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Rekindling

Chapter 5

And since you've always done that for me,

Just for you,

I'd like to become Polaris.

(Polaris, Aimer)

"Lee?"

Zuko tilted his head slightly without looking at her, hands still busy with the chopping of strawberries.

The question of why she was calling him by his fake name again was tucked at the back of his mind as he silently grumbled under his breath. The surplus ingredients he had right now were meant to be part of the dishes he was going to prepare for his birthday. He couldn't say he wasn't disappointed that his favorite co-worker hadn't done anything grand, or at least, given him a greeting and a bonus of a well-deserved kiss on the cheek.

They've been dating for almost a year now. Given her track record, he'd say that he was anticipating her to do something. She never asked about his birthday, so he assumed she'd check his bio-data in the resto files or something. Come the day itself, she went on with their daily ruse—oblivious and too normal for his taste.

His lips tightened when he realized where his thoughts were going.

No. They were just dating. They weren't even a couple yet. He shouldn't and couldn't demand that from her, especially when he didn't know when she'd one day wake up and find out how much of a crap he was standing right next to someone like her.

Yes, a safe distance should still be wedged between them. For her, and his sakes as well.

Shaking his head imperceptibly as he chucked the sliced strawberries onto the bowl, Zuko directed his frustration to the task at hand. He bitterly whisked the whipped cream with eyes flashing with cravings for the mouthwatering dessert he was making.

He hoped they'd still have some ingredients left for a small treat. He would've enjoyed the look on her face once she found out she missed his birthday.

But, he bitterly thought, with the rate those self-entitled, spoiled customers were going, he thought he might have to leave the shop to buy additional ingredients from the nearby market.

"What do they want now?" his question flew like a tired gust from his mouth.

She smiled apologetically and waved her tickler. "Seaweed eggdrop soup with few salt, beef and seafood mixed stew, all-vegetarian sandwich, strictly no eggs or dairy products because 'people don't usually get the difference between vegetarians and vegans', follow up on the strawberry shortcake—"

"Yane," he cut her off when he felt the artery in his temple throb. "Did you tell them those aren't on our menu?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "But the other one said we're famous for our hospitality, and that he heard we'll do our best to cater to their needs."

"I don't think they've the decency to know when to stop," he spat, rummaging through the remaining stuff he had.

There was a brief pause with only the sounds of plastic bags rustling disturbing the atmosphere. The soft Chinese melody still played, but with each second, he felt as if his patience was quickly evaporating into the air and leaving him more agitated.

"I can help," she finally offered, perhaps sensing the volatility he was exuding off at the moment.

"No," Zuko replied. "If I go out there, I might end up strangling our customers to death. I imagine Wu won't take homicide in her tea shop lightly."

"I guess not," she chuckled.

"Is that all?"

"Err, not really."

"What?" he snapped with a whip of his head to her direction, his eyes flaring as his patience ran its last mill.

She rubbed her arm and chanced a glance towards the dining area with an uncertain look on her face. "They requested barbecue, steak, burger, bacon, baby backribs," she enumerated before changing the tone of her voice as she made air quotes, "'One of those famous ching-chang-chung-ling you Chinese are famous for."

There was a split second pause, a tiny bit of time that the air froze in the atmosphere, as though the hands of the clock had just decided to freeze on their own accord. The tranquility that lasted for that small speck of time vanished as he dropped the bags with an unceremonious thud on the ground, the temper he was trying so hard to reign earlier breaking to half.

She scooted out of the way when he stomped his way to the dining, probably too afraid to even call him out to calm down.

It'd be easy. He knew how to fight. He was taught to know martial arts as a kid for a reason he'd rather not know, and he was actually considered to be pretty good at it—that was, if you don't count all the humiliating losses he had when fighting against his sister.

Now, to deal with those scumbags who unfortunately decided to ruin his birthday—

He stopped dead in his tracks just as he had puffed out his chest and straightened his spine. Blinking rapidly as if to ward off any illusions before him, he found himself slack-jawed and suddenly very, very soft inside.

"You—" he began to blurt out.

"Zuko, buddy," Sokka, because it was indeed Sokka in the flesh, greeted him brightly but also wistfully. "Long time no see."

