The next morning John insists on taking you back to your apartment to get some more things and to make sure no traces of Max were around.
Going back to your apartment makes you feel uneasy, but you know if more time passes it'll just make it harder.
Francis stops to talk to John and they flip back and forth between Russian and English, and it makes your heart skip a beat hearing John fluent and speaking effortlessly to try and figure out your door situation.
"He said someone will be here on Monday." John tells you in the elevator. "He couldn't find anyone to fix it over the weekend."
"I have to stay with you the whole weekend?" It doesn't come out like you meant it to, you just don't want to impose, but John crosses his arms over his chest and tilts his head, waiting for you to explain. "I mean… I get to stay with you the whole weekend?"
There's caution tape hanging over your door and John takes it down so you can go inside. "Let me guess, you feel like you're being a burden, don't you?"
"Yes." You admit softly. "This is so hard."
John takes your hand and goes to sit on the bed while you stand between his legs. He looks up until you meet his eyes. "You do realize that I like helping you. And that I like having you at my place. That you could move in with me right now and I'd be the happiest I've been in a long time. You staying with me is not a burden. You are not a burden. Do you understand?"
You take a deep breath and squeeze his hand. "Okay."
"Okay? Or yes, you understand?"
"John, I'm trying." You pull away and rub at your temples, that familiar pain of a headache starting to pulse. You can see an image of Max at your kitchen table and it gives you the creeps. John's suit jacket is still on the floor so you pick up, shaking it out. You don't give it back though and instead, drape it over the chair. The least you can do is have it dry cleaned later, but John doesn't need to know that.
He watches as you gather some more clothes, pajamas and your makeup and hair dryer from the bathroom. You start to grab the shampoo and soap, but remember that John already has that for you. God, could he be any sweeter? Everything is tossed on the bed and you go back to him, leaning down for a hug. "If I was a burden, would you tell me? I feel like you wouldn't tell me."
He hugs you back hard and moves so you can sit besides him. "Do you think I'd be here right now if I felt that way? We're best friends, remember?"
You give him a doubtful look and a shrug. "I don't know, you're a nice guy. Nice guys do nice things."
"Trust me, I'm not that nice."
With the way he's looking at you right now, his gaze hard and his jaw clenched, you don't dare question him. Your eyes fall to his lips and they look so soft compared to his sharp features. The need to taste him is suddenly overwhelming. Both of you are starting to lean in when his phone rings from his pocket. You get up quickly to get a bag for all of your things, pretending to be busy while he takes the call.
That didn't just happen, so just forget about it. You seriously need to get it together and not kiss a guy only two days after being tossed around like a ragdoll. There's something just not right about it and you don't want John to fill a void that you need to heal yourself.
Is he speaking Italian now? God.
You dab some concealer under your eye as you wait and since you have time, put on some mascara and lip gloss. You're able to toss your hair and it's a relief that your head finally feels better. You strip off the work polo you had to wear this morning and walk back into your bedroom to find something else. John's seen you practically naked so you don't think much of it, but when you turn around after pulling on a thin sweater over a tank top, he's staring at you.
"What?"
He puts his phone back in his pocket and leans against the wall, still looking at you but not saying anything.
"What?" You ask again. "You walk around in your boxers all the time, what's the difference?"
"A bra and boxers are very different."
You smirk. "Are you complaining?"
"No."
That's what you thought. "Can we go? I have to get my car from your place and get to the city before lunch time."
John walks into the kitchen and looks around, satisfied that nothing seems too out of place. There's no blood or anything by the table, John's shirt catching most of it but your broken cell phone is still on the floor under the counter. He picks it up and tosses it in the garbage. The door frame is in a few different pieces and you thought that you heard Francis mention something about getting you new locks.
"I'll drop you off."
You're in your own thoughts when John speaks. "Hmm?"
"I have to go into the city too. I'll drop you off at Carla's and when you're done, text me and I'll pick you up."
