Author's Note: In celebration of my finally owning The Hobbit on DVD (I'm watching it right now 'giggles like a idiot'), I give you Chapter Fifteen - A Light from the Shadow Shall Spring.
I quite love this chapter, it has the first real Thorin/Bilbo scene in this story. Yes, its just a flash-back but it's cute and I love it. But I'll shut up and allow for you all to read it for yourselves.
Please enjoy
Chapter Fifteen
A Light from the Shadow Shall Spring
"Alright you might as well tell me know where you lot snuck off to." Kili looked up from the book that Ori was showing him to stare at his older brother who was leaning against the doorway of Ori's private office at the back of the huge national library of Erebor.
"Pardon, brother?" Kili asked innocently, kicking Ori under the table to try and stop his friend from looking so guilty.
Ori winced before quickly slamming the book the two lads have been so completely absorbed in that they had failed to hear Fili entering room shut.
Fili rolled his eyes and strode into the room, noting as he did so the swiftness of Ori's movements to place the large and rather ancient looking book underneath his desk, the lad's face still holding a hint of guilt to it. But for the moment Fili chose to ignore it, he had more important issues to deal with, issues that had his brother's name written all over it.
"One of the members of your company has just informed Uncle that you two, along with Bofur and Bifur, disappeared for almost two months on the way to Ered Luin."
"And I suppose Uncle isn't very happy about this, correct?" Kili asked still trying to look innocent while Ori had all but given up looking at Fili and was now staring intently down at his desk, tracing the lines and patterns in the timber's surface.
"Not particularly. Not when the main reason he let you go with the trading party was for you to have better understanding…"
"Of how trading works between two kingdoms." Kili interrupted him with exasperated hand motions. "I know how it works, Fili! I've known how it's worked since I was in my sixties. I buy something off Ori, Ori buys something of equal value off me. I give you… the meaning of trade!"
Ori and Fili glanced at each other before both took deep breaths in. Sometimes there was simply no point trying to correct Kili. And he had been… mostly right.
"Alright, even with that said, Uncle is still annoyed…"
"When isn't he annoyed at me… ouch." Kili glared at his friend before glancing back to his brother, "just how annoyed is he at me, this time?"
"Depends on what excuse you come up with this time. But it's not just you he's annoyed with." Fili said glancing over at Ori who let out a nervous little squeak.
"It's my fault!" Kili said automatically, mischievous grin now gone and his dark brown eyes sombre. "He can't get mad at them, not when it's my fault."
"Look," Fili said slowly pressing a hand to his brow, "just come with me now to see him and we'll sort this out. Honestly what is the worse he can seriously do to you?"
"Oh, I don't know," Kili said with dark air about him and Fili saw his angry little brother of the past few years start to return, "I can think of something…" he grunted as Ori elbowed him, hard, in the ribs.
"Fine!" Kili said throwing up his arms and just like that, he was once more looking like the little brother whom Fili used to carry about on his shoulders. There was still a darkness to his eyes that Fili was sure would never truly leave them but since he and the others had returned from their trip just a few days prior almost everyone had noticed a change in them.
Bofur was smiling and whistling again, Bifur was far more coherent, Ori was once more the chatty lad he had been before their adventure and Kili. Well, Kili was once more acting like his old self again.
He walked about Erebor with less anger about him than he had since the early days of reclaiming their old kingdom. The fact that he hadn't disappeared the moment of his return was hope enough for Fili that his brother was finally, finally overcoming his grief and anger towards what had happen between their Uncle and… and their burglar.
Fili still couldn't think of her without feeling some kind of mixed feelings. But all those feelings aside, he missed her too, just as much as his little brother even if he showed it less.
"Come let's go see Uncle." Kili said swinging his arms and grinning mischievously at his brother while poor Ori dragged himself after the younger prince.
Fili watched the two for a moment before following them. He was just as mystified as everyone else by the sudden change in the four dwarves. Which was why, Fili was sure; Thorin would go lightly on them about their unexplained disappearance from the trading party.
That is, just as long as Kili didn't make up some long-winded and highly improbable story, the four of them should get off with nothing more than a few sharp words of warning about never doing something like this again, they would be fine. If Kili could just keep his mouth shut… Fili didn't hold out all that much hope.
