I feel the same way.
That's how close they were, to admitting their feelings for one another. Jay had told her that he couldn't do it without her anymore, that she was his person and he didn't want her to take the FBI job she was offered in New York. Hailey smiled, and gently intertwined her fingers with his. Their faces moved closer and closer together in the lunch room that morning, both were there before everyone else. He reached down and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, pausing to admire her face, feel her soft skin on his hand. That was until Ruzek cleared his throat and made a mad dash for the fresh pot of coffee behind Hailey. Jay pulled back in an instant, Hailey dropping his hand from hers. But it was too late, Adam saw. Adam saw and Adam smiled.
He poured a cup of coffee, looked in their direction and said, "It's about time. Just a heads up, Voight is on his way upstairs. I'm fine keeping this tight to the vest, but you know he's going to sniff this out sooner than later."
He didn't give them a chance to respond before wandering out to his desk. Hailey glanced over at Jay, his cheeks a little flushed with embarrassment that Adam of all people caught them.
"It's fine Jay, he's fine with it", she smirked at her partner's nerves.
"I know. I know, I just wasn't expecting anyone to walk in like that."
Before she could say anything else, they heard Voight and Kim coming up the stairs. They quickly parted, acting as if they were doing nothing but grabbing coffee and catching up before their day started.
"Morning Sarge", Jay said as he walked into the breakroom.
"Morning Jay, Hailey," Voight echoed as he sat down in his office.
I love you Jay, Hailey thought as she walked away.
Hailey, I love you. Jay finished what he was going to tell her in his mind as they sat across from one another at their desks, drinking their coffee and wondering what could have been had Adam not walked in.
That was this morning. But this was now. Hailey was on the outside looking in to a building collapse. Adam and Jay were unaccounted for and her heart was in her throat. The only reason they had been in there in the first place is because they were looking into the factory owner for his involvement in a huge interstate drug trafficking ring. The sudden building collapse was unrelated, nothing sinister as far as they knew. Just the worst timing possible. Kim was pacing back and forth, trying to reach either of them on the radio. For how scared she was on the inside, Hailey was doing little to show it on the outside.
That was until Kelly Severide came out of the building empty handed, giving the two women a dejected head shake, averting his eyes from making contact with theirs. He wasn't stupid, he knew Adam and Jay were more than colleagues to Kim and Hailey, respectively.
"What?! Kelly no! You can't be serious", Hailey yelled in a panic.
"Detective, I'm sorry. We've looked for them. But the building is really unstable, it's no longer safe for my guys to be in there", Kelly looked near tears himself.
Kim started crying, unable to put into words how much this was hurting her.
"Please Kelly, please. It's Adam and Jay. We can't leave them in there", Hailey tried to convince him to do another round, pleading with him. She could see in his eyes that he didn't want to leave his friends behind either.
Just when all hope was lost, Hailey heard it. The unmistakeable sound of Jay's voice. It was small, but it was there. Kim, Kelly and Joe Cruz's ears perked up as well, running to the basement windows, trying to determine where the sound was coming from.
"Jay! Jay! Are you alright? Yell louder, we're trying to find where you are", Hailey screamed at him, desperate for him to be okay.
"Hailey….Hailey…", was all Jay could weakly manage, hoping it was enough for her to hear him.
Eventually Kelly spotted the two from a window, yelling for Hailey and Kim, as well as Brett and Mackey.
"Brett, get to the Southeast corner ASAP", Kelly said into the radio.
"Copy that, on our way", the paramedic confirmed.
Kelly crouched down, evaluating the situation.
"Halstead! You guys alright down there? Talk to me."
Jay lulled his head from side to side, it was clear he had some sort of head injury, likely a concussion, and a serious gash on his forehead.
"Hailey…", was all he kept repeating, moaning through the pain. It was extremely unsettling as she was trying to get eyes on him, but they were really wedged in there.
"I'm right here Jay. Look up, I'm right here, you're okay", Hailey said tearfully.
The sound of her voice made something click in his brain. He forced his eyes wide, looking around, suddenly feeling very claustrophobic. She saw him start to panic, but talked him down. Adam was lying next to him, unconscious but she could see that he was breathing.
