A/N:
Hey guys! I hope you like this chapter, I think it is an important one. I planned out the rest of the story and DANG you guys are in for it. The next chapter might not be here for a while because I'm going to be rather busy. Alright, enjoy!
"Get up," Eric tells me as he shoves my shoulder. I open my eyes to him standing over me, an annoyed look on his face.
So much for thinking Eric would be a little nicer to me after our kiss, I think to myself.
"When do we leave for the trip?" I ask him while yawning. It feels like I just got to sleep. I was up all night thinking about the kiss. It was hard not to with Eric next to me.
"10 minutes. Get ready quickly, we aren't going to wait for you." All the tiredness I felt a second ago is gone and now it's filled with anger.
"Why'd you wake me up so late?" I shout at him, and he glares at me.
"It's not my responsibility to wake you up." He leaves the room before I can argue with him. It's not like I have any other form of an alarm clock.
I figure I should probably spend my ten minutes getting ready rather than be mad at Eric, so I run to the bathroom to comb out my hair. As I'm about to get dressed, I realize I don't have any of my clothes.
"Eric, I don't have any clothes here." I hate myself for sounding so whiny. Even I'm annoyed by it, and I can tell Eric is too.
"Stop freaking out. I asked Roxxy to bring some clothes over yesterday evening," he reassures me and gestures to a stack of clothes on top of his dresser. I give him a small smile and allow myself to calm down a little. This is my first day back, I should be excited.
I walk into the bathroom and put on my training clothes: tight black jeans and a tank top with a thick black jacket over it. I silently thank Roxxy for picking this outfit out. I give myself one more glance in the mirror and leave Eric's room. I see Eric is just about to leave, and I run to catch up with him. He has a proud look on his face when he realizes that I'm in a frantic state.
"Why are you following me initiate?" I snap my head to look at him. What does he mean? Aren't we going to the same place?
"Aren't you going with us on the trip?" He has that evil grin on his face again like he's up to something.
"Yes, but right now I'm headed to my office. Your trip doesn't start for another hour." At this point, he's trying very hard to suppress his laughter. I pinch the bridge of my nose and look up at him.
"Are you serious? Well, what am I supposed to do now?" I ask him, thoroughly irritated. I could have taken a shower if I knew I had more time.
"Not my problem," Eric replies, and walks away from me, leaving me in the middle of the hallway. I look around to figure out where I am in relation to the cafeteria, but it's no hope. I walk back to his apartment, and to my luck, it's unlocked.
He knew I'd come back here, I think to myself. I walk in thinking about what I can do to pass the time. My eyes land on the bookshelves, and I figure that would be a fun way to spend an hour. I look at the different genres of books, most of them are suspenseful or crime. I take out an older looking book on his shelf, one with a yellow bird on the cover. I skim through the pages when a piece of paper falls out. I pick up the paper, and my heart skips a beat when I see it's a picture of Trent, Eric, and I in Erudite.
We are all young kids in the photo, maybe 6 or 7. Trent is messing up Eric's hair while Eric scowls at him, and I'm on the floor in front of them laughing. Trent looks so happy, satisfied with his new hairstyle for Eric. I smile down at the photo. It reminds me how long I've known Eric and all the memories with him and my brother. Although they hung out a lot more together than they hung out with me, we still had many memories. I remember Trent and Eric's first big fight over a girl. I remember when they both got in trouble for sneaking into the lab and playing with different solutions while I kept watch. I remember Eric needing to stay over at our house most nights because his dad was too drunk.
I put the photo back where I found it, the memories being too much to handle. I love thinking about Trent and keeping his memory alive, but right now all the moments with him and Eric are flooding back and it's overwhelming. After his death I thought Eric was responsible, so all the memories I tried thinking about were with only him and I. Now that Eric is in the picture, memories that I had ignored with him and Trent over the last year are coming back, and it's overwhelming.
I touch my hand to my forehead and crouch down on the floor. Before I can stop them, tears roll down my cheeks and my heart feels heavy. I rub my eyes trying to stop them, but it's not working. I just wish I could have told Trent it wasn't Eric's fault. He probably died thinking his best friend betrayed him.
I close my eyes and try to stop thinking about him. I can't cry right now. I can't be weak. I can be weak after initiation, but right now I need to stay strong.
I jump as I hear the front door open and frantically try to wipe my tears away.
"What are you doing?" Eric asks with a confused face as he walks over to me. "Why are you crying?" I shake my head and wipe my eyes once again.
"I'm not," I lie, straightening myself out.
"Yes, you are. Are you gonna tell me why so we can move on?" I'm grateful Eric is being hard right now. I'd rather that than him pitying me. I turn away from him even more and bury my face into my knees.
"Is this about Trent?" he finally says, and I look up at him, startled at the sound of him saying his name. He hasn't said his name since I've been here. I exhale deeply and look at him.
