A/N will be posted at the end of the chapter
I wake up to an empty bed in the morning, and I gratefully stretch out and enjoy the extra space. Ever since initiation started I've had to cram myself onto the small bunk bed, and although I'm not tall or big in any way, I do like to stretch my legs when sleeping.
I close my eyes for a few seconds more, enjoying the warmth and quietness, eventually pushing myself up, feeling restless. I walk to the living room shielding my eyes from the blinding sun shining through the window. I look around for any signs of Eric, and I spot him in the kitchen. He's wearing black joggers that are hanging lowly on his hip bone, and he is shirtless. My eyes skirt across his bare chest, and I find myself unable to look away. He looks much bigger without a shirt since all his muscles are out for display, looking extra defined. I've never seen so many abs on a man, especially not in Erudite. Looking at him makes me feel warm, and I force myself to tear my gaze away from him, but far too late.
"See something you like, initiate?" I feel my cheeks turn red. I turn away from him so he can't see, and decide to ignore his question.
"I'm going to head to the dining hall to eat breakfast," I tell him, quickly heading to the door before he can protest.
"In that?" he asks, just as I turn his door handle. I look down at what I'm wearing and I widen my eyes at my outfit. If I can even call it that. Last I checked, I was wearing a hospital gown, and now I'm wearing a shirt far too big and… that's it. Just my panties.
"Eric! You changed my clothes?" I ask him, exasperated. He has a smug look on his face, and I want to slap the smirk off his face.
"You didn't seem to mind," he says smoothly, and I grunt in frustration. "Cute panties," he adds and I feel the tip of my ears go red.
"Please get me some real clothes. I'm hungry." He shakes his head and continues doing whatever he's doing in the kitchen.
"I told you, you're to stay here for two days. Relax initiate, I won't let you starve… or maybe I will," he teases, and before I can respond he turns on a loud machine. Seconds later he hands me a red drink that's cold and thick.
"What, did you get this out of Amity?" I joke to him and he looks at me darkly. I'll never be afraid of Eric, even though he tries really hard to scare me.
"Funny." He licks the spoon with a sticky substance all over it.
"Did you get the fear landscape stuff?" I ask him, feeling that anxiety again about missing out on training. It's not a good feeling. It makes me nervous whenever I think about missing training because I know that one class I missed can be the start of my downfall to factionless. I fumble with the hem of my shirt, attempting to get my mind off of it and to try and cover more of my legs.
"Relax. It's all situated," Eric answers right before gulping down the entire drink he's just made. I look down at mine, wondering if I'm expected to do the same.
"Drink," Eric orders me, shoving the drink closer to my face. I know it's a smoothie, it's just I've never had one before. Erudite isn't a fan of all the earthy foods that Amity grows. I take a small sip, preparing for the worst.
It tastes sour and sweet at the same, and quite delectable. I look down at the drink with wide eyes, and chug the drink the same as Eric did. When I finish, I meet Eric's eyes, and he looks at me with a funny face.
"What?" I ask him, wiping my lips of the substance. He shakes his head and walks away to the kitchen.
"I can't babysit you today because I have a job to fulfill, but if you leave the apartment, just know that I will know," he threatens me, and I narrow my eyes at him.
"I don't need a babysitter."
I do wonder, though, who will lead me through the fear landscape. Eric goes into his room and shuts his door, and I stand alone in his apartment. If someone had told me two weeks ago that I would be in Eric's apartment willingly (for the most part), I would have laughed in their faces. Of course in Erudite, I always went over to his apartment with my brother and we would all hang out, but that was before the incident.
Now that I know he isn't the bad guy Jeanine had made him out to be, I don't have a problem being in his apartment.
I go to the kitchen and wash my cup, taking more time than necessary because there's nothing else to do. I gently wash the cup with a sponge, then set it on the drying rack once I'm satisfied.
A hand suddenly grasps tightly around my waist, and I let out a screech as their fingers press down on a ticklish spot.
"Eric!" I exclaim, and I turn around to him with a towel wrapped lowly around his hip bone, his V-line making an appearance. I force myself to hold his eyes and not linger to his body, and the smirk on his face shows that he knows how hard it is.
"What's wrong, initiate? You look a little flushed." Arrogance is dripping in his voice and I give him a sweet, sarcastic smile.
"Oh, it must be because you look so adorable with that smoothie on your lip," I answer, and the way his face drops makes it hard not to laugh. There isn't any smoothie there, but I just wanted to see his confidence waver a little. But obviously not enough because now he has a smug look on his face.
