Disguise the Limit
Thanks to jago ji for her help and continued support.
It was a bad idea from the beginning, and somewhere deep inside I knew it. The commonsense part of me warred briefly with the unquenchable need to know. Curiosity won. Curiosity killed the cat, and I had an uneasy feeling it might kill me. Still, I persisted. And that's how I found myself sitting in a very seedy bar in a very seedy part of Newark, trying unsuccessfully to be inconspicuous.
I guess I should start at the beginning. Joe and I were on one of our off periods. We were on and off so frequently that I didn't even bother to tell my friends anymore. The FTA business was suffering a loll and I needed a part-time job to pay the rent. I asked Ranger and he said yes.
My request to Ranger had two purposes. I really did need the money, and I really wanted to spend some time with Ranger. Typically, when Joe and I were off, Ranger moved in a little closer. I never had to tell Ranger how things were going with Morelli. He had magic powers, so when the proverbial shit hit the fan with Morelli the unexpected visits from Ranger would begin. After all, he was an opportunist and I liked it when he took advantage of those opportunities.
This time had been disappointingly different. I was at RangeMan for at least six hours a day, running searches, and hanging out with the guys. Ranger remained distant. I wondered if his magic powers had dwindled and he didn't know I was no longer with Joe, so I made a point of accidentally letting the information slip. Still no midnight visits from Ranger.
It was the middle of my second week when I began to understand what was going on. Manny had just vacated the chair where I was about to park my butt to begin the brain numbing job of collecting information on prospective new clients. It was early winter, prime cold and flu season, so I pulled out the disinfecting wipes and cleaned the keyboard and phone. I noticed that Manny had left his headphones lying next to the keyboard, so I jumped up to find him, but he'd already left the floor. In fact, everyone was gone except Ranger and Tank who were at the other end of the hall in quiet conversation. Ranger turned my way and gave me a brief nod of acknowledgement, which was all I'd been getting from him lately.
I nodded back and turned back into the office. I picked up the headphones and examined them. They looked like quality. I pulled out another wipe and cleaned them. I'd use them to listen to music while I worked. As soon as I put them on, I realized what I had. These were not regular Bluetooth headphones. These were high tech surveillance headphones because suddenly it was as if Ranger and Tank were standing in my office instead of at the other end of the hall. And the conversation I overheard was burned into my brain.
Tank: You hit silk all weekend?
Ranger: All weekend. I was tired when I got home.
Tank: You know what they say, brother, loss of endurance is the first sign of aging.
Ranger: There's nothing wrong with my endurance, and I'm not that old. My performance was more than adequate. I enjoyed every minute of it.
Tank: You always were that way. How long are you going to continue this relationship?
Ranger: Dunno. As long as it's mutually beneficial, I guess. There's not an end in sight.
Tank: What about this weekend. Is it still on?
Ranger: Yeah, we're meeting at 2100 in Harry's Bar.
Tank: In Newark? Hell, that's your old stompin' grounds.
Ranger: Yeah, that's going to require some planning. We'll start there, but we won't end up there.
Tank: This weekend shit doesn't leave you much room for private pursuits. You need to back off a little.
Ranger: This "weekend shit" is my private pursuit.
I'd heard enough. I pulled the headphones off and sat in stunned silence as Manny came back into the office.
"There they are!" he said. He walked over and picked up the headphones. "Kinda hard to do surveillance without these puppies."
He left the room and I sat there trying to assimilate what I'd just heard. Ranger had a woman. He'd spent the weekend making love to her on silk sheets and he was going to do it again this weekend. I felt something strange, and realized it was jealousy. I tamped that down quickly and then I began to plan.
The next weekend found Connie and Lula at my house, helping me implement the first part of my bad idea.
"So you think Batman has a secret girlfriend?" Lula asked as she pulled the Marilyn Monroe wig off my head. "You can't wear this one. It's too flashy. You need something drab."
"What if I just wear this?" I asked as I pulled a wide-brimmed hat low on my forehead.
"Nope, now you look like Carmen Sandiego," Connie said.
Lula put her finger to the side of her mouth for a moment, considering. "I got it!" she said as she scooped up her phone. "I got the perfect disguise for you. Let me call my friend Vanessa."
