Chapter 2
Monday, 1 July 1996
Potter House, Pottershire
"Look's like you've got plenty of family now," Katie said to Harry as they stood in the parlour of Potter House. They had arrived home to find Dobby's job done, and the family portraits occupying places of honour in the home.
"I guess so," Harry said, looking around. "'Lo," he addressed the portraits, waving lamely. "I'm Lord Harry Potter. I was born 31 July 1980. Today is 1 July 1996, and you're at my home. I just finished my fifth year at Hogwarts, in Gryffindor. I'm an emancipated minor. This is my girlfriend, Katie Bell, and that's Lord Sirius Black." He gestured to where Sirius was standing, next to a side table. He was guarding a golden goblet he'd removed from his vault. Harry could feel the evil emanating from it. He shook his head to clear it. "I already know Lady Winifred," Harry continued. "Can I ask who the rest of you lot are?"
"I am Lord Fleamont Potter," the most recent portrait said. He looked about sixty or so, with greying hair and sharp blue eyes, dressed in a muggle military uniform with several medals. "I'm your grandfather. This is my wife, Euphemia. You may call us Flea and Mia, if you wish." Euphemia was likewise dressed in a muggle gown, rather than robes, her greying brown hair was worn in a fancy updo, and she had on long black gloves that matched her dress.
"I am Lord Henry Potter," an older portrait introduced himself. "You have already met my wife, Winifred. Flea is my eldest son. My other son is Charlus," he indicated a smaller portrait. "With him is his wife, Dorea." Henry appeared to be in his late thirties or early forties, as did Winifred. They were dressed in black wizarding robes, as were the rest of the portraits.
"Why're your portraits smaller?" Harry asked Charlus and Dorea, who looked to be in their thirties.
"We weren't heads of the family," Charlus replied. "The large portraits were done on the person's accession to the headship. Before that, there were usually smaller portraits done once the person reached adulthood for children of the lords."
Harry was then introduced to the other Potters, of which there were many, dating back to Lord Ralston Potter, whose 1612 dated portrait was one of the first magical portraits ever made. There were several sets of portraits representing those who hadn't been heads of house.
"As fascinating as this is, Harry," Sirius interrupted when every portrait had been introduced, "I'd very much like to dispose of this as soon as possible." He gestured to the cup. "It's… creepy."
"Agreed," Harry said. "But how."
"That Unspeakable implied Dobby might be able to help," Katie pointed out.
"Dobby!" Harry called. The excitable elf popped in immediately.
"How can Dobby help, Harry?" he said.
"Dobby, we spoke to an Unspeakable today in the Department of Mysteries," Harry explained. "He said you might be able to help us with that." He pointed to the cup by Sirius.
"That be's Hufflepuff's Cup," Dobby gasped. "Or nears 'nough anyway." He walked up to it, but pulled back as he was reaching for it. "It be's corrupted."
"That's right," Harry said. "It's a horcrux." The portraits gasped and murmured amongst themselves.
"It be's snake-face's horcrux!" Dobby realized.
"How did you know that?" Katie asked, confused.
"Dobby is feeling the soul, Miss Katie," Dobby replied, staring intently at the cup. "I be's familiar with it because of Harry." He pointed at Harry's scar. "There be's four more bits that's not be here."
"You can sense that?" Harry was shocked. "Is that some sort of house elf magic?"
"Elves must be knowing where their masters be," Dobby said reasonable. "We be tracking souls to find them and answer they's call. Elves look for masters, but can find others. It be's why Winky can serve Miss Katie, because you's allowed it and Winky be finding Miss Katie's soul when called."
"So, you know where these other horcruxes are?" Sirius asked.
"Yes," Dobby said excitedly. "One is being at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Another is being at Hoggywarty. A third is being under a shack. The last bit be's snakey-face himself."
"Can you bring them to me?" Harry asked. "Except for Voldemort." He figured he should clarify that he didn't want Dobby to bring Voldemort to his home.
"Dobby doesn't like the feel of them, but Dobby will," the elf agreed seriously. Then he popped away.
