Pain:

Rose preferred him talking back. This thick silence made her nervous.

It was the third day since waking the professor. At first, Professor Severus Snape had been argumentative and resistant but that faded quickly. He now was irritatingly cooperative, and he spoke in as few words as possible.

Severus was lying flat on his back. He had been awake for hours. He was unbelievably cold under his many blankets. He was fighting against his chattering teeth, trying to be as still as possible so that he would be undisturbed. His neck and chest burned worse than ever this morning. The skin felt taught around the healing bites, searing despite his coldness. He did not want to be moved. He just wanted to be, a silent battle between fire and ice.

Severus peered at the healer through his peripherals. His eyesight was blurred. His mind was blurred.

The healer was an odd sort of woman with unorthodox methods. For the last few days he had not been able to do much but lay there. The healer had said that he was making progress, but Severus did not feel any different. If anything, he felt worse. His body felt like it was made of led. He could now bend his knees and flex his ankles, but it was always a delayed reaction, like the signal from his brain to move got lost somewhere on the way to the lower half of his body.

For the last few days, he had been numb but suddenly today he felt something, pain. He relished it. Pain meant that he was there, meaningful in some way, not so easily swept away. Now he was frozen, with cold and with pain, but he was there.

He kept his wand by his side for all the good it did him. The upper half of his body was practically useless as well. His wand was too heavy to lift off the bed. Yet feeling the slender wood beneath his fingertips at least reminded him that he was a wizard.

The healer was standing at a table over a few vials. Her 'boy' assistant, William stood eagerly beside her, hanging on her every word. She whispered to him, thinking that Severus was still asleep. Moments ago, the healer had knelt beside Severus's bed. She poured out some of the urine that had collected in a bag under the bed from the stiff tube in between Severus's legs. This was something muggle doctors did, not healers. Severus despised the warm plastic catheter secured to the inside of his thigh and the humiliation of watching the healer and the assistant emptying the bag below him, though perhaps not as humiliating as the alternative.

The healer was examining a small test tube of urine. "It's too dark," she said softly. "We need to increase his hydration status." The assistant scribbled notes down as she spoke. To Severus's horror, the healer held the vial briefly to her nose. The assistant flinched and so did Severus unnoticed by either. The healer's face remained passive. She nodded to herself once before adding a few droplets of something into the test tube in her hand. The vial turned a pale blue. The healer smiled in Severus's direction; he kept his eyes tight. "There are no more protein deposits in his urine," the healer explained excitedly. "Muscle tissue isn't being broken down anymore, the injections are working." The healer had been injecting, syrupy liquid into his legs, arms, back and buttock every morning. The medication stung going in like snake's venom.

"Brilliant," the assistant said brightly to the healer. She did not look back at him but continued to smile at Severus. The assistant frowned and began to clean up the workstation.

"We'll increase the frequency of the injections then," the healer said. "I'm thinking three times a day if not four."

Severus did not like being her project. Whatever her agenda was, he had not figured it out yet. He thought about the ring she wore hidden around her neck and what she had said about deatheaters worth saving. Severus thought about her words to him after he had woken up from his nightmare drenched in cold sweat. She had said that she respected him. Could he truly believe that she just wanted to help him? That seemed very unlikely, she didn't even know him. Even if she did, knowing him better did not equate to a desire to save his life, quite the contrary really. She had told him that she wanted to help him see the world he helped to create. Well, Severus had no idea where he would fit into this world. He had played his role out and he had not anticipated a life after Lord Voldemort's defeat.

Perhaps it would have just been kinder to have left him to bleed out, it would have saved him a great deal of humiliation. It had only been three days, but Severus did not know how much more of this he could take. The pain was one thing, but he was mortified. He was useless, weak, a grown man who could not even lift his wand, reduced to being fed and soiling himself like an infant.

The healer continued to move around the room, quietly, preparing various vials of potions and medications for the day. Time seemed to not work properly anymore; her progression around the room seemed to be sped up so it was like she disappeared and reappeared in different spots without apparating. Severus did not know how long he watched her. She rolled up her sleeves and Severus was strangely mesmerized by the movement of her wrist as she waved her wand, her slender fingers poised upon it.

The healer smiled over at Severus.

Her outline was blurred, giving her the appearance of glowing against the dawn light coming through the dirty windows. Severus wasn't used to that, people smiling at him. And the healer was looking at him, utterly pleased to see him. It was at that moment that Severus realized that he was no longer pretending to sleep.

"Good morning," she said brightly, like nothing could make her happier than to be with him in this decrepit shack today.

Severus took in a deep breath, preparing himself for another day of embarrassment and degradation. He noticed as he breathed in, the skin on his throat and chest stretched tighter. He winced and the healer noticed.

"Are you uncomfortable, Professor Snape." She hurried over to him. She touched his hand.

Severus wondered if she knew she was doing it. Every time she came to his bedside, she always grabbed his hand, displaying an odd ownership over his body that Severus was powerless to stop. Every time she did this, he thought about telling her to stop, but he never did.

Any trace of a smile was wiped away. "Oh no," she said, color draining from her face.

