Trust
Lena rubbed her temples and walked to sit at her desk. Head in her hands she felt overwhelmed. ~This is stupid. I don't have time to wallow in self-doubt.~
Lena might be angry, but she was not going to leave Kara defenseless when there was a potentially fully powered Kryptonian on the loose. ~Especially one that might have inherited Lex's thirst for vengeance. Sweet Jesus, I need to stop them.~ Then remembered her Kryptonian's hopeful look whenever someone brought up the boy and felt a pang. ~This is going to hurt her. Kara doesn't deserve to be involved in all of this.~Lena dug under her desk for her bag and took out a special tonic. With a grimace, she swallowed the vial and felt herself sober as the elevator took her back down to the lab.
She worked feverously on the suit, finishing in a couple of hours what she'd normally work through in days. As she set it to process for the final fabrication, she noticed another little project sitting on the side that she had intended to give to Kara for her birthday.
~Well if a billionaire tech mogul can't use a little sentimental jewelry to apologize, then what good is the stuff?~ She thought draping it into a lead-lined jewelry box before putting it into her bag.
She looked up, noticing a sound from the elevator. As the doors opened, she saw Kara. This time the girl was holding what Lena recognized as one of copper pot lids from her kitchen out in front of her, bracing against it like a shield.
Kara smiled shyly when she saw Lena and said, "Safety first," in a cautiously playful tone before stepping out of the elevator. The girl took a breath and let out in a rush, "I talked to Alex and she yelled at me too and I feel really bad. I mean, I heard a kid and I just moved. I had him in my arms before I even stopped to think. It's what I do; it's who I am. But I should have let the firefighters do it this time, but if they weren't there, I probably would do it again. But I don't want you to think that it's because I don't care. I just have to and-"
Lena walked up the Kara and held on to either shoulder to stop the girl from passing out before she took another breath. "I know Kara. I can't say I was expecting any of this. But I'm trying to figure it out."
"What? I mean you picked Supergirl. You kissed her, I mean me as her. That," Kara said gesturing vaguely toward the city, "It's what she does. It's what I do. What did you think dating Supergirl was going to be like?" Kara asked heatedly, then turned to the side and added with more bitterness than Lena could remember ever hearing from the girl, "It's not like you went for Kara Danvers mild mannered reporter."
"Kara, I-"
"Alex said people don't make choices like that, but I might never- I want to know Lena. Why?! Why did you pick her?" Kara's voice cracked.
Lena was surprised by the turn. ~This must really have been bothering her.~ Years of experience told her there probably was not a right answer in this kind of emotional minefield. She sighed letting go of her lingering frustration when she saw how vulnerable Kara looked in front of her.
She began cautiously, "I don't know if this is going to come out the right way. But the first time we were together I felt guilty -about her. For me Supergirl felt safer." "Not like that." Lena said. Seeing Kara's shoulder's slump, Lena reached out to touch the girl's face. "You're very enigmatic as Supergirl, unattainable, obviously attractive but- Well, actually, I lied to you that night now that I think about it. I actually fantasized for months about Kara Danvers and Supergirl would just play the occasional guest appearance." Kara looked up at her surprised.
Lena continued in matter-of-fact tone, "I mean Kara Danvers is obviously the most impossible lady-thirst-trap crafted by Rao." Lena made exaggerated motions gesturing at the girls body. Kara blushed.
"But it was more than that. I wanted real things. Sometimes I wanted them so much it hurt. I liked that I could see a future with you. You know a house, dog, ki- Lena's eyes widened and she rushed on, "-netic energy conversion devices. You know -eh save the environment," she finished awkwardly hoping Kara couldn't hear the heartbeat Lena felt pounding in her throat.
~I'm so gay sometimes,~ the young Luthor thought silently. She hadn't intended for that last bit to come out of her mouth, ever. It was just something that drifted through her head before she'd started dating the girl. While the pinning CEO was still drawing Kara hearts in the margins of her budget reports. Their relationship being a reality, she didn't even let herself fantasize about it now. ~With a mother like mine the kid would probably come out with horns. Or her doting grandmother would stick some promethium up there so baby could make his first ray gun to blast his way out.~ Remembering the ever present threat of her Luthorness, Lena felt like she needed to be honest with the girl.
"Being with Supergirl actually scares me more than a little." Lena admitted trying to work out the feelings for herself as she spoke. Kara had that guilty noble hero face on. Lena shook her head. "I can deal with the interruptions and constant emergencies and occasional kidnapping. What I'm scared of is what being around that might turn me into."
"I would do anything to keep you safe." Lena looked into her eyes. "Today I wasn't really upset because you did it without your powers, or even because you risked your life. It was because when you told me that you wouldn't, it felt decided and I stopped worrying about it." She looked away. "Seeing you made me feel like I couldn't-"
Lena hesitated. "I'm not good at trusting people. And I've been working on something that I would need to trust you with."
Kara tilted her head in confusion.
The young Luthor walked over and folded the completed suit, holding it in both hands against her chest feeling uncertain. " I didn't want to make one of Lex's warsuits. -I want you to understand something Kara." She took a breath, "Luthors are taught to reject normal; exceptional was the standard and I feel like part of what happened to Lex was him getting lost in that. I wouldn't have focused on weapons manufacturing, but that had more to do with a difference in interests and business strategy than in ethics. My mother's work in bioengineering is closer to the kind of evil my brain would probably come up with. But with his passion, he just gravitated naturally toward anything that might give him an edge in his self-imposed arms race with an alien demigod. To him, life is a competition, and that part of things is something we share." Kara made sounds of protests at several points while Lena was talking.
