6. Turn's End, New Beginning

Tanelor looked at the scraps of metal spread out on the table in front of him. L'san had given him permission to take them from the forge but he wasn't sure what he could do with them,. He wanted to make a Turn's End gift for M'rek but he still wasn't very skilled at smithing. In past years he'd visited the crafthalls to buy his gifts but this year, with no dragon, he didn't have that option. He knew if he said anything his weyrmate would offer to take him anywhere he wanted to go, but with thread still falling he was unwilling to waste their precious free time. Besides, he wasn't sure he could handle being on the back of any dragon that wasn't his own. It was still too soon for that. Crafting was something he could do while M'rek was busy with drills or patrols.

He pushed the pieces around, arranging them this way, that way, until it suddenly it clicked. Some of the twisted pieces resembled parts of a dragon's limbs, maybe he could try to make a model of Sorelth. The decision made he scooped all the pieces back into the box he'd brought them to the weyr in. This was a task that would need the facilities of the forge, if L'san was agreeable.

Reaching for a scrap of much re-used hide Tanelor sketched out his idea with a piece of charcoal. He was fairly satisfied with his efforts by the time he heard Sorelth landing on the ledge outside. Quickly folding the hide Tanelor shoved it in his pocket just as M'rek walked in. Stripping off his wet jacket, the green rider headed straight for the fire to warm himself.

"Shards! It's cold out there," he grumbled.

"But at least the rain got most of the thread. And with a bit of luck it'll soon be cold enough for snow, then it'll just be patrols."

"And I won't have to worry about you for a while," Tanelor said quietly.

M'rek turned to look at his lover, concern clear on his face.

"I'm sorry, love. I know how much it upsets you when I'm out there, but it's my duty. I have to do it."

"And I would expect nothing less of you."

"So what's troubling you?"

"I don't feel I have a place here anymore. I have no useful skill, I never had need of one before and now I'm incapable of learning anything new."

"I thought you were getting on all right at the smithy."

"I wish! About all I'm useful for is drudge work. I can fetch sacks of coal and pump the bellows and sweep the floor, but when it comes to making anything..."

He pushed the box of scraps across the table.

"Well, see for yourself..."

M'rek left his place at the hearth and looked in the box, pushing the pieces about with a finger. He glanced up at his disconsolate weyrmate.

"What was it supposed to be?"

"A bowl. L'san said there's always a need for pots and pans and I should learn how to make and mend them. Well, I think that's way beyond mending. I hit it too hard and shattered it."

"Hmm. Well, see this piece..." M'rek picked up a roughly circular piece.

"This looks like those little dishes that ladies use to heat that scented oil Jassenthe makes to fragrance their quarters. If you were to deepen it a bit and make a stand for it so it will go over a candle..."

"You think that would work?"

M'rek nodded.

"I'm not even going to ask how you'd know things like that. But thank you."

The green rider grinned.

"I was quite the ladies' man before I met you. Visited more than a few in their private chambers..."

"Eww. Enough. That's more than I ever wanted to know."

Looking happier than he had minutes ago Tanelor leant forward to kiss his weyrmate.

The next day when Tanelor turned up to work in the forge he had the box of scraps with him. L'san glanced up at him.

"No use?" he asked.

"Mm, I've got an idea I want to run by you. Well actually M'rek gave me the idea."

He pulled his piece of hide out and showed L'san his sketches. The first was off a dragon poised ready to spring into the air.

"At first I was going for this, then M'rek gave me the idea for this."

The second sketch was of a dragon balanced on its hind legs, wings spread out behind it, holding a small dish in its forelegs, with a candle beneath the dish.

For some moments the smith studied the sketch.

"That should work, though I'd suggest putting it on a flat stand to help it balance better.

"I take it you'll want to work on it here so M'rek doesn't know? That's fine so long as it doesn't interfere with your usual work. You're welcome to the scraps, but any other materials you'll have to pay for. Okay?"

