Author note - Hello hello and sorry once more for another ridiculously long time between updates. Sadly real life takes over sometimes haha. I do love this story though and I am slowly and quietly working on it. This chapter was an extra long time in coming because I just could not get it to read right - I'm still not happy with it but I want to press on and get back to the elf! He's back in the next chapter ;) Thanks to Candilover, Naiya Belladonna, Procrastinatingismyforte, Zaubertkatze, avatarange, Yorkiemom, EverBear01, HillsCass and QueenfromMiddleEarth for the follows and faves.

Thanks for your reviews as always jshaw0624, I'm sorry I made you wait so long haha.

Tibblets and Rachetg I can't keep Keren too unhappy for long poor thing ;)

Annafan - Haha I'm so glad someone has said it! I do love Faramir, but I also like to make the characters human. He did lead Keren on, but does feel bad about it! He cares for her very deeply, and is genuinely confused about how he feels for her, but sadly at this point in time he fancies Eowyn more lol.

Zip001 - Thanks so much for your really kind review, I do try to make all of the characters have good and bad traits. Keren for example is perhaps a little melodramatic and naive, Faramir doesn't know what he wants so really leads Keren down the garden path as it were, Eowyn is so proud she can barely function like a normal human being haha.

Chapter Ten – Change to survive

It was the morning of the first of April, and Keren felt like a fool.

The more time she had given to thinking over all that had occurred, the more she felt like a naïve idiot. She still awoke every morning with Faramir's face in her minds eye, which irritated her beyond belief, for he just would not leave. She knew that nothing now would happen between them, and yet her heart and mind, instead of being sensible and allowing her to move on, clung on stubbornly to the idea of him.

This morning was no different. Keren and Palen had been awoken early by Ioreth and told to hasten to the warden's office, with no explanation. Keren had been pulled from a dream of Faramir into cold reality, where the only semblance of him was a gut-churning feeling of sadness and embarrassment, wearing a mask of his face.

Groggily the girls made their way to the office, and sat confusedly on a bench near the back, seeing that only a few fellow healers had been summoned.

The wardens voice seemed overly loud in the still early morning.

"I bid you all welcome," he said, "and thank you for arriving so promptly. I will be brief. The Lord Elessar has commanded that ten of our number are to be sent to his camp at Cormallen to tend to the wounded. Many have been injured, and skirmishes with Easterlings and Southrons are still taking place. There is only so much the men can do to heal themselves, and whilst he is a great healer, as some of us here have witnessed, he cannot be everywhere. The fifteen of you I have gathered here I believe are my strongest healers. I will be going myself to Cormallen, whilst Ioreth will remain in charge here. The rest of you I ask to decide amongst yourselves who shall be the ten to go with me, for I know it is not a choice all of you will be keen to make."

There was silence as his words were taken in.

To go to Cormallen, to see Ithilien – it would be dangerous, but exciting. But Keren's immediate thought was panic. There had been too much change, too much to deal with lately, that she did not feel she would be able to provide her best care if she travelled to an unknown place at this time. Palen however, Keren could see, was itching to go already, for it meant that she would see Dannor far sooner than she had hoped.

"I shall go, sir," Palen said quickly before anyone else could take her place, and the warden nodded, clearly expecting and happy with her decision.

"Thank you Palen," he said. "Keren?"

Keren was only torn for a moment or two. Even though she knew it would mean being separated from her sister for a time, and missing out on an opportunity to travel and see Ithilien, she just felt so weary and afraid of any further change that she knew what her answer must be.

"I would rather remain here sir, I am sorry," she said. "I feel I would be of more use here, helping Ioreth."

Palen turned to look at her in surprise, and Keren just shrugged and shook her head. The warden however seemed happy with her choice, and Ioreth looked pleased.

Others gradually began to say yea or nay and, with only one minor altercation, the ten were chosen. Palen was silent, and when Keren met her eyes, Palen gave her a strange look then turned away.

