The days of shooting started to blur a bit and I had another new routine. Waking up with Norman, teasing, playing, yet staying just this side of not having actual sex. He was clearly proving to me that going slow would work, could work. Then, after showering and doing the bare minimum in dress, we'd head off to work.
It was weird for me, being in a real relationship where we held hands and laughed. Had dinner together in public and didn't give a shit who noticed. Since Norman and Di's split had been public since right after I'd met her in Georgia, there wasn't a fear of the title of 'homewrecker' being thrown at me.
On set we'd separate. He'd go off to have his tattoos replaced or touched up. His Murphy persona built in hair, makeup, and costume. And I'd be off with Josh, Abi, and Mary getting into my own character's head. Then the scenes, some with me, most without. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I nearly forgot the other scenes I had dreaded during the rewrite. Nearly got so lost in the fact that at the end of the shooting hours, Norman and I would grab dinner (or we'd cook in one of our kitchenettes), and then fall into bed again. The hours spent with Norman made me want more, so much more. He was adamant, it could wait. We had plenty of time for the main attraction. I'd laugh, we'd find other ways to keep ourselves from setting the room on fire from the need.
And then, at the end of a night of shooting, Duffy reminded me of the schedule for the next day. Shit, I nearly banged my forehead on the makeup counter in front of me where I was sitting while Abi removed the majority of her craft. I guess I'd put the whole thought of those scenes to the far reaches of my mind because they were the ones that I truly fucking worried about. Gun rebuilding with my eyes closed? Not an issue, but what was coming? I felt my entire body blush.
Duffy laughed as he took in my look of utter angst. "Oh, come on, Jessa!" He said with far too much glee and pep, "it'll be a fucking cake walk." I rolled my eyes and nodded for Abi to continue with her work. "So tomorrow is the scene with Sean-" I shot him a dark look that I was certain he wouldn't be able to decode. "Then the next with Norman." He glanced up from the schedule he held. "I think Mary wants to show you the, um," he stopped, searching for the right word to fill in the blanks for what would barely cover me during my walk of shame. "Costume." He offered, backing out of the trailer.
Abi was looking at my face intently as she finished with the removal of my makeup and used a nice moisturizer so my skin wouldn't dry out. "You look like you'd rather eat a snake than do those scenes." She kept massaging my face, trying to get at least the tension out of that part of me. "Figured you and Norman would be old hat at that type of thing by now." I glanced up at her with a tiny glare. "Oh, come on, Jessa. There's a ton of shit worse than faking passion with two hot men."
I shook my head at her logic. Of course that's what everyone would see. Sean and Norman, two hot actors, and me, the lucky bitch who gets to fake a roll in the hay with each of them. No one would know that I've already done the actual rolling with Sean-multiple times. And everyone assumed I was with Norman, because we live in the 21st century and every normal couple that was our age were in fact doing it. Little did they know.
Norman could sense my unease that night. We were laying in bed, facing one another, and just touching when he finally asked me what I was worried about.
"Well for one, I'm worried about the 'costume' as Duffy called it." I snorted at the thought of the scrap of nothing that was supposed to act as a barrier between me and either man. "And the other thing that freaks me out is that I've been able to keep Sean as far away as I want him to be, and tomorrow-"
Norman's arms pulled me to him and then rolled over so he was hovering over me. "Are you worried that he won't keep his mind on the script and push too far?" He asked, kissing my lips gently before pulling back. "Or are you worried that what you felt before will rekindle?" He lowered his face again and brushed his lips along my jaw.
I sighed at the feeling of him. "I don't know," my body arched upwards, hoping that he'd take the hint and press me into the mattress and make me forget everything. "Both, neither, other?"
He chuckled at the indecisiveness in my voice. "Maybe I should help you with your stress level, Jessa." His voice was so husky that the pit of my stomach clenched. "If I take your mind off of Sean, and tomorrow, you'll sleep better, won't you?" I moaned as his hips rocked down and against me. "Think we may have waited long enough, don't you?"