"Great," Harry said. "That clears up a bit of the mess. Now we just have to figure out how to destroy them."
"Except for you," Katie clarified. "No destroying my boyfriend."
"Right," Harry grinned.
"You did in the diary with a basilisk fang," Sirius reminded him. "I know you got that harvested. Did you keep any fangs behind?"
"No," Harry sighed. "I did that before I knew about these bloody things."
"How about fiendfyre?" Katie asked.
"I don't know if Harry could control it," Sirius advised. "It would be very dangerous."
"It might be worth it," Harry countered. "Let's call that one Option B."
"What about the fang actually killed it?" Katie wondered.
"The venom inside," Sirius replied after a moment's thought.
"So, we just need something with venom," Katie refined. "Not a fang specifically." She paced back and forth in front of the window for a few moments. "You killed the Basilisk, Harry," she said finally, looking up at him hopefully.
"Yeah?" Harry asked. "But it chased me around a bunch first, and I got lucky. If Fawkes hadn't shown up…"
"He brought you the Sorting Hat," Katie remembered. "With the Sword of Gryffindor inside."
"And then he cried into my wound to save my life," Harry finished.
"We're missing something," Sirius said pensively. "The only venom was in the fangs and your arm?"
"Well, and the floor," Harry shrugged. "But I think that got cleaned up."
"Why was there venom on the floor?" Sirius asked, confused.
"Dunno," Harry said. "I guess I nicked a venom sack when it impaled itself on the sword."
"So, the sword came into contact with the venom?" Sirius asked quickly. Harry shrugged.
"I guess so?" He wasn't really sure.
"It's worth a shot," Sirius said. "If the sword's been imbued with the venom, it might work."
"It's also a powerful magical artifact in its own right," Katie reminded them. They looked at her incredulously. "What? I read."
"Now we just need to get it," Sirius said after grinning and shaking his head at Katie. "Any ideas?"
"We could ask Dumbledore, much as I hate to," Harry sighed.
"When you pulled it out of the hat, was it in there the whole time?" Katie asked.
"I don't think so," Harry said after thinking about it.
"Summon it," Sirius instructed.
"How?" Harry asked, confused. "I've never summoned something without knowing where it was before."
"Yes, you did," Sirius countered. "You summoned the sword, and you didn't even know you were doing it. Just reach down into your magic, picture the sword in your mind and summon it."
Harry did just that. In the middle of the parlour, he closed his eyes, and focused on the sword. He tried to remember how it felt, the weight of it. He raised his hand over his head, reached inside him, found his magic, and called.
The sudden weight and feel of the hilt in his hand told him he'd succeeded. Harry opened his eyes and looked up. The sword gleamed. He smiled.
"That was easy," Harry said, lowering the sword to his side.
"Be careful with it," Sirius cautioned. Harry moved the sword away from his leg.
"So, how do we do this?" Harry asked.
Right as Sirius was about to answer, Dobby reappeared clutching what appeared to be a crown in one hand and a necklace in the other. He quickly dropped them to the floor.
"Dobby could not get the last one," he practically wailed. "Dobby tried, but it be under too much magic."
"It's OK, Dobby," Harry consoled him. "You know where it is, though?" Dobby nodded. "Where is it?"
"Near to a town called Little Hangleton," Dobby informed them. "In the north. There be's a shack in the woods with many enchantments on it. Dobby tried, Harry…"
"Then you've done enough." He consoled the elf, then turned to Sirius. "We can figure out how to get that last one later. Let's get rid of these now."
"Best do it outside," Sirius reasoned. "Don't want to muck up your house."
So, Harry, Katie, and Sirius each picked up a horcrux and took them out to the front drive. When he touched the locket, he could feel the evil inside. He could feel it calling to him, telling him to protect it, and it would help him. Once outside, Harry dropped it carelessly onto the macadam.
"Which one first?" Harry asked, hefting the sword.