The morning bell rang out six o clock, and the healers were sent to their morning routines and duties. Palen took Keren's arm as soon as they were away from the group.

"What was that about?" she asked. "Surely you want to get away for a while?"l

"No, honestly Pal, I'd rather stay here, I need familiarity," Keren said, continuing to walk."

"But you'd have me." The tone of Palen's voice immediately told Keren that her sister was upset at the thought of them being separated. "I'd look after you."

Keren stopped and turned to look at her sister, who she was surprised to see had tears in her eyes.

"I just want you to be happy Keren," she said. "The thought of you being here on your own, just thinking about… well, you know… This is a perfect distraction."

"It's too far," Keren relied quickly. "And it's the unknown, I'm frightened of what's going to happen as it is. At least if I stay I have a routine, I have familiar faces and places."

"You also have him, looming over you like a shadow, never too far away. Come to Cormallen, and forget him. Better, forget you ever met him."

"I can't do that Pal, nor do I want to. Not yet, maybe not ever."

Palen rolled her eyes in frustration and swept past her sister.

"You're your own worst enemy," she said, just loud enough for Keren to hear as she walked away, and Keren knew it to be true.

Palen spent the next three days preparing to leave whenever she had a spare moment, making ready clothes and belongings. It was difficult as she did not know how long she would be away for. Each morning Keren awoke to her sister rustling around in cupboards or huffing in annoyance as she could not find things.

Keren continued in her strange half-awake stage, living life and going through the motions every day, but not feeling anything other than a curious disassociation from reality. The other healers worked around her awkwardly, and found her distant and cold. She was unaware that she was coming across as rude or uncaring, and had no memory of conversations she had had during the day.

Palen, when she had the time, studied her sister worriedly, for Keren seemed to be getting worse rather than better. The slightly glazed-over look was back in her eyes, and when she smiled or laughed it was painfully apparent that her happiness was not real. Palen kept hoping that Keren would have changed her mind overnight, but the morning of the fourth of April rolled around and only Palen's belongings were packed. The next day she was to leave.

The hobbit Merry had also been making preparations to travel, for he had been summoned to Elessar's side, and was to be reunited with his greatest friend Pippin. Palen was happy to be sharing the journey with him, for a sweet friendship had grown between them – but of course she would much rather her sister would come too.

The lady Eowyn had been called to Cormallen, by her brother the new king of Rohan, but so far she appeared to be ignoring the summons, despite being almost completely healed. It seemed odd to Keren that for one so desperate to escape the healers clutches all of one week ago she now would ignore the call of her brother and the chance to see the man she loved. A painful twinge of some emotion she could not name kept popping up whenever she thought about the lady's decision to stay, as if she could not quite admit what was staring her in the face just yet. Palen of course, being far more of the real world than her sister in that time, knew exactly why the lady was hesitating to leave. One day last week she had seen the two noble figures of Faramir and Eowyn sat together over a great book, heads so close their foreheads were almost touching. There was no real hint of romance between them that she could see, but the bond between them was undeniable. The protective side of her prayed that Keren would not come across them and witness their closeness, but then the practical thinker in her would raise her head and hope that it would be the wake up call her sister needed to move on. However either way could prove difficult, as the Lord Faramir was kept so busy with his new duties as steward that he seldom visited the Houses now.

That morning Palen had thrown one last desperate look at Keren as together they moved Palen's packed up belongings to the stables to be loaded onto a wagon – it was to be a very early departure the next day.

Keren chose to ignore her sisters' pleading eyes, and hastened to Ioreth to learn her duties for the day as soon as the cart was loaded. Ioreth had not once commented on her decision to stay, and was careful to treat her exactly the same as she would any other day. She of course did not know all that had transpired, but she prided herself on being far more intelligent than she sometimes let on – and it did not take a genius to notice that the visits to the Lord Faramir had stopped just as the Lady Eowyn was well enough healed to walk in the gardens.

She felt sorry for Keren, but thought it was just a young girls first love that would soon be forgotten. She was growing a little concerned that Keren still did not seem to be moving on.