Squinting his good eye, the banished heir tried to convince himself that this was just another of those dreams he'd wake up from a few minutes from now and leave him reeling with longing and regret in his bed. A few more seconds of staring game passed, and to his surprise, Sokka was still seated in one of the teashop's chairs, his arm slung lazily at the back of the chair, easygoing smile still plastered in his tanned face.

"Always a pleasure to leave the audience speechless," Sokka breezed out, "But try not to stare—"

"Hey, Zuko!"

His eyes averted to Sokka's right where he finally noticed the rest of the gang surrounding the table. Zuko continued to stare at Aang like he was a ghost, blinking rapidly and still disbelieving. Katara and Suki waved at him, while Toph's toothy grin widened as she perhaps acknowledged his flabbergasted state, still glued to where he was standing.

It was Yane's soft tap on his shoulder that seemingly slapped him back to reality at hand. Turning rather slowly, he met with her dark eyes, a sense of desperation intermingled with anxiety reflecting from his own. He found himself relaxing a bit at her presence as she gave him a gentle nudge of encouragement.

"I'll take it from here," Yane told him softly as she gestured to the kitchen. "I already talked to Aunt Wu about closing the shop for this day and she said 'yes', so there's no need to worry about anything. You just take your time with your friends."

So many questions ran through his mind, but gave her a nod and decided to reserve them for later.

She flashed him yet another encouraging smile before turning on her heels and heading for the work he left behind. Clearing his throat, he ambled towards his—friends? Did he still have a right to call them friends even after the traitorous deed he did, even after them accepting him, even though he—

"Sit beside me, Sparky," Toph, sensing his growing discomfort with amusement, pulled the chair that squeaked in protest. "No worries. We won't bite."

Despite himself, Zuko managed his trademark scowl and took his seat between Toph and Katara. He immediately sneaked a peak towards Katara just to make sure she wouldn't try to deliberately stab his eyes—his good eye, with those wooden chopsticks and risk losing his vision forever.

"So, uh, nice to see you all doing—good, I guess?" he said with uncertainty bordering towards pained unease. Zuko tried to look at each one of them but ended up avoiding their eyes as fast as he had laid his gaze on them. Focusing instead on Aang, who was the only one who wore a very innocent and plain expression, he resisted the urge to cower back in the kitchen.

"Great to see you, too, Zuko!" he greeted back, not a little bit of wariness in his tone. "It's been a while. You haven't changed a bit."

He visibly flinched at that, and immediately, Aang recognized his error.

The monk scratched his bald head and simpered awkwardly, "You still look dashing as ever."

There was a snort from his right. "Nice save, Aang," Katara muttered.

Zuko exhaled through his nostrils. "Why are you all here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Toph pitched in, fingering the icing of the chocolate cake before licking her fingers with much gusto. "It's your birthday. We may have had a fall out, but we didn't forget."

"She's right," Suki agreed, giving him a half-smile that was both warm and guarded. "It's a perfect time to talk and set things right, don't you think? It's been a year."

Sokka swallowed, little crumbs of the fish crackers around his mouth. "Besides, we wanted to see the girl who's got you to wear googoo eyes like that."

He flushed at Sokka's remark, instinctively tilting his head to where Yane was and somehow hoping that she'd make some excuse to call him back to the kitchen. When it was clear that no one would be providing any form of rescue for the severely embarrassed and now scattered-brain Zuko, he quietly pulled at the sleeves of his shenyi and leaned forward.

"You've met Yane," he simply said, his features softening at the mention of her name.

Sokka whistled but made no mention of his demeanour. "She's nice. Helped us set this meeting."

"Did you meet her here?" Aang asked.

"She's only a part timer in the shop while she's trying to land a job in Caduceus."

"She's a doctor?" Katara queried, addressing him for the first time.

"Yes," he beamed proudly.

"She seems like a really sweet girl," Suki commented.

"Sometimes," he snickered as the picture of Yane's sly Chesire grin crossed his mind. "Sometimes, she's as devious as Sokka."

"Devious?" Sokka repeated, scandalized as he flung his hands like a lunatic. "I'm a scheming, genius strategist! That's not paramount to being devious."