My hands gripped at his head, pulling him down for a kiss. Dear God, I thought, enough teasing. I arched up into him, using my body to articulate what I seemed incapable of. Norman took the hint, easily reading me like he'd seemed to from the first kiss. His hands fell to the hem of my sleep shirt that was settled on my thighs, barely covering my completely bare ass. Tugging on the fabric, I lifted off the mattress so he could yank it off. Some of those damn extensions broke free of my ever present braid, making long tendrils tickle my bare skin.
"Jesus," he breathed, taking a long look. I wished I could see myself as he saw me. His arms wrapped around my bare back and kissed me as he lowered me back on my pillow. He began kissing down my neck as his hands rolled against my breasts. It was wonderful, but not enough, not now. I stopped his further descent down my body.
"Norman," a breath crossed with a moan, prayer like but firm. "Take your clothes off," I wet my lips with a flick of my tongue. "We've had WEEKS of foreplay-I NEED you." I wasn't too proud to beg. Or demand.
He sat up between my legs and I watched breathlessly as he yanked his own t-shirt off and then his underwear. I sat up to meet him halfway on his downfall, kissing him and letting my hands roam a body I was too slowly becoming familiar with. I'd seen him naked, of course, but this was the climax for the longest buildup in history.
We broke long enough to lay back down. He was still cradled between my hips, and I arched upward, trying to find the friction that I'd come to expect from his ridged arousal. I gasped when skin finally met skin. I felt his lips press against the curve of my neck, nipping the skin as he lined himself up with my opening. I arched again, and felt the head breach my opening. And then, Norman who had more fucking reserve and caution than any other man I'd ever known, finally let go. With a single thrust he was buried inside me and I felt my heart lurch. Jesus, was it this good from the first because of the fucking anticipation of it? Or was it this fucking good because it was just HIM?
We came together. I matched each of this thrusts with a roll of my own hips and then it felt like he was everywhere. His hands on my hips, his lips against my chest, and his pelvis tight against mine. My hands were clutching his head, fingers curled in his hair, fingernails digging into his scalp. Our noises mingled, moans and gasps. Names and pleading. And it built, and kept building until finally, we both broke. I was shaking and so was he. His body pressed against mine as we tried to come down from a high that neither of us could have expected.
Our breathing went from ragged to calm. Hearts beating from hard and fast to calm and serene. And I felt his lips searching for mine, and mine answered by finding him easier than a magnet. We kissed, slow and easy. Needing to keep our connection, even with our bodies still pressed tight together.
When we were finally back on earth, or grounded back to the bed, he rolled off of me and I automatically curled into his body. My head on his chest, I sighed in contentment. "I needed that." I giggled, tired and sated. Feeling more relaxed than I could remember.
His chuckle sounded as tired as I felt. "I think we both did, baby." I felt his hand brush the stray hairs, tugging gently. "Never assumed that taking our time would end up going off like that." I felt him start to fade on me.
"I love you," I whispered, and felt his hand clutch at my shoulder. "I don't expect you to-"
His other hand tilted my head up to look at him. "I love you, Jessa." He smiled, even as his eyes were drooping. "Have since-shit I'm not even sure when I realized it." He sighed, and tried to fight the sleep that was calling us. "I just do. Even if you don't expect it." His smirk held as I snuggled against him, feeling the same pull of dreamland.
The next day dawned as it had since our first night together, only this time we woke completely naked and wrapped up around one another. Legs tangled, arms clenched around one another as though even in sleep we couldn't make ourselves part. I smiled into his chest, feeling the effects of our sleep inducing activity.
"Mornin', sweetheart," Norman whispered into my hair. "Damn, I slept like the dead."
I grinned up at him. "Well, we did have a nice workout before bedtime." His smile was as breathtaking as he was. "I'm glad we finally got around to the main event."