"Keren, are you listening to me?" she said, not too gently. The girl stood before her but it was almost as if she was not there. She watched as Keren visibly started and snapped to attention.

Ioreth frowned.

"What did I just say?" she asked.

"To go and fetch fresh herbs and bandages for the man with the burnt hand, then to sit with the little girl with the fever and make note of any changes," Keren rolled off promptly.

Ioreth eyed her suspiciously. Those indeed had been her instructions, but it had looked for all the world as if Keren had not heeded them. Something really must be amiss with the girl if she could look so vacant and still be able to concentrate – it was like she was being pulled through life with the smallest of effort on her part, able to function but not caring how she did it.

"Well off you go then," Ioreth said.

Keren did not even look her in the eye before she left.

The morning passed slowly. Though Keren was grateful that the Houses had returned to a state of relative calm and peace, it made for a rather dull day, especially when she could not stop her mind from repeating over and over her moments with Faramir, or worse, imagining scenarios which she knew now would not come to pass. It had got to the stage now where she wished she could just switch that part of her brain off, but then when she tried she found she missed his presence in her head, for he was in the background all the time.

In the afternoon she made her way to the Lady Eowyn's room. The lady needed little to no real care now, her arm out of its sling and her health restored, but Keren had unwittingly become a kind of maidservant to her, checking that she had everything she required. She still seemed pale and solemn, and had taken to wandering round in slow circles of the gardens, or sitting under the willow tree gazing up at the sky. She was well enough, however, to depart for Cormallen if she so desired, but so far had made no preparations to leave.

Perhaps this has become a place of safety for her too, Keren wondered. Although she does not strike me as the kind of person who needs protection from the world.

When she reached the lady's room Eowyn was not there, as Keren had half expected, and without thinking she made her way to the gardens, as she knew that would be where she would find her wandering alone, deep in thought.

Keren's footsteps rang on the stone steps as she stepped out into the bright sunlight of the warm spring day, then crunched on the gravel path past the willow tree. A light breeze was gently rustling the new leaves and a few tickled her face as she walked by.

What strange quirk of fate was it that made her see what she saw just then from that very spot? Why had she chosen that precise moment to walk into the gardens? For as she passed by the tree what she saw stopped her in her tracks and almost caused her knees to buckle. Subconsciously she reached out and grabbed onto a handful of the thin leaves.

Faramir and Eowyn were stood by the walls, the same spot where she had stood that night looking out across the Pelennor, and in the bright sun of that April day they appeared almost illuminated, colours brighter and features finer as they stood in the breeze.

They were locked in an embrace, their lips meeting with a smile as Faramir bent his head and kissed her passionately. The lady, rather than flinching away, rose to meet him, and Keren could tell they were oblivious to any people that may have been able to see them from the lower levels of the city. This was a public declaration of, if not love, then at least intent, and it completed the job of breaking Keren's heart. She thought she could physically feel her heartstrings snapping, and stood rooted to the spot, unable to tear her gaze away.

Their hair, golden and raven, was streaming and mingling in the wind, and their fine cloaks blowing and wrapping around them seemed to create a barrier between them and the world. They were both untouchable.

Keren could not see any way back from this now – Faramir was lost to her. For why would he ever choose her over the sister of a king, and one so beautiful? Together they looked truly regal, an imposing and powerful couple, and beautiful. No doubt great romances would be written about their picturesque union and how they had found love in being healed. Healing which she, Keren, had provided.

She knew then at that moment that her life could either end – so great was her pain, her lack of faith in fate, her feelings of betrayal and disillusion – or start again. She thought back to that strange moment when she had felt in her very blood and bones the downfall of Sauron, and the feeling of connection with life, with living. She became aware of the leaves clutched in her hand, and thought how nature always finds a way of enduring, surviving, as the willow tree had, so far away from its natural home beside a river, in a city of stone. Things must adapt, must embrace change, to survive. She knew then what she must do.

