Chapter Ten

The Unpleasantness of Relatives

The next few days for Bilbo were some of the best that she had experience in many years. She was once more amongst friends who understood and cared for her and did not think her the slightest bit odd when she started making up songs or poems on the spot about distant lands and grand creatures.

In fact, after a few verses, the dwarves would usually join in, offering suggestion here and there to help the flow of the tune or poem. They also, after they found out about it of course, were very interested in her book.

There and Back Again: A Hobbit's Tale was the name of her tale and recounted their quest for Erebor from her point of view. She hadn't finished writing it of course. Too busy was she taking care of an active child and ill father, not to mention the ache in her chest that she felt whenever she thought back over their quest, but she had written enough for the four dwarves to comment over, which they did with a great deal of delight and amusement as they read over the beginning days of their adventure from her how she saw them.

Once they had read as much as she had so far written they begged for more, even when she laughingly point out they had lived the adventure her book spoke of and did not need it written down for them to know it.

Even so, they argued in return, the book was written with such humour and lightness and had such a fresh feel to it that they simply wanted to read more of it.

Bilbo had shaken her head, laughingly saying that the book wasn't meant to be a favourite bedtime story but a recounting of what happened during their quest for Erebor.

"Leave the history and all the boring stuff for Balin and Ori to write up," Kili had said with a firmness to his voice that reminded Bilbo painfully of his Uncle. At least with Kili, he spoke with a smile instead of a seemingly permanent grim scowl, "you write the tale that will be remembered forever and a day."

The other dwarves nodded their encouragement at this and with that in mind; Bilbo had started to write once more. It was quite a relief to write down her memories and thoughts about their quest down into the book and it helped her to deal with her lingering grief and sadness of what happened at the end, at the mountain and before the great battle.

The sun was warm upon her features from where she was pottering around her garden, listening to her son's giggles as Kili and Ori played with him, throwing him up into the air and chasing him all around the hill and underneath the great tree that grew above the hobbit-hole. Bifur and Bofur sat side by side on the grassy slope, whittling away at some wood.

"Mama! Mama!" She felt a small thud against her legs as her little lad crashed into her from full speed.

"Hello there, what are you doing?" She smiled down at him.

"Unning rom te mean gob-ins." Frodo cried with a wide grin before letting out a loud squeal as Kili suddenly jumped in front of them.

"Honestly," Bilbo snorted with amusement, "what are you teaching my son!"

"Ah…" Kili replied intelligently before smiling the innocent smile that he had often sent her way during their quest whenever she had been bordering on being cranky with him for something or other he and his older brother had done.

"Kili, he has no need to know what goblins are." Bilbo moaned, thinking of the nightmares she still suffered from the foul and evil beings.

"We're only playing Bilbo." Ori said as he popped up from behind Kili.

"I know, I'm just…" she trailed off as she looked back down at her son who was grinning widely back at the two dwarves.

"Trying to protect him from the big, bad world?" Kili offered and she nodded.

"Yes, exactly. Please, can't I keep him innocent of the world outside the Shire for a little while longer? He's just a baby."

"He's going to learn about them sooner or later." Kili grumbled unhappily, shuffling his feet.

"Yes, he will most likely," Bilbo agreed with a sigh. She wasn't stupid or blind, her son was an adventurous little lad already and when he was older she had no doubt that he would go out into the big, bad world outside the safe and beautiful Shire, "but preferably not before his third birthday!"

"Oh, alright." The two dwarves sighed before grinning at the little Dwobbit – Bilbo was horrified by the name that Ori and Kili had come up with for what her son was, but they refused to cease calling him it and the other two, who were older and should know better were now using the term too. Heavens above, she heard her papa calling Frodo a Dwobbit only the other day! – causing him let out another delighted squeal and to run away as fast as his little legs could carry him while the two dwarves once more gave chase.

Giggling she walked over to where the other two were whittling.

"Corrupting your boy are they?" Bofur teased as she sat down beside him and Bifur.

"Of course, how could I expect anything else from them?" she laughed as she leant back against the grass, her head back so that the sun warmed her face, smiling as she listened to her son's giggles and the sound of Kili's and Ori's promises to get him.