He laughed. "I have to be on set early, then I'm finished before-"
I nodded. "I know. Then I get to put on that micro piece of nothing and get to work." I rolled my eyes. "I keep telling myself how many women would kill for my place."
"Want me to stay and watch?" I cringed at the mere thought. "Or not." He chuckled again. "Not into voyeurism, babe?"
It was my turn to laugh. "I have a healthy enjoyment of exhibitionism, but I think I'll have enough eyes on me today." I swallowed and tried to smile. "I don't want you to see that." I couldn't explain my reasoning. It wasn't real, it wasn't me and Sean, it was my character and his. Yet, the thought of Norman watching it made me feel sick.
"Don't worry, Jessa." He pulled me closer and ran his hand down my back. "I'll let you do your job, and I'll keep myself occupied with Instagram." He grinned, thinking about ways around Duffy's mandate.
"You better behave," I warned, kissing his neck. "Duffy will kill you if you leak anything."
Our lips finally met, and for a while we completely forgot about work. Again.
Mary was eyeballing my body, and I was squirming. "Stop wiggling, I have to make sure the pertinent parts are covered." She barked, kneeling in front of me, her face far too close for my comfort. "Looks fine. I used very strong tape, so it should stay put." She stood back up and her attention focused on my breasts. "These though," her hands fucking juggled me. "Well, it's the best I could do." I could hear the sigh she was suppressing.
I groaned. "Thanks, really, you're making this much easier on me." I heard her chuckle and shot her a glare in the mirror we were both now facing. I kept my eyes on my own face, or hers, I didn't need the utter embarrassment of seeing me wearing the best showbiz had to offer for modesty in a fake, yet believable sex scene.
"Ah, sweetie, you know you love me." She grinned and I rolled my eyes. "You do, even if you don't know it yet." She gave my bare backside a swat and threw me a robe. "Get moving, you don't want to hold up the scene."
Yeah, I did actually, I thought. I tugged on the fluffy robe, a concession I guessed so I wouldn't have to do a real walk of shame. I took comfort in knowing that the extensions, pulled into a loose ponytail, would cover at least part of my back. Not enough, but if the scene played out well enough, then hopefully the ponytail would fall apart and the whole hair would tumble down.
I sighed and slipped into the slippers that I'd been thoughtfully provided. Walking to set, I absently greeted the people I met. Norman had come in before I was fitted for the scene. Kissing me to calm me down, and telling me he was going back to the hotel to video chat with Mingus and my son. I'd nodded, hoping that he'd keep his word. I was nervous enough without his eyes on me the entire time. I thought about the next time I'd be wearing this ridiculous get up and smiled knowing the scene would be with him.
"Happy to see me?" Sean said, breaking my concentration on the ease of doing the scene with Norman would be. My smile must have faltered because his tone sounded less sure when he offered, "Or not."
I shook my head and looked up at him. Somehow I'd made it to the set without paying the least bit of attention to where I was going. Muscle memory is an amazing thing. "Sorry, lost in my thoughts." I tried to smile, but I felt the stress build in my stomach. "Where's Duffy?" I looked around and couldn't find him. "Did the shoot get postponed?" I could hear the hope in my own voice even as Sean chuckled.
He gestured with his chin toward the craft services table. "He's grabbing a snack. Apparently seeing us fake fuck is doing things for his appetite." He cleared his throat when I looked back to him. "I can empathize."
I swallowed. Closing my eyes, I willed Sean to make this easy. To not make it weird. To not keep making the awkwardness worse. Opening them to Duffy looking down at me, made it a tad bit better. "Hey you!" I said, tugging the robe tighter around me. "Is this really the time for a donut?" I asked, giggling at the chocolate covered dough he had in his hand.