"You wanna help me get it off?" My jaw drops for a second, and his lips are turned up just the slightest, and I can tell he's getting the biggest kick out of my reaction. So I try to conceal my shock at his question.
"Isn't there a rule about Dauntless leaders asking initiates inappropriate questions like that?"
He throws his head back and lets out a loud laugh, and for some reason, I feel proud. I've known Eric for a long time, and he rarely laughs, even a fake laugh. The only person that made him really laugh was Trent, so the fact that I made him actually laugh gives me a sense of pride.
"Don't be foolish, of course not." He leans into my ear, his cheek brushing mine ever so lightly as he whispers, "But if there were, I don't listen to rules anyways."
While he's saying the last part, I can feel his breath on my ear and I shiver, noticing just how close he really is. I bite my lip hard, not knowing what to say as he pulls away and gives me a smirk. I shove my hair out of my face and walk away into his bedroom, in need of a shower and pants. When I reach the bedroom I press my cold hand onto my warm forehead and smile as I think about what just happened. The feeling of Eric's cheek against mine sent a wave of… something all over my body. A good something as well. Like when your stomach drops as you jump off of a train. It was exhilarating.
But now I've come to my senses as I step into the cold shower. It was Eric's cheek that was against mine, his breath on my ear, and his lips grazing my ear. Of course, I've never been oblivious to Eric's good looks, but I've never been attracted to him because he was my brother's best friend.
This is ridiculous, I tell myself. I forgave Eric three days ago. I found out he wasn't directly responsible for my brother's murder THREE DAYS AGO. I shouldn't be feeling anything towards Eric right now. Even if I'm not sure what it is, I am sure that I shouldn't enjoy the feeling of him being as close as he was a few moments ago.
I take a deep breath and massage my hair with shampoo, trying hard to drift my thoughts away from Eric. The cold water runs over my flushed cheeks and warm body, cooling it down more and more. By the end of the shower, I feel fully refreshed and I don't have that hospital ick on me anymore. Every hospital visit in Erudite I left feeling worse than before just because of being in the hospital and under those stupid bright lights, and I felt the same way after coming home from the infirmary yesterday. Now I feel much better, and more like myself.
I wrap a towel around my body before stepping out of the bathroom into Eric's room. Now I just need to look for some pants or shorts that will fit me. Maybe Eric brought some of my clothes for me, but knowing Eric that's most likely not the case.
"Eric, do you have any of my clothes here?" I call out from his bedroom. Without warning, he walks through the door. I instinctively wrap my towel tighter around my body, trying to cover up even more. He rolls his eyes and fishes in his drawer. After a few moments, he pulls out a pair of his boxers that look much too small for him, and a black t-shirt which is only a little smaller than the other one I had on earlier. He throws them at me and his eyes skirt up and down my body for far too long and I can't help but feel insecure under his stare. His eyes look intense like they're searching for something. I clear my throat, trying to signal that I want to change. His eyes finally meet mine and his eyebrows twitch upwards like he is challenging me.
"Eric, I need to change, so if you wouldn't mind giving me some privacy." I hold his stare.
"Go ahead. I think I might just enjoy the show." He looks pleased with his actions, his lips pulled into a side smile. I cross my arms and continue staring back at him.
"Eric," I warn him. His eyes only grow wider and after a few more seconds of a standoff, I sigh in frustration and take my clothes to the bathroom, changing quickly while cursing Eric out in my head. He's such a pain in the ass. I'm now looking forward to returning back to the dorms, something I never thought I would say.
I put on his boxers and I need to roll up the waistband until they can fit nicely around my small waist. The boxers are now really short because I had to roll them up so much, but thankfully the shirt he gave me is longer than them so it conceals more of my legs. I look in the mirror and try to tame the mess of my hair.
I've always found getting ready in the morning very peaceful and therapeutic for me. Maybe it's because it's the only routine in my life that I made for myself. Ever since initiation started, I haven't had much time to enjoy the process of brushing my hair and getting ready in the morning, but now I can take my time and think through the past few weeks. I never thought my heart would be much of a problem in initiation just because I've never had that many issues while in Erudite. Maybe it's because I'm constantly active here, and also stressed. I'm not sure, but I just want my heart to go back to normal so I can continue training without Eric distracting me.