"Are you sure?" His offer is generous. You hate driving into the city by yourself and dealing with traffic.
He nods and leads you out the door, replacing the caution tape. "Yeah, I have to take care of a few things." His voice is low, and it sounds like it has something to do with work so you try to lighten the mood.
"Are you sure you don't want to come dress shopping with us?" You ask, swinging your bag over your shoulder. You would kill to see John in a dress shop.
"I'll leave that to you girls."
"Bummer, you would've been very popular, I assure you."
"Do you know the name of the store?" He asks and you check your phone. Carla just text the address of what gas station she's working at today and told you she'll drive from there.
"No, but Carla wants me to meet her on Fifth and Broad street." You're not paying attention and texting her back, so John guides you to the car and you both get in after he puts your stuff in the trunk.
The traffic isn't too heavy and you're done letting Carla know you'll be there soon, so you turn towards John and get comfortable.
"No fancy suit today, even for business?"
He shifts and grips the steering wheel harder. "I have a safe deposit box where I keep a spare suit if I need it."
"Will you need it?"
"Not sure yet."
He's being oddly quiet and you wonder if it has something to do with the phone call earlier. "Were you speaking Italian?"
"Si." He nods, eyes still on the road.
Anxiety is starting to build and you know that a ramble is about to start any minute. Or you're going to start asking more questions and that's just annoying. Usually by now he would have tried to hold your hand or rest his palm on your knee, but he's focused and you're not sure what to do. You don't want to pull out your phone and ignore him either, but something tells you to be mindful and silence is okay.
At a red light John shifts again and lets a hand fall to his lap. You stare at it, wondering if you're allowed to reach for him. You can't decide and the whole time you're debating in your head, John continues to drive totally oblivious.
Before you know it, he's turning into the gas station and pulling up next to Carla's car. He turns off the engine and gets out before you can say anything, walking around to open your door. You get your purse and lean against the car, looking up at him.
"We should just be a few hours. I can find something to do if you need more time."
"Okay." The way he's looking at you is intense and you're still not sure what to do.
"I'll see you later? Thanks for driving me." You grab his hand and squeeze it, reassuringly if not for him, but for yourself.
"I'll walk you in."
"You'll… huh?"
"Carla, I want to meet her."
"Oh?" All you can do is blink and process how you're going to get out of this when you hear Carla yell out your name and start to jog over, the sound of her heels echoing under the high roof of the gas station.
John smiles widely and presses a hand to your back, sliding it slowly around your waist.
"Hey, Carla! How are you?"
"I'm good, sweetie! Ready to take you out on the town!" She gets a little flustered when she comes closer to John. "And who is this handsome fella? Is this the guy Sam was telling me about who always brings you coffee?"
Coughing, you try to clear your throat. Dammit Sam and his big fat mouth.
"Uh yeah, this is John. John, this is Carla."
They shake hands and you know Carla is swooning on the inside.
"Nice to meet you." John says, his voice deeper than usual, his arm pulling you closer to his body. "I understand you're going shopping?"
"Yes!" Carla finally takes back her hand and holds it to her heart, like a princess in a disney movie. She snaps with it and fusses with her purse, trying to get her keys out. "I'm taking her to this real sweet shop called Marty's… it's on second? Anyway, there's this great little coffee place I know she'll love right around the block from there." She winks at you, knowing your passion for coffee. "Are you ready to go, hon?"
You feel John let go of your waist only to grab hold of your hand.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute."
She nods and runs towards her car, pulling out her phone to check for messages.
John is staring at you again and now you can't stand it. "What's with you?"
"Nothing." He pulls out his wallet and hands you a credit card. "I want you to use this."
You're so confused. "For what?"
"For the dress. You shouldn't have to pay for that."
"Oh please. Are you serious right now?"
"See, I knew you'd do this."
You glare at him. "I have my own money."