"Yeah. I found this picture." I hold up the picture and Eric's jaw clenches. He closes his eyes briefly before looking at me again.
"Where'd you find that?"
"This book," I say as I hold it up. "I remember that day. It was a really great day." My voice is shaky, no matter how hard I try to steady it. Eric doesn't say anything for a while, just stares at the picture. I can't read his expression. I can't tell whether he's sad, tired, bored.
"Are you okay?" he asks out of nowhere, and I smile at him.
"Yeah, just seeing that picture brings back a lot of memories. I miss him a lot," I explain. Eric doesn't look at me, he just continues staring at the photo, specifically at Trent's satisfied face.
"I do too. But knowing him, he wouldn't want you to be weak right now. He would want you to fight through initiation." He looks very serious right now, his eyebrows hanging low over his eyes and his mouth in a line. I look down at my shoes.
"I know," I say to him. He reaches his hand to my face and touches his thumb to my chin lifting my head up. He looks like he is debating between something in his head, but eventually, he drops his hand.
"We have to go," he says, his eyes hard again and I frown. It seems Eric only lets his guard down for minutes at a time. I nod my head and follow him out the door for the second time today.
Eric's right though. Trent wouldn't want me to fail initiation because of my inability to handle his death. He would want me to power through to the top and make him proud. I stand taller and hold my chin up.
Eric and I are the last ones on the train platform. Roxxy seems to have spotted me from a mile away because she runs towards me and jumps up onto me, wrapping her legs around my waist. I laugh and hug her back tightly.
"We thought you died, no joke! You just disappeared and nobody told us what happened! I'm so happy to see you, Lace," she exclaims, hugging me tighter. I let go of her.
"I'm really glad to see you. I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks." She nods her head and pulls me away from Eric, filling me in with everything that's happened in the last few days.
"So, Zeke and I kissed! It was magical. I mean, it was while I was getting another tattoo, and it hurt really badly, and he held my hand and kissed me. The pain immediately went away and we are doing really well now!" she tells me, her face lighting up as she talks about him. I congratulate her and pull her into a hug. It was bound to happen.
"Also, Uriah may or may not have confessed his feelings for you. You should totally go for him! He is so cute and we can all go for double dates together." I gape at her. There is no way Uriah likes me. I always thought we were just friends. I mean, of course at some moments I suppose I could see us together, but that was before Eric. I bite my lip and look up at her with a worried look on my face.
"Roxxy... I don't like him. I mean, he's attractive and all, but he's my friend," I explain to her. She looks at me with disappointment but nods her head in understanding.
"Train's coming, get ready!" Four calls out. Roxxy and I run in unison with the train and hurl ourselves on. I almost miss the handle, but before I slip a hand grasps onto my arm. Uriah pulls me in and I smile up at him.
"Uriah!" I hug him once I'm steady on the train and we both laugh. It is definitely good to see him.
"I knew you were alive! Zeke owes me 50 points now," he exclaims. I look at him with my mouth wide open.
"You guys bet on whether or not I was dead?! Wow, my friends are great," I say sarcastically, and he wraps his arm around my shoulders.
"Shouldn't have expected anything less." I laugh and settle against his arm until I catch Eric's stare. His eyes are dark and stormy and he is glaring at us.
Is he... jealous?
I squirm myself away from Uriah. He gets the message and removes his arm from my shoulder and faces me. He looks very grave, which is a rare look on Uriah.
"Lacy I actually wanted to talk to you about something," he says, and my heart drops. I don't want to talk about this now. I have a feeling I know what he's about to say, and I know that once he says it our whole friendship may change.
"Later," I tell him, and he nods.
"Initiates, listen up! Since we're nearing the end of initiation, you need to start thinking of jobs. We're taking you to the fence where many people from initiation get stuck guarding. This should get you thinking about your future in Dauntless," Four explains. The atmosphere in the train car is full of tension at the mention of the end of initiation. Many people on this train will become factionless. Nobody talks very much after that, and I lean on Uriah's shoulder and wait for the signal to jump off. Roxxy is sitting across from me and wiggles her eyebrows at our interaction. I gently shake my head at her. If only she knew about Eric.
With the mention of Eric, my mind wanders off thinking about him. The kiss was definitely perfect, but what does it mean for Eric and me? I didn't think about what the aftermath of the kiss would be when I leaned in. I don't think Eric thought about it either. It just… happened. And I'm glad it did. It was an amazing kiss, and ever since I've found it hard not to think about Eric. His lips on mine, his chest pressed against my body. I bite at my lip.
I'm taken away from my thoughts when I hear Eric announce we are jumping off. Uriah, Roxxy, and I are one of the last ones to jump out, Eric and Four right behind us. We wait in a group for Four and Eric to instruct us what to do.