"Doesn't matter, does it?" Katie reasoned. Harry shrugged, lined up on the tiara, raised the sword over his head, and brought it down quickly onto the crown. It vibrated, as though anticipating its fate. The sword cleaved it neatly in two, and a keening wail could be heard. Dark grey vapour rose from the remains as an oily black ichor flooded over the pavement.
"I think that's done," Harry said as Katie reached down to pick up the two halves of the diadem.
"The evil feel is gone," Katie confirmed. "It just feels like metal."
Harry nodded, and lined up on the locket. He raised the sword over his head and again, quickly brought it down. The sword clanged off the locket, which remained intact.
"What…" Harry murmured.
"Some sort of external protection," Sirius said, picking up the locket. He looked at it, fidgeting with the various corners and edges. "Doesn't seem to want to open."
"Do the cup next," Katie suggested. "Maybe it'll be easier."
Without a word, Harry moved on, raising the Sword of Gryffindor over his head and bringing it down on the rim of the cup. Another cry emanated from the cup as the grey vapour and black ichor made another appearance. Harry thought he saw a shadow rising from the vapour and flying off, but it might've been a trick of the light.
"Try it again," Sirius recommended, placing the locket back on the ground. Harry swung at it a second time with the same results: he hit it squarely, but the locket remained intact.
"What's different about this one?" Harry asked, picking up the locket.
"It has to be opened, maybe?" Katie suggested, looking at it in Harry's hand. "I mean, you can't really open a tiara or a cup, but that locket looks like it opens."
"It won't open," Sirius informed them as Harry tried anyway.
"Let's think about this rationally," Katie tried. "We know this is Voldemort's horcrux." Harry nodded. "What do we know about Voldemort?"
"He apparently made seven of these things," Harry said.
"No," Katie corrected. "I mean, what do we know about Voldemort, the man? There might be a clue there."
"I know he's a half-blood," Harry began. "He was a Slytherin in the late '30's and early '40's, Head Boy… He used the basilisk to kill Myrtle Warren. He framed Hagrid for the Chamber of Secrets… Runs the Death Eaters. He killed my parents. Really that's all I know."
"Tell me about the Chamber," Sirius said. "I know you and Katie went down there recently."
"It's in a girl's loo," Harry said. "There's a hole under a sink you have to jump in to get there."
"A hole under a sink?" Sirius asked, non-plussed. "That seems… rather poorly hidden, not to mention mundane."
"Well, the sink's sitting over the hole," Harry allowed. "You have to use Parseltongue…" He stopped. "I wonder…" He snatched up the locket and looked at it. "Worth a try," he said. The 'S' on the front was made of tiny emeralds and even looked like a snake. Harry switched to Parseltongue. "Open," he hissed. Harry nearly dropped the jewellery when the lid popped open. Inside, the two picture windows had been replaced by red eyes that looked angrily back at him.
"Christ!" Harry jerked in surprise, nearly dropping the locket. Instead, he placed it carefully on the ground, and struck again with the sword. This time, the glass shattered, and a mournful moan escaped the locket. Harry saw the red eyes rise inside the dark grey smoke, and the black ichor bubbled before everything became inert.
The three of them stood there in the front garden, staring in silence at the former horcruxes until Sirius bent down and picked them up, careful to avoid the rapidly congealing tar-like substance that had issued from them. He dropped the locket and the halves of the diadem into the split bowl of the cup.
"I'll take these to Amelia," he said. "She'll want to know."
"There's one left," Harry reminded him.
"In a place called Little Hangleton," Sirius added. "I remember. I'll let her know that, too."
"Now what?" Harry asked after Sirius disappeared into the house.
"Now we clean up your drive and start enjoying summer," Katie said, brandishing her wand. Harry looked at the sword in his hand as she cast, "Evanesco!"
-oooo-
Harry was back on the Hogwarts Express. It was stopped, as usual. Around him, Katie, Hermione, Justin, Neville, and Hannah seemed unconcerned about the Death Eaters and Dementors just outside.
