Chapter 11

Rosalie POV

I stood with my family, all of us silently listening to Bella and Alice's conversation upstairs. Bella was having trouble telling Alice something, but we all knew that if she was going to open up to anybody, it would definitely be Alice.

"You need to understand that… I need to leave. I'm fine! I can take care of myself," we heard Bella say softly after Jasper had calmed her.

"Why don't we let her?" I hissed at Edward, since he was always the one in charge of her.

He growled, "Carlisle thinks it's best if we keep her here for a while. And I love her, Rose!"

"Is that why you left?"

"Yes, it is! I left to keep her safe!"

"Stop bickering like children before Bella hears you," scolded Esme. "It will upset her further."

We stood quietly for a few minutes before I said, "Listen to her. A burden that you chose to inflict upon us all."

Edward lunged towards me but Emmett shoved him right out the front door with a casual movement of his arm.

"Rosalie," Carlisle whispered dangerously. "You need to stop this childish nonsense right now. You are going way too far. In case you forget, we are the ones that went and got Bella. We chose to."

"I didn't—"

"I am the leader of this family, and she is a part of it."

"I wasn't suggesting that you weren't the leader," I said through my teeth.

There was a pause before Carlisle continued, "Rosalie, I think that you should know that upon examination of Bella while you were away, I have seen many similarities between her condition and the one you were in when I found you. The physical severity of yours is the emotional severity of hers."

I was shocked. I wanted to go and see for myself, but at that moment, Alice and Jasper came down the staircase, hand-in-hand and smiling.

"What are you so happy about?" asked Emmett.

"Progress," Alice said simply, bouncing on her heels impatiently.

Jasper, most likely sensing the confusion in the room, elaborated, "She's beginning to trust Alice."

Yeah, with your help, I couldn't help thinking.

He looked at me, feeling my accusation. "I didn't do anything. It was all her." Emmett raised an eyebrow. Jasper continued guiltily, "Sure, maybe I gave her a little nudge…"

Emmett burst out laughing and I couldn't help but to join in.

Alice suddenly flitted outside. "Edward?" she said, concerned.

Edward was outside, still lying in the place in the yard that he had landed when Emmett pushed him. We followed Alice outside.

"Edward? What is the matter, son?" Carlisle asked, even though he knew the answer.

Edward slowly stood up and walked past everyone back inside. I couldn't help but smirk. My words must've hit a nerve. Jasper looked at me angrily. You can never have privacy in this family.

Alice POV

Edward and I have a very good relationship. It is sometimes difficult being the mind-reader in the family, partly because of the guilt it brings on him for invading of the privacy of others and partly because of the stress of things he would rather not know. I can relate to him better than any other in the world, as I constantly have the same feelings due to my gift. However, I was sure that there was nothing I could do to help the current situation, so, grabbing Jasper's hand, we raced up the staircase to our bedroom. I felt that I would need his support in order to fulfill my promise.

Without asking what I was doing, he stood behind me as I sat in the chair by the computer and stroked my cheeks with the backs of his hands lovingly. I knew he felt the tenor of my already strained emotions: anxious and sad. I should have checked my email with or without my stubborn brother's permission.

For the first time in months, I logged into my email, and let out a small breath of air at what I saw. Amidst all of the junk mail from big-name fashion companies (etc…), There must have been about fifteen emails from my best friend, Bella. I decided to start from the first one. It was hard to see how the emails became smaller and smaller as they went, from five-paged journal-like entries to single-worded pleas for help.

Dear Alice, You've disappeared, like everything else. But who else can I talk to? I'm lost, Alice. When you left—when he left—you took everything with you. And the absence of him is everywhere I look.

Dear Alice, Time passes, but every tick that goes by… aches. But in a way I'm glad. The pain is the only reminder that he was real—that you all were.

Dear Alice, I wish you were here. I need you.

Dear Alice, Please forgive me.

Alice, Please reply.

Dear Alice, I'm getting a little better now. There's this boy; his name is Jacob Black. I asked him to… help me with something, and since then we've become friends in a way. Being with him is a distraction from the empty void that my life has become. I know you'll never come back, so until I make my decision about what to do with my life, this will suffice.

Dear Alice, I was in the woods the other day, trying to find the meadow that… he… and I loved more than any other place, when I encountered Laurent. He came for Victoria, and he wanted to kill me. But, all of the sudden, these giant wolves came and saved me! I know it sounds strange, but it's true. It was an emotionally exhausting day.

Dear Alice, I found out that Jacob is a werewolf.

Dear Alice, I think Jacob wants more from me than what I can give him. I will never be able to offer him any sort of love, because my heart belongs to… Edward. He gets angry at me often because of my deficiency.

Dear Alice, I found a way to control my pain. If I gain control of all my emotions, I can slip into a state of nothingness that is better than anything I've experienced these past few months. In that place, I can't think, I can't feel. I bet the only person in the world who could put it into words would be Jasper. I know it might sound scary, but, in truth, it is far from it. It's almost the escape I've been seeking.

Alice, I cannot live without him, without my family. I am completely useless, and I am falling apart. I have no desire to live. I've decided to end my life. You may already know this because I have made my decision, but if you are reading this email, which I somehow doubt, I am begging you to please remain where you are. If you came, it'd be out of guilt, and that I am sure of. I have no desire to be rescued. This is what I want, what I need. I can't play the part of "I'm fine" any longer. It hurts too much.

Alice, I am sitting in my bedroom, waiting to be sentenced to jail by Chief Swan. I survived my suicide attempt, and Charlie has sent me to my room until he decides what to do. Jacob is the one that told him. I wish you were here. I've never needed you more than I do in this moment.

Charlie told me to pack my bags; my mom is coming to get me.

I am not going to email you again once I leave Charlie's. You've never replied and I think this is becoming more like a "Dear Diary" kind of thing than something you're actually reading. I just wanted to say… I just needed to say… That I love you all, no matter what. The true extent of my pain is not something I ever want to share with anyone. This almost hurts more than when he left me in the woods. I have been deluding myself that this is a way of keeping in touch with my family, but my family's long gone. Charlie… Renee… I take care of them. Especially at this time, I need people to take care of me. That's selfish, but at least I can be sure that I will be the only one to know. My mom is here. Goodbye.

And, suddenly, it all made perfect sense.

I found myself going through it all over and over again, my breathing accelerating as I read with vampire speed. I did not realize I was sobbing until Jasper picked me up and began rocking me in his arms, mumbling comforting nothings into my ear.

Why hadn't I read this sooner? I could have done something! I could have helped her! Why had I agreed to leave? I hadn't agreed, but I had to because Dad said we did for Edward. He also told me countless times that I wasn't to go to Bella, that I wasn't to look into her future. Why did I listen to him anyway? I mean, Carlisle is certainly much older than I am, but I am unquestionably experienced enough to handle a depressed teenage girl that was in desperate need of me, a friend that's much more than a friend, a sister with occasional motherly tendencies. She just means so much to me. Relationships, when considering vampires and humans, can be very complex. Ugh, but why did I listen to Edward? Why did I listen to Carlisle? I was in too much of a rage to think rationally.

Wave after wave of calm flooded my more-than-willing system, but there was an undercurrent of anxiety that simply wouldn't disappear.

How can I make this right?