Warning : Rape scene is pretty graphic in chapter 2 so be aware.
I think the characters are a bit OOC (sorry for the fans) but I'm not used to write fiction, actually this is my first, but i felt inspired with this stream of thoughts.

It's messed up and I'm sorry if its too distressing.

(Most of the story follows main canon, but here Kim doesn't have the pregnancy plotline)

All characters belong to the Dick Wold industrial complex, im just borrowing them for torture.

nb: English isn't my first language, nor my second really, so if someone wants to beta me please reach out !

Hope you enjoy!

As she was being picked up by what she assumed would be a plain patrol car, Vanessa still had trouble reconciling what has just happened to her, to him mostly, she had fired and nearly killed a person today on the job, and until a second ago they couldn't retrieve the gun she had seen him fire 5 times in the minutes before she's hit him.
Was she going to be fired? Nowadays, everyone at the district kept saying that for every gun fired a cop could bet on losing their badge. She could plainly hear the usual "with all the woke anti-police shit happening, we can't do our jobs anymore".
Every time she heard that she would low key roll her eyes because until just a few months ago, she was on the other side, the "woke" side, the side of the people being at risk of being routinely killed by the police, in the end, that's what drove her to be a police officer, to ignite change for her people.

She was tired of seeing her neighbors being mistreated and killed by the civil servants in blue, so after her last stint with the law, she decided that either she won't be so lucky the next time and she would end up having her own sheet, or she enrolled in the academy and prayed she would come out the other side as a good police officer, so far the latter had seemed like the right choice.

But now, despite the fact she was terrified by the idea that Sammy, tbe young schizophrenic suspect may not make it, she was also thinking about the looming end of her career in the force, after just a few months and she felt ridiculous.
Most of her friends didn't even know she made it in, and now she will be fired before she even had the chance to break it to them.

"It's alright kid, you have to relax we've found the gun, it was a good shoot", Voight's words were echoing in her head, he had told her to breathe, that everything was under control, and even if she hated the sentence, it was a good shoot he'd said, as she was still realing with the notion of "good shootings" but right now she'll take anything to make sense of this moment.
It was a good shooting and it wasn't fatal, she did her job, this is what she had signed for.
Voight had even said she needn't call her FOP rep, he was that certain that she will be in no trouble, still, she had to go the Ivory Tower and give her preliminary statement, she wished someone would come with her, maybe Hailey, but then she remembered with bitterness, this is not high school, you don't get your best friend to tag along with you to the principal office for moral support.
She was a cop and she needed to act like one, the other patrolmen were already looking at her, and if they were any good at their job, could see she had been crying, and she couldn't let that be her reputation so early on the job, everybody knew that most of the boys in blue were very old school, and were already throwing the stinky eye to the 3 women of Intelligence, waiting for one of them to fuck up royally and mostly, publicly.

She tried to fix-up her face as much as she could to dry out the last of her tears, and got ready to climb in the patrol car ready to drive her to the HQ to deliver her testimony; but just as she was about to wave to the patrolman in the car, someone called her name :
"Officer Rojas?" She tilted her head up to meet that someone's eyes, a tall fourty-ish years old White shirt was looking at her.
"Yes, erhm Captain ?" she tried the first title that came to her head in a hesitant voice.
"I am Superintendent Joseph Tapper, I think you are the officer I'm supposed to meet back at headquarters?"; Vanessa was completely put off-guard, and blurted: "Oh! Sorry Superintendent, yes I was gonna drive there, am I late? I'm so sorry I was trying to...", he cut her off softly, " No you're not, In these troubled times we are always notified when an officer-involved shooting happens, so I came over to check the initial situation; but this one looks like nothing at all. Then pointing to Voight he added " You're Sergeant's told me it was a good shoot and that you were ready to give your statement right?
"Of course Sir, yes Sir, I mean I'm sorry you had to come over here because of me."

Seeing how anxious he was making her, her relaxed a bit a said with a smile :

"You have no reason to be sorry for, you were doing what this city is paying you for, keeping it safe"
"Sir"
He glanced around the scene once more then added "Well, I don't think my presence is needed anymore, I can drive you to my office, cut some corners so I can take your statement and we will be done with it ok?"

Vanessa blinked multiple times, she couldn't tell if this was a good or a bad thing, she was feeling pretty inadequate, she glanced at Hailey praying that her friend would see her and come to her rescue, but she was now busy talking with Jay and Voight, so Vanessa answered: " I mean if it's no bother, I wouldn't want to impose, I mean, a patrol can drive me there".
"I wouldn't be telling you I can drive you if I couldn't", he said a bit dryly, Vanessa felt stupid, he was a high officer of the law of the city of Chicago, of course, he wouldn't do things that were an annoyance to him, she glanced one last time in the direction of Hailey, and then followed the Superintendent to his car.

She expected a driver, most of these people have drivers, but he didn't. She didn't know how to feel about that, but something made her think it was a good thing, he wasn't one the uptight ones, crazy about titles and ranks.
"How long do these things usually take?" she asked tentatively after a while.
"Ah your first time huh?" She noded, "Around an hour or so if there's no hassle and I feel like there shouldn't be." After a second he added "Places to be?"
"No, no I'm just arranging for my partner to pick me up."
Tapper didn't say anything, he just shrugged it off.

She sent a text to Haylie " Omw to the Ivory, can you pick me up in like an hour? Thx"
She answered right away " Of course, ill meet you there", Vanessa let out a deep sigh for the first time since the last hour, and for the first time, felt like after all this might just resolve itself, tomorrow it will already be just a bad memory, granted that Sammy's state doesn't worsen during the night.