"What is it?" the assistant said, rushing over.

The healer pressed her soft hand against Severus's forehead. Severus flinched at her touch. Her flesh felt icy against his. "Professor," the healer groaned, "you're burning up." She reached for the bandage over his throat. Severus unconsciously sunk away from her. "I need to look," she told him, "I will be gentle, I promise."

Rose pulled back the dressing, careful not to touch the wound. She had stitched the wounds up days ago, the bites had become thin white scars. Now the skin was pulled tight, swollen and red.

"Merlin," William moaned.

Rose quickly moved to wash her hands thoroughly, not wanting to infect the area more. She gently brushed her fingertips at the area around one of the bites. The professor grimaced at her touch. "I'm so sorry," Rose whispered to him. The integrity of the external skin was intact but the next few layers of skin were clearly impaired. She peered into the hospital gown at the professor's chest. Her lips formed a fine line.

"This must hurt terribly," Rose said to Professor Snape. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I thought it was supposed to hurt," Severus said weakly.

"Not like this," Rose sighed. "William, help Professor Snape sit up. I need to be able to see all the wounds."

Rose raised her wand and various vials, medications, and supplies came zooming forward.

The assistant pointed his wand at the hospital bed and the head of the bed quickly cranked itself up. Severus felt the blood rushing from his head and the shift in gravity settled heavy in his stomach.

Rose whipped around. "William," she snapped, moving to the bedside again. "Be careful with him." Rose recognized the graying expression on the professor's face and had a basin underneath his chin before he even began to gag.

Severus retched into the basin the healer was holding. The convulsion caused so much pain in his neck and chest he had to fight to stay conscious. Instinctively he grabbed hold of the healer's delicate wrist.

Rose handed the full basin to William without a glance at him.

"You're okay," Rose soothed. She brought a cloth to his mouth and dabbed gently at the corners. "Your wounds are infected. If it's just the wounds, we can fix that easily. But I need to make sure the infection isn't circulating in your body. I'm going to need to draw some of your blood."

Professor Snape's face went stony. After starting healing, Rose quickly learned that witches and wizards were weird about their blood. There were a lot of unpleasant types of blood magic. Plus, it used to be widely thought that a wizard's blood carried the source of his magic."

"I just want to look at it for a second," Rose explained. "I just need to check for traces of blood infection."

Severus looked deep into the healer's wide eyes. He could tell that she desperately wanted him to trust her. His trust was not easily won.

"Not with him here," Severus said roughly.

William opened his mouth to protest.

"Okay," Rose agreed at once. "William, come back tonight."

The assistant gave Rose a hurt look, scandalized that she would not push for his presence. He hesitated to leave.

"I've got it," Rose dismissed.

Then with one last wounded glance at Rose, William disapparated.

She drew a small amount of blood out of a vein in his forearm and quickly healed the spot with her wand. "You know," she said as she examined the tube of red liquid, "the no mag do this all the time in medical practice. The first time I suggested this be done on a wizard, it was like I suggested I draw the blood with my teeth." She made a large droplet of blood float in front of her face. "The no mag don't do this, however." The healer whispered a spell under her breath. It was something Severus had never heard before. She must have created it. The droplet of blood swelled and shrunk several times like it had a heartbeat. Then it dissolved into the atmosphere. She smiled at Severus. "The infection is just localized." She looked extremely relieved. Severus did not know much about healing, but he did know that blood infections were just as dangerous as blood curses. The healer incinerated the remaining blood in front of Severus.

"I'm going to need to sit you up with magic so that I can reach the wounds in the back, okay?" Rose said.

Severus just stared at her. She was going to do what she wanted anyway.

"Okay," Rose said after he didn't answer her.

The healer pointed her wand at him; his body gently swung around so that his legs were dangling off the bed. He could not hold himself up right, but it was like invisible hands were supporting his upper body, keeping him from falling backwards. Now out from under the covers, Severus's body began to shake with cold.

"You poor thing," the healer said. "That'll be due to the infection." She quickly covered his bare legs with a blanket. "You'll feel better soon, Professor."

Severus hated his body acting outside his control. He hated being pitied. He hated the healer for putting him through this.

The healer smiled at him kindly as she worked. First, she carefully pulled back his hair with a band she had on her wrist. Though she was being gentle, every slight tug of hair sent sharp pain from his head down to the stiff skin around his wounds. She untied the back of his hospital gown and peeled the fabric off his body, exposing his pale chest and shoulders. Severus's body continued to shiver.

A healer offered Severus some potions. He parted his lips and allowed her to tip them down his throat without question. He had learned by now that she was at least not trying to poison him. The relief was immediate. Not only did the pain easy but he felt warmer.

"That's better isn't it?" the healer asked him.

Severus said nothing.

The healer frowned. "Professor, the wounds are all closed. I need to inject potion into the infected areas," she said hesitantly. "I'm afraid that it will be rather uncomfortable. But it will get rid of the infection quickly before it can spread systematically."

Still Severus said nothing.