He takes a step closer to you. "If you don't take this credit card I will call the store and give them my information over the phone, and I know that'll embarrass you."
This is actually starting to piss you off. "John Wick, are you threatening me right now?"
"No…"
He is no match for a woman scorned and if looks could kill, he'd be dead. "Fine. I'll take it." You snatch it out of his hand and put it in your purse. You have no intention of using it and he realizes his mistake when you start to walk away.
"I'm calling the store." He says loudly and you rush back to him.
"I swear John, we are going to have a talk about this when I get back."
He smiles, knowing he won. "I look forward to it."
Carla asks you a million questions when you get in the car.
Is he your boyfriend? He's so handsome!
Do you live together?
Why isn't he your boyfriend? He obviously likes you.
Does he have a single brother?
What does he do for work?
You avoid and deflect but your skills that usually work on John reflect off of Carla like bullets on Superman's chest. You answer her questions the best you can and hope she doesn't get too nosy. The dress shop is finally coming into view and you sigh some relief when she gets distracted by all the pretty clothes.
Carla's style is definitely different than yours, but that's one of the reasons you wanted her advice. Everything she picks out you would have never considered, but she seems to know fashion because almost all the pieces look really good on you. She makes you twirl in a silver blue dress, with the skirt going down to your knees and a cute neckline that she says accentuates your collarbone. There are also shoes (flat) and a purse and a new bra and it's all a little overwhelming, and once you go to the checkout counter, you're a little sweaty.
You wander over to the men's section when Carla decides to try on a blouse for herself and a pair of cufflinks catches your eye. There is a pair of small, square ones that are black with a silver edge that you really like and add the little box to your pile.
Between both you and Carla, there're a ton of shopping bags and walking down the street to the coffee house is a funny sight. It's worth it when you step inside and smell the rich flavors, your mouth watering at the freshly baked bread, cookies and sweets.
Carla insists on treating you, a thank you for all of your hard work, and you both settle down into a booth. You ask about her daughter, Erin, and she tells you that her first year of college has been difficult and she hopes the second year will be better.
"Why was it difficult?" You ask. "Did she have hard classes?"
"No, she's deaf and it's been a hard transition for her. Plus she's working part time at the gas station in the city, so she has to juggle both. She's there today for the closing shift, you'll have to meet her when we get back."
You tell Carla that you'd love to and that you hope she has a better year. "That must be really hard, I had no idea she was deaf."
"Yes, it caused quite the strain on my marriage but my ex was a deadbeat anyway. Erin is amazing. She can read lips and she's studying to be a teacher."
"Good for her!" You ask more questions about college and let Carla know you're thinking about taking classes too, but it won't interfere with work.
"You'll be a lot busier, that's for sure." She says. "But it's very rewarding. I'm glad to hear it."
After some gossip about Sam and the girl from the Thai place, who he finally asked out, Carla needs to head back and you thank her again for such a lovely time. You text John to let him know you're leaving the restaurant and stop to buy some cookies on the way out for after dinner tonight.
"Does John have a sweet tooth?" Carla asks and you nod. "He would never admit it though."
He's leaning on the car when Carla pulls in and you swear she whispers damn under her breath. You're pleased to see that John didn't have to change clothes and is wearing the same jeans and black shirt you left him in. His smile is wide when he greets you and he helps with all of your bags. Carla runs to get Erin so you can meet her while you're still packing the car.
"Looks like you made out well." He closes the now full trunk and turns to you, grabbing at your hand.
"I did. Carla wants me to meet her daughter, it should take only a minute. How'd you make out?" You scan John's body for any sign that he's hurt and you spot bruised, cut up knuckles. "What's this?"
"Nothing, just a scratch."
You give John one of your looks and hand him back his credit card before you forget.
"I saw you made a purchase, thank you for using it." He must've been checking his account on his phone all this time.
"Checking up on me now, too?"
"Not checking." He says slowly. "Just... hoping."