"I don't know your friend Vanessa. Who is she?"
"I met her at my sociology class. The one I'm taking nights over at the community college. She's got just the thing. Ranger will never recognize you when we get through fixing you up."
"What thing?" I asked.
"Just wait, you'll see. You're gonna have to be real incognito to follow Ranger without being seen. I don't know if you can do it, to tell you the truth, but this disguise will give you a shot at it."
I didn't know if I could do it either, but after I overheard the conversation between Ranger and Tank, I knew I'd figure out a way to see her…the woman Ranger had been spending his private time with.
"Why do you care if Ranger's got himself a woman?" Lula asked. "You got yourself a man, after all. It don't seem to bother Ranger that you got Joe. Seems like if he's willing to share you with Joe you should be able to share him with another lady."
Seems like I should, but the other lady wasn't sharing Ranger with me! I had to see her, to see the woman who'd been causing Ranger to ignore me.
Lula's friend Vanessa showed up shortly and I saw what Lula had in mind.
"Vanessa teaches a class for expectant fathers," Lula said. "She makes the future daddies wear this belly so they can feel what it's like to be pregnant."
"This is great!" Connie said. "I'm going to call my cousin Maria. She just had a baby and I'm sure she still has maternity clothes. No one will look twice at a dowdy pregnant lady, especially not Ranger who's going be looking for his lover."
The thought of Ranger's lover made me a little nauseous, and at the same time the disguise gave me hope of being successful. Connie was right. So, an hour later I was ready to leave.
My hair was mostly tucked up under a black knitted beanie with a few limp strands hanging around my face. Lula loaned me large horn-rimmed glasses with a slight yellow tint that made my eyes look more green than blue. And I was wearing a black spandex dress that hugged my realistic pregnancy bump. The dress hit at a completely unflattering length mid-calf. I'd pulled on low-heeled ankle boots that did absolutely nothing for my legs. It was strange to feel so excited about looking so bad, but it gave me the extra shot of confidence I needed. I topped the ensemble off with a black pea coat that would no longer button around me.
2100 hours was nine o'clock I thought, so I felt safe at eight o'clock when I placed a hand protectively over my belly bump and pulled open the door to Harry's Bar. The stench of stale beer, urine and smoke rolled over me as I crossed the threshold. What kind of woman was Ranger seeing? Not that I was being judgmental, but it seemed like a woman who was fond of silk sheets would be a little out of place here. This was more the place for a woman who liked handcuffs and whips. I cringed at the mental image I'd conjured.
The room was blessedly dark with a row of black vinyl booths along one wall. The bar ran the length of the opposite wall. In the back were pool tables. There were several small tables scattered throughout the remainder of the room. I looked toward the booths and saw that most were empty. I quickly slid into one near the door. This was working out perfectly. My black dress combined with the black vinyl of the booth and the low-level lighting was going to make me nearly invisible. I thought. I hoped.
I thought I wouldn't get any looks, but I was wrong. Apparently a very pregnant lady, even one hiding in a corner was an unusual sight at Harry's. Conversation didn't come to a halt, but there was a slight pause as people saw me. I sat for just long enough to wonder if I had to approach the bar for a drink when a waitress appeared out of nowhere.
"How ya doing, Hon. What can I get you?"
"A glass of…" I started. Shit! I was pregnant. I couldn't drink. "A glass of ginger ale."
"Sure thing," she said. "You gonna want a menu?"
"You serve food here?" I asked.
"Pub grub," she responded. She looked at my belly. "Not that you're not welcome here, but there might be a better place for you to grab a burger a couple of blocks over."
"I need to stay here," I told her.
"You meeting someone?" She was curious, and that could be a problem. I decided to give her a version of the truth. Lying was my one legitimate super power.
"I'm looking for someone," I said. "I think he comes in here sometimes. It's…It's my baby daddy. I need to talk to him."
"I get it," she said sympathetically. "I'll bring you your drink, but honey, hold off on the burger if you can. I'm not sure it would be Junior-friendly." She reached in and gave my belly a quick pat and my heart raced. When she didn't act surprised, I figured out the belly must feel as realistic as it looked.