"Okay," the healer said, raising her wand. A tray came zooming towards them and levitated at arm's reach of the healer. The tray held a vial of purple potion and a bowl of white paste. Needles and syringes flew forward as well. In turn, the syringes dipped themselves in the vial and filled themselves with purple potion.

Severus eyes the needles wearily.

"I have to use different needles for each injection because I don't want to spread the infection," the healer explained. There were about two dozen needles. "I'm going to rub some of this paste over the areas. It will keep the skin clean and numb it slightly."

The actual application of the paste was an unpleasant experience; any type of pressure on the infected bites was agony.

Rose could tell that Professor Snape was in pain by the way he clenched his teeth and the tension of his muscles beneath her fingertips. However, he was still and stoic. This was a man who had experience with pain and hiding it. Rose picked up the first injection. She tried to guess which spot would be the least painful to start. She picked a spot on his shoulder.

The professor took in a sharp breath.

"Are you alright?" Rose asked, as she set down the empty syringe.

The injection had felt thick as it was slowly pushed into his flesh. The potion seemed to expand under his skin, making the spot feel like it might pop. Severus clenched his eyes shut in agony.

"Professor?" Rose asked nervously.

"Just get on with it," he hissed at her.

So, it continued slowly, painfully, relentlessly.

The last portion of injections were over Professor Snape's throat and around his carotid arteries. She anticipated that these spots would be worst for him. She started with the throat.

Instinctively the professor jumped, and his eyes flew open.

"I'm so sorry," Rose cried. "Just two more." She hated this. She saw the type of pain this man was able to endure; if he was reacting to this, then it must be extremely painful. Rose reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Almost done," she said to herself as well as to him.

Severus's hand was limp inside hers but as she pushed in the two final injections, his fingers wrapped around hers.

The tray flew away from them. And the healer brought a warm damp cloth to his face. Severus tasted salt on his lips. Had he been crying?

The healer took up his other hand, kneeling slightly so that she was looking up at him. Severus forgot he was holding on to her. He loosened his grip on her hand but did not let go. He was fighting to stay conscious. His hold on her was keeping him anchored to the here and now.

"You did so well," Rose whispered up at him.

The healer was coming in and out of focus. Her outline was still blurred, giving that impression that she was shimmering. She was extraordinarily beautiful, and she was holding on to him and looking up at him with her large brown eyes. Why was she being so kind to him?

The pain started to subside.

"The potion is absorbing the infection," The healer… Rose, told him. "In a few minutes it will start to feel better." She sighed deeply. "I'm so sorry. I don't want you to be in pain anymore."

His whole life people kept putting him through more and more pain, whether intentionally or unintentionally, seeing how much he could endure, continuing to ask more of him, pushing and pushing the limits.

Severus remembered as a child, his mother telling him that it's not that bad and that he was strong. But never had she told him that she didn't want him to be in pain anymore, but continuously left him in situations where he could be hurt.

Then Dumbledore would ask and ask things of him, difficult, horrible things. Severus 'had' pledged that he would do anything. He knew he deserved what he got. Yet never had Dumbledore expressed a wish that Severus should not be in pain.

She straightened up and let go of him. Severus's hands felt oddly empty. She put a strong-smelling green ointment over his wounds and wrapped everything up in clean bandages.

It had only been Lily who had wanted Severus to be happy. He remembered the summer after they had come back from their first year at Hogwarts, Lily had met Severus by the river. He had had an especially bad run in with his father. Lily began to cry when she saw Severus's bruised and bloodied up face. Severus had thought that she had never been so beautiful than in that moment. She hugged him so tightly and swore that she would do anything to protect him. She suggested that they run away together. Severus told her that they couldn't do that, they were only twelve and couldn't do magic outside Hogwarts. He told her that it wasn't as bad as it looked. The fact that she cared so much for him and wanted to protect him when no one else did made all the difference.

Rose helped Severus lay back down in bed and tucked the covers around him. Severus felt exhausted now, even though he had just woken up.

Rose pulled up a chair beside the bed and took up his hand again. She watched his face carefully to make sure that this was not unwelcome.

Severus's eyes flit from their clasped hands to the healer's…Rose's face.

Rose gently stroked her thumb over his knuckles. "Do you feel comfortable?" she asked in a soft voice.

"Yes," he said back. His eyes were becoming very heavy now.

"Good," Rose told him. "You rest then."

Severus waited for her to let go of his hand, but she didn't. He couldn't say that it was unpleasant to have her there, but it was strange and slightly unnerving. What did she possibly mean by it? Severus could not dwell on it too long however because he quickly fell asleep.

Then hours later when he woke again, the healer…Rose was asleep, her head resting on the bed at Severus's side; her hand still in his. A bit of her long brown hair spilled into his lap. She breathed lightly against him. She was very still but her brows knit together, like she was dreaming something dark or sad. This type of behavior was surely not usual or appropriate between a healer and a patient. It was then that Severus wondered if she held onto him for comfort just as much as she was trying to comfort him. He watched her transfixed, wondering what darkened her thoughts, wondering who she had lost.

XXX

DEAR READERS,

Thank you for reading and please review. Are there any other one-shots that you would like me to write?

Sincerely,

Thora Jane