Tanelor watched T'gan's wing take off and circle over the Weyr before going between. He stood there watching the sky for long moments after they'd gone, his fists clenched, breathing and heart-rate accelerated. He couldn't help it, every time M'rek left the Weyr it was the same. And this time it was just a patrol they were flying.

The first time he'd watched his weyrmate leaving to fight thread he'd suffered a full-blown panic attack and had taken most of the fall to get over it. The Weyrleader, while sympathetic to his situation, had told him it couldn't happen again. Everyone had to pull their weight during a fall.

Since then he'd done his best to keep his emotions under control. But it wasn't easy. And he didn't expect it to get easier. What could ever fill the hole that Zirth's loss had left in his life?

He heard footsteps behind him but didn't bother turning to see who it was.

"Tanelor?" said a quiet voice behind him.

"What do you want?"

"The Weyrleader said you need to find some work to keep you busy."

"What of it?"

"I could use some help in the forge."

Tanelor turned then to stare at the brownrider smith.

"I know nothing of smithcrafting."

"Not a problem. What I need is someone to keep the forge supplied with coal, work the bellows for me, assist where needed really. My blades are proving popular, both in and outside of the Weyr, but I can't keep up with the demand and carry out my duties as a rider without some help. So what do you say? You can't officially be my apprentice because I'm still a journeyman, but I'm willing to teach you if you're willing to learn."

For a moment Tanelor was silent, then slowly he nodded.

"I've never learned a craft. I was born a weyrbrat and impressed at fifteen. There was never time for anything else. But Zirth was all I needed.

"But now...now I need something, something I can do that will keep me from thinking, keep me from remembering."

"Well I can certainly work you hard, but it can't be all the time. My duty to the Weyr takes precedence."

"Yes, Wingsecond, thank you. I accept your offer."

"Good. Come with me."

L'san set off across the weyr bowl towards the coal bunker without waiting to see if Tanelor was following. He picked up one of the full sacks that stood beside the door, hefting it to his shoulder with the ease borne of years of practice. Only then did he turn to look at the other man.

"Grab the other sack, and we'll get them over to the forge, then we can discuss your duties."

He watched in silence as Tanelor struggled to lift the other sack. The ex-bluerider wasn't that much older than L'san, two maybe three turns at most. He shouldn't have found lifting the sack that difficult, bearing in mind the exercise that was part of their daily routine.

"Stop," he said.

"Tip some of that out, until you can lift it easily."

"I can manage."

"No, you can't. You haven't fully recovered. Tanelor, if you push yourself too hard, you'll make yourself ill again. Do as I say."

L'san wouldn't give in until Tanelor did as he was told. In the end he removed maybe a third of the sack before the smith was happy that he could carry the sack without straining himself. Only then did they head to the forge.

By the time they reached there Tanelor had to admit L'san knew what he was talking about. Breathless, he dropped the sack and straightened, rolling his shoulders in an effort to ease the pain.

"You'll get used to it," L'san commented.

"It took me a while too. Mind, I was just an apprentice, only a boy, when I started. Now, let's get this coal in the storage bin and I'll show you what's what."

Tanelor nodded, grateful for L'san's matter-of-fact attitude. More than anything he hated the sympathy from people who couldn't possibly understand how he felt.

By the time they left the forge an hour or two later Tanelor's head was reeling with the amount of information he'd absorbed. He hoped he'd remember enough of it to not appear an idiot when he started working.

Above them he heard the rush of wings as T'gan's wing came out of between at the end of their patrol. For the first time since it had happened he went to meet his weyrmate with a smile on his face.