I barely got a tease of his lips before he sprang up from the bed, heading nervously toward the door. What the hell? We were having a pretty significant moment there! What was wrong?
"Oh shit! Why did I do that? Why the hell did I do that?" He repeated to himself, as he began pacing back and forth.
"You understand how someone might take offense to that after being kissed, right?" I asked. "What's the problem? I thought I was gorgeous."
I thought trying to take the mood to a lighthearted level would get him to calm down some, but it didn't. He just stopped, staring at me with reddened cheeks from blush and arousal, and wide, concerned eyes, "You are! That's not the problem."
"So what is?" I asked.
"You just had two major seizures, Jeff! That's the problem! Your mind is probably only working, at best, fifty percent of normal right now. What I just did is the equivalent of a guy giving a girl a bunch of beer at a party so he could feel her up. That's what the problem is. That's not okay! You don't fully know what you're doing right now... Oh my god, I just took total advantage of you!" He yelled, freaking out, resuming his tread in the floor. "God, I'm such an idiot!"
I got up, giggling slightly. Was he seriously feeling this guilty over that little 'not even a kiss' kiss? I went over to him, grabbing him firmly by the shoulders to stop him. Well, as well was my one hand could grab through the wrist brace. I looked him deeply in the eye, and said, "Hey, you weren't doing anything I haven't wanted you to do since the first time I saw you." He searched my eyes for any hint, any semblance of truth in what I had said. I wasn't lying and I think he knew I wasn't lying, but he was still too afraid that he was taking advantage of me in an impaired state.
I appreciated the white knight routine and all, but this was nuts! If he was going to feel guilty, it shouldn't be because of just that. That was barely a kiss... a ghost of a kiss!
"Well, if you're going to be beating yourself up over something, I'm not going to let it be over that." I said, as I grabbed the back of his head and smashed his lips to mine, making sure I actually felt them this time. I'd only been dreaming about them, off and on, for twenty years or so. But I got to say, they lived up to fantasy.
He was stiff at first, not sure whether he should proceed, but soon gave in. I turned my head, deepening it almost immediately after. I had one hand wrapped in his golden locks and the other injured hand on the small of his back, drawing mindless patterns on his skin that made him quiver in delight. His hands had trailed up the back of my shirt, and I was finding that my ribs seemed to be a new favorite place of his. It was then I felt his tongue asking for enterance and I granted it eagerly. I definitely was feeling that chunk out of my tongue right now, but I didn't care. This was too good for a little pain to ruin it.
I wanted to take this farther. To see if this new spark would catch fire. But I knew there probably was something in Adam's insanely over-careful thinking that was probably right in all this. I was still pretty spaced out and maybe right now wasn't the best time for decision making. But that was just it... I knew I wanted to continue down this road. I just knew I hadn't really done the cautious route in a relationship before. I handled every relationship like I did everything else. I went in full-force, balls to the wall, two hundred percent. Now that I was going to have to take things a bit more on the reserved route in my everyday life, maybe I should take things slower here.
So, I broke the kiss, placing soft ones on his jaw and shoulder, before placing my head down there. This was beginning to become my new favorite place. Just here in his arms.
"Why'd you do that, Jeff?" He asked, almost breathlessly, pulling back to look into my eyes. It didn't look like I had made a mistake. So why was he asking? Was I reading this wrong?
"Because, you said it yourself... I go for it. You don't have the balls to."
"And I'm glad you did." He said, giving me a sigh of relief. "Just... I wasn't expecting that. And I was definitely expecting a little more out of myself than 'Oh, here's your room. Let's make out in it!'. I don't even know what your favorite song is anymore and I'm sticking my tongue down your throat. We haven't even got to talk and catch up yet really."
"And we have time for that." I said, "But you can't deny, Adam, from the moment you walked into that hospital room, there was this new spark between us we'd both never felt before. Magnetic. Intense. I mean, I've always been attracted to you, but it's never felt like this. And I want to find out what this is."
"I do too." He said, smiling. "And, yeah, I won't deny I have felt that spark. It did hit me the second I opened that door and saw you... But, we can't take this too fast, though. Not with all you're dealing with right now."
"I was just thinking the same, actually." I said, putting my head back on his shoulder with a content sigh. "God, I'm so glad I came here already."
He ran his fingers through my hair, and replied, "I am too... Now, c'mon, babe. We'll start figuring out everything tomorrow. You need to rest."
"I have one more thing to ask, if it's not too much..." he nodded, as I looked back up into his eyes, "Will you... will you stay here with me tonight? I'm still kind of scared about all this. I don't want to have a seizure in my sleep and be alone. You know, as much as I say I want to be alone right now, I don't... I need you. Please?"
He placed a strand of hair behind my ear, smiling widely, as he said, "Sure. Anything you want." He kissed me, softly, before taking ahold of my wrist, the one without a brace, and leading me to the bed.
We curled up next to eachother, my head on his chest and I was instantly content. And although my body taking a beating today had a factor in it, I'm sure, sleep had never come as easy as it did then.
The next morning, Adam was still asleep next to me. He looked so content, I didn't want to disturb him. So I tried to get up as quietly as I could and sneak to the bathroom to do my normal morning routine. If only that were possible...