"This is the fence. We guard it to keep our city safe. It is a very important part of Dauntless, and usually what we are known for. We are protectors. You are all expected to protect the factions and our city. Now follow me upstairs and I'll have you talk to some of the guards," Four says, and we all shuffle behind him, eager to see what our future may look like.
It's very beautiful by the fence. The other side is full of farm fields for miles, and it's very green despite the coldness in the air. The air is clean and smells like flowers and grass. I take a deep breath of the fresh air. The wind ripples through my clothes and feels nice against my skin.
On our side of the fence, it's just a bunch of marsh and wetness. You can see the skyline of the buildings, and I can just barely make out the Erudite compound. I could see myself enjoying this job if I have to work here.
That is until I saw the look on the guard's face. He looks tired, bored, and restless. He is wearing the entire Dauntless soldier gear and carrying a large rifle close to his chest. He is standing outside of a room that seems to have computers showing different areas of the fence and the city. It looks dull, and once the guard starts talking I can tell he hates this job.
"Hey, I'm Derek. I was an initiate around two years back, and I've been working here ever since. My shift is 12 hours long, and I have a day shift which is lucky. I let the Amity in and out and protect the city from any threats from outside the fence, or anyone escaping to Amity who's not supposed to, like the factionless." I briefly wonder what is considered a threat from outside the fence. I've always been told there is nothing outside the fence except for Amity because of the war. The guard continues talking for about 10 minutes longer about what he does, and finally, Four lets us walk around his work area and explore a little. I feel a nudge on my side.
"Not very interesting is it," Eric asks me, and I shake my head at him.
"What do the people that work here usually rank?" He shrugs.
"Usually in the middle, 5th, 6th," he explains. All of a sudden Uriah comes up next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders once again, and I try my best not to wince. This isn't exactly what I want to do in front of Eric. Uriah looks happy and innocent, but for some reason, his gesture seemed possessive.
"Hey Lacy, come check this out," he says to me, looking right at Eric. Brave of him. He should know that Eric is not one to challenge. To my surprise though, Eric just stares at him and walks away. I feel able to breathe again and follow Uriah into this room that has a computer showing the factionless.
"What'd you wanna show me?" I ask him. He smiles at me and shakes his head.
"Nothing, I was just trying to save you from having a conversation with Eric." He laughs at himself, but I find myself feeling a little defensive.
"Why do you think I don't want to talk to Eric?" I try my best not to sound offended but fail miserably. He looks at me as if I'm crazy.
"Why would you want to talk to Eric?" He looks confused, and I realize he meant well. I don't know why, but now that I know Uriah has feelings for me, I can't help but feel weird around him. It's like every little thing he does, I wonder if it is under the intention of trying to flirt with me or just be my friend.
Luckily, before I have to answer him, Roxxy comes up from behind us and sighs loudly.
"Geez, I've been looking for you guys everywhere. I had to talk to Julian for the last 10 minutes and I seriously considered jumping over this fence," she exasperates, and Uriah and I burst out laughing. Julian is the most annoying guy in our class. He's from Candor, and it definitely shows. He doesn't filter his words or thoughts whatsoever, and he is the cockiest human in Dauntless. We leave the control room and everything in our trio falls into place, besides the occasional awkward nudges from Roxxy when Uriah makes a slight pass at me.
After a long time walking around the fence with the occasional lecture from Four, we head to the trains. It's around midday now, almost lunchtime. I didn't eat breakfast this morning because I didn't have time to head to the cafeteria, so I am starving. I'm excited to go to lunch with my friends again, and Four informed us that we would have the rest of the day off. Roxxy already made plans for us to celebrate at a bar. She said that it's our last few days of initiation and that we should take advantage of our jobless days while we can. I've never drunk alcohol before just because my parents were always on my ass my whole 18 years of life. They were always making sure I never screwed up and focused on my studies, so I never got a chance to try alcohol. But now, as a Dauntless-to-be, I am excited to get my first buzz.
The train picks up the pace once it's past the fence, and everyone starts running to get on the train car. I love this type of run. I've never been the type to enjoy long-distance running just because I have to keep a slow, steady pace, but sprinting is my favorite. The breeze picks up and holds my hair back and my surroundings fade away as my pace quickens. It just feels so freeing.
I sprint to the train and jump on. It's a peaceful train ride, everyone in a tired daze after such a boring trip. I sit near the opening of the train, watching the smeared view of the marsh rush past me, then disappear when we reach the city.
"No Lacy, do one more, come on!" Zeke urges me, shoving the shot in my face. My vision is blurred and everything around me seems to be moving slow yet fast. I give him a lazy smile and take another tequila shot. The first shot tasted disgusting and burned my throat badly, but now they just taste like water, and my throat is too numb to feel anything. Maybe I overestimated the power of alcohol because this is definitely more than a buzz.