You smile and reach to stroke his hair back. "Well, I split the bill, genius. Compromise?"
He catches your arm and kisses the inside of your wrist. "I missed you."
"We were away from each other for like, three hours. Don't get attached."
"I can't help it."
You hear Carla coming closer and dragging her daughter behind her, who looks shy. You wave and smile, tucking yourself next to John's body. You missed him too.
"Erin, this is John." Carla introduces him as she signs and your eyes light up when John starts signing as well.
"Nice to meet you." He speaks and his hands move at the same time. Carla gapes at you and all you can do is blankly look at her. You had no idea.
The three of them have a conversation in sign language and try to include you, but they're all excited and you're still too stunned to pay attention anyway. From what you can tell, they're talking about Erin's school and John points to you.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"I said that you're starting to take classes in the fall too." John explains. "You guys can be study buddies."
You laugh and Erin does too. She's at least ten years younger than you but you think that she had to grow up fast, not unlike yourself. A man drives up and she has to get back inside to help a customer so she waves goodbye. Carla gives you a quick hug and she tells you that she'll stop by next week on her usual day. John nods and smiles at her, and she runs off inside too.
"Ready to go?"
You sigh as he opens the door for you. "Really, John? Sign language too?"
He rounds the car and shrugs his shoulders. "I must've picked it up somewhere." He gets behind the wheel and makes sure your seatbelt is on before he starts the car. "Did you have fun?"
"Yes, it was really nice to have some girl time."
"Girl time, huh?"
"Yep."
John frowns, keeping his eyes on the road. It's busier now with rush hour traffic. "What's a guy gotta do to get in on some of that time?"
You laugh and reach over to twirl a strand of his hair around your finger. "I could put barrettes in your hair and give you a mud mask when we get to your house."
"Sounds exhilarating." He seems less than enthused and you snicker at the thought.
His knuckles look painful and you don't want to touch them, but at the same time you want to comfort him too.
"What happened to your hands?"
John side eyes you and stays silent.
"Okay, fine. Anything else hurt?"
"No."
You try not to say anything, but eventually it comes out. "How is it fair that I tell you almost everything and you don't have to tell me anything?"
"I tell you stuff."
"Mmhm." You cross your arms over your chest and scoot towards the door.
"Fine, I paid Max a visit in jail."
Your mouth drops open and now you wished you hadn't asked. You wait for him to finish, but that's all the information he gives you.
"And?"
"And what?"
You stare at John and then rub your temples. You should have known he wasn't finished with Max.
"Oh, I didn't kill him." John says, "But I don't think he'll be bothering you anymore."
"Perfect." You sit back in the seat and close your eyes. "You can't just go around beating people up."
"Apparently I can." He says it so nonchalantly that you turn to stare at him again.
"I don't even know what to say."
"I know, that's why I didn't want to tell you."
You fiddle with your purse strap. "Well, thank you for telling me. I think."
"You're welcome." He stops at a red light and gives those wide, pitiful eyes. "Are you mad?"
You scoot closer to him again. "I'm mad at the situation, I'm not mad at you."
"I care about you, you know that right?"
Smiling, you reach over and touch his hand gently, below a blottled cut. "That's becoming very clear."
The weekend is over before you know it. You had to work both days, but John made dinner and even cracked open a bottle of wine on Sunday night. After eating you both took Pooch out for a walk around the block, platonically holding hands because "that's the rule." Every night you slept by his side and he never made a move other than what he's done before. He's very respectful and considerate, making sure your comfort is his top priority.
On Monday morning you find a rose on your windshield when you get ready to drive to work. You have all of your bags because the door to your apartment will be fixed by this afternoon and you'll have to go home. You throw them in the backseat, smiling to yourself. When John didn't want to walk you out, you thought it was odd but not enough to make you question him. The rose is a deep red and there's no note, but you keep glancing at it as you drive. No one has ever given you a flower before.