Tanelor nodded.

"Thank you," he said.

"I might not be much good at making weapons like you, but maybe this is something I can do. If people will buy them."

"Different people have different skills. I'm good at making weapons, but I don't have the patience to make the delicate jewelry that my mother creates. You might not feel that fripperies like that have a place here but people will buy them. And if there's a market for them why shouldn't you be the one to supply it?"

Tanelor heard what L'san said and was grateful for his encouragement. Over the following sevendays his spare time was spent in the forge, experimenting, learning new skills, deciding what he liked to do best. He took over an empty store room beside the forge for his workshop and soon had a shelf full of little dragons, in every pose imaginable and painted in different colours. All but blue, he couldn't bring himself to create one that looked like his beloved Zirth. He'd tried, had shaped the little figure until it resembled his lost companion, but when he'd come to paint it he'd broken down in tears and fled the forge. L'san, coming in later, had found the slightly battered figure in the box of scrap metal, rescued it and tucked it away safely.

By the time Turn's End arrived Tanelor had built a growing trade with his little dragons, so much so that M'rek began to tease him about being neglected, but the gift for his weyrmate that had sparked the whole enterprise was still unfinished. L'san found him late one evening, just days before the feast, in his workshop just sitting staring at the piece.

"What's wrong, Tanelor?" he asked.

"It's not right yet. What if he doesn't like it? Why did I ever think this was a good idea?"

"He'll love it. It looks perfect to me, but even if it wasn't he'd still love it because you gave it to him. Now wrap it and take it for him. Stop getting in a panic over nothing."

"I do, don't I? I never used to be like that. I could take everything in my stride, face everything life threw at me and just keep going. Now the least little thing leaves me a mess. I don't want to be like this but it's so hard to be the man I was. What can I do? M'rek deserves better than this."

"Tanelor, you deserve better than this. You're never going to be the man you were, you can't be. Your life has changed too much. But you can decide to be a new man, one with a new life, a new purpose. Your friends will help you, support you where we can, but you need to take that first step, make the decision to be that new person. Only you can do that."

Tanelor turned and looked up at the brownrider. L'san could see the unshed tears in his eyes, but he did at least give a weak smile.

"Thank you," he said softly.

"Go home to M'rek. Give him a hug, have a drink together, make love. Whatever you feel like doing, but take that first step."

L'san watched his apprentice leave, then closed the glow baskets before locking the forge and heading back to his own weyr and family.

The next day Tanelor came back to the forge, more cheerful, and eager to put the finishing touches to M'rek's gift. With his new-found enthusiasm it was quickly finished and wrapped in a colourful piece of cloth. He took it back to their weyr and tucked it away in his clothes chest ready for the big day.

It was barely light when Tanelor awoke on Turn's End morning, but he could already hear sounds of activity as the Weyr prepared for the day's celebrations. M'rek was still sound asleep beside him, but Tanelor was too restless to leave him that way. Leaning over he kissed his lover and whispered,

"Time to wake up. It's Turn's End."

"It's too early to get up."

"Did I say we were getting up?" Tanelor teased.

"I'm quite happy where I am."

Eventually they got up and after a quick breakfast it was time to exchange gifts. M'rek's gift to Tanelor was a brightly coloured knitted hat because he'd noticed his weyrmate never wore his flying helmet when it was cold outside.

Tanelor offered M'rek his gift a little anxiously. Even now he wasn't sure how well he'd made it. He watched him unwrap the cloth from round it, watched his face as it was revealed.

M'rek held the little dragon up, turning it this way and that, studying the detail.

"Tanelor, it's beautiful," he said at last.

"It looks just like Sorelth."

"You like it? Really?"

"I love it. Thank you for making it for me."

M'rek sat the oil burner on the table and pulled Tanelor into his arms for a hug.

"Happy Turn's End, love," he said.

And with that they went to join in the celebrations.