Bofur chuckled and went back to his work while Bilbo enjoyed the sun, wishing that things could remain this way, but of course it could not and the thought ate away at her inside.

"We'll – we'll have to return soon." Bofur voice said through the warm sunlight and despite its previous warmth Bilbo now found herself to be growing cold. She sat up slowly and looked back at him.

"When?"

"Not quite yet," Bofur answered hurriedly, "but…"

"Soon."

"Yes, we're expected back at Erebor by the end of autumn and if we don't…"

"The king will send out a search party?"

"That might just come by here." Bofur nodded and Bilbo sighed, plucking at the grass beside her.

"I knew you could not stay for long," she admitted softly, "but, I really and truly do not wish for you to go."

"Same, lass, same." Bofur replied as he gave her a sad smile, "But we won't leave for a little while yet." He reassured her and she smiled in relief. She wasn't quite ready yet to say goodbye. Frodo certainly wasn't. The little boy adored the dwarves that he had only known for a few days almost as much as he adored Gandalf. Bilbo was certain that Gandalf only came first in the little boy's heart due to the fact that wizard could make such spectacular fireworks.

She was just settling down again on the grass in the warm sun again, sleep seeming almost inevitable when she heard a harsh coughing sound coming from somewhere near her front gate.

Oh no, not now. Why did the wretched woman have to come by now?

Bilbo sat up slowly and stared in unconcealed annoyance at the miserable old bat standing by her front gate staring at her in her usual snotty way. Obviously, the hobbit woman had not yet realised that Bilbo's companions were dwarves or she would have been looking less snotty and more horrified to discover that Bilbo was once more causing disgrace to the family.

"Billanna Baggins!"

"Good afternoon Lobelia," Bilbo called back not bothering to get up or make any motion for her cousin-in-law to enter her garden, "what can I do for you today?" This was, of course, always a stupid act of courtesy, asking a Sackville-Baggins what you can do for them for you quickly found your ear being chewed off with their numerous complaints and finding yourself stuck with them staying for numerous meals of the day.

But sadly even though Bilbo herself knew all of this quite well, it was a force of habit that had been drummed into her since her earliest hobbit lass days and it was one that was hard to break, even when you did have Sackville-Baggins calling at least once a week.

Lobelia sent her a very hard look and opened her mouth to say something but was stopped be the delighted squeal from Frodo who was being carried back to his mother underneath Kili's arm, who was grinning almost as manically as his cousin, with Ori trotting at their heels, smiling.

"You've got yourself a fast little tyke, Bilbo." Kili called beaming with pride at his cousin who was still laughing and squirming under his arm. "He's almost as fast as…" Kili was interrupted by the horrified gasp from Lobelia who was staring at him in horror, at all the dwarves in horror before she let out a furious shriek.

"BILLANNA BAGGINS how could you!"

Bilbo sighed heavily as she got slowly to her feet, dusting off her skirt as she did so before trotting down to her front garden gate, ignoring the angry glares her dwarves were shooting at her cousin's wife.

"How could I what, Lobelia?" Bilbo asked her cousin-in-law innocently causing Lobelia to stop glaring at the dwarves and turning her nasty gaze upon her. Bilbo braced herself for an onslaught of nasty comments.

"Dwarves, Billanna! You are consorting with dwarves again! How could you! How could you do this to the family, you selfish girl! Have you not heard the talk that others speak! The rumours? Have you forgotten everything I spoke to you about last week? Why, why must you be so selfish and bring us all down to your disgraceful level! Your father may be able to stand for this new offence, but I, I will not! Nor will my husband, you can be sure of that!" Lobelia snapped furiously at her. Bilbo forced herself not to roll her eyes at the ridiculous woman while also trying to keep her dwarves from getting involved.

She glanced back at Bofur who seemed to be the only one not ready to cause some kind of bodily harm towards her cousin-in-law, if only by just. He looked to be as angry as the rest of them. Kili looked beside himself and if weren't for the fact that he was still holding Frodo in his arms, Bilbo was sure he would have strike Lobelia, her being of the fair gender or not.

Which would be bad, Bilbo told herself over and over again, very, very bad!

"Billanna, are you listening to me, you wretched girl?"

"Yes, Lobelia."