Her feet could not carry her quickly enough away from the scene and towards Palen.

"I'm coming to Cormallen, if they'll have me", Keren announced as soon as she had located her sister.

Palen looked up in shock at the sudden and rather dramatic announcement, then smiled with relief.

"They'll have you," she said.

The next night, with much bewilderment and confusion on Keren's part at the sudden way her life had veered off course, found her, Palen and Merry, along with the other elected healers, sleeping in a ship moored off the island of Cair Andros.

The journey had been simple. She had hastily packed two bags of belongings which were thrown onto the wagon, and the next morning had departed from the city for the first time in her life. The group had travelled by horse or in the wagons to the ruined city of Osgiliath, and then boarded a ship which took them upstream along the Anduin to Cair Andros, newly retaken after Sauron's forces had attempted to cross the river. As they had sailed along Keren had turned back to see Minas Tirith from a distance – though she knew she was to return she did not know how soon that would be, nor what she would find at Cormallen. She had felt inestimably brave as she turned her back on her home and looked towards Ithilien.

Now Keren lay beneath several warm blankets on the open deck, close to Palen, who she thought had just managed to fall asleep. Sleep was not close for Keren yet, as she lay looking up at the stars. She could hear Merry snoring gently from his place across the deck, and the shoulders of the humped form of the warden of the Houses were slowly moving with gentle breaths. Only she was awake, it seemed, as she looked around at the other healers. Her mind was not still, and try as she might she kept replaying the scene she had witnessed in the garden, just as she had the night before. Only now she was in a far different setting, and found that the stillness and beauty of the stars above her helped to calm her thoughts and settle her aching heart, if she focussed on them long enough.

Nevertheless they had begun to fade in the sky by the time she finally found sleep, her hand subconsciously creeping to the crystal and holding it close to her heart.

The next morning they crossed the eastern spur of the river at its narrowest point and alighted at Cormallen. Doing so was the moment Keren felt most afraid of the decision she had made – the river was rushing by, deep and choppy, and the ferry they were taking across did not seem stable enough to support them all. She clung to the wooden rail as they were thrown about, and she thought how safe and simple life would be if she had stayed behind. And yet when she set her feet on the shore, how unexciting too. And how painful.

She breathed in deeply, trying to banish thoughts of Faramir, and allowed herself to look around as they waited for their belongings to be ferried across.

In Keren's mind, the field of Cormallen had always been just that, a field. But the reality was far more imposing, and far more beautiful. A row of willow trees ran along the edge of the great river, and the ground climbed gently up away from them in a broad expanse of pure green grass. In the distance the forests of Ithilien began, a riot of spring blossoms and leaves. Stretching almost all the way from the river to the forest, however, were military tents, brought from Rohan and Gondor all the way to the gates of Mordor, and now to here. There were no distinguishing or grand features telling Keren which one was Elessar's, or Eomer the new king of Rohan's. Merry likewise did not know where he would find Pippin, and Palen felt she hadn't a hope of locating Dannor amongst the thousands of other foot soldiers.

Our father is here somewhere too, Keren thought belatedly.

But then it occurred to her that he may not be. Beregond had sent word that he and Dannor were safe and well, but no word had come from her father. Was he even alive? Surely Beregond would have said if he had not survived?

The small group of healers (and a hobbit) stood awkwardly at the edge of the field. The warden had been fairly confident that someone would meet them and show them to where they would be based for the duration of their stay, but it now seemed that they were being left to fend for themselves. The warden sighed irritably.

"I suppose we make for the higher ground," he said. "We'll get a better view of the camp and should be able to spot – "

"No need for that master warden." A familiar voice greeted Keren's ears.

"Beregond!" she cried and enveloped him in her arms as best she could – he was still in armour, always ready for any attack to the camp by stray soldiers of the enemy. The warden attempted to look displeased at Keren's outward and very public display of affection for a man who was not her father or her husband, but found he could not keep a smile off his face at the sight of two friends reunited after an uncertain and dangerous time apart.