You can't help texting John at a red light. Did you leave something on my car?
I did.
Thank you but why?
It takes a few seconds for him to respond and you read his answer at the next light.
Just a reminder that not all of us are like Max.
You would never compare John to Max and even if you did, they're complete opposites. Sometimes you're still in awe that John has come into your life, how different it is now. How a few months ago you were living in a hazy world where you didn't belong. And now it's so different. Not perfect by any means, but different. Any changes from that life is better and you just hope it stays like this. A part of you feels that any minute something could happen and you'd be right back where you started. It's a scary thought.
After work you have therapy and you talk a lot about not living in fear. How the fear doesn't serve you and Beth gives you some more methods to safeguard what you have now, so you'll never go back to that dark place. You talk more about Max and that you're proud of how you handled it. You wish the situation didn't paralyze you so deeply, but Beth reassures you that something traumatic like that has to take its course.
The wedding comes up and you tell Beth about John holding your hand, what it would mean if you were to kiss him, and all the constant flirting, but never crossing that line. She suggests that you talk to John about whatever it is you're thinking and that you're allowed to ask him questions, he's not a mind reader and neither are you. She explains that communication is important and that it's good there hasn't been any physical contact yet. That if it does happen, it'll mean so much more and the connection will be stronger having waited so long.
Going back home after such a long day and having no one there really sucks. Sleeping alone sucks. The red rose you put in a vase on the kitchen table helps, but all you can think about is John and that worries you. The last thing you want to happen is to become obsessed with him, always checking your phone to see if he's called, daydreaming about the next time you'll see each other. The wedding is this weekend and your nerves are surging uncontrollably. However, you're not thinking about Max and you consider that a win.
The only thing that keeps you somewhat calm is work so you do your best to concentrate while you're there throughout the week.
John texts you every morning, in the middle of the day and always at night. He asks how your day is and you don't know what to tell him because it's incredibly boring. By Wednesday he calls when he knows you have the night off and he wants to see you, making up any excuse to get his way.
"Pooch really misses you."
"Is that so?" You smile and put the phone on speaker so you can clean around your bedroom. The dress you bought is hanging in your closet and you can't wait to wear it. "How can you tell?"
"He told me."
"Ohh, right, sure he did. And what did he say?"
You can tell John is doing the dishes because there are sounds of clanging pots and pans in the background. "He asked me why the pretty lady had to leave."
"You've had another lady stay at your house? I didn't know you were such a manwhore, John."
"Very funny." He tells you dryly. "You should come over tonight. I'll make dinner and we can watch a movie or something."
"I would love that." You actually would like to see him and think it might be impossible to wait until this weekend. "But I'm going out."
There's a beat of silence and John clears his throat. "Oh."
"Mmhm. I have a very important meeting at the laundromat tonight."
"Ohh." John says more easily. "Well just bring your laundry over here. We can eat and hang out while it's in the wash."
You've never considered that and look at the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, which will probably take at least a few hours to get done. You'd much rather be at John's house than sitting in a plastic chair.
"Are you sure that'd be okay?"
"Yeah, of course. I have everything you need. I'll see you soon?"
Well, John got his way again but you're happy about it and gather all of your things quickly. You stuff your dirty clothes into your laundry bag, grab your purse and the bag from Target that's been sitting by your front door for a few days now. You might've bought Pooch a bone while you were out shopping for new clothes.
You stop and look in the mirror before you head out. After work you had gotten comfortable in some loose grey sweatpants and a white tank top. You're still wearing your black bra though so you grab a light sweater and flip flops. Not the classiest but good enough.
The drive over is fast and you don't bother knocking because he left the door open. You haul in your laundry bag and you can tell John is cooking fish tonight.
"Smells good." You tell him, dropping your bag to the floor when you see him in the kitchen.
He smiles at the sight of you, wiping his hands off on a towel before he walks over.
"Hi."