"Don't say 'yes Lobelia' in that tone with me, girl! I, I at least am thinking of our family while you, you are acting like, like some kind of…" She stuttered over a word that had the dwarves standing behind Bilbo snarling back at Lobelia in rage.

"Lobelia," Bilbo spoke quickly not wishing for her cousin to be struck despite her hurtful words, "please, it's not like that. These dwarves are my friends and are here to…"

"I know why they're here!" Lobelia cried shrilly, "Anyone with a brain, which you are clearly missing my girl, knows why they're here. Did you not learn that the first time? From the bastard child you already have that…"

"Please Lobelia," She was close to begging now. She didn't much care for what Lobelia was saying, she had heard all of this before, but she knew that the dwarves behind her did care, very much and Bilbo was growing more and more fearful of what they would do to Lobelia if she continued. "Please Lobelia, now really isn't a good time for this."

"Not a good time! Not a good time! Now you listen to me my girl, you may have fallen for their ways and allowed for yourself to be disgraced, by I, I will not allow for this family to be disgraced any further because of your stupidity!" she made to come into Bilbo's garden, her whole body shaking with uncontrollable anger.

"Lobelia, no!" Bilbo cried stepping in front of her cousin-in-law.

SLAP

Bilbo staggered under the surprising force that her cousin-in-law had placed behind her hand as it hit her across her face.

"MAMA!" She heard the frighten cry of her child. She had to go and comfort him, show him that it was alright, that she was alright, but her mind had all but frozen from shock.

She had never been slapped before. Not ever, not once. Even Thorin at his most furious had never hit her. Given her a rough shake maybe, but never had he laid a hand upon her. His words had struck her enough without him landing any physically blows.

"If you strike her again," she hears Kili say in the deadliest of voices, reminding her once more of his uncle and for a single breath she thought Thorin was standing behind her, not his nephew, "I will break your arm. I promise you."

"Kili, don't." She mumbled her brain slowly stirring itself enough to allow her to speak, to move, though the blood was still humming in her ears and she still felt reasonably numb. She reaches up and gingerly touches the cheek that Lobelia has struck and winced a little, her eyes watering, though more from humiliation and fury than from actual pain. What was a little slap from a hobbit compared to being thrown and battered against rocks and being almost run through by a wicked Orc blade?

"Mama?" she felt her son's small arms wrap around her waist as he buried his head against her hip.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she forced herself to look down at him and smile as she ran her fingers through his curls.

"It's alright sweetheart, shush, it's alright." Bilbo whispered softly to him.

"It bloody well ain't alright!" Bofur said coming up behind her and the next thing she knew both she and Frodo were being dragged backwards and she found herself now staring at a wall of dwarves, blocking her from her cousin-in-law. Or blocking her cousin-in-law from her.

"It's fine!" Bilbo cried, trying to push her way passed her protective dwarves. "No harm has been done. I'm fine, please just let it be!"

"Let it be?" Kili had swung around to face her, his eyes burning with fury though they soften as they looked at her, "she slapped you! Insulted your honour and was implying that you were…"

"Yes, yes!" Bilbo cried over him, "I know all of that, I have been standing here the whole time, you know. But it doesn't matter, do you hear me?" She spoke a little louder so that all the dwarves looked back at her, "it doesn't matter, so please let it be!"

She pushed fully past the dwarves to look her cousin-in-law in the face. Lobelia looked to be in a state of shock, her dark eyes wide and staring at the hand that had slapped Bilbo across the face.

"Thank you, Lobelia for stopping by, but please, if you could refrain from doing so while my dwarf friends are still here, I would deeply appreciate it."

Lobelia blinked at her for a moment, her mouth opening as if to say something before closing it again and simply gave her a sharp nod and stalked back down Bagshot Lane, her head held high.

"You shouldn't have let her off so lightly?" Kili growled angrily.

"Oh Kili and what should I have done?" She asked as she watched her cousin-in-law disappear down the lane before turning to look up at the dwarf prince, "Break her arm?"

"No," the prince replied, "I would have done that, but you, you should not have allowed her to say such things to you."

