If the Quinn & Kurt talk had happened when Mr. Schuester was talking about what they were looking forward to, and what it would have escalated to if it had. Would Kurt have gotten more upset? Would Quinn have said more offensive things? How would everyone else (Blaine!) react to the argument?
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Seven Little Pills
"Mr. Schuester, while that was incredibly moving, um, it's kind of been an emotional week for some of us." Kurt said. His face was down, his blue eyes washed over with exhaust and sadness. Blaine nodded in agreement, wondering why Mr. Schue was talking about this, as well.
"Yeah, Mr. Schue, what's the point of all this?" Finn asked.
"The point is, Rory just had a brand-new experience. Something as simple as peanut butter. You guys are young. I want you all to promise me, that no matter how depressed you get, or how hopeless and alone you feel, you'll try your best to imagine all of the amazing experiences you have ahead of you." Mr. Schue explained. It appeared that for once, his lesson was going well.
That is, until Quinn spoke up.
"Okay, I get it. I feel sorry for Karofsky too, but what he did was selfish. He didn't only want to hurt himself; he wanted to hurt everyone around him. I mean, I went through the wringer, but I still made it here fine with doing something like that." Quinn said. Kurt was shocked when everyone nodded in agreement.
Blaine looked over at Kurt. He couldn't help it; it was instinct. When Blaine felt wary of where a conversation was going, he looked over to Kurt for reassurance. But Kurt just looked even sadder.
He had looked up, eyes piercing into Quinn's. "Are you really going to compare-"
"Compare what? My situation was a hundred times worse." Quinn said.
They were still nodding!
Kurt glared at her. "You're really going to compare the self loathing, the despair, and the depression that comes with what happened to him, to your situation?"
"As if you understand my situation at all."
Kurt's gaze was like the coldest of ice and the hottest of fires all wrapped into one-and it was impressive.
"You're right, Quinn. I don't understand your situation. But you can't talk as if you understand his, or mine!" He said. "Puh-lease, you had a baby when you were sixteen, and had a bad dye job for a little while, but you have no idea of what he felt. Or what I felt."
Blaine tried to ignore the eyerolls from the New Directions boys (and Quinn and Rachel).
"Oh so this is about you now?" Quinn asked, her voice challenging him to continue.
"I mean, yeah, it kind of is!" Kurt said. "You downplaying his situation, is also downplaying my situation and the daily pain I endured for years, Quinn."
"Daily pain-"
"Yeah, Quinn! Daily pain! It was awful! I hated my life, I genuinely wanted to die!" Kurt yelled.
Everyone could tell Kurt didn't want to say that when he cupped his hand over his mouth.
The silence hung in the air like a ripe apple, just waiting to fall.
It did, when Blaine spoke.
"You wanted to die?" He asked. The club could hear the heartbreak in his voice, the absolute pain he was feeling at that moment.
"Yeah, I did." Kurt said, removing the hand from his mouth. "I did. See Quinn, let me tell you a little story to put it into perspective for your tiny, popularity centric mind. Actually, all of you, because with your nodding I can see that none of you care."
"Kurt, I-"
"Mm-mm." Kurt shook his head. "This is how it is, Quinn, and you need to understand that suicide isn't simply a selfish act. In fact, I once viewed it as selfless, even though now I see it isn't.
"My sad little story begins in Freshman year. People had been mean in eighth grade and I was hoping they had matured a little over the summer. We were in high school. High school meant new beginnings right?" Kurt chuckled humorlessly. "Yeah. It was the new beginning of my personal hell. I walked into the door and was greeted with a tall plastic cup of reality. Or rather, a slushy to the face.
"It was then I saw if middle school was bad, this was going to be a hundred times worse. Over that year, I was treated to relentless slushies over the hallways from kids my age and even older. It got to the point I started bringing extra outfits to school to change into so I didn't have to sit in that stupid cold drink all day. Spitballs, gum in the hair, too. It sucked. However I was able to keep my head held high with the knowledge I was better than them." Again, Kurt gave another humorless chuckle. "But then we come to sophomore year and everything gets worse.