His hugs are becoming addictive and he's still so careful, his large hands caressing your lower back. You lean into him and savor the feeling of his arms wrapped around you, his solid chest against your cheek.
He pulls back and touches your fingers as he goes back to the sink. "Are you hungry? It'll be a little while before it's ready."
"That's fine, I had to eat Thai again today." You tell him about Sam and his new girlfriend, who is incredibly sweet and how cute they are when she brings him lunch. "He's allergic to peanuts so he gives his food to me all the time. I told him to just tell her but now it's become this big thing."
"Uh oh." John laughs. "Sounds like drama."
"Exactly. To be eighteen again and have a peanut allergy be my only problem."
That's not entirely true. Sam has his family issues too that he's confided in you, but it's mostly about his big brother picking on him so you can't really relate.
John sets some carrots and celery out with a dip to snack on. "Is he still going to work when school starts?"
"Yeah," You get yourself a glass of water before sitting down at the counter. "It works out because he'll work after school when I have to go to my night class. It just sucks I won't get to see him as much."
"Are you getting nervous about going back?"
You take a carrot and nod. "For English and History I had to take online courses so I can still work my schedule. I only have to go to the campus twice a week for math class, on Wednesdays and Friday at 6pm. Room 245 in the West Wing. I have no idea where that is."
John is checking the oven and glances over his shoulder. "Do you want to take a walk to the college and find it? That way you don't have to worry."
You stop chewing to look at him because you'd been planning on doing that anyway. You can't believe he offered to do that with you. It's like he knows exactly how to calm you down. "Yeah? That'd be great."
"Consider it done." He gets a package of rice from the cupboard and measures it out. "And school starts when we get back from the wedding?"
"Yep, on Tuesday." You tell him. You think about Beth's advice about asking John what's on your mind and decide this is a good time to try it out. "Speaking of the wedding, are we going to stay there for one night or two?"
"I was thinkin' two if we drive down on Friday. Then we can relax and do some stuff before Saturday evening, then drive back Sunday morning if that's okay."
You're so glad you requested the whole weekend off from work, it'll be like a mini vacation. "Is there a Continental in the Hamptons?"
John laughs, there's no way a hotel like that would be in a small town. "No, but we'll be staying at the bed and breakfast where the wedding will be."
You smirk, covering your mouth so he doesn't see it. "In one room or two?"
He turns around and looks at you nervously. "One room."
"One bed or two?"
"One."
Your eyebrows shoot up.
"But there's a foldaway bed. I could even sleep on the floor."
You break out laughing, getting up so you can get your laundry started. "It's fine, I'm just joking with you."
He still looks uncertain and you go to him, arms crossed over your chest. You don't think you could handle another hug right now because the urge to kiss him is getting stronger by the minute. "Hey, after everything we've gone through together, you seriously think I would mind sleeping in a bed with you?"
He reaches to caress his thumb over your cheekbone, where the bruise and cut have healed. "I never want to assume anything."
"And I would never worry about that with you." You grab his hand and place it on your shoulder, squeezing his fingers for a hint. They begin to massage your skin and it feels amazing. "Plus, I think if I didn't like something I'd be able to speak up about it now."
"Really?" His hand moves to the back of your neck, behind your hair and where all of your tension lives. "I cannot wait to see that."
"Me either. I'm usually very agreeable." You let your eyes fall shut for a few seconds before stepping back. Turns out any physical touch makes you want to kiss him.
"Except when you're hungry."
You open the door to the laundry and stop. "When I'm hungry? You're the one who gets hangry."
He scoffs. "Me? No way. You do."
"Uh, yes way." You start to load up the washer and turn it on. "If you don't eat, you get in funk."
"You mean like when you don't get your morning coffee?" Well, that might be true. You never realized you get grumpy without coffee. "Don't worry." He pops into the laundry room and presses his lips lightly to your temple. "I think it's cute."