Thorin was waiting for them in his private study, peering over some old maps with Balin and Dwalin.
"You found them quickly." His uncle said as the three young dwarves entered the room.
"Library." Fili replied simply.
Thorin gave him a funny look before turning his gaze upon Kili who was looking around the study with an almost bored expression on his face. Ori was once again inspecting his feet.
A few moments passed in an awkward silence before the rest of their old company joined them in the study.
"What's all this than?" Gloin asked flopping into one of the chairs around the room.
"Nothing more than an explanation as to where these four disappeared off to for a month and half." Thorin replied calmly though his gaze on the four dwarves had a hint of steel to it. Bifur grunted something to Bofur who murmur something back to him. The older dwarf twitched uncomfortably and looked terribly bothered about something Fili noticed and wonder to himself what could have possibly have upset the mentally damaged dwarf enough to make his cousin fuss over him in an attempt to keep him from going berserk on them all.
Out of the corner of his eye, Fili saw that his uncle had too noticed the change in Bifur and was frowning slightly at him.
"ORI!"Fili was distracted from the Bifur and Bofur due to the exasperated cries of Dori. Ori mumbled something that sounded like sorry but it was hard to tell for the lad was still staring intently down at his boots. This did nothing to deter his eldest brother who had started to fret and fuss over the matter, wring his hands nervously before muttering something that sounded very much like "this is all Nori's fault!" which of course caused the middle Ri brother to give a cry of "OI!" and suddenly though probably not unexpectedly the room was filled with shouting dwarves.
Fili glanced over at his uncle who was standing by his desk and looking around at their companions with a mixed expression of amusement and complete exasperation.
"Shazara!" Thorin finally belted out after several minutes of incoherent yelling.
"Right, sorry." Several shamed-faced dwarves muttered as they fell respectively silent for their King.
"Right now that we've gotten that out of our systems, may we please return to the matter at hand?" Thorin gave everyone in the room a hard look before turning his full attention on the four directly in front of him.
"So which one of you is going to be giving the reasons – or excuses – behind your sudden disappearing act when you were all meant to go Ered Luin to help with the trade agreements."
"Well…" Bofur started slowly before Kili, predictably, interrupted him
"It's my fault."
"Aye, figured that much out ourselves lad." Dwalin snorted out with amusement. Kili grinned back at the head of his uncle's guard before turning his full attention back onto his uncle who despite thinking the very same thing only moments before was giving him a sceptical look, if only because at the moment his nephew openly admitted his guilt over the groups disappearing act he had seen a strange look pass across Bofur's face which had made him start to think otherwise. But for the moment, he would let it slide until he had a moment of peace and quiet to slowly and carefully dissect everything that occurred in this meeting.
"Nephew." He said and waved a hand for his nephew to proceed.
"I just wanted to see the trolls…"
That short explanation caused a very long pause.
"You-you what?"
"The trolls," Kili said speaking very, very slowly and carefully as if he was speaking to very young dwarflings, "as in our trolls. The three monstrous trolls that tried to eat us."
"And argued until day break about whether to cook us by turning us on a spit or to sit on us one by one and squash us into jelly!" Ori added and for some bizarre reason that Thorin (nor anyone else in his company – san maybe the two standing by the lads) for the life of him could not fathom, the lads seemed to find this to be incredibly amusing.
"I think the pair of ya's have finally lost it." Gloin rumpled looking at the two giggling lads, clearly questioning their sanity.
"Did you find them?" Balin asked once the two lads had calmed down enough to talk coherently once more.
"Ah… eventually." Kili said with a careless shrug of his shoulders.
"Let me see if I got this straight." Thorin started closing his eyes to his grinning nephew's face, "You left your set task of being present during an important trade proceedings between Erebor and Ered Luin to go hunting for trolls? Stone trolls at that." He finished, pinching his nose.
"Had to check that they hadn't turned back." Kili replied innocently.
"Of course ya did." Several dwarves snorted while Thorin simply shook his head and Fili fought to keep himself from grinning to widely.
"And you three?" Thorin questioned the dwarves.
"They came to…"
"Make sure the laddie didn't get himself kill." Bofur finished causing a number of dwarves to chuckle under their breaths while Kili shot a mock hurt look at Bofur.
