Chapter 14

Esme POV

I listened with everybody else as Edward described what was going on between Bella and Jasper outside. I was a little concerned when Jasper used his influence on her so powerfully, but I decided it was okay when I realized that it would be the only way to make her speak truthfully. I watched as Carlisle's eyes darkened when Edward quoted Bella as she told of her dream and the decisions it led her to make.

"Bring her back now, Jasper," Carlisle said loudly when she'd finished.

"He said that it's worse than he'd thought, and that he'll have to keep her under his wing for a while," said Edward with a grimace.

"I'd have to agree with him, Edward," said Carlisle.

Jasper entered the house seconds later with an unconscious Bella in his arms. "I'm keeping her under until we decide what needs to be done. She was fighting me with a fury such as I've never seen, under my control at least."

"You've done well," said Carlisle with a smile. "Now the question is what to do next?"

"Maybe we should put her in Edward's room for a while, so she can rest," said Alice softly. "And then we can talk about what's to be done next."

"I think that's a good idea," I said. Edward's room seemed to be the most peaceful environment that we had to offer Bella.

"You'll need to lock her in," said Rosalie unkindly. "Or else she'll try to escape again."

My lips tightened into a hard line. The last thing I wanted was for my daughter to feel as if she was back in that awful place.

I was about to argue when Carlisle said, "Sadly, I agree. We need time to talk without any… distractions. Jasper?" If my husband thought it was best, then I'd have to agree with him.

Without further ado, Jasper ran smoothly up to Edward's room, and I heard the sounds of him laying her on the bed and closing the door, locking it with a key.

"Do you still have influence over her?" Carlisle asked when Jasper returned downstairs.

"I do, but I can remove it anytime you wish."

"I'd like you to remove it now; you need to focus when we have our discussion and Bella needs time to think."

We heard the sounds of Bella stirring upstairs.

"Shall we?" asked Carlisle with an air of professionalism. We nodded and followed him into the dining room.

Bella POV

As I returned to consciousness, I automatically wrapped my arms around my torso, a habit that I had established during the months of their absence. I was trying to hold myself together. My efforts were in vain; holding myself together I could do, maybe, but staying together was an impossibility.

Over the course of these months, I have also developed a controllable, emotionless state-of-mind that has protected me from the ability to feel. After they left, I realized that every aspect of my insignificant life reminded me of them. My body instinctually went into defense-mode. It wasn't possible to live through this much pain, but, somehow, my body found a way. The result was this numbness. It shielded me from almost everything I needed it to; it made it possible to live.

But it wasn't living. I was making everybody unhappy and my nightmares were getting progressively worse. I missed them so much…

And so… I jumped off a cliff.

It didn't work and… here I am now.

Never had I needed my numbness this much before. But, every time I try to use it, they take it away.

My best defense, gone.

The loss made me feel vulnerable and exposed like I never had before.

With a deep breath, I cracked an eye open. Nobody was there. I relaxed and opened both of my eyes. I was in Edward's room. And the door was… closed?

I stood up and walked over to it. It was locked.

I looked around the room. The essence of Edward was relaxing, but I couldn't help but compare the feeling I had here to the feeling I had in the asylum.

I couldn't panic now. I needed to plan. There had to be a way out.

I knew one thing for sure. I couldn't escape on my own. I was too weak. They would get me back in seconds.

But what other way was there?

Of course, there was always Plan A. I was going to call Charlie and ask him to come and get me. I know that he doesn't want anything to do with me, but if I played the recovered daughter part, it might be my only chance. There was nothing Carlisle or any of them could do to prevent my dad from taking me home if I acted like I wanted to.

It would be horrible though. He'd disowned me. His words were burned into my mind…

I never want to see you again. You've inflicted too much pain on me and instead of growing up and moving on you've decided to persist and stay in the same place you were when Edward left months ago. Goodbye.

He didn't want to see me again; I had caused him pain. But I deserved to be in his wrath, if only briefly. I didn't want to cause him any more pain, and so, after he helped me escape, I would escape him. That will be much easier than it would ever be to escape the Cullens alone.

Plan B… I could call Jacob. But he hated me too, and I could never escape him and his werewolf family.

The only choice was Plan A. I just needed to get to a phone…

I glanced at the lock. There was a keyhole on this side, too.

I looked around the room. I spotted Edward's desk. I tiptoed over to it and began to quietly open the drawers. There was what I was looking for. Paperclips.

I had never had to use this method before, nor any method for that matter. I've never had the need to break out of or into a room. But it shouldn't be that difficult.

I crept back over to the door and molded my paperclip into a shape that would fit into the lock. I spun it around a couple of times and I heard a quiet click.

I waited for a minute to see if any of them had heard, and, when they didn't appear, I exhaled a breath that I hadn't known I was holding. I opened the door and, with another wave of relief, it didn't squeak. I suppose when you have all of the time in the world you can make sure you don't have squeaky doors.

I crept into Carlisle's office, in which I was sure was a telephone from my past experiences there. There, on his desk, was my lifesaver.

I've never walked as slowly and quietly as I did when I walked to that telephone. When I reached it, I picked it up and dialed the number I knew by heart.

"Hello?" asked a husky voice on the other line. I looked at the time; it was 6:30 AM. I must've woken him up.

"Dad? It's me, Bella," I whispered.

"Bella!" he sounded shocked.

"Yeah. I'm at the Cullens'."

"How'd you get there?"

"They released me. The place said I've 'fully recovered'. Only last night. Dr. Cullen happened to be visiting another doctor there… And he said he'd take me home because it was so late and I could go home in the morning."

"Oh." It was all he said. I couldn't tell if he was angry or not.