"You replaced Aang's tomato juice with chili sauce before and told me it's okay because chili and tomatoes are both 'vegetables'," Zuko reminded him and saw Aang's face morph like his taste buds are violated by the red hot sauce again.

"Or when you tried to braid both Katara's or my hair together while we slept!" Toph shot back, suddenly forgetting the dessert she was busying herself with seconds ago.

Katara fixed her brother a glare. "We had to cut our hair because of the tangles."

"I'm just glad Sokka spared mine," Suki sighed, unconsciously brushing her fingers through her hair.

"That's because you have short hair," said Katara.

"Don't forget the time Sokka accidentally uploaded—" Aang began with barely held back laughter until Sokka palmed his face and pushed him back with a grunt.

"I get it! I get it!" Sokka squawked before crossing his arms and sulking in his seat like a brat. "None of you can take high-level intelligence jokes."

"No one has the time," Zuko grumbled.

The muscles in his shoulders started to loosen up in tune with the tension mellowing down to a soft hum. The jasmine tea served also helped with that, and he felt as if he could talk to them again like before. Zuko had always secretly enjoyed their support group sessions, no matter how much Sokka and Toph had incessantly complained about how sickeningly sweet the heart to heart talks were. Katara had always insisted they do it at least once a month.

He remembered imagining himself surrounded by all of them whenever he had felt low-spirited after their fight. The loneliness that had wrapped him around like a vice was debilitating—even more so than when he was sent here to America by his father. He felt so miserable and so, so angry with himself for being the one to personally stab each one of their outstretched hands when all they had done was to keep on reaching out for his.

His crestfallen gaze first landed on Aang. Kind, selfless, forgiving. So much of a bigger person that he would ever be.

"Aang," he rasped, finding it hard to form the right words. "I'm sorry for betraying you. I thought that if I help deliver you to my father, he'd accept me again. Restore my honor. And maybe, give me the love I always wanted from him.

"I was wrong," he whispered, hearing his father's empty praises and cold welcome again in his head, the Hong patriarch's words waves of lightning lapping in the core of his bones. "He did try to accept me, told me to go home and that he'd throw a party for me. But I knew it meant nothing. I tried to shut out those thoughts, but I knew it was all just for show. It's what we're good at after all."

He remembered the exact moment when he decided to turn his back on his father. He had been lying on his back alone in his room that night, waiting for his father's call to inform him about the details of the flight back to Beijing the next day. Zuko was told he need not worry about how they'd be catching Aang and travelling him back to China with them. The Hong clan had the means and the people to do that. Transporting—or rather, smuggling, one harmless young witness to the Yong Fu scandal was going to be a walk in the park. All he had to do was to give the monk's location and the rest would be left in pairs of reliable hands. The image of Aang or any of his friends being manhandled roughly, being hurt badly, being treated like an animal—it made his blood freeze inside his veins.

It hit him like a blow from a hammer right in the head. The pristine, formidable figurine he laid on top of his pedestal, a proud and unyielding jewel of China—his family, stripped down of all the thick, corrugated paint to reveal the rotting, corrupted atrocity underneath. Why had it taken so long for him to peel off all those layers of monstrosity?

"I realized, no one deserves hatred and cruelty. Not those people my father deemed as dispensable. Not you, who only happened to see how easy it was for my father to dispose of them. And not me who only yearned to be loved by his own flesh and blood. I had to learn the hard way. I had to lose Uncle and you guys before I truly saw the truth."

Zuko pressed his forehead unto the table in a bow, the gesture startling everyone around the table, save Toph.

"Please," he pleaded, swallowing his pride willingly. "I almost endangered all your lives. I befriended you with the intention of turning on you. But please, you're the only ones I have left. Please accept my apology."

He waited, head still pressed on the cool wood, his heartbeat making a rhythmic gallop in his ears.

It was the gentle voice of Katara who broke the silence. "Raise your head, Zuko."

He obeyed but kept his eyes down.

"How can we be sure you won't sell us out again?" she asked with no hint of hostility but just genuine concern.

"You only have my word for it," he lamented, finally meeting her turquoise orbs. "I promise I will never betray you again and I will do whatever I can to protect you from him. That's all I can offer."

"The friendship we had, the things you told us about yourself," she went on. "Were any of it real?"