Mumbling to yourself, you finish up and go back to the kitchen. "Maybe I need to go on a coffee detox?" You get the Target bag you'd left by your purse and before Pooch sees his treat you ask John if he can have it.
You'd think it was made of hearts and rainbows with the way he's looking at you as he nods.
Pooch is out in the backyard soaking up the last of the sun and gets up as soon as he hears your voice. You get him all riled up and laugh as he pounces on you like a puppy. It's hard not to play with him for a few minutes, giving him kisses and hiding the bone behind your back, confusing him until you can't take it anymore and let him have it, laughing again at his antics.
John is at the door, watching and you had no idea that you had an audience. You're slightly embarrassed he caught you being silly and bump his arm when you pass him to go inside.
"You said he missed me, right?"
"If I said I missed you, would I get that kind of attention?"
"Too late." You sing, giggling at the disappointment on his face. "Fine, you want a belly rub too? Come here."
He looks curiously at you, his hair falling in his eyes as he stands just a few inches from you. Tucking his hair back, you let his strands fall between your fingers a few times before you lightly drag your nails through his beard, skimming his lips with your fingertip. "Satisfied?"
His body is swaying from your touch and you like the effect it has on him. He had closed his eyes and now he's slowly opening them, his gaze full of adoration. "Not in the least."
It's Friday mid morning and John is on his way to pick you up. You're nervous again, twisting the handle to your overnight bag as you wait on the curb of your apartment building. You think about dinner a few nights ago, and how the flirting was starting to get out of your control. How you abruptly stopped and continued the night like almost kissing him never happened. You're not sure if you have the strength to do it much longer.
The salmon John had made was perfect and so was the walk to campus after dinner. You held his hand but the tension was thick. Luckily, the both of you got distracted looking around the school and getting lost a few times before finally finding the right building and narrowing down which hallway your classroom would be in. When you got back to the house, your laundry was done drying and you made up the excuse that you were tired and had to be up early.
Now your whole body is on pins and needles as you watch his car turn into the parking lot. You wave when there's eye contact and he smiles as he puts it in park.
"You didn't have to wait down here, I could've helped you with your stuff." He says, placing your bag and your dress carefully in the trunk.
"I'm very capable. And I got road trip snacks!" You proudly hold up a sack full of trail mix, licorice, and crackers.
"Are you afraid I'm going to get hangry on the way there?"
The thought did cross your mind and you laugh as you see two coffees when you settle in the car.
"Were you afraid I was going to get cranky?"
"Never." John pulls out of the complex and here you go. It's only supposed to take a little over an hour to get to the Hamptons, but with Friday traffic it could probably take up to three.
As you leave the city, John asks if you've always lived in New York.
"Actually, I grew up in California." You tell him. "My parents shipped me out here to live with grandma when I was a teenager. What about you?"
He doesn't respond right away and you've always wondered about his family, how he grew up, anything about his childhood. You thought it must've been quite interesting if he ended up in an assassin school and assumed John wouldn't really ever want to talk about it. Just like you don't want to talk much about your past.
"I grew up in the foster system." He finally says, eyes straight ahead. "In New York." John doesn't have to explain much, you can only imagine what that would have been like for him. "I ran away at least once a week. The last time I left was when I met The Director. She took me in and as it turns out, was also one of the leaders for the Russian Mafia in the city."
You hang on to his every word, listening closely. "How old were you?"
"Eleven or twelve, I'm not really sure."
"Is that where you met Marcus?"
"No," John takes a sip of coffee and motions for you to do the same. "It'll get cold." He tells you. "I met Marcus when I was in Italy, after I was booted off to the Marines for a few years, and after a lot of training. I was out on my first assignments alone, but Marcus' job was to trail my every move and I didn't even know it. He saved my life a few times."
"Really? Have you ever saved his life?"
Pausing to think about it, he stops at a red light and looks at you. "Yeah, I guess I have."
