Long before she was aloud to know, she knew.
At least she heavily suspected it, but she wasn't gonna show or say anything. Not now. Not needed.
But as Kim was observing her young colleague with an alert gaze, she wondered what was it she needed when it has been her in states like this.
It had happened so many times now, her ending up very hurt in an ambulance because of her work on the beat and undercover too, she had been beaten to an inch of her life several times. The thought sent a small shiver through her body, she avoided lingering on those memories.
Every time the group had tightened around her as they did when one of them was in a dire spot, but she couldn't shake the sentiment of feeling too broken and too exposed.
Yes they called each other family, yes they showed up for each other all the time, but there was a like a secret code between the women of Intelligence, a sort of never let them see you sweat. Like really sweat.
So assault after assault they would come back the next day, black and blue and biting through the pain, refraining of being too jumpy in the bullpen, and battling the PTSD of going under again.
Nobody ever talked about it, it wasn't needed.
So she knew Vanessa would hate it too, people inquiring over her well-being, and even though she couldn't say she knew the young woman very well, she knew she's had a tough childhood and presumed she would resent being treated like a fragile thing.
"It looks worse than it feels", Vanessa croaked in a low voice, interrupting Kim's stream of thoughts, she didn't realize she was staring the whole time, "I'm sure it does, but still we want you fixed and back on your feet as soon as possible!" She decides to humor her and play that little game, then wanting to comfort her a little, extend a hand to hold Vaness's, but the other woman flinches and Kim quickly apologizes " I'm so sorry! I should have asked!"
Vanessa was trying so hard to keep it together, to focus on Brett administering her first aid, and fretting quietly around her, not to focus on Kim so she doesn't have to talk to her. Focus on not breaking down, focus on getting in and out of Med without fuss. Focus on not saying the wrong thing. Focus on saying the right thing... She had so much to do, but she couldn't actually focus because she could feel Kim staring, so hard it felt nearly physical. So she decided to address it, which she regretted dearly, her jaw was hurting, just talking and trying to smile was coming with a steep price to pay.
"No it's alright, it just...I hurt my wrist during the fight" she reassures Kim as she nurses her left hand on her belly.
The whole ride is torture, every single turns and stops remind her how much her body is broken, the pain would come and interrupt everything she was trying to put together on her mind to make it through the next hour, it shouldn't even be that difficult it wasn't exactly the first time she had been in a terrible position and had to lie about details. The only difference is before she was just a kid and now she was grown, she should be able to maintain the story being crafted.
Her immediate future depended on it.
"Now we're gonna get you a doctor to look at you a bit more closely", announced Emily when they parked in front of the ER at Med. Kim jumped out of the back to make more space for Foster and Brett to wheel her out of the ambo.
"It's gonna be alright sweety" added Brett and Vanessa tries to smile to reassure them, but her face can't conjure a convincing smile, she isn't really with them, she starts immediately to look around for Hailey, but she can only see Adam and Kevin's car pulling up, and Jay was being met by his brother Will on the parking lot.
She frowned a bit and felt panic rising again, she needed Hailey to be there with her, she needed her to help advocate for her, to throw away suspicion, and help her get treated without having to undergo a rape kit.
Against all her expectations, the ride with Voight was surprisingly quiet. Actually, he didn't even say a word to her until they arrived.
They park on the lot a little further away from the rest of their squad's cars, and just as Hailey is about to get out of the car, she hears " Hold up there Upton," she freezes in the middle of her movement and sits back down, "I'm not gonna ask you twice, so I need you to think before you answer me." He leaves her a second to compute what he is getting at, then continues, "I need to know, the story Vanessa told us is what you know to be true right? And before you set anything in stone, know that I will be talking to Jay too, will he confirm your version? " Hailey knows when she is cornered, Voight had a way of seeing right through her bullshit, and lately she was being put on a very short leash... she needed to be fucking careful...so instead of blatantly lying she goes with the same half-baked story.
"There are things I can't tell you myself because I wasn't there... therefore not my place to say. All I know for a fact is an unidentified offender broke into our house, attacked Rojas, and left before Jay and I made it home, that's all I know and that's what I told you too. Until we get more details I'm not setting anything in stone." She holds her breath, never knowing how Voight may react to anything she says.
After observing her for a short while, he only adds "Ok. You can go... but sometimes...sometimes I feel like you people do not realize I've been doing this a long time... your whole life really. "
With that somewhat chilly sentence, Hailey gets out of the car and it takes everything she got not to run to the hospital, she walks grimly through the parking lot hearing Voight's footsteps right behind her.