He felt a small smile lift the corners of his lips. "You know they were."

Sokka huffed, leaning his chin unto his hand. "Even the most embarrassing things you shared in our spin-the-bottle games?"

Heat permeated his ears at that remark. "Yeah, even those."

"You're forgiven, Zuko," Aang said. "I always knew you had a kind heart."

"Your uncle said so, too," Toph added.

"Yane said so, too," Suki threw in with a wink.

"Are you sure?" he chuckled as he poured some more tea into Katara's empty cup. "She didn't tell you that I'm a grouch that acts as if I haven't been touched by sunlight for centuries?"

"If she did, she'd be right," Katara laughed before taking the cup.

"Okay, now that we have our sifu hotman—"

"Quit calling me that, Sokka!"

"—is back in the Gaang," Sokka wiggled his eyebrows for special effects. "We have so much catching up to do! Let's start with Toph's suitor."

"Hey! That jerkass fudgeface is not my suitor!"

"We'll come back next week," Sokka told him jovially as they broke apart from their hug. "Just tell us when you're free to go out. I'm still using the same digits."

"Sure thing, buddy," Zuko chuckled. "Let's do something different this time."

"Oh, like a buffet?"

The scowl he delivered only amped up the voltage of Sokka's grin. "No, something all of us can enjoy."

"Whatever floats your boat, man."

From the corner of his eye, Zuko caught sight of Katara wrapping Yane in her arms as she whispered something he couldn't hear from this distance. Yane laughed softly in response and nodded.

"Well, let's get going," Toph called out as she picked on her ear with her pinky.

Sokka leaned in and whispered to Zuko in a low but still audible voice, "She's in a hurry to meet with Eddie."

"I can hear your bones cracking under my hands, Sokka," the Beifong heiress threatened with an unamused scowl in her face.

"Oh ho ho, that's scary," Sokka remarked even as he visibly paled.

"Careful," Zuko told him.

"See you soon, Zuko!" Aang waved. "You, too, Yane!"

Yane walked to Zuko's side as Katara finally rejoined their group of friends. There was a serene smile etched on her lips, the signs of stress he's seen her wear the past few days fading into blur.

"Yeah, you better come with us next time," Katara said. "Have a girl-time together."

"We can go to the beach together," Suki suggested.

"That sounds like a great plan," Yane replied and gave Zuko a quick glance. "I haven't been to any beaches ever since I came here to the US."

"Really?" Zuko raised his brow. "We could've gone the other day."

"All the more reason we go together," Aang enthused.

"We'll see you all soon," Zuko said before adding, "Thank you."

One quiet moment was shared and they started to walk towards the opposite side with Aang still waving with his unlimited reserves of energy.

Yane let her hand fall to her side once they were out of view and it was only then when she noticed his lingering stare on her. She looked at him funny and asked, "What?"

"So, you knew it was my birthday?"

"Well," she grinned widely at him. "Yeah?"

"You looked at my bio?"

"No! What do I look like to you, a stalker?" she yapped, looking as offended as a toddler getting caught stealing candies that were already in her mouth.

Crossing his arms, he gave her a pointed look, "I don't buy it."

"Okay, I did," Yane huffed and crossed her arms to mirror him. "But I only did it after your friends came to visit."

"What?" he blurted, dropping his stance.

"They came by when you weren't on your shift. Introduced themselves and told me they wanted to surprise you on your birthday."

For all the thoughts that ran in his mind, Zuko couldn't articulate any of those into coherent sentences. His eyes trailed back to the direction his friends went—longing and awed.

"They... did that?"

"Yes, silly boy," she chortled ungracefully at whatever face he was wearing. "Is it really so hard to get that people really care about you?"

"But what I did to them was unforgivable. I could've gotten them killed."

Yane blinked, unknowing of what had transpired between them in the past. "That's... a story for another time. For now, just let go of it. They clearly seemed willing enough to forget it just so they can keep you."

"It's like what you said," he sighed. "It is hard to understand how you could all stay for me."

"Hey!" she barked and held his throat in her hand. "If you keep talking like that, I'm going to kill you. Birthday boy or not."

