Author's Notes

Guys! :) Your reviews on the new chapter had me smiling and laughing out loud! It was a challenge to write and your reactions have been much more than I could have hoped for. It's so rewarding to know that you enjoy these Adam/Madeline moments (it was about time he got a kiss!) Well, you made me so happy that I just had to change some things around and now I can post a little bonus chapter for the weekend. We're picking up right where we left off...

I hope you enjoy it. :)

A Reader, Guest and Members - Thank you for being so wonderful, and I wish everyone a great weekend!

Chapter 40

The air rushed from Madeline's lungs as Adam jerked back. His breathing was hot and choppy, fluttering over her flushed face. They sat dead-still, staring at each other as the voices exchanged morning pleasantries out in the hallway. Within seconds, there was chuckling and thumping footsteps heading off, becoming fainter and fainter. Until the silence was restored. Adam stared at her a second longer, his eyes churning, unsated. Then he fell forward, buried his face in her hair and released a curse on a frustrated breath. A small part of her brain—the last functioning part—wanted to admonish him for saying that word. But her heart was tumbling so helplessly out of rhythm, speaking was beyond her.

"I'm sorry . . . but I don't know how much longer I can do this," he breathed. The raggedness in his voice snapped Madeline out of her daze and she made a conscious effort to calm her racing pulse.

He jolted backwards again, withdrawing his hand from her waist. "It's driving me crazy that I can't—that we can't be—"

"I know," she heard herself say, and he froze.

Their gazes merged, hot and sizzling. "You do . . .?"

"Yes . . ."

Well, she thought she did. Or she knew some of it at least. But as she was beginning to realize, there was quite a lot she didn't know, apparently.

"I feel the same way," she said.

They studied each other as a burning, mutual need lay wordlessly between them. Adam took a deep breath and leaned his brow against hers. He reached up to ease her fingers free of his shirt, making her realize she hadn't yet let go. It seemed her senses were still reeling from his kiss. Not only that, her whole body was still tingling—fiery and frighteningly aroused. Before Adam, she had never even imagined that a kiss could evoke such astounding responses. It was probably for the best they'd been interrupted. Not probably—it was for the best—a relief, her mind asserted. A relief laced with disappointment.

Hoping he wouldn't notice, Madeline discreetly slipped the tip of her tongue out to touch her lips. The taste of him lingered there. She did wonder what he might have done if they hadn't been disturbed. What other exquisite kinds of devilment he might have shown her with his skilled mouth. Where his hand might have roamed next, from her waist . . . Just a little higher, perhaps, and what then, might it feel like to have him touch her—

A door opened in the hall, reminding her in a flash that there was still a world outside of Adam and this room. Suddenly a long-abandoned sense of propriety rushed over her, dousing her heated body like icy water. For heavens sake, she was supposed to be a lady with manners and here she was, in Adam's bedroom, on his bed, entertaining . . . fantasies about him! Indecent ones! What wouldn't he think of her? More than a little startled at herself, Madeline leaned away from him.

"We really must get ready for breakfast now, Adam."

He held onto her hand. "I'd rather starve and stay here with you."

At that, her mouth did curl up a fraction. "That is a little dramatic, don't you think . . ."

"No."

She shook her head at him and stood up, praying her legs would hold her and not drop her in a heap on the floor at his feet. Bravely, she took a step away from the bed. She brushed down her skirt and tucked a curl behind her ear. Needless actions really, which served only the purpose of buying her time to gather some composure. It worked, to a degree. Glancing up, she saw that Adam was still sitting, watching her thoughtfully.

"Come on," she said, adopting an airy tone, she hoped, as she reached for his hands. "We don't want to upset Hop Sing."

With a groan, he rose. "Hop Sing or Paul?"

"Well . . . both, I suppose."

Holding onto his wrist to make sure he followed, she minced across the room. But just a few feet from the door, Adam suddenly stopped.

"Wait, wait a minute." He turned her around and pulled her to him before she could protest. "I've got an idea."

Madeline had to tilt her head back to look up at him, so tall he was. If she didn't, her face would be in direct line with the open collar of his shirt and more to the point—with those dark, curling hairs peeking out.

"An idea? And what might that be?" she asked distractedly, wondering where to rest her hands which were presently dangling uselessly at her sides. She wasn't hesitating for lack of options. After all, right there, inches away were his broad shoulders and his powerful arms. It would have to be one of those two, she decided. Any place other than his . . . chest.

"Madeline?"

Her mind blanked and she gaped at him. "Excuse me, I . . . didn't hear you. What did you say?"

Oh Goodness, no. He looked amused.

"I said we could go for a walk today if you're up to it." That slow smile played along his lips as he slipped his hands around her back and drew her closer. "Just the two of us. We can get some fresh air and go someplace where we won't be . . . constantly interrupted."

"Oh."