"And thought nothing of letting others know what was happening?" Thorin continued but honestly, he didn't know why he was even bothering. He knew now that they had been doing more than searching for those damn stone trolls. They knew or at least Bofur, Bifur and Ori knew that he knew that they had been up to more than searching for those damn stone trolls, so why he was even continuing to bother with this questioning session – beyond the sheer amusement value of it – was quite beyond him.
He leant back against his desk listening to his youngest nephew ramble on and on about an adventure that the four quite obviously did not experience but allowed him to do so, as it was rather amusing and it had been a long, long - far too long indeed - time since any of them had seen him so animated about… well, anything.
So they simply allowed him to tell his epic adventure with amused grins and knowing looks. The truth of where the four had really been would come out eventually but for now Thorin and his company were simply content to have the four acting much like their old selves again.
"Where do you believe they actually went?" Dwalin asked once the rest of their company had left the King's study to go about their daily lives.
Thorin simply shook his head.
"Once maybe I could have guessed but now? Kili has itchy feet at the best of time and I can understand why the other three would have followed him, even blindly, when the itch got bad enough for him to want to wander off. One day he may out grow it…" Though Thorin very much doubted this. His nephew was far too at home not being at home, walking under the stars and seeing the different lands of Middle-Earth.
It pained Thorin to know his nephew was more comfortable travelling freely under the sun and moon than he was staying with his family, here, safe from all harms the world had to offer. But being out there, in the wildness of the world seem to make his nephew happy, not here, in the mountain with his people.
"One day we will discover the truth of where the four of them truly went but until that day let us stand by their story." Balin said a merry twinkle in his old eyes.
"You've gone soft, brother." Dwalin said with a bark of laughter as he slapped his older brother across his wide shoulders.
"Maybe soft around my middle, I'll grant you but my mind and temper are as sharp as ever. Which is more than I can say for you." Balin replied serenely.
"What was that?"
"However, your temper I greatly doubt will ever grow blunt." Balin added with a wink to Thorin who fought back a grin as he watched the two brothers, and his oldest friends, argue their way out of his study.
It seemed that all brotherly bonds were finally mending after being so long put under strain. His nephews were back to their old mischief and Bofur and Bombur were once more squabbling, mainly over Bombur's diet or lack of and the Ri brothers seemed to be, at the moment at least, not treading on each other's toes. It seemed all was well within his old company once more. He wasn't sure how or even why this had happened. Maybe the trip away had reminded the four of how much they missed their brothers and family and so having now returned, they were now determined to mend broken fences.
The thought cheered him greatly even if the why still nagged him at the back of his mind. Why now? Was it the trip, being away from home for so many months? Or was it…. something else?
Three monstrous trolls.
Now why was that bothering him as well? It wasn't so much that his nephew was implying that he and the other three had spent a month and a half searching for three stone trolls that had once tried to eat them but didn't because of… well, never mind that, it was more of how he talked about them. Both him and Ori, the way the two lads had described the Trolls had almost been like they were telling a story.
Telling a story…
He closed his eyes as he remembered someone precious who had loved to tell stories. Three monstrous trolls. That had been her term for them when she had been telling the children of Laketown that particular section of their tale.
Had the lads been thinking of her when they had been telling their fable about searching for the trolls? Or had they simply heard the tale often enough from her that they automatically recited her words whenever they spoke of the trolls?
Whatever the reason was, their words were stirring old memories within his heart. Old and dear and at most times banished to far reaches of his mind for they were simply too painful to think of.
But it was too late to do that this time, too late to banish the memories of her. So instead, he simply slides into his chair; eyes closed and allowed himself this moment to remember.
Laketown – five years ago
"And there I was, at the mercy of three monstrous trolls!" Thorin turned his head curiously in the direction of his burglar's voice coming from somewhere outside the house the old Mayor of Laketown had been kind enough to give them for the duration of their stay.
Thorin strode out of the front door of the house and into one of the courtyards that opened out into one of the town's streets.
He quickly spot the company's burglar sitting on a bench near the side of the house, underneath a tree, with a number of human children sitting around on the grass in front of her, all sitting with their backs straight and heads turn towards her in full attention to what she was saying.