Keren embarrassingly felt tears coming to her eyes – she longed to tell Beregond all that she had been through since he left, and it was good to be held in strong, protective arms once more. She knew he would listen attentively, and offer her sensible words of comfort and advice. But she also knew he would not have the time to do so. Beregond tactfully removed himself from her embrace before she completely broke down, which he could sense was a possibility.

"Welcome all," he said. His face and name were familiar to the whole group, all of them having witnessed him chiding his son Bergil numerous times for getting in their way. "I'll show you where you all shall stay. For some of you your duties may begin today, but I'm hoping to have time to show you around the camp beforehand."

Beregond took them through the tents, pointing out where meals were served, the quickest path to the forest and to the river in order to wash. He brought them past the large tents of the nobles – Elessar, King Eomer, the sons of Elrond, Prince Imrahil, close to the edge of the forest. Keren stopped in her tracks and stared, for there was Mithrandir, the white wizard, walking with his long staff towards a small, simple tent under the trees. He did not see her.

The group were moving on towards the area where they would be based, when a deep voice shouted out.

"Master warden!" The King of Rohan ran out of his tent. "You bring news of my sister?"

Worry was written plain on his face, for he had only received one short reply from Eowyn saying that she would not be joining him, and all he could think was that she had sickened anew. The warden bowed deeply.

"King Eomer," he said in greeting, then turned to Beregond. "Take the others to our camp, I will follow anon. Palen, Keren, stay, you have been with the lady the most."

The girls looked at each other nervously at the prospect of a King questioning them on the care of his sister, as Eomer led them into his tent.

The tent was fairly small and dark, and smelt, not surprisingly, of horse. Eomer did not sit, but rather paced anxiously, leaving the warden and the girls standing awkwardly in the corner, following him with their eyes.

"These young women will be able to answer any questions in more detail, my lord," the warden said. "They have had daily care of the Lady Eowyn between them. Though I do reassure you we left her in almost perfect health."

Palen gave Keren a quick reassuring look, as if to say that she was happy to do most of the talking. She was well aware that Keren was not in the best place to be able to talk about Eowyn with ease.

"Then why has she not come?" Eomer asked quickly. "Is she hiding an illness from me? From you?"

"It would be impossible to hide any illness or injury from us, lord, I assure you," the warden said with some pride.

The girls faced some difficulty, for both of them knew why Eowyn chose to stay, but felt they could not broach the topic so easily. Such an event would have huge political effects on both Rohan and Gondor, and they did not feel comfortable being the ones to tell of it. Surely such important news should come from Faramir and Eowyn themselves? The news had spread through the Houses and even into the city within the day, as soon as the people below had witnessed their kiss, as soon as it became clear that a marriage had quickly been agreed upon. Surely a messenger was already on his way to Eomer with tidings from his sister confirming this?

"But you know how she fares?" Eomer continued. "I wish for details. Her arm? Is she still sleeping strangely?"

"Her injuries are well on the way to being healed my lord," Palen spoke up. "They are causing her no real trouble. Her sleeping patterns are returned to normal and she suffers no nightmares. She is perhaps a little thinner than before, but she is well rested. She has… great energy."

"Then I do not understand." Eomer frowned. "Why does she choose to remain?"

Keren felt panicky. The tent suddenly felt very small and hot, and Eomer's piercing eyes made her long to burst out the truth, but speaking it would make it more real somehow. She held in a sob. Palen, as she often did, sensed that something was wrong, and lightly brushed the back of her hand against Keren's.

The warden smiled and produced a folded letter from within his cloak.

"I believe the contents of this message will make all clear, my lord," he said. "And I hope will also bring you joy."

There was silence as Eomer took the letter, written in Eowyn's hand – the three healers watched as he read, hastily to begin with, searching for information, then with disbelief, then with dawning understanding. Keren could not watch the King's face any longer, and stared at the ground, knowing what he read. He did not notice her discomfort, and burst into a happy laugh, which to Keren felt like daggers firing into her heart.