"So… Can you please come get me? I don't want to be here."

He seemed to snap out of it. "So, they're back?"

"Yeah. And I really don't… want to be here. I want to go home." There was a pause. "If it's still my home."

"It is if you're all better," he said seriously. "No more nightmares… Right?"

"Yeah."

"Then when would you like me to come over?"

"Now! Please."

"I'll be right over."

He hung up and I softly put the phone on back on its base.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I spun around to journey back to Edward's room and saw the sight I was praying not to see. Carlisle, standing in the doorway.

My hand flew up to my mouth with fright. I couldn't do anything without these people knowing what I was up to. He began to approach me, and I backed up to the wall, just like I had not too long ago. When I had my back against it and sliding down it with my efforts to escape, he stopped.

"Bella, I will not allow this."

"You h-have to," I said, avoiding his eyes.

"No, I don't. I'm your guardian and—"

"I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions and I'm deciding to—"

"No. I'm sorry, Bella, that I have to explain this to you again, but it seems as if you're under a misconception. The… institution named Esme and me your guardians. You don't have a choice in the matter. So, like it or not…" He walked over and picked me up, carefully throwing me over his shoulder. "You're staying here. Both you and I know that you don't want to go back there, and that you're only going there because you feel guilty for making us feel guilty, which doesn't make much sense, but if that's how your mind works…" He shook his head sadly as he walked out of the room.

I squirmed and kicked and punched and screamed, all the while trying to get out of Carlisle's arms.

"I'm your father, Bella. That's who I want to be, and I know you want that too. So I wish you'd stop fighting me every time I try to help you."

I knew he was right, but I needed to do this, both for them and for me. My fight weakened slightly and I cried. I cried because I wanted more than anything that I've ever wanted in my life to just say "okay" and do whatever he asked, but I couldn't. I was beginning to lose sight of the purpose of all this fighting with my exhaustion, but I knew in my heart that this is what I had to do.

Carlisle carried me down to the living room, where the whole family was situated now. I blushed furiously at being carried this way and behaving this way in front of everyone, but I couldn't stop. I began to hyperventilate; for everything to fall in place, I needed to go home with Charlie.

Carlisle set me down and nodded to Emmett, who, in turn, held my arms behind my back. Edward knelt down in front of me and took my face in his hands. "Bella, calm down. It's going to be alright. We'll fix this, together." My breathing slowed as I looked into his deep topaz eyes. After a few minutes of silence, I was close to giving up, this time for good. I knew in my heart that this was what I wanted, but what I wanted and what needed to be done were two different things.

That was when Charlie's cruiser pulled in.

Emmett's hands remained on my wrists and Edward's on my face. Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and Esme surrounded us, hiding me from view. Carlisle went to the front door to greet Charlie.

A few seconds went by before we heard Carlisle open the door. "Hello, Charlie," he said politely.

"Dr. Cullen." There was a pause. "Where's Bella?"

I stared into Edward's eyes with fear, and he used his thumbs to rub comforting circles on my cheeks.

"I don't know," said Carlisle concernedly. "Is she missing?"

"No," he said, his voice rising with anger. "She called and asked me to pick her up here."

"I don't know what that could mean, Charlie, but our family would be more than happy to assist you in the search."

"Charlie!" I rasped. It was my only chance. One of Emmett's hands covered my mouth while the other continued to hold both of my wrists.

"No, no, no," Edward whispered, calming me. "None of that."

"What was that?!" asked Charlie.

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Was that Bella?" There was a pause. "It is. Let me in."

There were footsteps and as Emmett and Edward removed their hands from my body and Esme, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie moved out of the way, Charlie came into view.

There was a small intake of breath as he looked at my weak form. I remembered that I needed to act "recovered", and I tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. "Hi Da—Charlie." I couldn't say "Dad" because he was no longer my father. In my heart, Carlisle was.

"Wow, Bells, you look…" He was speechless. I'm sure he was running through his head whether or not I was well again. Instead of finishing that statement, he just said, "You ready to go?"

"Y-yeah." I heard a small amount of the grief and fear that I was holding in seep into my voice. I was sure of the future that awaited me: Once Charlie was in the car, his concerned-and-loving-father demeanor would fade away, and he would become angry and disgusted once more; late tonight I planned on sneaking out of the house and into the forest, and I would find out what happens to me then. I somehow knew how it was all going to end, but I couldn't bear to think of it now.

"Then let's get going," he said. I felt panic begin to bubble to the surface. I had known all along what was going to happen if I followed through with this plan, and I had also known how much I wanted it to not happen. I just thought I'd be strong enough to not show any signs.

The larger part of me that wanted to escape for the sake of everyone, the part that refused to believe, was ready to go. But the smaller, defenseless part of me was scared to go and wanted to stay, be a part of this family, and be loved and cared for.

I tried taking a step forward, but my legs wouldn't move.

I felt like I was being forced to go somewhere I didn't want to go.

Like I was being kidnapped.

I was being kidnapped; the stronger part of me was kidnapping the weaker part of me.

I was kidnapping myself…

The inner struggle was making me hyperventilate again, and I saw stars. Not now! I thought.

I quickly gained control of myself and saw the rage that was hiding behind Charlie's calm appearance. I wasn't better, and he knew it now. "I said, let's get going, Bella, I don't have all day."

I took a deep breath and was the first person out the door. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. "Please don't go." It was Edward.

I felt tears fall down my cheeks and my throat tightened so I couldn't speak. I continued to walk to the car. I opened the passenger door and practically fell inside. Charlie got in soon after and as we began the journey down their driveway, I watched as the Cullen house faded away in the rear-view mirrors.