"Why not?" He asked, motioning toward the plush bed that Sean was standing beside. "I know you're Norman's gal and we haven't done much of the physical stuff since then, but I'm hoping you can fake a bit of interest in poor Sean there." I coughed out an attempt at laughter. "I know, I know, he's a troll, but you're a natural, so it should be nothing for you to fake it." A scream of nervousness rose in my throat. "Anyway, same direction really. As real as you can take, without making this an actual porno. Gotta pretend it's classy." He shrugged his shoulder like he couldn't imagine the issue. "So, toss the robe to Mary," I noticed her waiting beside the bed and Sean. "And let's get it on!"
I would have groaned, but I just made myself push it all to the back of my mind. I could do this. I could crawl into that bed. Pretend I was having sex to Conor MacManus, who happened to be wearing Sean's face and body, while wearing practically nothing, and not want to throw up. I was great at this. I was a natural at the job. I could do this and I'd do it in one take and be done. One and done. I was almost chanting it as I moved to Mary.
"All right, darling, hand it over." I felt the scowl building on my face. "Now, now. That doesn't look like the face of a woman in love." She admonished with a chuckle. "You have to sell it, girl." And she patted my backside, again.
I huffed a sigh and shot Sean a look. He'd better be wearing that fucking marble bag he'd mocked so hard during the second movie. That dickhead had better have tucked his shit all up inside, nice and tight, because I'd fucking kill him if I felt more skin than I expected. I felt his eyes on my body as I crawled onto the bed. I rolled my eyes and turned over. Rolling my neck to try to ease the build up of tension that seemed to be taking root in my neck and shoulders, I waited.
"ACTION!" Duffy called.
Then I looked over and watched Sean/Connor as he dropped the familiar jeans, and I pretended to look adoringly down his form. I almost broke character when I saw the flesh covering that held him in, thank God. I bit my lip, waiting as he crawled over top of me. Our lips met, and I felt it, what I would feel until the day I died. The lust. It would always be there. I could love Norman until the day I died, but this was still there. And unlike the day Norman and I shared our first kiss, I couldn't pinch Sean into compliance. I knew he felt that tiny moan that was always pulled from the back of my throat when I was kissed by someone I wanted.
His lips coaxed my mouth to open, then our tongues met. Everything slowed. His hands tight against my skin, touching everything he could reach. Since I was tiny, and he wasn't, that was everything. He rocked his hips into mine, and even with that fucking pouch, even with my scrap of fabric, I could feel him. Hard and ready, and I knew, when my eyes opened and met his, that he could feel the dampness pooling in me. His head lowered to my neck, his mouth moved up to my ear. "You still want me, don't you?" It was barely a breath, but I heard it and my eyes flickered closed as I felt another thrust against me. "Good, because I will always want you." A nip on my ear and I didn't have to pretend to moan or grip his back. "Always," he whispered, another thrust. "No matter who you're with." Again, and my legs were around his waist. "Or who I'm with." And again.
Our mouths found one another again, my hands combing through his hair, locking him in place. The burning fire that Sean had always brought out in me was in full fury. My hips rocking up against him, our mouths fighting one another as we moaned and tangled.
The flames doused with one word. "CUT!" I gulped for air, for anything as Sean's mouth pulled back. "That was fucking fantastic," Duffy called out. "Better than on paper. Take a minute and I'll watch the playback, but we might have what we need."
I sighed and tried to roll over, but Sean just pressed me down and dragged a sheet I hadn't noticed over us. "Just lay still, darlin'." His whisper was raspy, still filled with need. "We might have to go again."
I nearly died of shame. What the fuck, Jessa? I couldn't ignore it. And I was terrified that Sean wouldn't either. What he'd whispered, how I'd reacted, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Duffy saved me. "That was fucking hot. Jesus, I may have to-" He stopped. "You guys were fucking great!" He dismissed us, and I was finally thankful for Mary when she came up with my robe.
I felt Sean's hesitance to move, but I closed my eyes and rolled over, leaving the bed. And him. I let Mary wrap the robe around me and I walked away, not looking back