"Kili," Bilbo sighed, "she's been saying such thing to me since I returned home four years ago, the only difference with today was that you four were present. Seeing you and realising what you were, must have finally caused her to… snap?" Bilbo wasn't excusing her cousin-in-laws behaviour, no chance of that, but she couldn't deal with the woman that way her dwarves wanted her too.

"So this has happened before?" Bofur asked looking at Bilbo's throbbing cheek with fury that was so unlike him.

"What? No! This," she waved a hand at her cheek, "has never happened before today. Usually she just snaps at me for awhile and then leaves after eating our best cakes and has drunk quite a bit of tea and sherry."

"You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of…" Kili spoke the final words of his sentence in dwarvish that Bilbo did not understand but was certain that whatever he had said was not very polite or complimentary towards Lobelia so she gave him a sharp smack to his arm just as both Bofur and Bifur gave him sharp slaps over the back of his head.

"What? It's true! Bilbo shouldn't have to put up with this kind of disrespect within her homeland."

"Well, I do." Bilbo muttered as she lifted Frodo onto her hip and started to make her way up the front steps to go instead her home, "So please stop threatening to break the arms of everyone who insults me, you'll find yourself with aching fingers from the sheer number of arms you'll be forced to break to keep your promise."

"But…"

"No buts," she was close to snapping now, shooting warning looks over her shoulder at the dwarves, "I mean it. Leave it all well enough alone."

She could hear the dwarves grumbling behind her in dwarvish but she paid them no heed as she marched herself to the kitchen to start preparing lunch. Cooking always took her mind off unpleasant memories.

"Are you angry with us?" Bilbo looked up from her cooking to see the dwarves staring at her from the doorway of the kitchen, their faces filled with worry and apprehension. Frodo slide off the bench she had set him off and tottered over to Bofur, his arms raised to be picked up so that he could play with dwarf's funny hat.

"No. No, of course not." She replied and watched as the dwarves shoulders slumped forward in relief.

"I'm sorry," Kili said staring down at his shuffling feet, "I should not have threatened your cousin like that. It just that…" he looked up at her with sad eyes, his hand reaching out and gently touching her still painfully stinging cheek. She ducked her head in shame and embarrassment.

"It won't happen again." She assured him, all of them.

"What won't happen again?" Her father asked as he hobbled slowly into the kitchen, smiling in greeting to the dwarves though his easy smile faulted when he saw how sombre they all looked.

"Lobelia came to visit Papa." Bilbo said not looking up from her cooking.

"What has the awful woman said now?" Bungo asked looking from his daughter to her sombre dwarves.

"Nothing Papa," Bilbo tried to assure her father without looking him in the face, hoping to hide her cheek for a long as possible, "everything is fine."

Her father snorted.

"Hardly anything is fine whenever that woman comes to visit, so please, tell me what was said, what has happened to make you all so sombre."

"Lobelia," Bilbo sighed, "was simply being Lobelia, Papa. Do not worry." She looked up at her papa and tried to smile reassuringly to ease his worries, only to remember her cheek too late as her father's eyes fell upon it, eyes widening with shock.

"Billanna!" he said hobbling to her side and taking her face gently in his old, wrinkled hands.

"Papa, its fine. It does not even hurt." She said, trying not to wince as her father gently pressed against it.

"Did she – that woman – did she?" her father stuttered his face growing red with anger. "Blast – that woman, next time I see her I'll…"

"Papa," Bilbo said placing her hands upon her father's frail shoulders, "please calm yourself. All is well. Our good dwarves saw that she will never do this to me again and I very much doubt we'll be seeing her nearly as frequently now."

"I should hope so!" Her father cried as he allowed himself to be seated down at the kitchen table, "the nerve of that - that woman! How dare she! How…"

"Papa, please." Bilbo replied, "It's alright." She smiled at him before placing a kiss to his temple.

"Don't worry Mister Baggins," Kili said as Bilbo went back to cooking lunch, "she wouldn't allow us to vent our anger over the unpleasant event either."

"My daughter has a kind and gentle heart."

"That she does." The dwarves agreed as one ignoring the annoyed look said hobbit was giving them.

"Oh hush, all of you." Bilbo groaned, "You two," she gestured to Kili and Ori, "set the table please."

"Of course, madam." The two youngest dwarves bowed to her, grinning at her with equal cheek but did as she asked, taking out plates and cutlery while she served up their lunch.