My muscles were on fire. Everything ached and felt weak. Man, I thought it was bad yesterday. And my head! Oh my god! It was pounding like Triple H had just hit me with a sledgehammer. My lip was slightly swollen today from where I'd bit it. My tongue ached like crazy. My leg almost gave out on me and I had to catch myself on the nightstand. Well, as good as I could one handed so I didn't injure my sprained wrist any more than it was. I looked back, worried I had woke Adam up, but he just snored and rolled over to his side, drifting back off to sleep. Man, I was lucky.
I felt like doing something nice for Adam to make up for all of this, so I decided to let him rest and go make breakfast. I went down the stairs to the kitchen, finding Ren at the table. She had already made coffee, which I was grateful for. Hopefully, it could help my headache.
I poured myself a cup and sat down across from her. I figured now was a good time as any to start to get to know her. After our good mornings and normal pleasantries, I had asked her what Adam's favorite breakfast was and started making it. Once I got into the swing of things cooking, I got down to what I'd wanted to ask.
"So, what did you want to do before you had your first seizure? Like, what was your life plan?"
She thought about it and smiled at the memory, "Actually, I wanted to be a pro wrestler when I was a teenager. When Adam and Jay started, I was about thirteenth, and that was my goal since then, to join them. But then I had my first one on my eighteenth birthday..."
"Your birthday?" I asked, shocked at the horrible luck.
"Yeah, but that's a whole 'nother story... After that, I wanted to be a parody writer, like the female Weird Al or something. I thought if I couldn't make people happy wrestling, I could with music. I love making people laugh." She answered.
"Well, what happened to that?" I asked.
"Falling out with my best friend, she was my writing partner. After she left, I was by myself. No other friends to fall back on and I didn't have it on my own." She said, "Besides, after my first seizure, I fell hard into drugs. Nothing too major- mostly ecstasy, some coke, whatever hallucinogenic I could get my hands on. And lots of drinking. From that and all the vomiting in the mornings, I basically destroyed my throat and my sinuses. Sucks, because I had a beautiful voice at one point."
"She really did." I heard a voice behind me say, before feeling his arms around my waist, "It's not bad now. I mean, she can still beat most of those American Idol chicks, but it's not like it used to be... Mmmm, morning, babe." He added, his face now in my neck, planting kisses.
"Oh, you lucky bastard!" She exclaimed toward Adam, to which we both laughed and separated. "Man, you get all the ones I used to have a crush on. What's up with that?" Okay, awkward. I'll just ignore that. I did have to cook, anyway.
"Oh, geez. Sorry, Ren." He said, sarcastically. "Anyway, I thought you and Jay were...?"
Her eyes got huge and she stayed quiet for a minute, before a whisper could barely be heard from her direction. "Oh, shit. You know about that?" She asked.
"Please, you know he can't hide shit from me! He told me last time he was here and we drank that Jager. Oh, not to mention, I heard y'all in the pool house." He replied, as he saw the contents of the frying pans, and his face lit up. "Ooh, pancakes and bacon! You're the best, babe." He said, kissing my cheek, and then going and pouring himself some coffee.
I was just about finished with breakfast before I started asking Ren questions again. I figured I should find out as much as I could. And Adam told me she wouldn't mind.
"So, when was your last seizure?" I asked her.
"At the convenience store down the street this morning." She answered.
"What the fuck? You know you're not supposed to leave without at least telling me! What happened? Are you okay?" Adam yelled, obviously upset.
"It's alright, Addy. I'm okay. Those new pills are working. This was just an absent one, anyway."
"Absent? Grand maal? Petit? How many different kinds are there?" I asked,
"A few. Those are the three most common types though." She said, "Well, today, I got stuck at the ATM and didn't know how to use it. Smacking my lips, talking gibberish... same old, same old. Luckily those guys know me and know not to call 911 or anything. Although most people thought I was a crazy lady and kept trying... But hey, at least I didn't piss myself in white shorts! Your pros and cons, I guess... Then I wandered around the store for about twenty minutes before I could remember my PIN and what I went there for. Fuck, I'm lucky I must have really needed a cigarette, though, otherwise I would have just left. And that could have been a hundred times worse."
I have to admit, when Adam said her stories might 'scare' me, I didn't think he actually meant 'terrify the living shit out of'. What if that happened to me? No offense to her, but it's not like anyone knows Ren... not like people know me. If people saw me that vulnerable in public somewhere, saw me at an ATM zoned out like that, I could be totally screwed.
"Why didn't you come get me before you left?" Adam asked.
"I tried! Why weren't you in your room, huh?" She retorted.
"Ooh, busted!" I said, laughing slightly at the situation.
"Hey, I don't have to answer to you!" He exclaimed to her.
"Well, aren't you asking me to answer to you? How's that fair?" She replied.
They kind of argued like me and Matt. It made me miss home a little bit. I missed morning cups of coffee with Shane, waiting for Matt and Shannon to come down bitching about their hangovers. I missed sitting on the porch with my dad, talking about life. I missed it all, but... I really liked what was starting here and how comfortable I already was. And maybe those wonderful memories I missed about home were about to be replaced by something so much better here. Who knew? I just know I wanted to find out.