"Dobby!" he shouted. Harry waited, but there was no pop of elf travel, no excitable house elf. In a panic, Harry rushed into the corridor, just in time to see Lucius Malfoy pointing his wand at him. Harry knew it was Malfoy because he didn't have a mask on. Blood and gore dripped from a massive hole where Lucius' chest should've been. That wasn't right. How was he alive?
"Well, well," Malfoy crowed, voice dripping with faux propriety. "Mr. Potter… It's about time you got what was coming to you!" Malfoy raised his wand, and with a flourish, shouted, "Avada Kedavra!"
Harry was paralyzed with fear. Suddenly a door opened, and Ron stepped into the corridor, right in front of the sickly green curse.
"Hey, Harry…" was all he got out. Then the curse struck. Harry watched in horror as the light left his eyes.
"It's of no matter," Malfoy said offhandedly as the youngest Weasley boy toppled over. "The Wizarding World must be cleansed of blood traitors as well." He whipped his wand again. "Avada Kedavra!"
Again, the ugly, horrible green spell raced towards him. Again, he found his feet unwilling to move. All he had to do was step out of the way, but that proved impossible. The spell raced closer, and Harry could only scream in impotent rage.
"Aaaaagggghhhh!" he shouted, shooting up in bed. It was dark. Harry's heart was pounding, his chest heaving. He was covered in sweat. "Fuck," he swore. Harry had had the same dream… no, nightmare, every night since the attack on the train. It started out with him unable to get help, and no one else seeming to care. The person who died changed – Harry had watched Katie, Hermione, Neville, and now Ron die – but the substance… the horror was the same.
Needing to calm down, Harry threw back the covers and stood. He was fortunate that he was the only one there. Katie was at her parents' home in Middleborough. This way, he rationalized, he didn't scare anyone else.
He checked the time with a tempus spell. It was past four in the morning. Walking over to the window, he pushed back the curtain and peered out over the French garden that stretched away from the back of the house. The sky was already beginning to lighten. There was no way he'd be getting back to sleep.
Resigned to it, Harry decided he might as well get the day started. He showered, cleaned his teeth, and dressed before heading downstairs. As he walked through the house, Harry reflected how empty it was during the holidays. When school was in session, other people lived there, though Harry wasn't sure who'd be living there now that the twins and their girlfriends had graduated. He reckoned he could expect Katie at the least, and probably Leanne. Ginny and her new boyfriend, Dean Thomas, would probably take a room, too, as would Jimmy Peakes and Demelza Robbins. Harry wondered if any of the as yet unknown new members of the Gryffindor quidditch team would take up residence.
As Harry descended the stairs, he wished Katie were there. Truth was, the house was lonely, and he didn't much care for it. That's when he remembered the portrait. They seemed friendly enough, if a bit stuffy, and he figured that at least they could tell him a bit about his family. He wandered into the parlour.
"It's a bit early, isn't it?" his grandmother's portrait asked quietly. Most of the other portraits were still sleeping, but Mia and Flea had been chatting quietly.
"Couldn't sleep," Harry replied. "Nightmare. Thought I'd come by and say hello."
"What sort of nightmare?" Flea asked. Harry shrugged.
"We had a bit of a fight the other day with some Death Eaters," Harry related. "They stopped the Hogwarts Express. Everyone got away before they could attack, but I stayed behind to wait for the Aurors. I ended up having to kill three of them before the Aurors arrived. In my nightmare, my friends don't get away, and I can't stop the Death Eaters."
"Sounds like battle fatigue," Flea nodded. "I had that, too. Why don't you sit down, and I'll tell you a story." Harry nodded, and sat. "You may notice that I'm wearing a British Army uniform." Again, Harry nodded. "Back in the late thirties and early forties, there were two great threats to Britain: one was Grindelwald, and the other was Hitler. Two sides of the same coin, really, though one was magical and the other wasn't.
"Well, Hitler had the good grace to come along first," Flea continued. "I was a strapping young man…"
"Can you call thirty-one young?" Mia snorted.