You grin softly. "Then there will be two people at this wedding who are very lucky to know you."
That must embarrass him because he just shakes his head with a small smile and continues to drive. You don't want to press and ask more questions, so you turn to look out the window. All the trees are turning red and orange, the beautiful shades of autumn on the falling leaves. Time has gone by so fast and it's hard to think that September is right around the corner.
Eventually you feel John's hand find its way to your lap, like usual. It makes you feel cherished and your hand finds his, and you start to play with his long fingers.
After a few moments of watching out the window, you let your head rest on the back of the seat. "I wish Pooch could have come with us." You tell him softly.
"Me too, but Cassey was so happy. She said to tell you hello and that next time you're over, she wants to play again."
"She's sweet." You glance at John, giving him a fond look.
He grins, threading your fingers together. "You're sweet."
"Stop."
"Stop what?"
"Stop being so nice." You whisper, a lump suddenly forming in the back of your throat. Sometimes his comments are overwhelming and it makes you emotional. You're still not used to it.
He doesn't miss a beat and squeezes your hand. "Okay."
There's not much traffic and the ride is faster than you thought it would be. By the time you get into town, it's after lunch and both of you are starving. John wants to take you to his favorite seafood restaurant and you tell him that growing up poor you've never really had much seafood before, so you'll need his help.
It's an experience to say the least. You discover that you like shrimp and crab, you're not a fan of calamari but John swears you'll learn to like it. His eyes are glued to you when the clams and mussels come out and they're actually not too bad. You think it's best to save trying the oysters for next time and quit while you're ahead.
It's only a short distance from the restaurant to the bed and breakfast, which is right on the ocean and absolutely beautiful. The room is just like your apartment, only tiny and there really is only one bed but it's huge. For some reason you wish it was just a little smaller. Your bags are placed in the closet and John asks if you want to take a walk on the beach before it gets dark. The weather became overcast and windy, but you want to go badly.
The smell of the ocean, the feel of sand between your toes, being here with John… it makes you giddy and you can't stop smiling. The breeze is chilly though and you only brought a sweater, so John pulls you close as you head towards the peer. He's been quiet and you bump your elbow into his side, asking if he's okay.
"I'm okay." He reassures you gently. "I just really like watching you when you're happy."
You tilt your head to lean on his shoulder. "What about when I'm a crying mess in your bathtub?"
He looks away and furrows his brow. "I'd rather you be happy, but I'll always watch over you no matter what."
You're starting to wonder if he'll ever do or say the wrong thing. And then it hits you hard. Everything he tells you, everything he says to you, everything he promises you… everything has all been backed up by his actions. He doesn't just talk about whatever he thinks you want to hear, but he actually does things all the time to prove to you that he cares.
It's something you're not used to, only knowing the mindless and endless promises to change from Max. The disappointment consumes your stomach because all this time, you were comparing the two of them. And you were letting Max influence your thoughts. Double disappointment. You'll have some reflecting to do, but you also don't want to overthink right now and ruin the moment.
At the end of the peer you lean against the wood railing and look out into the ocean. Your hair is going crazy in the wind and John steps behind you, blocking the breeze the best he can with his body.
"Are you cold?" He asks, his mouth next to your ear. You nod and he comes even closer, until he's pressed up behind you with his hands resting next to yours. It's extremely intimate and you take a sharp breath, knowing you're going to ruin the moment anyway.
"Is that a knife in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"
John laughs and moves his hips. "It's a knife."
"Oh, darn."
You feel his body still and you know he can't tell if you're joking or not. You don't give any hints either and stay silent.
It's becoming colder but John certainly is warm and you're not too sure what he's doing until you feel his nose at your temple, breathing in deeply. "You smell so good."
A part of you wishes that he would stop. That part is doubt and fear though, which you refuse to give into right now. So, you don't pull away and you don't make a joke. You let him hold you and enjoy the moment because that's what you deserve.
TBC