"Jay, look at me, you're going to be okay. Take a deep breath, I know it hurts. We're coming to get you guys", she responded, hoping they would in fact be able to pull them out of there. Luckily their position in the basement very well saved them. They had been in a back office at the time, under thick concrete and reinforced beams.
"Jay can you tell me where it hurts?" Sylvie jumped in.
"Um, my head", he said slowly, evaluating the rest of his body.
"Anything else? Do you think you can move?" She replied.
He wiggled his feet and felt along his arms and legs, seemingly alright other than his altered mental state, nodding back at Sylvie.
"Good, that's good. Now what about Adam? Try not to move him, but can you tell what's wrong?" Sylvie replied, giving a look to Kelly that made Hailey and Kim nervous.
"Adam….Ruz…wake up", Jay gently shook his friend.
Adam opened his eyes a few seconds later, coming to out of his fog, but the calmness again turned to panic as he started screaming in pain.
"My leg! My leg is broken!" He shouted.
"His leg looks pretty bad guys", Jay managed to coherently mumble, feeling a little more nauseous than he already was after seeing Adam's bone poking out.
"Alright, alright hang on we're coming down. Severide we need to get down there fast", Brett whispered.
"Adam. I'm here, Cruz and Sev are on their way down to get you and Jay out. I love you", Kim said trying to hide the fear in her voice.
"Brett…I don't think Joe and I have room to crawl in there. Do you think you and Mackey can manage?" We'll pass you a stokes basket and take care of the rest", Kelly asked her after evaluating the rescue and space situation.
Mackey and Brett quickly agreed but realized that two injured men were going to be too much to handle on their own, they needed another set of hands.
"Kim? Hailey?" Sylvie prepositioned. There was no time to try and call in other small responders, Stella was on the other side of the building helping out, and the rest of 51 wouldn't fit down here either.
"I….um…I", Kim hesitated.
"I'll go", Hailey quickly volunteered, confused why Kim didn't immediately agree. Maybe the small space thing was too much for her.
Brett and Mackey got everything prepped to head under, Kelly and Joe working as well.
"Everything's going to be okay Kim…", Hailey said.
"Hailey, I'm pregnant", Kim blurted out quietly, just to her.
Hailey's eyes went wide, makes sense why she didn't want to endanger herself and the baby going into the building.
"Kim! Congratulations! Wow", she gave her friend a quick hug, then realizing the severity of this situation, connecting the dots. Adam needed to make it out, and judging by the look on Kim's face, he didn't know she was pregnant yet either.
"Adam's going to be okay. They both are, we'll celebrate this as soon as you're ready, and those two are back on their feet", in a roundabout way admitting her partnership with Jay was not strictly related to work.
"Upton, it's time", Kelly yelled over, taking off his turnout coat and helmet, passing it to the Detective to keep her safe.
Cruz broke the window and created the biggest space that he possibly could for the paramedics and Upton to squeeze through.
"Get Adam out first. He's in the worst shape", Kelly ordered Brett and Mackey. That angered Hailey a little bit on the inside, she wanted Jay out right now, but rationally knew Adam needed care first. She took a deep breath and crouched down to fit in the window.
The three women crawled through the small window and tight corner pocket of space they had. It was safe, for now. Severide made that abundantly clear, in and out. He was thinking about the mattress factory fire where a collapse had happened, and Otis lost his life. They were extra cautious now. Everyone comes home. A motto of the fire and police department in Chicago.
Jay was breathing heavily, trying to slow his heart rate. Adam was crying out in pain, he hated hearing him like that, and at the same time it was making him more anxious. They needed to get out of there. Jay slowly scooted over to Adam to try and calm him down, his head pounding with every movement.
"Shh, shh it's okay buddy. Help's on the way. We're going to make it out of here", Jay said as he grabbed hold of Adam's hand. That stopped the whimpering a bit, but he wasn't sure how much longer Adam could hold out. Just when he was starting to doze off himself, he saw Brett and Mackey coming towards them.
"We sure are happy to see the two of you". Brett replied cheerily. Let's get you guys out of here alright?" Her and Mackey went to work on Adam first, checking his vitals and starting an IV. Hailey was waiting back by the window, unable to get to Jay just yet, there wasn't enough space for all three of them to be back there, and Adam needed help first.
"What's happening? Adam are you okay?" Kim yelled from above ground.
