she had to because the baby might be like her." He let out a humorless laugh. "I thought I had married a lunatic, with all this talk of magic wands and a magical fairy world." His eyes darkened. "Then she showed me. She turned a lamp into cat and then back again."

"If it disgusted you so much, why didn't you just leave?" Rose questioned coldly. "It would have been better for everyone involved."

"Oh, I threatened to go," Tobias confirmed. "But my little demon begged me to stay."

"Don't call her that," Rose said fiercely. "You shouldn't have listened to her."

"But I did," Tobias said. "I debated it, but I couldn't leave her."

"Why not?" Rose pressed.

"I've already told you. I loved her," Tobias snapped. "And she was carrying my son."

"Your son who turned out to be a wizard," Rose said drily.

"Yes," Tobias said roughly. "Severus was like her."

"And still you stayed," Rose said skeptically.

Tobias didn't reply.

"If you loved your family so much," Rose continued, "why did you treat them so abysmally?"

"I…"

"Did you ever feel any remorse?"

Tobias's pale face turned a sickly gray. "When Eileen would cry and beg me to stop."

Rose felt sick. "And Severus?"

"He was such a defiant child," Tobias told Rose. "He would never listen."

"Did you feel remorse?" Rose demanded.

"He was so tiny and neglected," Tobias said shiftily.

"By you," Rose pressed.

"He was afraid of me," Tobias mumbled.

"Of course, he was afraid of you!" Rose exclaimed. "You terrorized him and his mother."

"He was afraid of me, but then he started pushing back," Tobias said. "He started to make things happen."

Rose stood up a little straighter. "And?"

"And it made me want to punish him even more?" Tobias said.

"You are a revolting excuse for a human being," Rose hissed at him.

"They made me so angry," Tobias said, "all the time."

"Then you should have left," Rose pushed. "Eileen was a witch. She didn't need you."

"She told me she did," Tobias replied. "She told me to never leave her."

Rose felt breathless. Rose thought of the momentary pain she had felt when Severus was trying to push his way into her thoughts to find Tobias. The second Rose said he was hurting her, Severus stopped. No matter how angry she made him, she knew he would never intentionally hurt her. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to live in fear of her husband's rage.

"I didn't want to hurt them," Tobias muttered.

"What?"

"They made me do it," Tobias answered. "They kept making me so angry. They drove me to do it again and again."

Rose closed her eyes. "Wow," she breathed. "What am I doing here?" Her eyes flit open again to survey the man in front of her. "I should let you die alone. You deserve it." She waited for Tobias to object but he remained quiet. He just stared at her. "They didn't deserve how you treated them." Again, Tobias remained silent. "Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"

Tobias dropped his eyes to his lap.

"I thought not," Rose said under her breath. She lifted her wand again and the room was a buzz once more, cleaning and cooking commenced.

Tobias jumped but did not demand Rose stop the magic this time. In moments, a bowl of stew floated towards Tobias and if hovered in his reach along with a spoon. He stared at it wearily.

"It would be rude not to take it," Rose told him.

Tobias lifted his gaze towards Rose and then he grabbed the bowl and spoon out of the air. Rose glared at him as he hesitantly took a bite.

Rose pointed her wand at Tobias. She was going to modify his memory like she had planned to in the first place.

Tobias stared up at her with a broken gaze. "I need you to tell Severus something," he said.

"I don't need to do anything else for you," Rose said angrily.

"I know," Tobias agreed hopelessly.

"What is it?" Rose said with exasperation.

"There was this toy train," Tobias said.

"Okay?" Rose said with confusion.

"It was a cheap thing," he said, "small and made of plastic. Probably bits of it were choking hazards. I bought it for Severus for his first birthday. He loved that bloody train, carried it around with him everywhere. One day, he was sitting on the floor playing with it and he looked at me and held it up like he was asking me to play with him." Tobias then made a face like something putrid was passed under his nose. "Then Severus let go of the train and it was hovering in the air. I snatched it up and threw it against the wall and it broke." Tears glistened in Tobias's eyes. "Severus didn't even cry. He just stared at me, not even a toddler, with so much disappointment in his eyes." He sniffed hard. "He never asked me for anything again." Tobias shook his head several times as if trying to shake off the memory. "He wouldn't remember that. He was too young. But I want him to know that I wish I hadn't broken his toy."

Rose lowered her wand and pitched the bridge of her nose. "Are you just manipulating me, so I won't erase your memories?" Rose asked.

Tobias exhaled sharply. "You don't seem like the type of woman that could be easily manipulated."

"I usually am not," Rose agreed. "But yet here you are doing it to me anyway, making me feel bad for you."

