¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Hyrule wakes up on a talking boat.
Is that normal?
Hyrule tries to think back… but there's nothing.
He's got no memory.
Is that normal too?
Probably not.
The talking boat's name is King of Red Lions.
It's a long name, but Hyrule is determined to remember it.
It's the least he can do for such a kind boat.
King of Red Lions: "Tell me, Link. Do you still wish to save your sister?"
Hyrule: "I have a sister?"
King of Red Lions: "... Yes. You have a sister."
Hyrule: "Wow. That's great!... What- uh… what's a sister?"
King of Red Lions: "... Well this is a problem."
One backstory later.
A very concerned talking boat and cheerful amnesiatic set out across the ocean to save the world.
Thus begins Hyrules beach vacation!
It's not really a vacation.
But for some reason Hyrule has this thought that his life before must have been way more stressful than this.
Not that his life now doesn't have any stress.
Because boy oh boy is he terrible at sailing!
And whose idea was it to make the ocean so big? How is he not supposed to get lost in all this nothing?
If he didn't know any better, Hyrule would say he's never been on a boat before.
Or used a map and compass before.
Or seen the ocean.
That amount of water kind of unsettles him.
Hyrule must have done something right.
Because land appears and the King of Red Lions says he's found their first destination.
Hyrule meets a bird-like race called Rito.
At first Hyrule is wary of them.
Are they monsters?
All of the Rito are nice to him.
And the bird girl named Medli's is especially sweet.
There's no way she could be a Ganon follower in disguise.
Hyrule decides they must not be monsters.
Hyrule is learning all sorts of things about himself today.
Like that he can't swim.
And he's afraid of heights.
More accurately, he's afraid of shimmying along narrow ledges high up on cliff tops with nothing to save him if he gets blasted into the sky by a lava spurt.
Bokoblins keep hiding in pots, then jumping out to surprise attack him.
Good thing Hyrule's startle reflex is to stab first, look second.
A moblin stabs him with its spear.
Hyrule sees his own blood and freaks out.
He has no idea why, but he has this strong feeling that if someone got ahold of his blood the world would end.
Hyrule is very careful from then on not to get cut.
Hyrule learns that the white stick he's been carrying around in his pack can help him control the winds.
Yay!
One boat ride later,
And Hyrule is lost.
Again.
That's okay, he'll just call forth some more wind to push him in the right direction.
Turns out, no one should have given him the ability to control the winds.
He's terrible at it.
And even more lost than before.
Finally! Land!
Hyrule saves a talking tree.
For some reason the odd language it is speaking feels more familiar than the one he and everyone else uses.
While still trying to figure out how to sail a boat, read a map, understand a compass, and control the winds- Hyrule stumbles upon another island.
Hyrule: "Is this the Greatfish Isle?"
King of Red Lions: "No, young Link. That is Windfall Island, the largest market town in the Great Sea."
Hyrule: "Oh…"
By the triforce! For having so little land mass, there sure are a lot of people!
Wait… did someone just call him a kid?
Well, Hyrule doesn't actually know what age he is.
Plus he's a little hazy on what kids actually are.
From what Hyrule's been able to gather kids are small, run around a lot, and get into trouble.
Huh…
You know what- Hyrule is probably a kid.
Hyrule stumbles upon a nighttime auction.
But the timide wanderer is too overwhelmed to actually offer any bids.
This is a problem since he really wants the Swift Sail.
He doesn't get it.
Fooey.
Back to the ocean!
To once again get incredibly lost.
Getting lost isn't so bad.
He gets to meet some interesting looking fairies
And boy are there a lot of sunken treasure chests!
Hyrule: "Is this the Greatfish Isle?"
King of Red Lions: "No Link. We are back at Windfall Island. You've sailed us in a large circle."
Hyrule: "Oops. Sorry."
King of Red Lions: "Wait… what are you doing?!"
Hyrule: "Getting out of the boat to explore."
King of Red Lions: "But you've already explored here!"
Hyrule: "Only once."
The exasperated boat warns Hyrule not to get caught by pirates.
Halfway up the beach Hyrule realises he doesn't know what pirates are.
That's fine. He'll just hide from everything.
Hyrule finds out he's pretty good at hiding.
Hyrule steals some bombs.
It's justified, though.
The mean people with the big ship stole them first.
Back again to sail!
Which means getting lost.
Hyrule: "Is this the Greatfish Isle?"
King of Red Lions: "We're not trying to get to Greatfish Isle anymore. You told me the pirates said Jabun wasn't there anymore."
Hyrule: "Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry."
King of Red Lions: "Lucky for us, you still failed to sail us to Greatfish Isle. This is Outset Island, your home."