"His blood pressures in the tank, he's in shock. Compound tibia fracture, he'll need surgery, but otherwise, all things considered, not too bad", Mackey shouted back, leaving it up to Kelly to translate the medical jargon she just spewed out to Kim.
They quickly loaded Adam into a stokes basket and passed him off to a waiting Kelly and Cruz. Mackey and Upton holding either side, Brett on the end, shockingly strong for her small stature, pushing the end of the basket upwards to clear the window bay. Her farm girl upbringing was where her strength came from. Other paramedics were waiting up top to rush Adam to Med, Kim joined him in the back of the ambulance. Mackey climbed out as well. Jay wasn't in serious distress, and the fewer the better down there. Hailey made it clear she was going to be one of them.
That left Jay. Hailey's stomach was in knots, she couldn't get to him fast enough.
"Jay, Jay, stay awake for me okay", Brett said calmly, rubbing his arm to keep him alert long enough to get him out of here.
That was Hailey's cue to push through, she wasn't going to be sure he was in one piece until she saw it with her own eyes. As she crawled through the tight space, she let out a deep breath when she saw him. He was in bad shape, but not life threatening.
His eyes met hers, and he let out a small grin.
"I must have hit my head really hard. Missed the part when you became a Lieutenant at 51", he said referencing Kelly's turnout gear engulfing Hailey's small body.
She had tears in her eyes as she tried to hold it together, laughing too. "I have all sorts of secrets."
"I bet you do", he said slyly as he eyes started to close again.
Hailey squatted down on one side of him, he immediately turned and rested his head on her shoulder. Brett handed her some gauze and motioned to press it against the gash on his head. He was starting to look a little pale.
"Hey, stay awake okay. Almost there. Then we can have that quiet night in we've been talking about", she was desperately trying to keep it together. Brett was checking his vitals, giving Hailey a thumbs up.
Just then they heard a loud noise, and some rubble shifted above them, causing a bit of panic. Hailey and Brett were wearing helmets and were the most protected, so they tried to cover Jay from any additional pieces of rubble hitting him.
"Hailey, you need to get out. It's not safe for you down here", Jay said quietly, a little confused. They already told him he was free to get out, they were just making sure he wasn't injured anywhere else.
"It's alright Jay, we're all leaving together", she replied, giving Brett a look that told her his head injury was getting worse.
"Jay can you walk for me?" Brett asked and he nodded his head. The three of them got ready to head out to the window, Kelly and Joe yelling at them to hurry up. Their tone made Brett and Upton look at one another.
"Come on Jay, we've got you." The women stood on either side of him, supporting his body weight, he was a little unsteady on his feet.
They got to the point in their exit route where it was no longer wide enough for all three of them. Brett went ahead first, her back to the window, making sure she was there to catch him if he fell forward. Hailey pulled back behind Jay, while still holding on to his shirt to keep him upright. Brett and Hailey pushed Jay towards the window, his eyes went wide and he froze when he realized what was happening.
"No Hailey, you get out first. I'm not leaving you down here", he said, sounding agitated.
"It's alright Jay, I'm right behind you. We need to make sure you can get up there, you're hurt. You need some extra help", she tried reasoning with him.
He seemed to buy that and reached up to Kelly and Cruz who helped pull him up from the basement. Hailey was next, Brett last. She breathed a sigh of relief that everyone made it out safely.
"Nice work Lieutenant", Kelly teased as he took his gear back, letting his tough exterior front down a little knowing that they were all safe now.
Hailey smiled and thanked him, then made her way over to ambo 61 to find Jay hunched over the back, throwing up. Sylvie was trying to get him onto a stretcher but he was resisting. That was Hailey's cue to jump in, Jay was stubborn, but if anyone could convince him of something it was her.
She grabbed his left elbow with one of her hands and grabbed his side with the other. Once she thought he was done being sick, she nodded at Brett and set Jay down on the back of the ambulance.
"We're going to take you to Med to get checked out alright Jay? You're going to need some stitches for this gash", Brett said as she gently re-dressed his head wound.
"I'm coming with you", Hailey reassured him as he looked up at her with puppy dog eyes before responding to Brett.
"Okay", he replied, letting out a deep breath, closing his eyes that were sensitive to the light. He made his way into the ambulance with the help of Brett and Hailey and laid down on the stretcher inside. Voight rushed over to make sure he was alright, Hailey raising her hand confirming he was fine, and that she was riding along.