"I know." Lena held up her hand. "Please just let me finish this. It's important to me."
"When you were being tortured, I made a weapon. I was desperate, hell-bent on saving us. I didn't think about anything other than making something that was strong enough. And I could have- I almost panicked and I don't know what I would have done. And even though I made it to save us, -you. I-it hurt you.." She closed her eyes getting control of her breathing. Kara stepped behind her wrapping Lena in her strong arms.
"Lena, if that's why you're mad at me, you don't have to be part of the whole Supergirl team. You know I'd never ask you for anything like that, especially with your family. I don't want her -that to be something that gets in the way of -um us."
Lena toyed absently with the Kryptonian's fingers. "Not that I want to follow my brother's example, but you, Kara Zor-El are something of a new passion for me. I wasn't really all that interested in it before, but my mind can't stop itself from running through more effective composites to shield from kryptonite or help with your issue with maneuverability in the air with your heat vision. I would never want to make any of this for anyone else." Lena smiled cheekily, "Kate actually asked me for a tech upgrade earlier today and I told her to fuck right off." Lena smiled impishly imaging how to get back at the woman. "I should make some girl-shaped gadgets for our next team up so you can dick with her."
Lena laughed feeling better when she felt Kara visibly twitch, likely contritely holding herself back from commenting on Lena's cursing. She turned to hold Kara's cheek with her hand fondly. Looking into her bright blue eyes she said, "But, I do trust you." And then handed the Kryptonian the suit feeling an odd mixture of emotions.
Lena let the hero try it on and showed her the flight controls first. Kara smiled with gleeful enthusiasm zipping around the lab, Lena had to remotely override the suit a couple times to keep her from crashing into a few monitors. Hovering next to Lena, Kara's hand drifted to rest on the crest at the center of her chest. Kara looked down startled and dropped to her feet still staring at it.
Her movement had caused the El sigil to fade into another replaced it. Lena had installed the secondary crest on a whim having spent a considerable amount of time designing the thing for something else. The design was the same red El sigil enmeshed with a stylized blue L, similar to the L-Corp logo.
Seeing where Kara was looking, Lena blushed. "Yes, well. I thought it might be nice if Supergirl was shown to have received some equipment from L-Corp, and" she said nervously fiddling with her necklace then unclasping it.
"And… Well. It's embarrassing to admit I based L-Corp's brand on something I got when I was four years old at a corner store. But this always reminds me of my mam. My birthmother. She got it for me in Ireland. Lillian and my father always took it for an adopted child's desperate token proving she was a Luthor. They had Ls monogramed on everything they owned," she said rolling her eyes. "But for me this was just Lena, something separate from them."
"The Lena family crest?" Kara said with wonder.
"Yes, well. There was something else that I had made for you earlier that gave me the idea," Lena pulled out the jewelry box from her bag.
Lena pulled out a gem that she had fashioned to look similar to the one that Lena felt had saved them from that compound. It had the same altered design she had styled on the crest of the suit which reflected off the facets of the stone. Lena had hoped it would be a nice reminder of the good that had come out of the horrible experience. Also, Lena didn't have any other reference for Kryptonian jewelry.
Inside the nth-metal that secured the gem to the chain, she'd added something a little extra she thought might win her a couple of relationship points. Something that might help Kara feel safer, calmer if she was ever trapped without her again. Kara looked at the design on the necklace speechlessly, tearing up and nodding.
Lena was confused at Kara's reaction. She had expected bouncing and maybe some enthusiastic screams, Kara was looking at the thing like it held of ghost of her dead mother.
Shaking her head Lena tried to explain, "I made this for you so you could always hear my heartbeat when I'm not around. -Even if don't have your powers," she amended quickly remembering she wouldn't be able to hear it now. "It'll pulse so you can feel it, see." She said holding it up for Kara to put on.
"Lena. I don't think you- I can't," Kara said backing away.
Lena felt a stab at the rejection. "Oh, I'm sorry, of course. Silly little thing." She breezed on speaking rapidly and looking at a computer monitor flicking through notes, "The suit though. It's powered similarly to your own cells. I made it so it will mimic your super strength and flight, um you saw that. " She started pacing. "The heat vision and freeze breath might be a little different to aim, but the functionality should be similar. Superspeed was trickier, it responds to a neural relay system, so I couldn't really test it without you. I'm hoping it's close. Obviously it's bulletproof and fireproof and absorbs a considerable amount of concussive trauma." She paused running out of things to say about it, "And um- machine washable darling that a new feature."
Kara tackled her midair, catching her up in an affectionate kiss that reminded Lena so much of their first night.
"Was that for the suit, the rambling or the Pixar reference?" Lena asked laughing and Kara just snuggled her face into Lena's hair closing her eyes, hovering contently with Lena's head on her chest.
While she was distracted, Lena covertly slipped the necklace over Kara's head. "I just want you to see how it looks on. I know the dimensions are different, but's really a tasteful size for you I think."
Kara looked at her, that same mixture of intense expressions crossing her face.
Lena asked nervously, "Do you like it? I can change it if-" Lena started, moving to unclasp it before Kara took her hand and held it to her lips.
"I'll never take it off." Kara said voice choking and tears steaming down her face. Lena smiled and snuggled into her chest enjoying the feeling of Kara's arms around her again.
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Notes: Next one is super fun. SuperCorp the dominating power couple at work! :D