When they arrived it was just after 10 pm, she started thinking don't these people ever stop working in here? Maybe after all they were all bitching about the wrong crowd. But she was rapidly proven wrong, the entire building was pretty much empty, there were just a couple of security officers downstairs, and while going up they met only a couple of cleaning staff and a fellow white shirt leaving too.

After a long walk among glass offices and conference rooms they finally arrived in a smaller interview room when Tapper said
"After you" and let her in the room.
They both sat at a long table, and he pulled out some forms and handed it to her, " Just fill in your name and badge number, my assistant will get to the rest tomorrow, this is all very preliminary".
She started looking through the forms while he took out the recording device and a computer to type in what would be her version of the facts.
"So all you have to do is describe the shooting as it happened, and I'll take notes and we will draw out your first official statement, and if nothing ever pops up in the following days this is gonna be your first and your last, but if there's anything else, then you will have to come back and we will have to go through everything again, understood?"
" Yes Sir".
He was very straight to the point and had some kind of military stiffness to him, but overall he was nice to her, and treated her like any other cop and not as a baby straight out of the academy, and she felt grateful for that.

She starting telling her tale.
It had to be extremely precise, with timestamps every time she could, and she had to describe every little step and verbal interactions that had happened.
After little under an hour, he re-read her statement back to her and said: "Good I think we're done, or do you have anything else to add ?" She screwed up her face and tried to think about anything else, but couldn't, so she said, " No Sir, nothing more, I think that's all of it, Sir".

He stood up looked at her like he was gauging her and after a while said,
"Good job then, you can sign it and I can drive you back", something about the way he tried to say it casually rang false to Vanessa's ears and she quickly answered
"Oh no Sir, thank you, but that's alright I'm sure my partner is already waiting for me, she will be downstairs ready to call it day!"
She quickly signed the forms, then gestured some kind of goodbye and quickly left the room, walked back to the elevator leading her to the main lobby expecting to see a tired Hailey ready to take her back home.

But she didn't see Hailey, she checked her phone and there was nothing more since her roommate had said see you in an hour.
She wrote: Hey Hails I'm done with my statement, I can wait for you or grab a lyft and go home, just let me know if you can't make it, she hit sent and waited a few minutes, after 10 minutes she wrote again: Nevermind girl I'm beat, I'm gonna grab a car, and hope to see you home.

As she was getting ready to order a car on the app, she heard right behind her:
"You're partner stood you up?"
She saw Superintendent Tapper was ready to leave too, she felt a bit stupid and akward now, " Yeah maybe the team caught another call, I'm gonna grab a Lyft, have a good night" she said rapidly, hoping the interaction wouldn't last longer than needed.

"Don't be silly, let me drive you back im sure you can't be that far."
"Sir I assure you, you don't have to do that, she said half laughing half pleading,
" I've already ordered a car" But he didn't really let her finish and said " From memory, your address is on my way home, come on, it's not every rookie cop that has stories like that to tell".
The way he talked, he was used to hearing yes instead of nos and his commanding tone made her understand she didn't really have a choice, so she said " That's very kind of you".

They drove the 15 minutes mostly in silence, but then he asked her " So do you live alone, or do you have a boyfriend or something" she felt that was going south very fast, "Euhm no, I'm sharing a flat with my partner, I just made it into the team and never really got a chance... to find my own space" she added nervously, and then thought, of course, he already knew that.
After that, he didn't say anything anymore, but she was now feeling more uneasy than she had been the rest of the evening, was he like... hitting on her? So far he looked so professional and white shirty and even a bit distant like he was constantly thinking about something else, but now... She glanced in his direction and could see he didn't have a wedding ring...
She felt stupid, making all this assumption in her head, what a guy like him would spend a minute thinking about hitting on a kid like her, she tried to relax. They were just a few seconds out.
"This is me... you can drop me off just here, please."

He didn't stop where she told him, and he continued until they were right in front of the house.
For some reason, she wanted to avoid that, like when your taxi driver gives you the creeps.
She was half out of the car when she heard him say :
"Looks like your partner didn't make it home just yet" of course she had already seen that all the lights were out and that Hailey's car wasn't there.
She had no clue what she was supposed to add to that so she just said: " Ah yes! Thank you so much! Hum, good night again !"

Then she sped out of the car, trying to look casual and relaxed but couldn't wait to put a bit of distance between him and her.
As she was opening the door she could hear he hadn't driven out just yet, she turned again and smiled and waved.
He then put the ignition on again and started driving away.

She closed the door behind her and let out a long exhale she knew she was holding for a few minutes now. After getting back to her senses, she threw her day bag on the floor and thought she needed to wind down before even thinking about touching it, but still took the time to put her gun in the safe by the entrance.

Then, she checked her phone again and saw a message from Hailey, So sooorrry girl! Are you home yet? I was with Jay, he needed some backup but I'm on my way now. For some reason she felt extra pissed at that and didn't bother answering just now, she decided she needed a shower before, then she'll answer her.
Maybe Hailey would even be home by then, and maybe she will be less pissed by then.

In the shower, she knew she wanted to cry just to let out the stress of the day but the tears never came, still, she stayed in there an extra 10 minutes just to go through the film of the evening again.
When she was about to faint because of the extreme heat and steam, she decided it was time to wrap this up and that she hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast.
She stepped out of the shower and grabbed a large tank top and a pair of shorts, and went back downstairs to prepare some ramen to eat before going to bed, but as she was boiling some water she sheepishly remembered she better confirm to Hailey that she was home now, she wasn't feeling so weirded out anymore by Tapper and decided to be fair to Hailey knowing how she could never say no to Jay anyway.
The thought made her gently smile, and she wrote back, Its ok Hails I just made it home, should I leave you some food?

Right after sending that message she heard a knock on the door, she thought to herself, why would Hailey...?
She opened the door already saying " Did you forget your... Oh, Superintendent?! " her voice going somewhat high from the shock.