"Yes, of course Upton go with Halstead, I'll meet you at Med", Voight said in a rare panicked tone, worried for Jay and Adam. He slammed the doors and gave them a whack, signalling Mackey should pull out.
The ride to Med was quiet, Jay's head was throbbing, and he silently complied when Sylvie was checking his vitals, asking him other questions. Even started an IV which he usually hated, but he was too exhausted to object. He did feel Hailey's warm hand under his the whole ride though, her presence was keeping him calm.
They pulled in, and he dreaded the reaction this was going to cause for Will. He heard his brother before he saw him.
"Let me see him, is he alright?" Will said as he pushed through the ambulance bay, and Jay instantly felt bad, knowing the feeling Will had in his gut right now.
"I'm fine Will", Jay managed to spit out, although he was feeling far from that. He needed to let his brother know that all things considered, he really was fine, got off lucky.
Once Will laid eyes on him he let out a sigh of relief, seeing that his brother was in one piece, aside from a nasty gash.
"Let's get you cleaned up", Will switched back into doctor mode, not wanting to show how scared he was, but Jay knew. Hailey heard it too.
Jay went for a CAT scan and got some stitches for his forehead. They tucked him away in a room to monitor him for a while, giving him some fluids to help with the nausea and concussion side effects. Hailey sat with him the whole time, never letting go of his hand. She was being considerably brave, he expected holding his hand was benefiting her as much as it was him.
Will came in to check on him a while later and to let him know that Adam made it out of surgery. "Everything went well, ortho expects a full recovery. Going to keep him in overnight just to monitor everything, make sure he doesn't have an infection."
"That's great news. Thanks Will", Hailey replied for both of them, Jay gave a thumbs up. He was having a hard time processing, his head hurt too much right now.
Voight, Kev and Kim popped in a while later to see how he was doing. Hailey took this time to go down the hallway to see how Adam was. He was pretty out of it, so she didn't stay long.
"I'm so happy you're alright Adam, get some rest okay", she gave him a soft kiss on the forehead and left the room. He nodded and squeezed her hand thanking her for today, everyone there sharing an unspoken knowledge that things could have turned out a lot differently had she not heard Jay's voice when she did.
Will was sitting with Jay when she came back into Jay's room, he quickly brushed a few tears away as she approached his bedside.
"It's okay Will", Hailey put a hand on his back, taking her turn comforting the other Halstead brother. He smiled and pulled himself together again.
"I have to get back to my patients, but I'm glad you're alright Jay", his voice cracked.
"Once that IV is done you're free to go. I'm assuming Hailey is taking you home?" He asked as he looked to his brother's partner for confirmation. She nodded, Jay wasn't really sure what the play was from here, but if Hailey was good with that, he was good with that.
"I'll take care of him Will. I don't plan on letting him out of my sight for the rest of the day", she forced a smile. Jay could see that she was close to tears but Will bought it.
"Good, I'm glad he won't be alone. Not the best at self-care", Jay rolled his eyes at that one.
"Anything in particular I should know?" Hailey asked, a little nervous. She's had bumps to the head before herself, but Jay had really hurt himself, head injuries were nothing to scoff at.
"Make sure you keep him up for the next few hours, ask him questions, make sure he's alert. After that you can let him sleep, waking him up every once in a while. No TV or screen time. Or alcohol, or coffee", Will was listing off everything he could think of.
"Okay, I can do that", Hailey replied.
Will smirked, remembering one more thing. "Maybe this quiet time will force you two into talking about your feelings for each other", he said confidently and casually, Hailey nearly spit out her coffee.
"Will", Jay hissed.
"Copy that", she said slyly.
"But on a real note, if anything changes in terms of his confusion or behaviour, bring him back here right away, or at least call. He can take Tylenol or Advil for the pain", the older Halstead's momentary cheekiness disappeared, and it was back to business.
"We'll be alright Will, thanks. For all of your advice", Hailey replied, earning a smile from both brothers.
Once Jay was cleared to go home, a nurse helped him get into the spare change of clothes Will let him borrow. Hailey told him she would do it, but he didn't want her to see him like that for the first time.
She laughed, she thought they were way past that at this point. But she obliged, letting him have this one for his ego.
Since she rode to the hospital in the ambulance with him, Voight drove them back to Jay's place.
