Darkness.
My eyes groggily scanned the sky above me, or more so, the ceiling above me, and all I could detect was ashiness and dullness. My body felt weak, and my vision was blurry and spotty. I couldn't see where I was, but the setting felt so familiar as if I had been there before. I hazily tried to move my body from the ground I'd found myself lying on, but it felt entirely too weak and much too difficult a task. I stayed laying down, squinting at the horizon above me.
'What is that?' I thought. I found myself wanting to answer my own question, it was just barely on the tip of my tongue, ready to leap off the deep end. I could feel so strongly that I had been here before, the smog in the air, the dirt that was smudged beneath my skin and dried and caked in my kinky hair, the claustrophobics of this world that surrounded me, it all felt very much like a distant past.
I began to hear the whispered chatter of deep voices. The voices sounded reminiscent of ones I had heard before, but my waning consciousness wouldn't allow me to grasp any of my jumbled thoughts and give them coherence.
"What are we to do with the child?" a woman's frantic voice cracked out.
I had zero idea who these people were and not the slightest clue as to what they had planned for me.
"Who fucking cares? By the time that insolent piece of scum wakes up, we'll be long gone. Who will believe the boy, anyway? Who will care? We have strict orders on what we're to do, and no one, child, adult, soldier, no one, will stand in the way of us." a man bellowed out in an outraged voice. So much for whispering.
Wait, by the time the boy wakes up? I strained my eyes and used every ounce of strength in my body to turn and look towards whoever they were speaking of.
A pale boy laid face down in the dirt, and blood trickled down the side of his forehead. His eyes were sealed and unmoving, and if I didn't know better, it would have looked like he were in a blissful slumber. His hair was a beautiful raven color, falling in straight locks just above his nape. He was absolutely stunning to me, and he too appeared so eerily familiar.
I was roughly hoisted over the shoulder of the man, and my heart filled with dread at the thought of leaving that boy unprotected where he lay unconscious and bruised, and all by his lonesome. I wanted to scream, I wanted to escape from the terrifying man, and I wanted to save that raven-haired youth, but my body wouldn't allow it.
I was too weak and utterly paralyzed, and the further and further I was carried away from him, the more my hazy vision rescinded into blackness and nothingness.
I lost him.
I jerked up from my bed in a cold sweat, breathing heavily and frantically twitching. Tears fell down my complexion to the floor beneath me. That dream had felt so absolutely real, and so reminiscent of something locked deep away in the catacombs of my mind, just begging to be let out. My nightgown clung with sweat to my sweltering body, so I pulled it off and threw it a random corner to calm my racing heartbeat.
I began to take extra deep breaths, and the smells of black tea and anpan from downstairs floated beneath my nose, tantalizing my senses and causing my stomach to growl. Black tea was the Captain's go-to beverage, and its aroma brought me a sense of tranquility, which was a much-needed relief from the mental hell I endured in my dream last night.
I collapsed back onto my bed and sighed contently, getting a kick out of the feel of silk sheets and fleece bedding, which were vastly more delicate than the rickety bunk I occupied as a cadet a mere two weeks ago.
'Hell, What even was that dream? As much as I try, I just can't make sense of it. I feel like I-'
"Mahala, have you not heard me knocking?" a concerned voice asked and tore me from my thoughts. Eren pushed into my room fully dressed and blushed when he noticed my own lack of clothing. Part of me felt utterly horrified to be seen in such an indecent state, for my body to be seen at all. When I took off my nightgown, I wasn't planning on ever being seen in only underwear.
I rushed to cover up my repulsive physique, praying that Eren wouldn't think less of me now that he had had the misfortune of seeing what I truly was. I just hoped he had not seen the mark on my stomach; the mark I've had my whole life. I frantically clung to the covers and stared at Eren with big eyes, tears prickling at their sides.
"Oi, Eren. I'm so sorry. I'm indecent. I should already be up and assisting the Levi Squad, excuse my incompetence." I shakily let out.
"No, no, no Mahala. It's me that's sorry. I shouldn't have come in without your permission, but I was worried when you weren't answering. It's not all so bad though. We haven't had a moment to just talk as friends in a while." Eren said as he walked deeper into my room. He stood at the edge of my bed with a questioning look in his garden green eyes.
"Go ahead, sit." I said. My body was trembling with uneasiness.
"So... what's up?" he inquired. A giggle left my mouth and turned into full-blown laughter.
"What?" Eren asked, looking slightly offended.
"Oi Eren, nothing. I just don't think we've ever had a conversation so simple. It made me laugh at how light-hearted it was compared to the entirety of our friendship" I laughed out. I don't remember the last time I had such a carefree conversation.
"Oi, I know. We don't have many light-hearted situations after all, but if it means I get to see you gleam like that, I'll ask you 'what's up' every day of my life" he let out happily with a smirk.
For a moment it seemed as if we were the only two in the world, and my stomach fluttered. This wasn't the first time I'd felt like this with Eren. This wasn't the first time that I'd wanted something... more from him, but I've always been too afraid to acknowledge what more I wanted.
"Your smile is so fucking beautiful Mahala, " Eren whispered raspily, his eyes staring into mine and then at my lips.
My eyes flicked down to his lips, too, and I found myself leaning into him at the same time he grabbed my waist and leaned towards me.
"Ahem," a deep monotonous voice let out. Eren and I sprang apart, and in doing that my blanket slipped past my breasts down to my stomach. I rapidly pulled the blanket back up, but the damage had already been done. Levi stared at me wide-eyed at the door before recovering his cool composure.
"I permitted you to summon Dinan, Eren. I didn't say come up here and seduce her. When you take too long to do simple tasks, I get nervous. You're not supposed to leave my sight, anyway." the captain let out flatly.
He seemed bothered by what just transgressed. Whether it was Eren's disobedience, or almost seeing two of his subordinates kiss, he was more disturbed by it than he sounded. His appearance and tone gave away no signs of discomfort, but his hand clenched tightly at his side told me everything I needed to know.
Captain Levi was angry with us. As I looked into his eyes, which bore into mine despite him addressing Eren, I detected an unusual emotion. Sadness, anger, hurt?
The Captain wasn't angry with us.
He was angry with me.