"… whether it be turned on a spit or whether they should sit on us one by one and squash us into jelly."
Thorin lent against the stone wall of the house, arms crossed and fighting back a grin as he listened in amusement as the human youngsters gasped in horror and shock, some even reaching for their neighbour and hugging themselves close.
Bilbo smiled down at them all, her eyes glowing as she continued her tale.
"They spent so much time arguing the wither-tos and why-fors, that the Sun's first light cracked over the top of the trees – Poof!" The children all jumped and gasped as Bilbo waved her hands about dramatically. "And turned them all to stone!"
The human children laughed and cheered, clapping their hands as Bilbo hopped up on the bench and gave a few bows.
"Now off you go all of you, your parents are quite likely wondering where you are. I'm sure it's quite close to your tea time." Bilbo said hands on her hips and looking in Thorin's mind at least, quite like a mother.
Aunt, his mind said quickly shoving the thought of Bilbo being a mother out of his mind forcibly. She looks altogether like an aunt! Not a mother, an aunt.
There was a chorus of awww's from the children before they started to unsurprisingly plead for just one more story, just one.
"No, sorry. Off you all go." Bilbo said wagging her finger at them.
"Could we come by tomorrow then maybe?" a young lad whom Thorin grudgingly noted was quite close to his own height even though the lad could only be of thirteen years of age.
"Oooh, yes," the other children cried clasping their hands out in front of them, "Oooh, please say yes Miss Baggins, please. Please say yes."
Bilbo seemed to be thinking over this carefully though Thorin could see while the children could not, that this was all theatrics. The hand on her hip, a finger pressed to her chin thoughtfully as she tapped one of her large feet against the bench's stone surface, was all theatrics to stir and tease the human youngsters.
"Well," Bilbo drawled out slowly, not looking at the begging children standing around her but up at the clear sky above them, throwing colours of deep orange and purple as the day sunk into evening, "let me think…."
"Oh, please, Miss Baggins, please…" the children clambered as one, some bouncing up and down in the agitation and desperations.
"Oh alright, if I must." Bilbo sighed dramatically and the children were once more cheering and dancing around.
"But only," Bilbo started raising her voice over the children's cheers, "only if you all go straight home now and do everything your parents ask of you this evening, and by that I mean, you wash your hands and come to the table for your dinner the first time you Ma asks you, along with going straight to bed at bedtime. If you do all that, then tomorrow I will tell you another story. Do you all promise."
"We promise. We promise."
"Alright then, off you go. See tomorrow." Bilbo said grinning as she waved after the children who were all running from the courtyard laughing and singing.
"If only we had you around when Kili and Fili were dwarflings." Thorin called to her as she hopped down from the stone bench. He had obviously caught her by surprise because she quickly lost her balance and stumbled causing for him to move forward and catch her before she fell.
"And you lot all say I need a bell." She said as a way of greeting as she brushed down her new clothes – the clothes of a eight year old noble girl Thorin remembered as he watched for a brief moment her dusting down before clearing his throat and looking quickly away. While the clothes fitted her fine in length, the fabric was straining some around her chest area and hips. He had never realised just how curvy the hobbit was until they had arrived in Laketown and she had more or less been forced into wearing dresses, as it was considered most undignified for a woman of her age – all of forty he thought somewhat grouchily. She was still just a babe in dwarrow years – to be walking about in tunics, waistcoats and trousers. The hobbit had been less than thrilled to be once more forced into wearing dresses again – it had be long, hard fought battle in the Shire for her to wear whatever she wished – but she was gritting her teeth and keeping her mouth shut about it. For their quest sake and for his sake. Though neither the sake of their quest or him had stopped her from threatening to beat them all bloody with her letter opener if they so much as breathed a word about her new clothing situation.
She had already beaten Kili over the head with her letter opener on the first day she had worn a dress after he had, rather stupidly exclaimed that she "looked like a girl!" to which she rather crossly replied "that's because I am one, you half-wit!" before smacking him over the head with the flat side of her little blade and marched smartly out of their dining room.
"You do need one." Thorin replied as he set her straight and stepped back to a respectful distance ignoring the fact that she was rolling her eyes at him.
"I wore one remember. I almost scared Oin half to death."
"He doesn't count," Thorin replied lightly, "he's already deaf."