I don't know why I find him so distracting. I don't have clear thoughts when I'm around him, and it shows. Like earlier when he was right near me, whispering in my ear, I would have normally pushed away anyone that did that to me and scowled in their faces, but for some reason, I felt stuck in place as if I was in a trance. I shake my head and resume combing my hair, and once it looks neat and sleek, I walk out of the bathroom. While in Eric's bedroom, I hear voices coming from his living room and I press my ear to the door.
"Why is she here? She's my initiate and I can take care of her," one of the voices complains, and I figure it's Four's voice.
"You can't take care of her when you're taking care of 15 other hooligans. Don't test me Stiff." Eric's voice sounds as sharp as a knife and I can tell he's getting pissed off.
"How is she going to complete the fear landscapes?"
"Get out I don't need to answer your questions."
I hear a grunt come from most likely Four, and then the front door slamming. I open Eric's bedroom door and grin when I see Eric's annoyed face.
"Why do you and Four hate each other so much? He seems like someone you'd be friends with," I ask Eric slowly like he's a ticking time bomb.
He points a finger at me with pursed lips.
"I don't need to answer your questions either. Get back in bed and lay down." I bite my lip and decide to get him back for earlier this morning.
"Only if you join," I taunt him with an innocent voice. His eyes come alive, and his annoyed expression is gone. Now it's replaced with one I don't exactly know how to describe. His eyebrows are low, and his eyes are narrowed as he looks at me. One side of his mouth is pulled upwards, and he licks his lips. Mischievous. That's the expression. He continues looking at me, his gaze dropping to my lips, then my neck, then back to my eyes. He walks slowly, agonizingly slow, towards me, his eyes never leaving mine. He walks right past me and to the bedroom door. I can't breathe. I can't think.
He stands by the door and looks over his shoulder.
"You coming, initiate?"
I don't know what comes over me, but I go to him, and into the bedroom. I don't know what I'm doing, it's like I'm being possessed. I turn around and wait for him to come in, but I see that smile. Mischievous, up to no good smile, and before I know it he shuts the door on me, and I hear a key locking me in on the other side. I bang on the door while trying to push it open, but it's no good.
"Eric!" I yell at him, slamming the door once more with my palm. I can hear him laughing outside the door, and I huff loudly.
"I didn't know you wanted me so bad Lace," he says in a cocky manner. I bite my cheek and realize I just willingly followed Eric into a room! His head is big enough, I don't want him thinking I'm into him.
"In your dreams."
"Sounds like that's in yours." I slam my palm into the door and lay down on his bed.
I know how to get him back, I tell myself. I smile and grunt loudly as I hold my chest. I groan and fall onto the floor, calling out Eric's name. I scream in pain, making as many horrid noises I need to convince Eric that I'm in pain. I hear him fumble for the keys and unlock the door. He goes to my side and looks at me with concerned eyes.
"Lacy. Lacy what's wrong?" he asks, trying to figure out what to do. I grab onto his shirt tightly, pulling him close to my face, and while I'm distracting him with that I grab his keys from his hand and smile.
"I feel better now. Thanks!" I get up and walk to the door, and he walks right by my side.
"Don't do that shit. That wasn't funny." Eric looks at me with a serious face, and he looks royally pissed off. I almost feel bad.
"What? Were you concerned?" I ask in a mocking matter. He straightens himself out and he's back to looking stern.
"Of course not. I just didn't want an initiate dying in my apartment. Too much paperwork."
"It's okay Eric. Your secret is safe with me." He grunts and goes to his couch, looking over a handful of papers. I look at him for a few moments, and for some reason, there's a smile on my face.
"Stop!" I scream as I'm taken away by Erudite workers. A worker with an evil smile grabs onto my hair and drags me to the same spot my brother was executed, and I look up at Eric. I beg him for mercy. He mocks a frown and takes the syringe out of the other man's hand and pushes it into my neck roughly, and I feel myself get heavier and heavier, until I'm suddenly not heavy at all, and I can no longer see Eric's wicked expression.
I gasp when I wake up from the simulation and claw and kick. I feel Eric's hand on my shoulder trying to hold me down.
It's about eight hours after my joke on Eric. He was mad for about 20 minutes after that, but let me read a book while we waited for the fear landscape equipment rather than making me sleep. We spent the whole afternoon with him on the couch and me sitting on the window seal, intrigued with the book.
"Relax Lacy. You're awake now," Eric reassures me. His voice is soft and light when he says the words. I take a few more deep breaths to slow my heart rate and look at him.
"I'm sick of these. I hate them more than anything." My voice comes out whinier then I want it to and I cringe at it. Eric looks at me with a funny voice.
"Don't be so dramatic. You only have a few more days until you're finished. No need to give up now."