As the waitress came back with my drink, I pulled my wallet out to pay. "On the house, sweetie. I hope you find the bastard. What's his name, maybe I know him?"
"Uh, Joe. Joe Mor-Morgan," I stammered.
"No, I don't think I do, but I can ask Marty over there behind the bar."
"Oh, no! I don't want to tip him off! I want to surprise him."
"Gotcha, sugar. Let me know if I can help you." I watched as she made her way back across the bar dodging a hand that tried to grab her ass as she passed a full table of what looked like biker dudes. I tried to be inconspicuous as I looked at them. I saw a man at a table farther in the back. He was alone and he seemed to be staring directly at me. I immediately looked away but took one quick glance back to see if he was still looking. He was now standing, still staring.
With dread I realized he was going to come to my table. Didn't he see I was pregnant? Surely I wasn't his type. He had a full black beard and mustache which contrasted wildly with the brassy blonde hair which hung around his face and tangled on his shoulders. Even in the dim light it was impossible to miss the sparkle of the huge diamond stud in his ear. He had full-sleeve tattoos on both arms…and he was moving toward me! His wallet chain jangled as he purposefully walked across the room and stopped at my table. I saw a large silver ring, skull shaped with sparking gemstone eyes, on his index finger. He slid into the seat across from me and placed his hands flat on the tabletop. I focused on hands that were strangely familiar, but in my addled state I didn't make the connection.
I looked around, wildly wondering what to do. I wasn't here to get hit on. I'd stick to the story I told the waitress, I guess. I saw her watching me and as our eyes made contact, she gave me a thumbs up. She thought I'd found my baby daddy. I screwed up my courage and met his stare attempting to smile, but my smile froze on my face.
I was staring into the cold flat eyes of Ranger. At least I thought it was Ranger. I wasn't used to seeing his eyes so unfeeling.
"Babe," he said quietly, and I breathed a sigh of relief. That confirmed it. It was Ranger. But this wasn't the guy I'd come to know. This was scary Ranger. I knew scary Ranger existed, but I'd never been the focus of all his scariness before. I didn't think this was a good turn of events.
"I don't know what you're doing here, and I'm not going to ask now. There is a hotel at the end of the block. Go there immediately. Don't stop at the desk. Room 317. Lock the door and do not come out. Do not let anyone in. Coming out of that room could endanger your life, and it could endanger my life. Don't leave the room!" he ended emphatically. "If I'm not there by seven tomorrow morning, then you can leave. But not before. Do I have your word?"
"Yes," I said. I was so shocked it was all I could get out. He stood and slowly walked back to the table where he'd been sitting. I looked down to see a room key card on the table. I lifted my glass to my lips, drained the ginger ale, grabbed the key and my purse and left Harry's Bar.
I did exactly as Ranger had instructed. Sometimes when I'm given orders, especially when I think I'm not being given the full picture, I don't listen. This time I listened. I wasn't used to seeing such a mean Ranger. And although I'd probably never admit it, I was completely in the wrong in this situation. How could I live with myself if I caused Ranger harm?
The street seemed somehow sketchier than when I walked into the bar just a short time before. This was unfamiliar territory for me. It probably wasn't as bad as Stark Street, but then…I heard something that could have been a car backfire, or a gunshot and I walked faster, one hand minding the baby bump. The prosthetic lump was costly, and it needed to come back undamaged. That could be a real blow to my budget, because after tonight I might not have my part-time job at RangeMan any longer.
I entered the hotel and immediately spotted a stairway. The clerk was busy checking in a couple, so I blew by him and up the stairs. By the time I got to the third floor I was gasping for air. That's what fifteen extra pounds could do. I found the room and went in, locking the door and sliding the security latch closed. The room had one king-sized bed, an armchair, one not large screen TV and a minibar. It looked like the kind of room that rented by the hour and not the kind of room that had silk sheets. What was going on with Ranger?
The first thing I did was remove Junior from my body and lay the silicone blob on the bed. Then I explored the minibar. I had forgone my burger at Harry's Bar and my rumbling stomach reminded me I hadn't taken the time to eat while I was getting my disguise ready.