"Quiet, woman," Flea grinned back. "Fine, I was thirty-one in 1939, when Hitler invaded Poland and set off the Second World War in Europe. Grindelwald was still slinking about somewhere, and I wanted to do my part for King and Country. Dad had done quite a bit of business in the muggle world, and when I was younger, I remember watching the lads go off to the Great War. I figured it was my turn.
"Dad got me some faked papers, and I was commissioned as a second lieutenant in the 5th Battalion, the Gloucestershire Regiment," Flea said. "I did some training and went over to France in the spring of 1940. I'd only been there a few weeks when Jerry attacked. We defended town after town, always falling back. At one point, we were surrounded, but we managed to escape in the night. Eventually, we made our way back to Dunkirk. I was evacuated on a little boat.
"While the fighting tends to blend together, I remember the boat vividly," Flea recalled. "It was a yacht, the Sundowner, owned by a bloke named Lightoller, who'd been an officer on the Titanic, if you can believe it. There were well over a hundred of us Tommies aboard. I was crammed onto the deck, and we made for Ramsgate, swerving across the Channel like a drunken prostitute…"
"Flea!" Mia protested. Flea only chuckled.
"After that, I got transferred over to the 2nd Battalion, which they were rebuilding," Flea informed him. "It had been captured in France, and the new blokes needed officers, so I got promoted to lieutenant. We did a fair bit of training, and waiting for Jerry to come 'cross the Channel, but he never did. Then the Yanks arrived, and we started preparing for D-Day."
"You were in D-Day?" Harry asked, amazed. He'd definitely heard of that.
"Oh, yes," Flea said. "I was a brand-new captain on D-Day, landed in the second wave at Gold Beach. We did quite a bit of fighting, but this isn't really about all that. While we were rebuilding the 2nd Gloucesters, a private was assigned to the regiment. His surname stuck out to me: Malfoy."
"A Malfoy fought in the British Army?" Harry goggled, unable to comprehend such a blood bigot fighting for muggles.
"I sought the young man out," Flea related. "Walter Malfoy was his name. I asked him if he'd gone to a special boarding school in Scotland. He replied that he hadn't, but his parents and his brother had. Turns out, Malfoy was a squib, who'd been disowned by his family when he turned eleven and failed to get a Hogwarts letter. He'd gone to an orphanage in Gloucester, and gone to school. He'd even married, and had a baby girl at home, Alice. His wife was also a squib, and together, they had enough magic in them that Alice was a witch.
"I immediately had him transferred into my company and made him my batman," Flea said wistfully. "That's like an assistant for an officer. Anyway, Walter was by my side every step of the way for almost four years in training, and then in France. It came to September, and we'd invested Le Havre, which had a German garrison. You may not know this, but Le Havre also has a sizeable magical population. Got their own version of Diagon Alley and everything, though much smaller.
"The 2nd Gloucesters were part of Operation Astonia, the reduction of Le Havre. The attack went in, and as we were advancing, I spot the entrance to their magical district," Flea recalled with a far-off stare. "Me being a wizard and Walter being a squib, we were the only two to see it. I got permission from the company commander and took Walter over. I opened the gateway, and we step in. I've got my wand out, which I'd carried with me the whole time engorgioed as my swagger stick… anyway, I've got my wand in one hand and my Webley in the other. Walter's got his trusty Tommy Gun, and we enter the district.
"It was quite the surprise to the locals," Flea remembered. "We were dirty and scuffed up something awful. It looked fairly peaceful, folks shopping and whatnot, but then a killing curse came at us. I knocked Walter over and dove for cover. Down the street I saw a couple of Grindelwald's Acolytes. I opened fire with my wand and my Webley from behind a barrel. I got one of them, but then Walter popped his head up, and the other one took it clear off with a blasting curse.
"I was bloody furious," Flea said. "These… these bastards had killed my batman. I lost it. I did that man with a killing curse."
"You didn't go to Azkaban?" Harry asked, surprised.