"What about Gloin then? Mister I-have-the-eyes-of-a-hawk-and-the-ears-of-a-fox?" the hobbit asked dryly and Thorin fought back a grin.
"You are never going to allow him to live that down are you?"
"Not on his life." She replied with a one of her sun filled, mischievous grins, her earthy brown eyes sparkling merrily. Thorin wonder to himself if it were possible to drown in such pure and loving happiness, for she was seemly brimming with it and Thorin seemly wished to remain in her warm presence forever.
Then forget this quest, forget the mountain, the gold and your revenge. Forget it all and be with her. Be with her and be forever happy. A voice that sounded surprisingly like his grandfather whispered softly in his ear.
He shook his head, clearing the voice from his mind, though the words sank into his heart with a sense of longing for a simple future that this offer promised.
Clearing his throat again, he changed the subject.
"You left out your part with the Trolls." He commented as they started walking around the courtyard towards the large and beautiful garden growing along the other side of the house.
"No I didn't." she replied, stretching her arms above her head as if she was reaching out to grasp the last rays of warmth from the setting sun. "You just missed the beginning of the story where I got caught and you lot had to come and save me."
"That wasn't…" Thorin sighed heavily feeling her brown eyes boring into him.
"That wasn't what I was referring to." He continued quietly. "I was referring to how you were the only one of us who thought to push for time. Only you thought of different ways to stall those damn creatures."
"Oh well, I was thinking of you lot when I edited out all that." Bilbo admitted her round cheeks flushed with pleasure at his rather badly spoken compliment.
"Oh?"
"Well, I hardly think any of you would appreciate the little ones reciting to their parents and everyone else in Laketown too for that matter that one of the ways I stalled the three monstrous trolls from eating you all was by telling them that you were all infected with parasites. Wouldn't really send the right message to all the big folk here now would it? Even if it isn't true and it was only said to try and save your lives."
Thorin simply shook his head bemused that she had actually thought all that through. She was probably right – she was almost always right he was discovering, not that he was going to admit that to her, at least not any time soon.
"Thank you." was all he could think to say not that he needed to say much more for she was once more sending him that glorious smile of hers.
He quickly found himself once more fighting the desire to kiss her. It was quite a common desire of late but he had to take care for whenever he gave into it so as to not startle her. The hobbit was quite inexperienced in almost all things related to courting – despite the fact that she had run away to join this quest on the very day she was meant to be married – and so he needed to take great care in not scaring her with anything she wasn't expecting.
"You are very good with them." He said after a few moments of companionable silence. She let out a cheerful little laugh that did funny things to his heart such as causing it to soar in his chest and flutter about like a bird. It was all quite ridiculous really what this tiny slip of woman could do to him.
"Lots and lots of practise." She chuckled fondly. "I do have a lot of cousins remember." She beamed as she always did whenever she spoke of her many, many little cousins still safely tucked away in the Shire.
"And you love them all dearly."
"With all my heart." She agreed with a softer smile as she gaze in the direction of Mirkwood and the Misty Mountains. In the direction of her home, his heart thinks with a sting, the place where she belongs…
"If I could have gotten away with it I'd have several of my own by now." Her voice brings him back to reality.
"Pardon?" He asks and is amused to watch her dimples turn a brilliant ruby red.
She ducked her head shyly, staring intently down at her bare, curly feet.
"Bilbo." He says stopping in the middle of the garden path, gently catching hold of her arm and tried to coax her to look at him. "Bilbo." Still no luck. "Billanna." She peeks up at him from under her golden brown curls. Third time was the charm. The use of her birth name also probably helped too.
"Now," he said as he caught hold of her chin gently but firmly within his grasp and turning her head up towards his, "what did you mean."
"Nothing." She mumbled her blush intensifying.
"Billanna…" the hobbit sighed in exasperation.
"Fine." She finally grouched out, "All I meant was that if I could have had children, without all the hassle of being married, I would have done so already…"
"Ah…"
"Yes, see even among dwarves that kind of thinking is frowned upon." She huffed crankily, pulling her chin free of his hand and crossing her arms defensively across her chest. "I can't adopt or even foster one of my little cousins without someone throwing a fit over my not being married. As if being married has anything to do with being able to raise a child properly."