There were candy bars, snack crackers, soft drinks and booze, plenty of it in nice small easy-to-hold bottles. I sampled everything and sat in the armchair to think. What had I just seen tonight? Did Ranger have a split personality? Was he meeting a woman in that bar and he'd just said what he did to throw me off his trail? Or was there something else going on? I didn't know. What I did know is I had to follow his rules, because I had encroached on a private area of his life and I wouldn't do anything more that might cause him harm.
I remembered the old Ranger. The one I'd first met and asked to be my mentor. He'd been rough and street smart, but he'd been kind to me. I'm not sure tonight's Ranger was kind. So much to try and figure out! I found the last two bottles of hard lemonade in the minibar and returned to the chair. And then I went to the bed and lay down in my thinking position.
When I awoke it was to see Ranger standing over me. The real Ranger, fresh from the shower with no tattoos or beard and with dark damp hair slicked back into a ponytail. I might have thought I dreamt the entire thing earlier, but there was still a diamond stud in his ear. He was wearing black silk boxers and when my eyes dropped to take them in, I thought immediately of silk sheets.
"I think we need to talk," he said.
"Yeah," I mumbled as I sat up on the bed. He went to the armchair and pulled it close to the bed, taking the time to sweep the detritus of spent liquor bottles, cracker and candy bar wrappers onto the floor.
"Babe, your minibar bill is going to be twice the room rate."
He sat in the chair, his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, staring intently at me. I stared at him and tried to keep my eyes away from the silk boxers that had slid up his thighs as he sat. I tried to keep my eyes from the rippled and un-inked expanse of his chest and arms. When our eyes met, he spoke.
"I want to know what you were doing in that bar tonight disguised as a pregnant woman. How did you know where I was? I know you didn't follow me, so I want to know where you got your Intel?"
His eyes didn't waiver from mine. He would know if I lied, and that would only make things worse. I had no option. I had to tell the truth and humiliate myself in the process.
"I heard you and Tank talking about it," I said. "I overheard, but it wasn't my fault! And once I heard I couldn't unhear. I was curious. I wanted to see the woman. I never thought you'd see me tonight, and I never thought you'd be in a disguise too!"
"What woman?" Ranger asked, a frown marring his forehead. "And what exactly did you hear?"
I took a deep breath and looked toward the minibar wondering if there was any courage left. Ranger walked over and opened the door. He brought me a Coke and I thought I saw just the hint of a smile. That would go away once I told him the whole story. He was a private man, and he wouldn't appreciate having his privacy compromised.
"Okay, here goes," I said. And then I told him the story start to finish. I told him Joe and I were off, and I thought he would come to see me, and then when I found out he had another woman I wanted to see her.
When I finished, he reached out and took my hand and gently pulled me toward him. I stood and let him draw me down on his lap. His arms came around me and he began to talk.
"You didn't hear Tank ask me if I was hitting the silk sheets," he said.
"I did!" I insisted.
"What you heard was him asking me if I'd hit silk. Hitting silk means parachuting out of a plane. I was doing some airborne recertification."
My mind was whirling. "But…but I knew you did that when you were in the Army, but you're not in the Army anymore."
"No, but I am a civil contracted employee. Babe, I'm a mercenary. I go where the money is, and sometimes the money comes from Uncle Sam. I need to maintain skills, and that's what I was doing last weekend."
"No silk sheets? No woman?"
"Not last week."
"But there is a woman, and that's why you've been avoiding me."
"I'm not confirming or denying that there might be a woman," he said. My stomach roiled. I never should have mixed hard lemonade, a wine cooler and a Baby Ruth.
"So, were you meeting a woman tonight? I'd like to know," I said.
"I was not. I just told you I'm a mercenary. Sometimes I work in the…uh, private sector. I take care of problems for people."
I drew in my breath with sudden realization. "You're a hitman!" I knew he had killed for me. I knew Eddie Abbruzi hadn't committed suicide. We'd never discussed it and we never would, but I knew. I also knew he hadn't done that for money. I knew he cared about me even if he was avoiding me.