She fervently wished that some easy way existed of loosening her corset at that instant. Clearly, she'd made a misjudgment and tied the thing much too tight this morning.

"Would you like that honey?" he asked, his voice going deep, rumbling through to her very core. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed.

"Some fresh air sounds . . . very nice."

Air in general, really.

"Mmh. I agree . . ."

It was by no means new to her, being in his embrace like this. But her senses were still heightened from their kiss and Madeline found that being this close to him—being literally wrapped up in all that potent masculinity—was having a decidedly unsettling effect on her. She stared at him, already drowning in the compelling depths of his hazel eyes. When without a hint of warning—without so much as a thud of a footstep or the creak of a floorboard—Joe came striding into the room.

"Hey Adam, help me with this will ya . . ."

Apparently so used to just walking in, he'd almost plowed into them by the time he looked up. He came to a halt and stood there bare-chested, holding onto a bandage that was halfway wrapped around his ribs. A devilish smirk seized his face. With a jolt, Madeline came out of her shocked state and immediately moved to disengage herself. Something of an undertaking since Adam didn't remove his arms from around her.

"Well, well . . . good morning, Madeline," Joe said slyly. He turned to Adam and jerked a thumb back over his shoulder. "Older brother, you do know the doc was just out in the hall here, right?"

"Don't you ever knock?" Adam snapped.

"Your door was wide open."

"Adam!" Madeline whispered urgently, tapping his hands for him to let her go.

Grudgingly, Adam released her and spun to his brother. "What do you want Joe?"

Joe's mouth drew into a scowl as he tossed his hands up. "Nothing, never mind . . ."

Fumbling with his bandage, he headed back out of the room, muttering to himself.

"No, Joe wait," Madeline called, giving Adam a very flustered but dissatisfied look. "Please come back, I will help you."

Joe stopped short at the doorway and wheeled around as she rushed over to him.

"Thanks Madeline. It's nice to know that someone cares about my well-being." His voice vibrated with annoyance as he looked past her to fix Adam with a glare. "What a bundle of joy you are this morning!"

"I am sure that Adam didn't mean to be . . . impolite," she said diplomatically and shot an encouraging glance back at the older, supposedly wiser sibling.

He appeared to have nothing to add.

"Sure, he didn't," Joe grumbled. "Like he never does these days."

Still, Adam said nothing. Seemingly effortlessly, he assumed that accustomed air of flawless self-possession and casually walked over to them. He stopped right in front of Joe and propped his shoulder against the wall—his expression entirely neutral apart from the faintest curving of his mouth. Joe stared back at him. Slowly but surely, the younger man's scowl faded, and a smile took its place instead. Madeline watched the whole exchange, feeling a mixture of relief and puzzlement. She must be missing something. A brother thing.

"How's your eye?" Adam asked.

"Better, I guess. At least I can see through it again." Gingerly, Joe felt the yellow-greenish bruising above his eyelid. "And after today, the doc says I don't need to wear this anymore." He pointed to the bandage. "I hate sleeping with it on, the thing keeps coming loose, see?"

Madeline hummed in understanding as she maneuvered the dressing around him, making sure it wasn't too tight but still snug enough to provide stabilization.

Adam raised a brow. "If Paul was just out in the hall why didn't you get him to help you?"

"Come on, you know why. I can't take any more of his fussing. Besides . . . it's much nicer when Madeline does it." Twisting his head around, Joe winked at her. "Your hands are real soft."

Like every female who encountered that notorious Joe Cartwright charm, Madeline was not unaffected. She responded with a blushing smile. However, when she saw Adam's eyes narrow, she swiftly secured the bandage.

"This isn't too tight, is it?"

Joe inhaled, then exhaled. "Nope, it's perfect. Thanks."

"You are welcome. Now, perhaps you gentlemen would join me for breakfast."

It was no question. Before either of them could utter a sound, she wedged herself in between them and laced an arm through each of theirs, ushering them out of the room. She needed a cup of tea. And a sit-down.

They were halfway down the hall when Adam spoke over her head at his brother.

"So, are you planning on putting on a shirt or you just gonna—"

"Oh, right!"

With a burst of boyish energy, Joe bolted away from them and disappeared through the door to his room. Madeline's lips quirked up when she heard Adam mutter something that sounded close to fool kid. As they continued towards the staircase, she noticed how he cradled his left elbow to his side.

"How is it today?" she asked, gently reaching for his arm.

"It's getting better."

She considered the bandage with a frown. "It's been a few days since Uncle Paul looked at it. He might want to later . . ."

"He can try."

Madeline slowed her pace. She was quiet when he turned to her, knowing the displeasure on her face spoke for itself.

Adam blew out a breath. "Alright. I won't pick a fight with him."

"Thank you." She took his hand as they approached the top of the stairs. "Actually . . . Uncle Paul has seemed much quieter lately . . ."