Hyrule: "Wow. I've never had a home before!"
The talking boat gives Hyrule a funny look.
But that's not unusual. Lots of people give him funny looks.
Jabun speaks in that strange but familiar language.
King of Red Lions talks back in normal language.
It's too much for Hyrule's brain.
Now it both sounds like they are speaking gibberish.
Hyrule sets back out onto the ocean
At this point, no one should be surprised when he becomes lost again.
At least there's plenty to explore out here.
Hyrule gets rid of monsters on some platform fort things.
He fights a huge tentacled monster!
And he raids a huge barrel called a sub-marin.
There is a lot of fun and treasure to be found out in the ocean.
King of Red Lions: "That's it, I'm taking control of my own sail and utter.
Hyrule: "You could do that the whole time?"
King of Red Lions: "Yes."
Hyrule: "Then why haven't you before?! I've been lost on this ocean for days!"
Now that the talking boat has control, they immediately find the statues.
When Hyrule places the last pearl in the last statue's hand he gets catapulted into the sky with an explosion!
He panics.
Suddenly, he's flying.
No, not falling with style.
He's actually flying!
With his own wings and sparkle glow!
And he's really, really small now.
Hyrule discovers that with some magic words he can turn into a fairy.
Can all kids turn into fairies?
Or is this just a him thing?
The talking boat seems to think it's just a him thing.
Hyrule goes through the Tower of the Gods.
It's so much easier now that he can just turn into a fairy and fly over everything.
Hyrule goes to a castle under the ocean and pulls a big sword from some stone.
Bad idea! BAD IDEA!
It awakens an army of monsters.
Hyrule gets out of the death trap by the skin of his teeth.
Finally! The talking boat says they can save his sister!
Oh my goodness!
His sister is so little! And cute!
And she was worried for him.
Awww.
He's keeping her forever.
The pirates showed up.
The blond headed captain seems surprised to see him.
Tetra: "Link! I haven't seen you since we saw the giant bird get ahold of you. I thought you were dead!"
Guess the head pirate knows him.
Wait…. What bird?
Oh. That bird.
AAAAAAH!
Something about being attacked by a giant deadly bird is very familiar.
Maybe he's getting his memories back?
Hyrule calls down lighting.
The smell of singed feathers and cooked chicken fills the air as the bird bursts into smoke.
Huh. Hyrule didn't know he could do that.
He'll call this ability Thunder spell.
The name feels right.
Apparently Hyrule was right about the sword.
Drawing it was a really, really BAD IDEA.
Now Ganondorf is more powerful than ever.
Hyrule attacks Ganondorf with the Master Sword.
And immediately gets slapped in the face for his troubles.
Hyrule attacks Ganondorf with a Thunder spell.
It's way more effective.
But now Hyrule drained his magic stores.
And Ganondorf is really angry.
Tetra and Hyrule meet a very familiar sounding ghost king.
Suspicious.
The ghost king magically puts Tetra in a dress and calls her Zelda
The guy's obviously wrong.
Hyrule already knows two Zelda's, and Tetra is not one of them.
… Huh.
Hyrule thinks he's getting his memory back.
And it's only confusing him more.
Hyrule gets to go on an adventure with Medli!
He shows her his ability to turn into a fairy.
She's amazed.
They make a great flying duo!
Hyrule gets through both Earth and Wind Temple very quickly with his spells.
He flies over all the traps as a fairy.
He uses Thunder spell to insta kill all the enemies in a room.
And he's also learned a new spell that heals him.
Which is good. No more worrying about his blood being used for sacrifice.
Wait… what?
Hyrule's newly resurfacing memories are so confusing.
King of Red Lions: "Quick Link! Now you must retrieve the Triforce of Courage."
Hyrule: "But I already have the Triforce of Courage. Actually I have the whole triforce."
King of Red Lions: "Wha…. But how?"
Hyrule: shrugs.
Hyrule faces Ganon again.
But this time, he's prepared.
Ganondorf lunges at Hyrule, who acrobatically leaps away.
Because yes, he remembered the Jump spell.
Hyrule attacks with his newly blessed Master Sword.
This time it's super effective.
Hyrule attacks with his Thunder spell.
It is also very effective.
And thus, without ever being able to retrieve the power of the triforce, Ganondorf dies.
The last expression on Ganondorf's face is one of pure fury.
Hyrule sighs with relief.
Thank the Triforce that's over.
Now he can go back to his sweet sis-
-And Hyrule wakes up in a cave.
What?
Just… what?
He steps outside.
No ocean. Just land.
What?
Hyrule has no idea what just happened.
But he knows one thing is for sure,
He could never have dreamed up all of that.