AN
Spoilers for Attack on Titan, manga, and the final season of the anime will be spoiled.
"I am in an absurd world"
That was what she realized after only a few months into her 3rd life. More accurately she has been reminded of that fundamental fact of life for the third time.
The world has always been absurd. It always will be absurd, from experiencing two worlds so far, absurdity has been proven to be a constant of the universe. What eased the absurdity were rules. Rules were the irreplaceable presence that optimized the world. Unbound freedom leads to unbound destruction, but Rules with no freedom would just be a pure tyranny. Believing that, he stuck to the rules in his first life. Following the rules server him well in his life. He had a good education and a successful career, a model life with no failures. In his second life as a child soldier, she followed the rules of the military. Being a model soldier that followed the rules and completed every order given to her resulted in a successful life as a soldier (even if it was in a form she didn't intend to get), she became a war hero.
The rules promised a reward for following them.
But even the rules themselves in this world were absurd, not just the world. The rule here is "If you are born Eldian you deserve nothing but scorn" there was no real winning for an Eldian, the race hated by the entire world, even referred to as "Devils of all earth" among other colorful names. She was now one of these Eldians, following the rules meant being obedient to Marleyans, the ones that kept them as slaves, self hatred for being born an Eldian was also a rule that model Eldian citizens followed.
This amount of hatred and oppression directed at the Eldians is explained by Marleyan history. The Eldian can turn into a Titan, a giant monster that eats people. The Eldian Empire using the 9 titans that the goddess Ymir has bestowed upon the Eldian empire, they had 2000 years of absolute reign over the world.
Until Marley with its Legendary hero Helos worked with the Tybur family who turned against the Eldian king, defeated the Eldian empire by turning the aristocratic families against each other and chasing away the king along with all the "bad" Eldians who followed him to the Paradis Island.
The memory of their reign is still fresh on everyone's minds as most Eldians live under internment zones in Marley as a second class citizens. Also, the humiliation of defeat and pride as an Eldian still remained among some Eldians living under Marleyan rule.
These patriots from the Eldian Restorationist movement face the truth of the world and want to escape from their birdcage.
I was born into the family of an Eldian doctor Grisha Jaeger and his wife Dina Jaeger. Grisha is the leader of the Eldian Restorationists a group full of delusional madmen consumed by hatred towards the Marleyan government who thinks they can overthrow an empire by their few dozen numbers and no real power over anything. Dina is second in command as she is from a royal bloodline and carries information about titans that most people don't know. A kind woman who probably could have lived a normal life if she wasn't born as an Eldian carrying the royal blood, she was doomed to live life involved with politics from the start.
Grisha's devotion to the movement and worship of Ymir as a goddess reminds me of Dr. Schugel, the mad scientist brainwashed by Being X, I suspect the same interference from Being X happened to Grisha as well. Being X probably orchestrated past events to put the Grisha family in this state, just to make it hard for me. Makes me question how much of an involvement Being X had in this world.
They often refer to me as hope to Eldia as a child with royal blood, who will help lead them to victory. But damn him I don't want to do something as illogical and impossible as overthrowing the government. I've had my fill of being a child soldier in my previous life. At least this time I'm not an orphan whose only choice is to become a child soldier.
As an infant who had no control over my body and the need to sleep most of the day, time flew by really fast. I could only see the world in short small glimpses. Dina made sure to play with me as much as possible, paying great attention to my health as an infant. She is a loving mother, I did my best to be a good daughter, after all the memories of being an orphan made me really appreciate having parents as a child.
Later on, after becoming able to speak I started asking questions a lot more, which Grisha answered as well as he could. Then after realizing how fast I was growing up, they hailed me as a genius, it was all nice and good with celebrations until they started their lectures ahead of schedule. Grisha would tell me a simplified version of Eldian history as a fairy tale, trying to brainwash me from such an age. The first time they told me sentences such as "Then the evil Marleyans killed the Eldian heroes" was when I realized how much of a lunatic my parents were.
One time Grisha and Dina took me to a tower very close to the wall of the internment zone. It was on top of a tower, we could see the entirety of the internment zone Liberio from here. Also even beyond the wall of the zone into the area where Marleyans lived, at least the poor ones considering how close they are to Eldians. The internment zone Liberio is located on the outer skirts of the city, there is a large factory across the river from my home, Grisha owns a clinic close to the factory. The buildings are very uniform, I've never been to Europe in my first life, but the architecture of the buildings does remind me of the empire from my previous life. Grisha was telling me how this town is a birdcage and we should break free and leave this place, just trying to brainwash me as usual. When a Marleyan janitor showed up and dumped water on us, the water was mostly on Grisha so I was fine but the yelling, I couldn't hear. At this point, I was expecting this to happen, but the constant scorn still does get to you. Getting near the wall gets you a constant stream of Marleyans calling you names and throwing things at you. It makes sense that any other normal child would get brainwashed in this kind of life. Either to the submissive pro-Marleyan side or the delusional anti-Marleyan hatred.