"It was war," Flea shrugged. "Besides, I don't think anyone ever found out." He sighed. "I pulled Walter's body out of the street, and back to company headquarters. He's buried in the Ranville War Cemetery. When I got home after the war was over, I found his wife and little Alice. I took them into our home, and ensured Alice attended Hogwarts. She eventually grew up and got married to a nice wizard by the name of James Lupin."
"You mean, Remus Lupin's…" Harry asked, unsure of the relation.
"Father," Flea provided. "Yes. There's a reason James, Sirius, and Remus were friends at school." He looked down at the floor. "After the war ended, even before we got back to England, the dreams started. Every bloody night I watched those… people take down Walter. Each time, I was watching plain as day, and unable to help. I saw a lot of men die in that war, but Walter's is the death that haunted me."
"How'd you get over it?" Harry asked.
"Time and the love of a good woman," Flea said simply, smiling at Mia. "Trust your girl, Harry. They want to help us. I ended the war as a major with an OBE and a Military Cross. They mean nothing. The only thing that matters is the people you love. It's why I went back to France every year after that to thank Walter for his sacrifice and to apologise to him for not being able to protect him. It's why I took care of his family."
"The Lupins repaid that kindness," Harry said. "Remus took care of me third year, when he was my Defence professor."
"Good to hear," Flea said with a smile.
"Are you lot done sharing sob stories yet?" Henry grumbled from his portrait.
"Shove off, old man," Flea said with a jovial tone. It was funny, as Flea was at least twenty years older than Henry in their portraits. It was nice to smile again after such a weighty conversation.
-oooo-
Weekends in the summer were made for beaches. The sun was out, the thermometer read 30 degrees, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. A gentle breeze blew in from the west, cooling them slightly, rustling the palm leaves. Waves lapped against the shore in a steady rhythm. Beyond the beach, the sun-soaked blue-roofed white main building and twenty surrounding cabins of the Resort sat virtually unused, except for a couple heading out of the main building with drinks. The pool-side cabanas and tennis courts were empty.
Harry could see the beach was crowded even from the ferry. When he and Katie walked off the dock, he wasn't surprised to see at least two dozen people there. What did surprise them was their level of dress. The previous year Harry had classified the Resort and his other island home, the Refuge d'Ile as 'French' beaches, meaning top-optional. Many of his friends had taken the classification to heart, and quickly adopted a bottoms-only mentality. He hadn't expected the adults to feel the same, however.
Thus, it was something of a surprise to come off the dock and find a line of women tanning in sun chairs. While he hadn't seen her topless before, Harry wasn't surprised to find Mrs. Granger sporting bottoms only. She had, after all, gone to French beaches many times before. Next to her were some other muggle women: Katie's stepmum Brenda, and Justin Finch-Fletchley's mum. All three of them were in their late thirties or early forties, thin, and with firm breasts that had only just begun to sag. Despite the fact that their eyes were closed, they were talking amongst themselves.
Further along the beach, Sirius, Amelia, Remus, and Tonks were lounging in the sand on towels with a picnic basket. Amelia looked very good when she wasn't dressed in her severe business attire. Her normal work clothes hid… a lot. She was thin and stacked. Harry had seen some of that at his New Year's party, but this was another level. Tonks looked pretty good too, Harry decided, but refrained from voicing his opinion to Katie. Instead, he waved to his godfather and the rest.
Beyond them, Harry spotted several of his friends: Hermione, Justin, Neville, Hannah, and Susan on beach chairs. A cooler was stuck in the sand between Justin and Neville. Harry was surprised that Hannah had finally joined Hermione and Susan in adopting a bottoms-only swimsuit for the beach. He grinned when he noticed that Neville was very red. Justin, on the other hand, merely smiled.
"Hi guys," Harry said, walking up hand in hand with Katie. "Mind if we join you?
"Not at all," Hermione said, gesturing to available chairs on either end of the line.
"Preference?" Harry asked Katie, who shrugged and dropped into the chair next to Hermione. Harry picked up the chair next to her and moved it so he was facing parallel to and slightly ahead of the row of chairs. He sat and Katie promptly kicked her feet into his lap.