"You call me if anything changes with him alright Hailey?" Voight told her.
"Of course Sarge. I'm staying with him tonight", Hailey boldly confirmed.
"Good. I'll have Trudy drop you off a bag", Voight replied. His neutral stance on Hailey staying at Jay's place surprised her. But given the current situation, that was the least of anyone's concerns.
Hailey added more fuel to the fire, "I keep a bag of spare clothes and things in his truck. I drove us in this morning, his truck is at his place."
Voight raised his eyebrow in the rear-view mirror, watching Hailey from the backseat, sitting next to Jay to support him, letting his head rest on her shoulder.
"Alright then. I know he's in good hands for the night", Voight finished with that and let them sit in silence for the rest of the ride.
Once Hailey got Jay upstairs and onto the couch, she switched back into caregiver mode.
"Here", she handed him some Advil and water. His face was scrunched up in pain.
"I can't let you go to bed yet, so….what should we talk about", she said.
"Talking hurts", he leaned forward, trying to make the throbbing in his head stop.
Hailey read his cues and sat next to him silently, gently massaging the back of his neck. He seemed to like that, feeling his tense muscles relax a bit. They did that for a few minutes.
"Will said to keep you up for another hour or so, think you can handle that?" She asked.
Jay nodded, wondering why he couldn't just go to bed now, but Will knows best, and he was in no mood to question things.
The next hour passed by similar to what they had been doing since they got back. The sun was starting to set which Jay was thankful for. The light was killing his head, just about everything was. He had to give credit to Hailey, who was just sitting there in silence, trying to comfort him any way she could. She was holding an icepack to the side of his head while he somewhat leaned on her. She asked him the odd question to make sure he was still awake.
"Jay Alexander Halstead. Today is Monday. The President of the United States is Donald Trump, although not for much longer now", Jay smirked at that one as he answered her probing questions.
"Still have your quick wit about you I see. Okay. It's been long enough I think, you can go lie down now, get some rest", Hailey announced looking at the clock.
It wasn't lost on Hailey that this morning they were finally about to confess their love for each other in the break room. Then this afternoon happened and that was put on hold. After almost losing Jay, it made her want to never say the words out loud, yet also scream it from the roof top at the same time. Jay sensed her anxiousness, not getting up from the couch just yet.
"Thank you Hailey, for today", his voice cracked while he reached up to put his hand over hers. She was distracted by the hospital bracelets dangling off of his wrists.
She didn't reply verbally, just kissed the side of his forehead, hoping that he would think that was enough for now. Jay smiled and removed himself from Hailey's shoulder, needing his bed. She walked him in, having never been in his room before.
He pulled back the covers and crawled in, while she made sure his pillows were okay and that he was comfortable. She closed the curtains and tucked him in, watching him try to fight through the pain.
"I'll be outside okay, I'm not going anywhere. Close your eyes Jay, I'll come check in on you later", she said softly as she watched his eyes droop shut instantly. Hailey knew that he needed darkness and silence and most importantly, rest, to let his brain heal.
While Jay was sleeping, Hailey cleaned up his apartment a bit and started on some soup. She didn't usually cook very much, she rarely had time, although she loved doing it. Tonight gave her the perfect chance. So, she raided his cupboards and threw together what he had. Jay was feeling nauseous still so something light might help his stomach.
She went in to wake him up a few hours later to find his bed empty. She briefly panicked then saw the bathroom light on. She knocked softly, "Jay?" She asked. She heard a brief moan from the other side of the door so she cracked it slowly. Jay was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the tub.
"Oh my God, are you okay?" She asked, as he shook his head no.
She instantly sat next to him on the floor, giving him a once over. Stitches looked fine, no fever, after feeling his forehead.
"Your head?" He nodded yes this time.
"Have you thrown up?" She continued. He shook his head no.
"Just feel like I'm going to. This is horrible Hailey", he replied, frustrated.
"I know. I'm sorry Jay. I wish there was something I could do", Hailey took his hand in hers.
"Do you want to try something to eat?" She asked as he shook his head no.