Until the age of five, all i focused on were trying to become as healthy as possible, by moving around a lot, doing exercises, reading books in secret when Dina was busy with housekeeping, learning about the extent of science and technology in this world, which is at around late 19th century early 20th-century level. After being praised as a genius for parroting the propaganda they taught me, I asked Grisha to take me to his clinic. Which he surprisingly accepted, bringing his 5-year-old daughter to the workplace would've gotten him fired under my management but he owned the place and also he's weak against her cute daughter apparently, his words not mine.
"And we're here!" the doting dad said, putting down his daughter on a bed in his checkup room.
After crossing the bridge close to our home and turning towards the factories and walking for 10 minutes, we arrived at Grisha's Clinic. More accurately the Jaeger's Clinic has been passed down for two generations now.
"Good morning Dr. Jaeger, is this Tanya I assume?" said a female voice coming into the office.
"Good morning, yes she is visiting to watch me work. She's very curious about the medical field and I just couldn't win against her," replied Grisha, patting Tanya's head.
"Ah how cute, she's exactly as you described sir. I'll go back to the reception now, have a nice day you two!" keeping her comments short the employee left the office
The clinic is technically privately owned by Grisha Jaeger but I'm guessing like everything in Liberio it is heavily taxed. I can't really ask about taxes as a five-year-old so I can only guess from the people in the streets complaining about taxes. But it is quite impressive for an Eldian to be able to have a decent running clinic that can afford to pay a few employees enough to not make them bitter.
Throughout the day patients would come in for checkups, some with common cold and such, and some injured people who got work-related injuries from the nearby factory would come by to get their bandages changed. It's a place for people with injuries or illnesses to be taken care of, for a profit of course. It is as free as it can be under the oppressive rule of the Marleyan government, its dirty clutches deeply interfering with the beautiful transformative free market.
Throughout the day I was watching Grisha work, sometimes throwing in some general medical advice to the patient that might help. Reading the books in Grisha's office, when Grisha's dealing with injuries and such. Trying my best to appeal myself as an asset to the clinic, I can't let this chance go away by making him regret bringing an annoying child that hinders his work. So I made sure to have a professional attitude in the clinic and not say anything when not spoken to. Grisha would glance at me from time to time when during his checkup on patients, he must have to evaluate me as an employee, I noticed it so I made sure to sit up straight and focused on my book without looking at him. He would sigh after the patient leaves though, maybe he was disappointed at me somehow.
"And with that, we are done. It's getting late Tanya, let's go back to mama," said Grisha with a tired smile on his face and left for home with little Tanya in his arms.
In order to live a comfortable life in this world, (well at least as comfortable an Eldian could live) would be by inheriting Grisha's clinic. After Grisha goes into retirement or he gets killed by a drunk Marleyan soldier one day, then I can inherit the Clinic along with his possessions. I was a human resources manager and not a doctor but I do have the basic 21st-century Japanese high school education along with some college classes and a handful of medical documentaries under my belt. Knowing basic biology and medical history combined with my management skills could make me an exceptional doctor, maybe even enough to be made an exception from the usual Eldian treatment in Marley. After all, even the most terrible regimes in history wouldn't waste brilliant talent if they could profit from it, they'll just call me "one of the good ones" and let me do what I do best.
Either way, as long as I avoid another life full of warfare and live a relatively peaceful life then that would be a victory against being X. I just have to be aware of any nonsense that sadistic cosmic being throws at me.
For the past five years, I've been dealing with my parents' crazy, impossible revolutionary ideas. The Eldian Restorationists sound like they are all motivated to do crazy stunts but have no real plans or means to do anything that helps restore the old Eldian empire that they dream of so much. Marleyan military is strong, they are a superpower located in the center of the world with pre great war weaponry along with Seven Titans in their possession, their power is absolute.
They have a sizable economy with most Eldians working in sweatshops, basically legal slaves. Eldian population is controlled, their living spaces restricted by the small internment zones with guards given permission to execute anyone leaving without a permit or spotted without an armband. Every Eldians are informants on each other trying to sell out another Eldian for even the slight suspicion of treasonous intentions in order to get some brownie points from the Government and secure their own safety. Eldian Restorationists are delusional idiots with no real chance to do anything serious. Since having these lunatics in a leadership position within the movement is impossible, I'll just nod my head and parrot what my parents say at home until I become of age and inherit the clinic from Grisha.