Zuko tried to open his mouth to utter a protest but decided that it wasn't worth it. Arguing with the woman in front of him would only end up in hours of sulking as if he'd ripped out her heart. It had been particularly worse whenever she was near her period.

Something she so shamelessly announced every time, much to his embarrassment.

Instead, he heaved a sigh and whispered, so only she could hear the poisonous shame and misery that crept up in his stomach and made him queasy.

Her eyes stayed on his.

"I was at fault. Still, they were the ones who came for me. Tell me honestly. I won't take any lies from you, Yane. Am I such a failure? Because, I do understand now. I'm important to them, but that does not change anything about me."

The hand around his throat fell limply as she considered his words carefully, her eyes clouding all of the sudden. He appreciated that she was giving much thought about how to answer his question—to which, he himself knew the answer to. Zuko just wanted to hear it directly from her, to help him come into terms with himself, to help him move on.

"Yes," she finally intoned, and that single word pierced into his chest like an icicle. "You are a failure. You still are. But so what? Aren't we all failures? We suck as people. We do things that hurt them. We do things that make us feel good even at the expense of someone else, and that makes us horrible creatures, right?"

She started to reach for the pendant hanging around her neck—a sun and a moon, chiseled in gold.

"But we love fiercely, too," she went on, letting her eyes drop to her sneaker-clad feet, her face all twisted up like she was hurt, angry, sick—as though she was about to start to break things around her. Everything but herself.

"We grind our way to redeem ourselves in the way we think is right," she went on, the corners of her mouth softening. "Clichè. I know. But you just oughta do that, right? Have your own redemption arc. Make it up to the people you've hurt and continue to love them. It's really that simple."

Zuko noticed the way she clutched at her pendant like she wanted to both keep it close to her soul and toss it into the sky at the same time. He lifted his hand to caress her cheek but stopped midway, resting it on top of her head instead.

"Is it really that easy?" he asked in a low voice, gaze glued to her pendant.

"I said 'simple'," she said, letting go of the jewelry. "Not easy."

"Figures."

Yane made a low noise as he withdrew his hand before lifting a brown paper package in front of his face.

"I did get you a present," she said before he could ask. "Honestly, did you think I wouldn't notice you brooding by the kitchen the whole time? Such a baby."

The glower in his face materialized at that observation. "I wasn't brooding."

"Please, Zuko, you always brood."

He snatched the package with agitation and eyed it as if the gift had just offended his mother.

"It ain't a bomb, I promise."

"You tried to poison me before, remember?"

Yane's eyes widened in mock terror as she clutched at his arm. "What? Seriously? But why are you still alive?"

"Shut up," he blew out, opening the package.

Zuko pulled out a book out of the bag and stared at the title for a second. The magenta color caught his eye, definitely. It was his favorite after all, but what caught his attention the most was the title printed like it was written in a language he didn't know.

"One Year Walk?" he read. "With God?"

"It's called a devotional," she informed him and peered by his side. "You read a page everyday."

He gave her a grimace. "What is it? Buddist advice and way of living?"

"No, silly," she laughed. "Never heard of Christianity?"

Then his face crumpled into confusion. "Heard of it. Are you trying to convert me, or something?"

And at that point, she just looked ridiculously offended he almost wanted to laugh.

"No," she said, patience kept to the brim. "I'm just... trying to share with you this God I have. He loves all of us. He loves you."

All the traces of amusement snapped into nothing as a dark veil fell on his face. "Sure hasn't been there for me for the whole time I'm on earth."

"No, you just think so 'cause it's dark," she said almost too confidently. "But when it lifts, you'll see. He's always been there."

Zuko broke their stare to look back at the book in his hand. It was definitely not what he was expecting for a gift, but here it was. Yet another surprising thing from the lady beside him.

"Thank you," he said, placing his arm on her shoulders in a one-arm hug. "For helping me with my friends. And for this. I'm not promising I'll read it, though."

"That's fine," she chirped, looking relieved that he decided to keep it. Yane surprised him when she returned his awkward hug with a full embrace, her ear now pressed over his hammering heart.

"Seeds have been planted, at least," she remarked, and he didn't understand. "Happy birthday, Hong Zuko."

A/N: And here we have the Gaang! Hope you enjoyed! Review as you go~