"I'm not a hitman," Ranger said. "I don't do anything that is against my moral and ethical code. It's just my code doesn't always correspond exactly to the letter of the law."
He reached up and put his hands under my hair on either side of my face and gently turned me to look at him. "I think you were here tonight, Babe, because you care about me, and you were afraid I was moving away from you. Is that the truth?"
I nodded, unable to speak around the huge lump in my throat. My life was getting ready to suck really, really badly.
"Then I think I need to be straightforward," Ranger said. "It's not that my life doesn't lend itself to relationships. It doesn't lend itself specifically to a relationship with you. I won't share. And you have a habit of running back to Joe. I don't lead a conventional life, and your life is all about convention. You like to say that you don't want what every Burg girl wants and yet you can't let Joe go. He's your link to the Burg life."
I jumped from his lap. "I can't let Joe go? You're an ass, Ranger. You sent me back to Joe." I looked down at my dress, now sagging over my flat stomach. Without thinking I reached for the hem and pulled the dress up over my head and let it drop to a heap on the floor. I was sick of the disguise, I was sick of the deception, and I was sick of how I'd been using Joe.
"Let me tell you about Joe, Ranger! I have treated him so unfairly. I love him but I am not in love with him. I can't seem to control that."
I stood, for the moment unaware that I was mostly naked in front of Ranger. "I have to be straightforward with you," I said. "I'm in love with you and you hold me at arm's length, turn me away anytime it's not convenient for you. You tell me that you won't be in a relationship with me. I've kept Joe stringing along, because he was my insurance. My insurance against making a fool of myself with you, which…which…" I stopped to look at myself standing before Ranger in my bra and panties. "Which obviously I'm doing right now." And then I cried.
Ranger stood and gathered me into his arms, pulling me close. After a moment he pulled back and used his thumb to wipe the tears from my face. He leaned in and kissed the side of my neck. I could feel his arousal through his silk shorts. Things were going to get serious very quickly, I thought. But I was wrong.
"There's more to be said, Babe. You have a decision make. If you want me, you have to let Joe know it's completely over. You have to decide if you can withstand the censure from your family if you're with me. You have to fully understand that there will be times when I can't tell you what I'm doing. You'll have to trust me. And if you ever walk away to go to Joe or any other man, there will be no coming back. You said I'm an asshole. That's true. I'm a possessive asshole and you have to understand that coming in."
"You're saying you want a relationship with me?" I asked. I couldn't really take it in. Ranger is normally a man of few words and he'd just potentially changed my life with a few words.
"We've been in a relationship for a while, Stephanie. I'm just attempting to redefine the parameters." He retightened his hold on me and I rested my head on his shoulder.
My decision was made. But he was right. I did need to talk to Joe and make sure he understood I wasn't coming back. I had to talk to my mother and make sure she understood Joe wasn't coming back. She'd come around. Grandma had come around the day she saw a naked Ranger toweling off after his shower, but I wouldn't tell him that.
"Tank's waiting out front to take you home," Ranger said. "I still have some loose ends to tie up from earlier tonight."
I wanted to ask him about the loose ends, but then I remembered what he'd just said. I wouldn't ask. "Tank doesn't need to take me home," I told him. "My car is…"
"…parked in your lot," Ranger interrupted. "Tank called as soon as your tracker showed up in Newark. He knew where I was and was surprised to see you in the neighborhood. C'mon. I'll help you get dressed. I want Tank to see you in the full get-up."
I quickly gathered up the glasses and hat and began re-disguising myself. As I stood before the door, Ranger pulled me to him and kissed me. It started off soft and as always happens with us, it deepened. His body came up against the bump and he pulled back. He rested a hand gently on the bump and said, "After I spoke with Tank, I suspected you were coming into the bar, and still I almost didn't recognize you. This is a new look for you, and I think I could come to like it."
My mouth dropped open in a silent "O."
He smiled. "Lots to think about, Babe. But for now, tell Tank you don't know who the father is." I got the 200 watt smile as he gently pushed me through the door into the hallway.
I made my way down the three flights on stairs and landed back in the lobby with a spring in my step. A fifteen-pound blob of silicone wasn't nearly as heavy coming down as it had been going up.
The End