From his vantage point he could see all his friends easily, and other groups father along the beach. He spotted Jimmy Peakes, his girlfriend Demelza Robbins, and Jimmy's friend Richie Cootes playing in the surf. He also spied others that he couldn't make out sunning or playing on the beach.
"Are those chairs taken?" Harry looked up to see Ginny and her boyfriend Dean Thomas. She was pointing to the two chairs next to Susan.
"Are you sure you want to sit here?" Susan asked a little crossly. She was obviously not happy to be having a Weasley join them. Her ex-boyfriend Ron Weasley had made a spectacularly bad decision that resulted in their breakup. It had been quite hard on her.
"Susan," Ginny began earnestly. "I'm really sorry about Ron. I was there when we found him, and I was so…" she paused to find a word that properly conveyed her level of anger, "bloody furious with him that he could be so monumentally stupid as to cheat on you. And with that slag Lavender Fucking Brown of all people! He's an idiot. I'm on your side."
"Thanks," Susan said, nodding to the open seats. Ginny and Dean promptly claimed them.
"Where is Ron, anyway?" Harry asked. He didn't see any other Weasleys there.
"The dickless wonder's got a summer job with the twins at their shop," Ginny replied.
"I wouldn't call him dickless," Harry protested.
"Close," Susan laughed. "His prick is tiny."
"It's gotta be about four inches," Harry clarified.
"The average male penis is about five and a half inches," Hermione informed them.
"So, if his dick were tits, he'd be like an A cup," Katie pointed out.
"Not something smaller?" Susan asked, disappointed.
"The average breast size in the UK today is 36D," Hermione said. "Though that's partially due to an increase in breast enhancement surgery among other factors. Based on observations I've made, I'd say the average breast size in Magical Britain is more like a 36C, though it's hard to tell through the robes. Assuming a proper statistical curve, that would make Ron an A cup. After all, three inches or less is considered a micropenis, which I would equate to either an AA or AAA cup, and he's bigger than that."
"How…" Ginny asked, amazed.
"She's Hermione Granger," Harry said knowingly. "She knows about everything. So, what do the twins have him doing?" he asked, changing the subject. Ron wouldn't be happy knowing they were talking about his dick size.
"Product testing," Ginny laughed. "They've got these things they're calling 'Canary Creams'. They're sweets that turn you into a giant bird for a few minutes. Right now, they're working out the kinks. Ron was stuck as a bird for three days this week. He's still coughing up feathers. It's really putting a crimp on his social life."
"Then why'd he agree to do it?" Katie wondered.
"Mum made him get a job," Ginny explained. "Said he wouldn't live a life of luxury without working while he was still underage."
"Now that we all know what he's doing, can we not talk about my ex?" Susan grumped.
"What shall we talk about?" Justin asked, looking around the group.
"Aunt Amy says they're closer than ever to killing off Voldemort," Susan informed everyone.
"How much did she tell you?" Harry asked.
"Not much, just that a big step had been taken to making sure that Voldemort could be defeated for good," Susan shrugged.
Harry nodded and turned in his chair, looking over his shoulder to where Amelia was letting Sirius do some mildly inappropriate things to her.
"Oi!" he called out. "Sirius! Keep your hands off her tits on a public beach!" The rest of Harry's group looked over and several jaws dropped to see both Sirius and Remus involved in heavy makeout sessions with their girlfriends. The two couples stopped, and looked over, blushing.
"Oh, come on!" Sirius complained.
"If you're gonna do that, get a room!" Harry advised. "Or go to another beach where there's no one about. You've got kids here!" He sighed. "Anyway… Amelia, did the Aurors get that last… thing we learned about yet?" He didn't want to blab about horcruxes all over.
"No," she replied, scowling. "Somehow, word about it leaked to Dumbledore…" she glanced at Tonks as she gently pushed Sirius off her. Remus was smart enough to roll off Tonks on his own.
"It wasn't me!" Tonks protested. "Maybe Shack or Moody."
"Regardless," Amelia continued, "Dumbledore came to me and insisted that he be allowed to recover and destroy the… item himself."