Was my intention anyway
But he actually did it. The mad man Grisha Jaeger actually brought me to his dumb meetings. Bringing a 5-year-old into their secret political movement. I was wrong in assuming that Dina was the sane one in their relationship, she was the one who actually encouraged Grisha!
"She's smart enough to help at the clinic, she should start learning about the truth of the world early. Let's introduce her to the patriots!" said that damn woman during dinner, while casually picking up the plates to wash.
How could I refuse!? I mean I tried but the way he looks at me is not normal. Grisha is not right in the head. I heard what happened to his sister from Dina. His hatred for Marley far outweighs any love he has as a parent. If he doesn't kill me right away then he will at least yell at me or even physically beat me until I follow along with what he says, he is that kind of man. Grisha is completely convinced that his beliefs are completely in the right, like any religious fanatic. Fanatics are animals who have decided to forego any reasoning, there is no winning the argument with them. I had no choice but to follow along.
Two days later on a Sunday after work, he brought me along to a basement of a bar, their one of several meeting spots. As expected it was not a place to bring your child, no one else there did. Grisha introduced me to the room full of fanatics with overly serious eyes. Apparently, I was popular among them since birth "Child with Royal Blood who will help lead us to victory!" was how Grisha kept selling me all these years. I am familiar with being the main actor in propaganda so it's not new to me, but getting the role by doing nothing was new. After that day he kept bringing me there every week, I've tried my best to reduce the frequency to no avail. I've gotten familiar very familiar with the movement, their constant lecturing drilled in my mind, creating in me an entire wiki of truly idiotic information.
They operate like a religious cult, most of their activities include scouting for new members, indoctrinating new members, listening to new information sent by the informant within the government named Owl, listening to Dina's fairy tales about the goddess Ymir she inherited as a royalty, and spending hours making plans for a revolution that they can't actually execute. They even have markings on their bodies to identify each other, which is a carving of a cross on their chest, like any good cult. It is very stupid how they have scars as a marking, it is irreversible as it gets, once one of them gets caught it will be very easy to find all of them. I dread the day Grisha will ask me to get that stupid mark.
Six months passed since I started attending these meetings when the Marleyan military put out a notice calling every Marleyan adults to the Liberio Military base for an announcement.
I asked to tag along to the announcement. In this age without instant video news and social media, there is only second-hand information. The information on newspapers is edited to suit the government's agenda and even hearing it from someone trusted wouldn't get you accurate news. So for something important like this I need to hear it myself.
After getting there on time at noon. There was a huge crowd of Eldians facing against several guards and a small stage where the speaker stands. There was no microphone here so everyone had to be quiet so we could hear the speaker. Then he waited for a moment to let the murmurs to quiet down.
"Listen carefully, you Eldians!"
The sergeant-major on stage started shouting.
"We, the Marleyan Government have decided to gather Warriors of Marley from among you, the Subjects of Ymir!
We have received a proclamation from King Fritz, that incarnation of evil who fled to the island of Paradis!
He claimed that soon, Eldia would rule the world and once again control this continent through a reign of terror!
We must smash this despicable ambition of his to pieces! And that is why we will spend years selecting Warriors from Internment zones around the continent!"
Two soldiers brought a sign to which the speaker pointed.
"Healthy boys and girls from ages of five to seven will be gathered as potential Warriors!"
I could feel Grisha's hand gripping mine harder.
"Only a small few will become those chosen Warriors!
For these Warriors must be worthy of inheriting the seven Titans now under the Marley Government's control!"
Grisha and Dina exchanged a look
"Furthermore, the families of these chosen Warriors will be given the title of honorary Marleyans, and we will ensurer their freedom within this country! So, you Eldians! It's time for you to show your allegiance to Marley!"
DAMN YOU BEING X!
So he has finally decided to make a move, after quietly making my life worse and worse through these years. He is going to make me a child soldier! Again! The same tired joke he used before and failed! Get a better material already you sadistic cosmic being!
With the exciting announcement over everyone has been trying to make their minds about what they just heard. Some worried about a coming war and sending their kids to it, and some excited about the chance to become an honorary Marleyan just by sending their child to the army and not doing anything else themselves.
Among all the confused adults a young girl let out a silent scream towards a cosmic being inside her mind.
That day passed quickly and quietly in our house after the news. My father went out a while, presumably setting up a meetup date with the Restorationists. I didn't like the way they were looking at me after the news.
Damn it! Grisha and Dina are definitely planning on sending me there. Hell, even the reason why they had a child was to preserve the royal blood and further their Restorationist efforts. There is nothing I can say that will save me from this path. My goal of inheriting the clinic is impossible now. They might even disown me or do even worse things depending on how I handle this.