Lunch was a quiet affair, far less laughter and jokes were made than usual and Bilbo could not bring herself to make mindless chatter. Despite what she said about everything being fine, that Lobelia's words had done her no harm and that she was used to the unkind thoughts directed towards her, deep inside of her she ached and just like the night that she had her house once more invaded by dwarves, Bilbo founded herself feeling miserable and sorry for herself.

Her father and the dwarves all kept their distance during that afternoon, allowing her to have the space she desperately craved as she shut herself up into her bedroom.

Her cheek was very red from Lobelia slap and Bilbo predicted that she would have a rather pretty bruise decorating her cheek the next morning.

The bastard child you already have

Bilbo cringed as Lobelia's hurtful words resounded around her head and felt tears prick in her eyes.

"Honestly girl," Bilbo whispered harshly to herself as she sat heavily down upon her bed, "she spoke no words that you haven't heard before, so stop your blubbering this instance! Worse has been spoken to you by far!"

You miserable hobbit.

Words like that…

Tears once more started to flow down her cheeks as she remembered him and his harsh words towards her before he cast her from his side forever.

She remembered how he shook her and yelled at her. So great was he's fury that Bilbo had truly feared that he would only break from it when he did exactly as he threaten to do and that was throwing her from the battlements of Erebor to the mountain's rocky roots far below.

Raged sobs broke free of her and she felt as if she was being ripped from the inside out. Why hadn't he just killed her then and there? Why did he leave her alive to live with this constant pain?

If he had killed you, he would be dead and his child would never have been born into this world. Your child. A voice whispered gently within her head. It sounded very much like Gandalf's which calmed her greatly.

She nodded and took a few deep breathes to calm herself. She washed away her tears in her bedside wash basin before checking her appearance in her mirror.

Her eyes were red and puffy still but she could easily pass that off as a side effect of her hurt cheek and when she smiled the redness and puffiness was less noticeable.

She done with feeling sorry for herself and with her head held high she strode out into the front room where the dwarves were playing with Frodo, helping him build mountains, castles and forts with the wooden blocks Bilbo had purchased for him for his second birthday.

"Mama." Frodo cried in delight, running to his mother's side and hugging himself to her side.

"Hello my sweetheart," She said smiling at him, "are you being good?"

"Yup!" Frodo beamed before babbling at half a mile a minute about the complicated and involved game he was playing with the dwarves, proudly presenting her with a perfect toy-size replicate of Smaug the Dragon that Bofur had made for him.

"I would paint it, but," Bofur apologized blushing, "I did not think to bring any paints with me."

"He's wonderful," Bilbo said as she turned the fantastic Dragon toy over in her hands, "looks exactly how he did when I spoke with him."

"Mama?" Frodo gasped, "uoo 'oke ith a wagon?"

"Yes, yes I did," Bilbo said trying not to sound too proud of herself. Not that the pride last long, not when the guilt of what happened after her talk with Smaug played back over in her mind, as fresh as if it had been only yesterday.

If only she had kept her mouth shut about barrel-riding! She could have spared everyone a great deal of pain and suffering.

"Mama?" she was drawn from her dark thoughts – hadn't she only moments ago stated that she was done with feeling sorry for herself? – and turned her attention back on to her son.

"Hmmm, what is it?"

" 'ell me bout the wagon… peese?" her son begged with his big blue eyes.

Bilbo hesitated; she wasn't really in the mood to talk about Smaug.

"Maybe some other time," she said watching her son's face fall, "but how bout instead I tell you the tale of three monstrous trolls? About how they argued amongst themselves until daybreak about how they were going to cook thirteen dwarves and a burrahobbit. Whether it be to turn them on a spit or to sit on them one by one and squash the dwarves into jelly!"

Her son let out his predictable gasp, even though he had heard this particular story many, many times before, he still got excited over hearing it again.

Bilbo curled up into her favourite chair, Frodo cuddled up in her lap, clutching his new toy Smaug close to his chest while the dwarves sat themselves around her as she started to tell her tale.

And even though the dwarves were a part of the story and knew it as well as Bilbo did, it still felt as new to them as any new tale and they were quickly drawn into the tale she wove like a colourful tapestry.