"It does help, I have heard." Thorin replied rather dumbly. He wasn't good with these types of conversations; Bofur, Balin and Dori were the dwarves who would know best of what to say to the hobbit. Mahal, even his nephews and young Ori had better ideas of what to say and what not to say when dealing with his, that is, their burglar.
Yes, he had grown better at talking with the hobbit lass since their time together sitting in the cells under the palace of the damn elvenking trying to figure out a means of escaping but even so, his conversation skills were still much to be desired.
"My father raised me just fine." Bilbo snapped hot in reply. "And Fili and Kili seem no worse for wear being raised by your sister and you. Or Ori being raised by Dori. Or…"
"Billanna…" the hobbit stopped short in her rant to look up at him her cheeks exploding with colour once more as she ducked her head.
"Sorry, you must think me very silly or…" she trailed off with squeak as he pulled her into his arms and tucked her head beneath his chin. It felt better than he would ever openly admit to have her in his arms like this. Better if they were… he didn't allow himself to finish that particular thought.
"Never," he said into her curls, "apologize for speaking your hearts truths with me. I do not find you silly for your wishes. I think I can even understand them a little."
"Really?"
"A little. I know from watching the struggles my sister faced once she lost Fili and Kili's father that life as a woman can be far more challenging when dealing with things that for man would be as simple as beating a hammer onto an anvil."
"My life would have been much simpler if I had been born a lad." Bilbo replied with a sigh, her fingers lightly tracing the silver beads in his hair and beard, "there would certainly be no talk of me having to marry because I can't possibly take care of family affairs once Papa passes on because I am a simple hobbit lass whose only goal in life is to look pretty, get married and produce lots of little hobbit children." Thorin lips twitched as he fought back laugh at the high-pitch and slight nasal tone the lass had taken to using as she finished her sentence obviously mimicking one of her many stuck up aunts.
"Is that what you were told?"
"After my Mama died? Yes, all the time. Not so much from my Took and Brandybuck relatives but from my aunts on my father side?" Bilbo snorted, "They were worried too. Constantly even, that no one would want to."
"Marry you?"
"Yes. I was quite wild when I was younger," Thorin gave her a look which she returned with a very dry one of her own, "alright, younger than I am now, happy? Anyway, I was quite wild during my fauntling and teens years and not the tiniest bit interested in being a proper hobbit lady of my station."
"You sound like my sister," Thorin chuckled, "go on."
"Yes, well I was wild, running all over the Shire, searching for adventures and what not. Of course that all changed once Papa grew ill and I had to take care of him. All my aunts on his side of the family were pleased because I had finally calmed down enough to make me appear respectable enough for marriage only…"
"You have no wish to marry."
"None what so ever." Bilbo agreed, "And Papa backed me up on this, for the most part. Only with him getting weaker and weaker, I guess…" she trailed off with a sigh before shrugging. "Not that any of that matters now." She smiled up at him, "Not with me here with all of you, on the other side of the Misty Mountains."
Thorin stared at her for a moment before letting out a small chuckle.
"Nothing keeps you sad or disheartened for long, does it?"
"Hmmm, no, not really." She smiled serenely as she shook her head. It was more than Thorin could bear. He bent down and caught her smiling lips with his. He felt her grow tense in his arms for a moment before relaxing into his kiss.
"Uncle! Bilbo! DINNER!"
Thorin groaned in annoyance at his nephew's ill timing while Bilbo giggled sheepishly in his arms.
"Come, story-telling is hungry work." Bilbo said as she slipped easily out of his arms and Thorin immediately missed her presences in them.
"One day…" he growled under his breath causing the hobbit lass to giggle so more.
"Come O' Great King our dinner awaits." She said as she caught his arm in her much, much smaller one and started pulling him towards one of the entrances to the house.
One day, he thought as he allowed himself to be pulled along by his burglar. One day he would get his burglar completely alone in a room with a big bed, a locked door between them and the rest of the world, with his nephews – and the rest of their companions too – being far, far away.
He smiled at the thought as he and his hobbit strolled into the dining room, Bilbo almost skipping in front of him before she was bombarded by his nephews and young Ori who dragged her off to the opposite end of the table to where he sat – he was going to have a word or two to his nephews about that for he was sure that they were only doing this to vex him – chattering a mile a minute.