Eric's words do relieve me quite a bit. I can finally see the finishing line with initiation, and I won't have to do these stupid simulations anymore. I look at Eric again and it seems like he's debating something in his head. He is deep in his own thoughts.
"What? Did I do something wrong?" I ask him, trying to remember the simulation and going over any mistakes I might have made.
"No. You did well. You faced the fear rather than convinced yourself it was a simulation." He still has a solemn look on his face.
"So what's wrong?"
"Do you really think I would hurt you? After what happened to your brother?" he finally blurts out, but he manages to say the words evenly, with no sign of emotion in them. I bite my lip trying to think of whether or not I do fear Eric. His question definitely caught me off guard, since he never mentions my brother, but it's understandable.
"I'm not sure. I don't think I'm scared of whether or not you would hurt me, but anyone that I trust. After Trent…" I start, but I choose not to finish. I can tell I've hit a nerve and I don't want him to think it's his fault I'm scared to trust people, even if it might be. Eric stands up from where he was crouched beside the bed and hovers over me. He lifts his hand and gently grazes it over my cheek, and my breath hitches. He runs his thumb over my lips, then my chin. My skin tingles under his touch, and my body feels like it's on fire. I have never seen Eric be so… gentle. He lifts his hand abruptly and my cheek longs for his warm touch again. He looks away from me and bites down on his jaw.
"I would never hurt you." He meets my eyes again and for the first time, I can see the pain. The pain of his best friend's death. The pain of his guilt. The pain of my words. I want to say something to him so badly, but I don't know what. This is the first time I've ever seen him express his pain and guilt.
"Eric," I desperately say, wanting him to stay vulnerable with me and talk to me, but right when I say his name he hardens once again, and I know my chance is gone. He looks away from me and starts to walk out of the bedroom, but I won't let him.
"Eric, talk to me. Please. I'm in the same place as you are. He was both of our best friends. We both loved him."
Eric looks slightly over his shoulder, then walks out of the room, closing the door softly. Frustration floods my body and I desperately want him to talk to me. I stand up and march to the door, and when I open it he's there as well, looking just as determined as I am.
I'm about to tell him to talk to me, to tell me what he's feeling, but before I can he grabs my face roughly. His eyes are filled with electricity, and he looks at my lips while running his thumb on my cheek.
"Are you scared of me now?" he pants to me. My breath is at a faster pace, and I can't say anything. I shake my head at him. My eyes skirt to his lips, and I bite down on my own, making him grunt. He lifts my chin, giving him more access to my neck, and he kisses just below my ear. He slides his mouth over my jaw, and sucks in, causing a groan to escape my mouth.
"What about now?" he asks into my neck.
He bites down on my neck, tugging a piece of my skin.
"No!" I gasp. His lips leave my neck and he smirks down at me. He's about to ask me another question, but before he can I press my lips against his, jolts of electricity coursing through my veins. He kisses me roughly, his full lips attacking my own. His tongue enters my mouth, fighting with mine as we try to get closer and closer together. I grasp onto the hair on the back of his head, pushing his face further into mine. His hands are on my back, pressing me closer to his body, no gaps between. Our bodies fit perfectly together, like two puzzle pieces locking. We are completely lost in each other's passion. All of my thoughts disappear. Any worries shrivel away and I'm left with only Eric. Once my lungs are screaming for air I finally pull apart to breathe. I place my forehead against his, my hands still around his neck. Both of our breaths are heavy, and he pulls his head away to look into my eyes.
That hole I felt when Trent died doesn't seem as apparent anymore. I feel fulfilled after that kiss, safe, and just content. For the first time in a year. I don't want to overthink it. I just want to leave the kiss as it is, and focus on Eric.
"Isn't there some kind of rule about Dauntless leaders kissing their initiates?" I tease him. His eyebrows perk up and so do the corners of his lips.
"As I recall, you kissed me." I smile up at him, but he pulls away. My body feels cold without him pressed against me.
"You should go to sleep. You have to wake up early tomorrow."
"Why?" I ask him. As I recall I am supposed to be in bed for one more day.
"Nurse called. Said you should be fully healed and continue training. Perfect timing. Tomorrow we're going on a field trip." I feel slightly disappointed about returning back to training just when Eric and I started to get along. I nod my head and go into his bedroom, closing the door behind me.
A/N: Sooo I felt like I dragged this out long enough and I thought it was a cute moment for a first kiss. Tell me what you think! This chapter was really fun to write and I hope it's just as fun to read!