There is no option to reject the program as Grisha will probably literally murder me, or even Dina, both are likely. I can't run away from my home as a 5-year-old Eldian girl and expect to survive, the guards will legally beat me to death for fun or feed me to their dogs within the same day.
To select the best candidate they might throw a whole bunch of children to wars and pick the ones that survive, so under-performing and hoping I get sent home is no good either.
At this point, my best hope for a peaceful life is to finish the five-year-long warrior program. Either hope that there won't be wars after I finish and continue on to become a doctor with Grisha's clinic, that would be for the best. But realistically there will be many countries going after Marley, there will be wars. I have to try to rise above other Eldians and secure some sort of safe job far from the front lines somehow. But anyways, there exists no path for me to avoid going into the warrior program.
For now, the best I can do is to avoid the worst outcome, which is being forced to go there instead of choosing to go willingly. Volunteering is the only way to make the best out of this disaster. I have to make it clear that I am passionate and willing to become a Warrior, so they don't do anything crazy to me.
The day after, Grisha and Dina took me to the Restorationist meeting. I was trying my best to keep to myself all this time. There is right timing to these things. The meeting was full of confused people wasting their time going over the same news again and again.
"What's the meaning of this!?"
"Did King Fritz declare war?!"
"No, it's hard to imagine he would."
"what could have.."
the confused murmurs continued until
"It's here!" the usual messenger in trench coat barged in through the door. Disregarding the secrecy of the meeting.
"A message from the Owl!"
The message everyone was waiting for finally came.
"I'm going to read it," said Grisha, with all eyes in the room on him.
"The reason the Marley Government has now decided to move.. is so it can be the first to adapt to the coming struggles over resources. As you know, incredible advances in military technology have been made in recent years. Marley now uses the power of the seven titans to maintain its position as leader of the world, but the day will soon come when this power is no longer absolute. We are sure to see an age where military power backed by fuel determines the state of the world. As we approach this age, Marley can no longer afford to ignore the island of Paradis... Which is said to have massive amounts of fossil fuels buried under it."
Usually, the government would at least be hesitant to throw human lives to get some oil. But it's of no concern when the need is there and the lives being thrown away aren't valued by anyone anywhere.
"But conquering that island is still no easy feat. While we have still not heard anything from King Fritz ever since he hid away behind his walls... He left behind these words eighty years ago. 'If ever you try to interfere in our affairs... The tens of millions of titans that sleep inside the walls will surely flatten the entire earth' So long as this threat exists... No one can lay a finger on him directly. In other words, The Marley government's goal is the same as ours. Enter the walls without provoking King Fritz... And retake... The founding Titan."
Everyone in the room needed a second to breathe, some had been holding their breaths. After the moment has passed the confused thoughts of the collective started leaking out as words
"what now...? At this rate.."
"All our plans..."
"Marley will overtake us in just a few years..."
"And once that happens...!"
"Eldia will never rise again...!" said someone, speaking for the crowd.
Everyone looked to Grisha for answers, reassurance. As a leader he had to say something here, that was his role to play.
"No..." he denies, determined eyes looking at everyone.
"There's still an option left to us."
"My daughter Tanya, will become a Warrior."
Hearing that everyone turned to Tanya, remembering that she was in the corner of the room listening in.
He actually said it! I knew it was coming but still! Damn you Being X! You made this happen! You set me up for this!
"I..."
They continued to stare on. Expecting my usual patriotism. Which is exactly what I'll give them.
I closed my eyes for a moment while collecting myself. Don't let any unwanted emotions show on the surface.
I open my eyes to look back into the expecting crowd. I put on the practiced face carried over from standing in front of the war-mongering 203rd so many times. I stand up straight, in a precise movement I give my best salute.
"This war has presented me with a chance to prove myself as a loyal subject of Ymir! I will take back the Founding Titan from the hands of the king who abandoned us! With it, we will correct the errors of history! We will regain our pride as Eldians! And we will restore Eldia!"
Good, I've mentioned all the buzzwords such as War, loyalty, subjects of Ymir, and Pride as Eldian. Now to finish it off with something they can cheer to. I raise my fists and declare:
"Glory to Eldia!"
On beat, they follow along with "Glory to Eldia!"
The whole room erupted into incomprehensible cheers. Fists up, fiery eyes fueled with passion. All of the tension released. Within minutes all of their fears and confusions had turned into hope, and after their idol Tanya's perfect resolve to take on the task it instantly turned into the assurance of victory.
Tanya could only accept this turn of events and curse Being X in her mind.
AN
Chapter Illustration linked on my profile (i do art for a living, so think of it as a light novel illustration)
If you've actually read this then thank you. First time writing any kind of fiction as you can tell.
6/21/2020 I finally got around rewriting the chapter to give it the polish it needed.
Hope you like it!