His annoyance however faded when she shot him an amused slash apologetic smile over her shoulder as she allowed herself to be pulled along by his nephews.
It was amazing how just one of her smiles could make all the bad and terrible feelings inside of him simply disappear.
At least for a time…
Thorin stirred from his peaceful slumber at the nagging ache in his neck and back.
He sat up slowly in his chair, carefully cracking his neck and back, sighing in relief as he did so.
Well, he thought as he stood up from his chair and stretched before heading immediately for the cabinet that held his secret stash of alcohol, at least that was one of his happier memories of her.
It truly was amazing just how easily one of her smiles could set his heart at ease. It still did even now, but only in his dreams. When he was awake however, her smiles only cause him to feel remorse and anger.
Mahal he had loved that woman. Still loved that woman.
He poured himself a large mug of one of his strongest wines that he saved for moments such as these.
He had never been much of drinker before he reclaimed Erebor but now he was lucky to go a day without at least one cup of strong alcohol in his system.
All because of her. It's always because of her…
Damn, he thought with a scowl, it was back. The voice that had almost driven him to complete madness and had caused him to cast away the one thing he treasured beyond all else. It came and went, depending usually on his mood. It was usually at it loudest and most vicious whenever he thought on her for too long.
Go away, he snarled back at the voice, leave me in peace.
Her fault, her fault, all of it is all her fault… He shoved the voice to far regions of his mind where it usually stayed, quiet but waiting. Always waiting.
He rubbed his face, his fingers lightly brushing his lips as he did so before snarling at himself and threw back his drink down his throat with one gulp.
He quickly poured himself another before moving back to his desk and flopped back into his chair.
Would he ever be free of her?
He grimaced at the thought.
No, that wasn't what he wanted, not really, not at all in fact. No, what he wanted was to be able to think of her freely, without the voice bothering him and him having to resort to drinking to try and ease the pain of her lose.
It never did, the pain of her lose was just too strong for even the most potent of alcohols to fully dissolve. But it eased it, some.
He closed his eyes as soon as he had sunk back into his chair behind his great oak desk, his huge cup resting in his hand, his other hand sliding into his coat pocket, his fingers curling around the precious treasure that lay hidden there. Once he was as comfortable as he would get in his chair, he leant his head back against the back of it.
He prayed that he would fall into a dreamless slumber that his mind would allow him to rest for a little awhile without it conjuring up more memories of her.
Just for a few hours let him sleep without dreams, without memories, let him fall into a sleep filled with the blackness and mindlessness of death.
Author's Note: Some of you might be wondering why I've used a verse from Aragorn's peom for the title of this chapter and the truth of the matter is, I was stuck for a title chapter and I was just reading over the peom and thought 'Hey Bilbo is sort of the light that sort sprung into Thorin's life' and yeah, it was this thought that had me give this chapter the title it has. Kinda silly, but it sort of works.
I'm currently half-way through writing chapter twenty-three of this fanfic (which is now a 130 pages long. I have no life. No seriously, I don't. I have work and I have this. Work and this fanfic are, at this moment, my whole world. Oh and my ferrets, but basically yeah, lol).
A couple people have asked me how long do I think this fic will be and truthfully, when I started I thought that this fic would be no more than 20 chapters, if that. Now? I'm 23 chapters in and I still haven't got Frodo and Thorin meeting (the goal is to have this happen before chapter 30... that's the goal, I have no idea if that's going to actually happen) and I have a whole story-line for this fanfic for after these two meet and we have the whole Bilbo/Thorin sorting themselves out thing (Hehehe, *groan* I'm not really looking forward to writing that, it's going to take chapters to get these two to stop being stupid around each other because we all know they will be). So in answer... I don't know, fifty chapters maybe? I don't know. Talk to my fingers and my imagination, I'm just the vessal for them to do what they want.
Anyway, enough from me - I want to watch my Hobbit DVD - and I will update with Chapter Sixteen - Revenge upon Unpleasant Relatives soon. Chapter Sixteen where back with Bilbo and Frodo and I bet a lot of you can guess from the chapter title what chapter 16 is going to be about *laughs evilly*.
Bye for now!