"Any faith in God I had that year, I lost it. Every single jock besides Mike picked on me every day. Names in the hall, locker shoves in passing period, slushies on my way to lunch. But worst of all were the daily dumpster dives. Every morning I'd go to school and they'd grab me and throw me into a dumpster after calling me a girl and a fag and telling me that it was what I deserved. I fought it at first, but then I just...accepted it. I told myself, this is the life I'll be living. I'm gay, so they'll never be nice to me. That was the first year I thought about it….suicide, I mean...but I never seriously considered it until junior year."
Blaine paled and they knew why. The year they met.
"Karofsky began to target me and I didn't know why. As he shoved me in the halls or threw me around or burned my eyes with slushies I wondered, why God, why, was Karofsky being such a monster to me? It hurt so bad. I didn't know what I did, I was innocent, so wh-why did everyone have to hate me?" A tear rolled down his cheek. "I mean, all I did was be attracted to someone else, and all of a sudden I was Devil spawn? I never hurt anyone. It was just constant ache and when Karofsky st-started cornering me when he could and legitimately beating me up and nobody noticed I started to believe that maybe it was what I deserved. Maybe nobody would care at all if I just disappeared. Maybe if I were gone, I'd have done the world a favor. Done my dad a favor. Done my friends-were they my friends?-a favor. Done the world a favor by ridding it of the disgrace, the fag, the one who could never do anything right. Nobody loved me; I craved the love but I couldn't find it. And there was nothing more painful for me.
"I went home one day. November 8." Kurt took in a shaky breath. "Puck had told me to 'make myself useful and spy on the Garglers'. I thought, not even the Glee club can appreciate me, the club of misfits and outcasts who accept anyone. If I was the only one that even they couldn't accept, maybe I was just horrible. I picked up a bottle and I dumped seven little pills out of it. Seven little pills. That's all I needed to take. Seven little pills and I would have been selfless and done the world what I thought was a favor. But I couldn't. I didn't know why...I'm still not sure, but what happened the next day gave me an idea." He gave a watery smile. "I was still miserable, still desiring to end it all, but the next day I went through with Puck's idea. I spied on the Warblers. And I met Blaine." Blaine had closed his eyes and was breathing in deeply, eyelids pointed at the ceiling as if he were thanking the Lord. "And thank God I did. Blaine saved me. Blaine gave me reason to live.
"Everyone has something that will push them over the edge to get to that place, where you think it would be easier if it were over. Even you, Quinn. However, everyone also has something that will push them in the other direction and ultimately give them a reason to live. Clearly, Karofsky couldn't find that. I'm just lucky I did, even if it was barely in time."
Before anyone knew it, Blaine was up from his seat and over to Kurt, pulling him up and hugging him tightly. "I love you so much…" He whispered.
"I love you too." He turned to Quinn. "Quinn...all of you, too...I hope you can take this as a lesson. Suicide is not something that makes you weak, it is not something selfish. It's not the desire to hurt people around you, it is the desire to feel numb and to not be here anymore to feel the pain. It is the thought that the rare happiness you feel is not worth the pain. You've got no idea what it's like for the world to hate you, because even when your parents kicked you out someone was there for you. For me, it felt like there was no one. You felt like you had someone, and I didn't. Not until I found Blaine. Because you guys were...you were never genuine to me. Blaine was. I'm not gonna do this anymore. I'm quitting New Directions."
And with that he walked out of the room. Blaine looked around the room and sighed, before following Kurt out with a sense of finality that let them know that he wouldn't be coming back either.
So I know this is a bit drabbly and it kind of took me where it did. Basically I think the ND treated Kurt like garbage and although I do love fics where they don't call them out for it, I also love fics where they do. They don't really deserve the beautiful thing that is Kurt, do they? Reviews are much appreciated, and I won't be continuing this unless you guys would like a part two. Then I'll happily oblige. (Spoiler, I'd probably bring Kurt back to Dalton, where they'd treat him like a king.)