Everyone cheers for me and orders another set of shots, but I decline.
"I'm done. I'm sooo drunk," I tell them, my words slurred and dragged out for far too long. Uriah laughs at me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer against him. I try to push myself away from him, but I'm far too weak in this state.
"Ah, this is so much fun. Why haven't we done this before?" Roxxy asks as she sucks her lemon more. She is definitely better at handling her alcohol more than I am, but even she is tipsy.
"Might be because you two ladies are lightweights," Zeke answers her. She turns around in his lap so she's facing him and she puts on a fake offended look.
"Am not! Lacy definitely is, no offense Lacy, but I am not," she argues. I am far too tired to answer her. In fact, I feel like I'm already asleep, but at the same time, I'm not. Roxxy shifts closer to Zeke.
"Hey, you wanna get out of here?" she asks him. Zeke nods and kisses her firmly.
"Can you take Lacy home? I don't want her walking through the Chasm by herself." Roxxy asks Uriah. Uriah tightens his grip on my waist and nods. My head is spinning even more than before, and I place my head in my hands.
"Hey Lace, you ready to go back to the dorms?" he asks me in a soft voice, and I nod. He helps me up, and it's like the alcohol hit for a second time, because my legs feel wobbly and tingly, and I can barely keep myself upright. Uriah places my arm around his shoulders so I put all my weight on him, and helps me out of the bar. Once we exit, the lack of music leaves my ears ringing loudly.
"You know, I've been wanting to talk to you for a while, and since you're drunk, I think it'd be the best time to tell you since you probably won't remember tomorrow," Uriah starts to say as we walk, and I don't respond. In fact, I don't even think I have the capability to talk to him right now.
"I like you, Lacy. Ever since we first started talking I liked you, and I think you're a really strong, wonderful girl." Uriah stops walking and holds me against him so my chest is against his. I don't want to be in this position with him, but I physically cannot push him off.
"I've been wanting to do this forever," he says, and he grabs my face and presses his lips against mine. My eyes widen and I try my best to get away from him.
"Uriah, Uriah stop," I say sluggishly against his lips, much quieter than I'd like. "Uriah!" I put my hands on his chest, trying to build more distance between us but it doesn't work. Uriah doesn't release me and I can't get off of him. He keeps his lips against my still lips, and I finally manage to bite down on his lip hard.
"Ow!" he gasps, letting go of me.
"Why didn't you listen to me? I kept trying to get you off of me!" I shout at him, but it doesn't sound like a shout.
"You're drunk Lacy. You don't know what you're doing. Just let me show you how much I like you." He grabs my face again and starts kissing me, and this time when I try to push him off it seems to work. Until I realize Eric had actually pulled him off. Uriah looks completely caught off guard.
Eric has Uriah by the back of his shirt collar and is pulling him away, towards the edge of the Chasm. Even my drunk self can realize this isn't going to end well.
Eric yells a bunch of obscenities at Uriah. Uriah kicks and struggles to get himself back up, but Eric has him in a helpless position. I run after them, but I can't seem to run in a straight line. I'm stumbling all over the place.
"Eric stop!" I shout at him, but he doesn't hear me. He's laser-focused on what's in front of him: Uriah. I keep walking after them, hoping I'll get closer. Eric sets Uriah down for only a second, but only to grab his neck and lift him off the ground.
Eric looks terrifying. His neck vein is popping out, his face is blood red and all his muscles are tensed tightly. His eyes look black from this view, but then again my vision is too blurry to tell.
I finally manage to get to him.
Uriah's gasping for air but can't get any. Eric tightens his grip even more around his neck, and I panic thinking about ways to stop him. I gently touch Eric's arm, trying to distract him.
"Eric, let him go. Please," I beg him. He looks over at me, and his grip loosens just a little, and I give him a smile. Then he huffs, shakes his head, and looks back to Uriah. Uriah's eyes are glassy, and he looks like he is going to pass out. I nudge Eric's arm down lower, trying to take him out of his trance. It doesn't work. I take Eric's face and push it to look at mine and make him hold eye contact with me.
"Please," I say once more. I graze my thumb over his cheek, and he closes his eyes, letting go of Uriah. I let out a deep breath and make sure Eric keeps looking at me, not Uriah. Uriah coughs for air and once he's recovered he runs away from Eric.
I wrap my arms around Eric's neck and hug him. Although he didn't handle things the way I would've wanted him to, I'm glad he was there to help. He lets out heavy breaths into my shoulder, clutching onto my waist tightly, not letting go. I run my fingers through the back of his hair, trying to calm him down. My world is still spinning, but being here with Eric makes it better. I know I'm safe here. I know he'll take care of me.