"I made soup…", that made his one eye open slightly. Hailey rarely cooked, but when she did it was always good. He thought back to the time when he had a horrible cold earlier this year, absolutely nothing made him feel better except her chicken noodle. He tried to fight it off for a few days, he was miserable at work and at home. She showed up on his doorstep one night with a few containers of it. He never really thanked her properly for that he just realized. She waltzed right in like she owned the place and ordered him to sit on the couch while she took care of him. Under the guise that she was fed up with him being so annoying and miserable to be around that week. Thinking back now, he realized that's not why she really did it. He smirked at the memory.
"Chicken noodle?" He inquired.
She smiled and nodded, remembering the last time she made it for him. When she showed up on his doorstep that night, she was half expecting him to turn her away. But he didn't. He let her feed him soup and make him tea and fall asleep on her shoulder as they watched a movie. Soft Jay was rare, but when he let his guard down, he was just that, a big softie.
"Okay", he agreed, pulling himself up off the floor with her help. She held a hand on his back to keep him steady. They made it back out to the living room and she brought over a bowl of soup for him, déjà vu.
The soup was almost finished when she heard his front door click open, Trudy. Catching them red-handed, wonderful.
"Wow, what does a gal need to do for you to feed me like that Upton?" Their sergeant gleaming from ear to ear, knowing she had just walked in on a very personal, intimate and not-for-anyone's-eyes-but-theirs, moment.
Hailey and Jay both rolled their eyes. "Not funny Sarge."
"I know I know. I'm only kidding. I came here to check on Halstead. But it looks like he's in good hands", Trudy smiled genuinely.
"How's your head?" She directed it at Jay.
"Throbbing", he said weakly.
"I'm glad you're alright", Trudy showed a brief sign of emotion, holding back tears.
"Me too, thanks Sarge. How's Ruz?" Jay changed the subject, watching Hailey getting worked up too.
Platt cleared her throat. "He's okay. Keeping him overnight. He was in some pain, bit of a fever but they got that under control right away. Burgess hasn't left his side."
Jay and Hailey looked at one another, she was doing the same for him for the same reasons Kim was with Adam.
"That's good to hear", Hailey replied.
"Anyways I'll keep this brief, you need to rest Jay. Good to see you two together", Trudy winked.
They both smiled back at her and waved as she left his place as quick as she came.
"That was weird", Jay announced, feeling a little more chatty now that he wasn't constantly feeling like he needed to throw up.
"Classic Platt", Hailey deflected.
"About earlier…", Jay suddenly grabbed Hailey's hand, startling her.
"Jay…we don't need to do this right now", Hailey hid her eyes, they were filling with tears.
"Hailey what's wrong?"
"I…I thought I lost you today", Hailey lost it. "Kelly came out…. without you guys…and…. I thought that was it", she choked out.
Jay slowly adjusted himself to pull her into a hug, taking his turn comforting her.
"I know, me too. All I could think about down there was how I would never get to tell you how much I love you", he bravely stated.
Hailey stopped crying for a second as she realized what he just said. She lifted her head as Jay wiped her tears away.
"I love you too Jay, so much", she responded by kissing him gently on the lips.
"No physical activity remember", Jay teased.
Hailey smirked, "I know. Just a taste for later", she teased. He raised his eyebrows at that.
"Does that mean you're sleeping in my bed tonight?" He said coyly.
"That was always the plan. Your couch sucks", she told him. He laughed at that.
"True. Well let's get to it then. I am supposed to be resting…", he joked.
Hailey walked with him back into his room, crawling in next to him this time. He quickly sprawled out over top of her, while she rubbed his back until he was fast asleep a few minutes later. The sound of Jay's soft snores and the warmth of his 6 foot something frame against her meant more to her than any offer from the FBI ever would. She smiled to herself in the darkness, they had finally figured it out and got it right. Together was always the best place to be.
As promised, a one-shot that I've had sitting in my Word docs since September 2019 (1 of 2)! I modified it a bit to fit the current plots. However, the Kim being pregnant thing was originally in there. Crazy to think that actually happened later on in season 7. Only 9 more days until the Chicago shows are back on woohoo! I hope everyone is having a relaxing break (anyone else not know what day it is when it comes to the week between Christmas and New Years?!). This year has been difficult, especially around this time which is usually reserved for family and friends and other social gatherings! Stay strong friends, we're almost through 2020 and hopefully through the ugly side of this pandemic. Thank you for all the love on Missing Moments! Would love to hear what you think of this one :) Cheers to 2021! - K