"Yea, I know," he said in a heavy tone, rubbing his brow as if to soothe a headache. "I didn't handle that very . . . I guess I'm not handling things very well at the moment."

Her chest clenched. She squeezed his hand and pitched her voice low when she heard Joe catching up to them.

"You've had a lot on your mind . . ."

"All of us have," Adam mumbled as they descended the stairs. "That's no excuse."

From behind them, Joe's eager voice all of a sudden called out. "Hey, is that Hop Sing's pancakes I smell?"

Nose in the air, he bumbled down the stairs while buttoning his shirt and almost slipped on the landing.

"Watch where you're going Joe," Adam admonished in an almost fatherly fashion. "You want a broken neck to go with those bruised ribs?"

"Alright, alright, simmer down there, cranky."

"Cranky? I'm just showing how much I care about your well-being, little brother"

"Okay, you can care a bit less, much older brother."

Madeline allowed herself a subtle smile. She clearly heard the shift from bickering to banter between them. It slightly eased the worry gnawing at her gut. After the difficult morning he'd had, she took it as a good sign that Adam was up for some brotherly ribbing. She hoped to keep his mood as light as possible for the rest of the day.

The trio moved towards the dining room where the welcoming smell of fresh bread and fried bacon and sausages wafted through the air. In truth, it was impressive that Joe's practiced nose could detect the scent of pancakes amidst all that and at a distance. Ben, Hoss and her uncle were already seated at the table and all three stood when she approached, smiling warmly. Her uncle's eyes sparkled as he pulled her chair out for her.

"You look very wonderful today, my Belle."

"Thank you, Uncle Paul."

Spontaneously, she rested a hand on his shoulder and stretched up to give him a kiss on the cheek. He faced the rest of the table and beamed like a child who'd just received a stick of candy. Madeline took her seat next to him and Adam sat down to her other side, at the head of the table, opposite his father. She noted how Ben gave his firstborn an appraising once-over right away. Evidently satisfied with what he saw, he aimed a small smile at her. She smiled back. Well, at first, she did. But then her cheeks grew increasingly warm and prickly as she thought of how her well-intended little visit to Adam's room had ended. She highly doubted that Ben had had any such thing in mind when he'd encouraged her to keep his oldest son company. Positive that her face must be turning an impressive shade of scarlet, she banished all thoughts of the kiss from her mind. To busy her hands, she poured herself some much needed tea from the pot standing by her plate. An instant later, Hop Sing came bustling out of the kitchen, carrying platters of eggs, bacon, sausages and, indeed, pancakes.

"Doggonit that all looks good," Hoss exclaimed. With a scrunched forehead, he tucked his napkin in at the top of his shirt. "I feel hungry as a bear this mornin'."

Joe snorted, grabbing the pancake platter. "You're hungry as a bear every morning."

The big man's forehead scrunched up even more as if he was assessing the truth of his brother's words. Then he grinned. "Yeah I reckon I am at that."

Taking a slice of bread for himself, Ben addressed the table at large. "So, what does everyone have planned for today?"

"Nothin' much."

"Me neither Pa."

"Madeline and I are going for a walk," Adam said, pouring himself some coffee.

His words were for his father, but his eyes were fastened to Madeline. She focused her gaze to her tea cup, feeling as though she must have broken some record of how many blushes one lady could possibly fit into one mere morning.

"A walk, huh?" Hoss said, a forkful of scrambled eggs barely chewed in his mouth. At Ben's stern look, he quickly gulped. "That sounds mighty good! Hey, I know what we could do Adam"—he jabbed a chunk of bread at his brother—"why don't we take Miss Madeline down to Hoss Heaven? You ain't been there with her yet, have ya?"

Adam's mouth opened, but Madeline spoke before he could.

"Hoss Heaven? What is that?"

"It's Hoss's very own piece of land. Quite a charming area," Ben said, passing the biscuits along. "I'm sure you would like it."

"It ain't that far from here neither. We could ride there in the buggy—there's lots of places to go walkin' around. It's nice'n quiet-like too, great for relaxin'." Bashfully, Hoss looked down at his plate and pushed a sausage around with his fork. "There's even a little stream and some flowers . . . If'n you wanna pick some, I could show ya where."

Madeline went soft like pudding and regarded him affectionately.

Adam cleared his throat. "Actually Hoss, Madeline and I were—"

"That sounds very nice Hoss," she interjected. "I would love to see this Hoss Heaven of yours."

"I'll be more than glad to show it to ya, Ma'am."

Very happily, Hoss dove back into his scrambled eggs.

Biting her lip, Madeline snuck a peek at Adam out of the corner of her eye. His expression left her in no doubt as to how he felt about this development. She offered a delicate shrug of apology. A sudden choked noise broke the silence and she turned to her uncle as he brought a napkin up to cover his mouth.