"I'm dying," Tobias told Rose simply. "I don't have the energy to try and manipulate you." Tobias took another mouthful of his stew. His arms shook at the weight of the bowl and most of the content of the spoon fell into his lap.

Rose pressed her lips together and then sat on the edge of the bed. She took the spoon and bowl from Tobias. Without a word she feed him a spoonful. He eyed her with those black eyes. Identical ones had looked at her with such anger and disappointment just last night.

"Does Severus-"

"Can we not talk about Severus anymore?" Rose cut across him. "In fact, let's just not talk at all."

XXX

Late in the afternoon Rose made her way back to Hogsmeade. She went to Hannah's and Neville's home to pick up her children. Neville had returned from Hogwarts without Ephraim, Informing Rose that he was still there with Professor Snape.

Rose's stomach churned. "Alright," Rose said trying to keep her voice casual.

"Rose, is everything okay?" Hannah asked.

"Of course," Rose said, picking up Esme. "We better get going," she said quickly and walking out before Hannah could ask any more questions.

Esme squeezed Rose around the neck and buried her face in her hair. "I love you, mama," she whispered.

Tears pricked in Rose's eyes. "I love you too, baby."

The sun set and Ephraim and Severus still did not return.

Rose had just tucked Esme into bed when the front door opened.

Ephraim came in first. He looked a little stiff and uncomfortable. Rose could only imagine that the walk from the castle with his father might have made him uneasy. Rose opened her arms and Ephraim immediately fell into them, exhausted. "Did you have a good day?" she asked.

"Uh, sure," Ephraim answered, stepping away from his mother and giving her a skeptical look.

Then Severus walked though the door. His face was just a stony as it had been last night, giving nothing away. He did not meet Rose's eyes.

Ephraim could see the change in his mother's demeanor. She seemed to fade as his father walked in the door.

"I'm going to my room," Ephraim announced, and quickly left his parents alone.

"Severus?" Rose said in a timid whisper.

Severus finally looked at her and the expression on his face made Rose want to fuse into the floorboards. Severus did not try to mask his anger now that they were alone. Rose never thought that there would be a time when she would wonder if Severus actually hated her.

"I…" Rose began, not knowing what say.

"Ephraim informed me that you went out today," Severus said in a fierce calm, his tone not matching his face.

"Severus, I-"

"I'm here to see Esme," Severus said quickly, his face turning to indifference towards her. Rose wasn't sure if that was an improvement on the loathing look.

"I just put her in bed," Rose told him. "She's probably still awake. She asked about you."

He gave her a curt nod and stepped towards Esme's room.

"Severus," Rose said quickly.

Severus paused and turned towards her again with raised brows. "What?" he hissed.

"Can we talk please?" Rose pleaded.

"There is nothing I wish to discuss with you," Severus told her in a dead tone. "I've come to see the children. That's all."

"When the children go to sleep?" Rose asked.

"I will be going back to the school," Severus informed her. "I've made arrangements to stay in my old quarters."

Rose's eyes widened. "For how long?"

Severus's lip curled slightly. He did not answer her but turned away and left the room.

Term began and Severus stayed at the school. He would come to the cottage every morning and evening to take Ephraim to and from Hogwarts and to see Esme. He seldom spoke to Rose unless to inquire about the children. Rose was beginning to believe that she would never be forgiven, especially since she continued to commit the offending act.

She quickly ceased her attempts for forgiveness, knowing that they were in vain. When Severus did speak to her, he remained distant but civil for children's sake. Ephraim and Esme were too intelligent, however, to be fooled by such acts, especially when Rose was frequently caught with tears in her eyes.

Ephraim asked Rose almost daily to explain to him what was happening. Rose couldn't bring herself to do it. Ephraim, who shared similar past experiences with Severus, would surely be appalled by Rose's deep betrayal. She wouldn't know what to do if Ephraim was angry with her too. Rose came up with feeble half-truths and by late September Ephraim finally gave up asking.

Rose would continue to visit Tobias daily; she would stay longer and longer the lonelier she became.

Because Severus had moved back into the castle, it was apparent to everyone that their marriage was falling apart. To the dismay of his students, he had become just as cold, angry, and spiteful as he had once been. Everyone just assumed that it was Severus who had done something to disrupt their marriage or that perhaps his beautiful, young wife had decided she was tired of living with a bitter and cynical man.

When Hannah approached Rose on the subject, she assumed the same as everyone, that perhaps Snape had done something. Rose told Hannah that he was not to blame, but to please not ask about it again. For Rose was heartbroken that her husband could not even stand to be in the same room as her, that she had caused so much trouble between them, that she was not Lily.