"And you let him?!" Harry asked, hurt. "Why?"
"If what Dobby said is true, the item is quite well protected," Amelia reasoned. "Dumbledore, despite being, well, Dumbledore, is a skilled wizard with decades of knowledge that we'd be foolish not to take advantage of. I allowed him to go after it, even told him where it was. I didn't tell him that you'd already destroyed the others, how many there were, or what they were. He still seems to think there are more out there, and pressed me if I knew of the whereabouts of any others. He was desperate enough he tried a legillimency probe against me, but I shut that down and bundled him out of the office after that."
"So, he's gonna get it and destroy it?" Harry asked.
"I gave him a deadline of 15 August," Amelia said. "I told him if he hadn't recovered the item by then, I was sending Unspeakables after it. Clearly if he couldn't get through the defences, neither could Aurors. So, it's really more of a test for him so I don't waste resources. I see it as a win-win. Don't worry, Harry, the last item should be destroyed by the end of the summer."
"And now, I'm taking my beautiful girlfriend to a more secluded location," Sirius announced, standing and pulling Amelia along with him. She made a faux-protest, then followed Sirius excitedly towards one of the cabins in the Resort.
"Gross," Susan said as she watched them go.
"Someday that'll be you," Katie pointed out. "Excitedly running off to shag your bloke while your kid watches."
"Kill me now," Susan said, faking a retching noise.
"Speaking of blokes," Ginny segued. "Now that you're free of Ron, d'you have any blokes you're interested in?"
"I think I'm done with boys for a while," Susan sighed.
"With tits like those, you won't be for long," Katie noted.
"Hey!" Hermione said, slapping Justin lightly on the arm. "Just because she pointed them out, doesn't mean you have to look."
"Sorry," Justin said sheepishly. He reluctantly turned back to his girlfriend.
"I don't mind if you look, Harry," Katie gave him permission, "so long as Susan doesn't mind."
"If I minded, would I be topless right now?" Susan asked, a grin of her own. "Besides, I've been checking out the blokes. I like those quidditch muscles you've got, Harry."
"Thanks. Katie likes 'em too," Harry chuckled, and rubbed Katie's feet.
"Ooh," Katie moaned. "Keep doing that."
"I don't care what Katie says," Ginny said to Dean. "You'd best keep your eyes on my tits if you know what's good for you."
"Yes, ma'am!" Dean said with a bright smile and an obvious leer at Ginny's breasts.
"So, what were you and Madam Bones talking about?" Hermione asked Harry.
"It has to do with why I went to the Ministry the other day," Harry began. He went on to explain the memories Snape had sent in, and how they explained about the prophecy, the horcruxes, and the attack on Amelia. "There's one left that Dobby wasn't able to get," Harry finished. "I'm not sure what it is, but as you heard Amelia say, Dumbledore's going after it."
"And when it's destroyed, Voldemort can be killed?" Ginny asked.
"Yeah," Harry nodded. "Should be, anyway." He didn't tell his friends about the last horcrux. It didn't feel right.
"It sounds like the end of the war's just a few weeks away, then," Susan said brightly.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Hermione countered. "Just because Voldemort's dead, doesn't mean that someone else won't step in and take over."
"It did last time," Hannah observed.
"I think things are different this time," Hermione explained. "The last time the Death Eaters never lost access to the Ministry and other touchstones of magical society. They weren't excluded from the Wizengamot, and they had made dangerous inroads into the government. This time, we know that the Dark Mark needs to be taken willingly. We've excluded them from government and society. This time they face death at the hands of the law. This time it's a fight for total victory or total defeat, and that might motivate them to seek out another leader unless Voldemort ends up being the last to fall."
"That's pretty dark," Neville pointed out.
"The Nazis kept fighting after Hitler killed himself, and they were nearly done by then," Hermione informed them.
"Let's hope we can bag 'em all at once," Neville said.
"Enough depressing talk," Harry said, hopping up. "It's summer, and I'm going for a swim. Who's with me?"