How the Cheetah met the Flash
Disclaimer: DC comics™ own everyone here.
…Something was scaring the deer in the woods.
Normally, you would not expect the Flash of all people to care about that, but Flash rather did. The fastest man alive loved to race, (no duh), and while there was no man or woman who could challenge him, (Superman did not count, because of Justice League reasons, really), the deer rather did.
Oh, sure, in a straight-up race the Flash could defeat any ordinary animal, whether it was a deer or an antelope, but with their zigging, and zagging, and the harsh forest terrain, the deer actually gave the Flash a challenge the way that no human racers could, and this mattered to the Scarlet Speedster – and right now something was scaring the deer, and not in a normal way.
There was little that the Flash could do a mountain lion or a grizzly bear, (if the predators did not act like outright arses to his face), but right now, he was not dealing with either of them, (or anything else that was mundane, like a wolverine)… he just did not know what. That state of affairs was simply frustrating.
"HMM," the Black Racer said as he thought over the Scarlet Speedster's frustrations, honest, and made a sound by knocking on a tree. Immediately the Flash whirled around. Nothing, no one… wait. Was that a spotted tail hanging from a tree? The Flash looked up, and saw…a blonde-haired person of the female gender who was eyeing him with clear amusement. There was no evident tail, as far as he could see now, (and where did it go?), but the woman's clothing indicated that she wasn't any ordinary hiker either, so the Flash approached her tree and called-out: "Hello!"
The woman effortlessly leapt down the tree, ignoring her bare feet. (A couple of sandals were located behind the tree, the Flash could see them now), and said, without any fear, (but then again, the Flash was the least intimidating member of the Justice League for a reason), "Hello to you too. And you are who?"
"I'm the Flash, the fastest man alive!" the Flash said grandly, doing his best to ignore the sceptical grimace on the woman's face – it rather reminded him of Diana's scepticism, for some reason. "And you are?"
"Isn't it Superman, who's the fastest man-?" the other person was not convinced yet. "Oh, and I'm Barbara Minerva. What's your civilian name?"
"Actually, Superman is merely smarter- I mean, faster than a speeding bullet," the Flash said cheerfully. "I'm much faster than that! Moreover, what do you mean, a civilian name? Are you a friend of the Justice League?"
"Oh my, no!" the woman rolled her eyes behind her glasses. "I'm the Cheetah-"
"Diana told us about you-"
The woman shifted her poise and facial features slightly-
"I'm Barry Allan, the Flash," the man in question said quickly, aware that he had said something wrong, he just did not know what. (He often did that sort of thing with women). "Do you know what is scaring the deer around those parts?"
"Hm," the woman said thoughtfully, as she casually draped one of her arms around the Flash's shoulders. Given their respective heights and ages, the Flash suspected that she was messing with him. "I admit I don't know what to think of you, Flash. On one hand, you're a friend of Diana's, and as such, you're no friend of mine…on the other, you seem to be a good young man…" she taped her face, briefly revealing teeth that didn't look quite human, before snapping her fingers. "Idea! Come hither, my pet!" she yelled loudly.
With a clanking of hooves, some sort of an animal emerged from the woods before them. In general outline, it resembled a deer, (rather than a horse, for comparison), and it was covered in pale brown fur, (again like some deer) – but it was no deer, for in place of a deer's antlers there was a single horn.
The Flash didn't believe in unicorns, honest, but this beast's horn was something else – it wasn't an undivided horn as expected from a unicorn, but rather an interwoven mess of branches, or antlers, complete with tiny holes in them.
A breeze blew. Some sort of music began to emanate from the holes – a very lovely music. "Can I touch it?" the Flash muttered, as he gingerly moved forwards to touch the newcomer.
The music abruptly stopped, as the animal's lips curled backwards, revealing something much more omnivorous than a mere deer or a horse-
"Sure" Barbara Minerva said cheerfully, as she grabbed the Flash by the scruff of his suit and flung him into the air. "If you can last a ride upon it, you can touch my pet!"
The Flash came down hard upon the beast's back and grabbed it with both his hands and feet, doing his best to hang on tight, just as it went off like a shot. Considering that he managed to land backwards upon the animal's back and grab its' rather short and deer-like tail, he was up a bumpy ride.
"That idiot!" Minerva facepalmed, dropped on all fours, and chased after them.
"NOW THIS IS FUN!" the Black Racer commented as he followed them.
Someone else, supposedly unseen, followed hi,
/ / /
Some time later…
The Flash's crazy new ride took him onto a- scenic tour of the nature reserve, over fields and ravines, up the mountains and down the forests, doing its' best to dislodge him, but the Flash somehow managed to hang-on. He did not know why, he did not know how, but he was able to hang on onto his steed.
His new companion, incidentally, was also here, shadowing them – sometimes she seemed to be a human, but running on all fours in a way that no ordinary human could, sometimes much more feline, but always fast. Very fast. Not as fast as the Flash himself, of course, but still fast.
And sometimes… but then an actual unicorn emerged from the trees – creamy white in color, with a spiralling, shimmering horn. Upon seeing it, the Flash's steed immediately stopped and emitted a series of rather deer-like cries. The newcomer neighed back and wagged its' tail – its' long, horse-like tail.
Immediately, the Flash's steed cried-
"Yes, this isn't a part of the deal," Barbara Minerva agreed, as she stood next to them and pulled the Flash down to the ground. "Go, and enjoy yourself."
Immediately, the two horned beasts were off like a shot, vanishing in the trees.
"AW!" the Black Racer said, but did nothing, because the Flash spoke next:
"So, lady, you do those rides on a regular basis? This explains the great ass and thighs!" he jabbed his finger at the Cheetah's abs to emphasize his point, (unintentionally).
"Young man," the woman in question shot him a glare, "You're closer in age to my godson than to me! Behave yourself!"
"You have a godson? Cool! What's his name?" the Flash did not back down. "What is your story, anyhow? Want to go to the local food place and talk?"
The Cheetah shot him another look. "Well, aren't you fast," was all that she said.
"Yes, well, this is going to be the beginning of a weird new friendship-"
Barbara's tail twitched and wagged at the word of 'friendship' despite her conscious intents, (whatever they were to begin with)… "Right," she said brightly. "You like hot dogs?"
The Flash just laughed in reply, and the mismatched, (but speedy), duo left.
"…Aw!" said the Deer woman, as she emerged from behind the shrubs (still in her Golden hind shape). "And I had plans for him!"
"REALLY?" the Black Racer asked conversationally, stopping pretending not to notice her. "DO GO ON."
The Deer woman gulped and tried to flee. Effortlessly, the Black Racer caught up with her, flung her onto one shoulder, pulled his scythe onto the other, and they were gone.
End