A/N: Removed draft from chapter 42.

.

#5

Removed draft – I'll Be Fine

.

The night stretched out over the horizon and isolated them in darkness. Rin was slowly making her way back to camp after her hurried stroll through the forest. It was way too late, and the voices by the campfire had died out a while ago.

She nodded to Yuuta who still sat guard over his students and the client on the way, glad the darkness hid the blush on her cheeks. She hoped he hadn't heard their earlier conversation. It would be mortifying if he knew what they'd been discussing. It was unprofessional and downright childish in hindsight, and she wished she hadn't gotten so worked up over the whole ordeal.

Why did Anko have to be so unfair? Couldn't she just respect that Rin saw these things differently than her? She had tried to give her advice, because Rin knew Anko was too reckless when it came to sex and the opposite gender. And what had she gotten for showing concern? Only scorn and humiliation. Rin was absolutely furious at what she had been hinting at. Right there in front of Kakashi too! He had to have realized what the argument had actually been about. But they were on a mission right now, and her personal drama wouldn't stop her from preforming her duty. So she would return and continue working civilly. At least someone had to be professional of the bunch.

She made it back to the campfire without much trouble, finding figures spread out between trees and bushes. Her teammates had gone to sleep while she'd been cooling off, which had been the point actually. She just didn't want to discuss this anymore, and hopefully the subject would be dropped completely for the remains of the mission.

She found her backpack where she'd left it, and started rummaging for her sleeping bag. The night was warm enough that she would be fine without it, but it was always more comfortable than to sleep straight on the bare ground.

After getting her sleeping bag she went in search for a good spot that looked both soft and sheltered from the wind. But as she walked past the sleeping figures, trying not to make a sound, she heard footsteps from the forest.

Turning abruptly she had to squint into the darkness to make out the figure. It was Kakashi. Surprised she cast a short look around, and sure enough, only three figures where actually spread out in the area. She had just assumed Kakashi would have gone to bed with the rest of them.

"Can we talk?" Kakashi asked in a whisper, and her whole body froze for a moment. For a split moment she contemplated what to do. How rude would it seem if she just said no? Instead her shoulders sagged and she nodded wordlessly. He gestured for her to come to him, and together they took a few steps into the forest. Just far enough that the still glowing campfire gave some light where they stood, but still gave them some privacy from their sleeping teammates.

"What's up?" Rin asked, feigning ignorance.

Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pocket and was looking anywhere but at her. "I um… I think it's time we discussed some things."

"Yes?" Rin asked, her eyes narrowing at the tall figure in front of her.

Kakashi turned silent, not coming with any reply to her question. For a moment she was struck with anger. Why couldn't he just say it? Why could he never just get to the point? Instead he stood there, waiting for her to get this conversation he had initiated started. Too cowardly to be straight with her because he was uncomfortable.

"About..." Rin started, her throat closing up and making it hard to continue. "About the fact that I…"

"Yes." Kakashi answered hurriedly, still not daring to look at her.

She took a deep breath, steeling herself, and grabbed his shoulder. Forcing Kakashi to finally give her the curtesy of looking at her. For a long moment thoughts whirled in her head. From what she could say to what she wished he would say. How did she even start? Did she even want to have this conversation?

But it was time. It was actually long past their deadline to have this conversation, so in the end the words she had never said, yet so badly wanted to, slipped from her mouth.

"I love you." Rin said, feeling tears come to her eyes, because she already knew what Kakashi was going to answer. But she needed him to understand. He had never allowed her to admit it before. She had tried, but he'd always cut her off, always brushed her off or distracted her. "I've loved you since we were kids. Since we were in the academy, and I never stopped, even when I wished I could. I wish I could right now, but I… I can't."

Kakashi's hand came to rest over her own, the one still clutching his shoulder, and for a moment her eyes zoned in on the touch. Painful hope welled up at the very innocent yet intimate contact. His fingers then grasped around her hand, making her let go of him before he dropped her hand and took a step back.

For a horrible moment her hand hung loosely in the air, and suddenly she felt cold inside before it slowly fell back to her side. Kakashi remained silent, though he at least bothered to keep looking at her. It was all out in the open now, and Rin couldn't for the life of her understand what was happening, even if she knew. Logically she knew, yet didn't want to believe, so she continued talking. Hoping whatever she said wouldn't come back to bite her in the arse later.

"I've been… really stupid. I keep thinking I have all this competition. I've treated Naruto really badly because I've been jealous of her for teasing you and stuff, which is stupid and unfair to her, because… Because I have no right to be. I love you, and if you loved me back you would have said something before now. Before Anko forced you to. Which is why you are here now since you can't ignore it anymore. Because you were hoping it would pass on it's own, right?" She was rambling, but anything was better than Kakashi's dejected look and empty silence. The rejection was already hitting her too hard.

"Yes." Kakashi replied at last. "I hoped you would stop without having to make things..."

"… awkward?" Rin said, her voice unnaturally high pitched. "Well that didn't work, did it?"

"No." Kakashi agreed, his feet shuffling against the ground. "And I... don't. I don't feel the same way…. I- I just don't see you that way."

"I know." Rin replied bitterly, feeling tears pushing against her eyes. She blinked repeatedly, trying to force them back. She didn't want to cry. Didn't want him to see her like this. She didn't want to be like this herself.

"What am I supposed to do?" Kakashi asked quietly. "I… I'm not in love with you, but you're important to me. You're my best friend, Rin. I don't want to… I don't want to lose you."

"I see…. And there's no chance..." Rin asked despite herself, the words coming out without her permission. "There's no chance you'll change your mind?"

Kakashi exhaled deeply, and he was now studying his feet. After a few seconds of painful silence, their own breathing the only thing that broke the quiet forest, he looked up, his eyes hard and assured. "No. I won't."

Rin bit her lip and took a step back. Why? Why was he so sure? Was she not pretty enough? Not funny enough? Was she too boring perhaps? Too weak? Why was she the only one to feel this way? At that moment Rin just wanted to flee and never look at Kakashi again. "O-okay."

"I'm so sorry, I-" Kakashi started, and tried to follow after her but Rin held up a hand. She didn't want him anywhere near her.

"Just- No, it's fine." Rin murmured and heard how shaky her won voice was. Tears were now streaming down her face despite her best effort to keep them in. "I'll be fine."

Kakashi didn't believe her, that much was clear. "Can I do anything?"

"No. Of everyone, the last person I want to do anything for me right now is you. Can you just… give me some space? Just for now. I'll be fine, but right now I just don't want..." Rin trailed off, not sure what more there was to say.

"Thanks for telling me." She said in the end and turned on her heel. Marching back to the campfire without looking back.

.

.

.

Fin.

A/N: Please forgive any mistakes. English isn't my native language and this was not beta'd.