Adam's sharp eyes cut into him. "You alright there, Paul?"

"Oh, yes," He thumped his chest with a fist. "Quite alright."

Joe snickered but was silenced immediately when Adam sent a withering glare his way.

Madeline's attention shifted between the three of them until she noticed Ben was watching her. His coffee cup hid his mouth, but she spotted the glimmer in his eyes just before he blatantly rolled them heavenward. She was forced to face away from him to avoid laughing.

"Well, I think that's a real good idea you had yourself there Hoss," Joe said into the lengthening silence.

Chewing cheerfully, Hoss made a muffled sound around his food.

Joe held a spoon above his plate, watching as a dollop of thick syrup drizzled down to his waiting stack of pancakes. "I've been meanin' to take a ride out there myself one of these days. Like you said, it's a great place for relaxing. . . ." He looked sideways at Adam, a lazy tilt to his lips. "As a matter of fact, I think I might just go along with you."

Without taking his eyes off Joe, Adam masterfully speared a piece of bacon with his fork and lifted it to his mouth. Rather than comment, Madeline opted for a sip of tea. Everyone ate quietly for some time and Hop Sing came out to fuss around the table, bringing more food with him. Madeline kept throwing glances at Adam, hoping he wasn't really unhappy with her. Wood creaked loudly when her uncle shifted and sat back in his chair to view the window behind Ben.

"It is indeed a splendid day for a trip out," he remarked.

Setting her cutlery neatly at the side of her plate, Madeline placed a hand on his forearm. "Would you care to join us, Uncle?"

He waved her off. "Oh no no, I couldn't possibly."

Yet another silence. One by one, all heads turned to Adam who was examining his coffee cup. His eyes flickered up, then back down to the cup, then up again.

Finally, he flung a hand into the air. "The more the merrier."

The doctor's mouth lifted pleasantly at the corners. "If you insist. I do have quite a bit of work waiting for me, but I suppose I could take a few hours out of my crammed schedule and spend them with you all."

Adam smiled tight-lipped. "How . . . gracious of you."

"Yes," the older man drawled. "Yes, I know."

Patting her uncle's arm, Madeline shot Adam a grateful smile. Although she very much wanted to spend time alone with him, the prospect of an outing with all the people she cared about genuinely did delight her. And she really wouldn't want anyone to feel left out. A day outside together might be a good thing for Adam as well.

"Ben, then you must come with us too," she said brightly.

Ben lowered his cup and placed it precisely on its saucer. "I could do with a break from all my paperwork. And I think it's safe to say that we could all use some fresh, clean air to clear our heads."

He eyed his firstborn and his old friend pointedly.

"Ain't that the truth," Hoss mumbled and lightly elbowed Joe who giggled and half-choked on his pancake.

"It's a little late in the year for a picnic," Ben continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "But if we put on some warm clothes, we should be fine."

With a decisive nod, he turned towards the kitchen, but as he opened his mouth to call out, a grinning Hop Sing came hurrying forth, his black pony tale flying behind him. "I start picnic now, Mr. Cartlight. I make plenty sandwiches and pack cookies Missy Madeline make yesterday."

Chuckling, Ben picked up his cup and saluted him. "That would be perfect Hop Sing, thank you."

Everybody resumed eating, but while the others fell into conversation about the coming excursion, Madeline was acutely aware of how Adam became quiet. He concentrated on his plate, his lips puckered slightly inward, his head hanging low. She caught the way he picked at his food, recognizing that he was doing a lot more pushing it around than eating it. Her cheery mood crumbled as a stab of pain pierced her heart. She feared the change of plans had truly upset him. And that was the last thing she'd wanted to happen—especially today. Without a thought for who might be watching, she reached over and placed her hand over the top of his resting on the table. Hoping he wouldn't reject her. He raised his chin and her gaze moved over him, carefully, willing him to see her concern, her regret. Willing him to understand that she was prepared to change everything again—that she would do whatever it took—whatever he needed. There was a spark of something warm in his eyes and one side of his mouth rose. Just enough to give a hint of dimple. He turned his hand under hers so his palm was upward and he could enclose her fingers with his own. Reassuring her. She felt as though a weight eased from her chest—no longer crushing her yet it didn't lift completely. When she smiled faintly back at him, he released her hand with a squeeze and returned to his food. She did the same. But that peculiar ache which had taken hold of her heart remained. As the sounds of conversation and cutlery went on around her, Madeline was the one to fall quiet. Something struck her then, a strange slide of realization. That the intensity of her feeling for him was devastating as it was beautiful. That this ache in her chest was for him—proof that it was possible to love someone so much that it hurt. That he came first before all and everyone else and there was no going back. The way she felt about Adam, she knew she would probably spend the rest of her life worrying and fretting over him just as surely as she would love and care for him.