More than we will ever be

by Robinn1

Jily, it's october so I was feeling sentimental. How Lily finally fell for James Fleamont Potter; and the effects of growing up with a war brewing. On the side it tells the story of Ambrosia Flint, a Slytherin who was forgotten during the war, but lost everything, and robbed Pansy Parkinson of a mother. Mainly Jily though.

6. Chapter 6

For those of you who are kind enough to stay and read my rambling, thank you. Please forgive the massive jump in time. Halloween passed with little incident :) okay here we goooooo. Also this chapter is very Ambrosia heavy, but the next will focus more on Jily. Please tell me if you hate her, because I'm unsure of how much to feature her in the story.

Ooh I also forgot to say that I am not JKR, therefore own absolutely nothing. Fun times.

Merry Christmas my darling. Hopefully it will be a good one.

'What are you reading?' Hastily Lily stuffed the letter into her coat pocket,

'Nothing.' Marlene raised an eyebrow, but just shrugged as Dorcas and Mary joined them.

'All packed and ready to go?' Smirking at Mary's enthusiasm, Lily nodded, showing her luggage. 'I'm so happy you decided to go home anyway,' Mary remarked, uncharacteristically loose of tongue, 'It's your last Christmas here, and you should spend it with your family. Nevermind what's going on with your sister and your parents.' Marlene shot her a glare as Dorcas not so lightly trod on her foot but Lily shook her head, 'It's fine guys, I'm fine. Petunia's not going to keep me away. We're too old for that sort of thing. This will be a good Christmas, I know it,' she said, thinking of the letter in her pocket. Blushing a little, Mary nodded, before she smacked her forehead, causing the rest of the girls to jump. 'That's right, I nearly forgot.' With this exclamation, she ran up the stairs. Scrunching her forehead at the retreating figure Marlene warily asked, 'Did she break into the firewhiskey or something?' Dorcas rolled her eyes,

'She's just happy it's the holidays. We're not all moping because of our ex-boyfriend.' The jibe was meant to be a friendly one, but Lily flinched as Marlene turned bright red, the matter a sensitive one. 'I can't help it that I got a howler from Mum, yelling at me for breaking up with him because of the Potter's Winter Ball.' Benjy Fenwick belonged to the same old pureblood family circle that Marlene and Potter did as well, and this was doubtless going to cause tensions at their favourite event of the year. 'Sorry Marls, it was meant as a joke,' Dorcas muttered, almost too quiet to hear. Marlene shrugged her shoulders, 'It's fine, it was a month ago, I'm sure she's forgiven me now. Only, I'll have to deal with a bunch of angry looks at the party.' Upon uttering this she turned and grabbed Lily's hands, 'Please please come Lily. I promise, you'll only be gone one evening.' Sighing, Lily extricated herself from her friend's grasp, 'Marlene you know I would do anything for you,' Marlene's eyes brightened in hope, 'But I can't, it's on Christmas Eve, I have to spend that with my family.' Her shoulders fell,

'Yeah I know,' her voice was quiet, 'It's just, it's going to suck so hard. And Dorcas never goes.' Dorcas, who had been zoning out, staring at the stairs was brought back into the conversation with a start, 'Well yes love, that's because I don't hate myself, and my mother loves me.' Marlene bared her teeth and Lily asked,

'What's so terrible about the Ball Dorcas? It's just a normal party right?' Dorcas snorted,

'I love the Potters dearly, and some of the families that come there are really nice. It's just...I can't describe it.'

'Well thank goodness you tried.' Dorcas shoved her. 'Ow.'

'Lily there are many things you have not yet learned about the antiquated, stuffy world of the purebloods. Or the absolute shit they get up to when they think no one's watching. I'd rather not be caught in the middle of that.' Marlene rolled her eyes, putting a stop to the dialogue,

'Two years ago she got really drunk and made out with Stebbins on a table under a chandelier. She would have had sex with him too, had Mrs Potter not burst in. Out of shame she refuses to go back.'

'Stebbins?' Lily roared with laughter as Dorcas' skin turned darker in a flush, scowling at the both of them. 'You know what? Where is Mary?' As if she had heard, at that moment Mary flew into view.

A clatter arose from the girls dormitories, and Mary all but fell down the stairs in her haste to reach them again. 'Blimey Mare, what's going on?' Dorcas demanded, caught in the violence of the fall. In her hands she clutched a silver wrapped present, 'I forgot your present,' she giggled, presenting it happily. At this Dorcas' eyebrow raised. In the calmest tone Lily had ever heard her use, she asked, 'Mary, are you drunk?'

'Nooooo.' Wincing, Lily grabbed Marlene's arm and her trunk, and Mary's as well for that measure, and the two witches left through the portrait hole.

'Holy shit.' Marlene gasped the second they were outside, 'Mary was drunk. I knew it. I knew it.'

'Marlene, shut up,' Lily hissed in response, worry for the both of them swirling in her head as she tried to reach the carriages as fast as they could. 'Lily, come on this is crazy. This can't be happening-'

'-Marlene for the love of Merlin, you need to shut up until we're on the train.' Hearing the urgency in her friend's voice, the witch closed her mouth and didn't speak again until they were seated in a compartment.

After shoving their trunks away, Marlene pulled Lily down into a seat and brushed her hair behind her ear. 'Ok come on we need to talk about this. What is going on between them?' Lily worried at the hem of her skirt, 'I really don't know. Dorcas already thought something was off between them before, she said Mary was always discussing something with Leila, and that when she came in they always fell silent.' Marlene's eyes widened in distress,

'You mean, she thinks that she's cheating?'

'She can't be. Mary would never do that. It's so unlike her. I think something's really bothering her.'

'It's not exactly like Mary to get drunk in the morning either, right before she's going to see her girlfriend's mum,' Marlene responded pointedly, to which Lily moaned, throwing her arms over her head. Marlene sat up, staring at her quizzically, 'Hey are you ok?' Lily's hand inadvertently jumped to her pocket, 'Yes, of course I am. Why?' Marlene studied her for a second, and Lily felt the lie heating her cheeks. Then she just drew up her shoulders,

'I don't know. Maybe everyone's just being weird today. The holidays and all that.' Lily's heart quickened, 'Yes, it must be the holidays,' she agreed, praying that she wouldn't notice anything off about her tone. Her eyes fell on the table in the middle of the compartment. 'A lot of empty seats,' she noted. Marlene nodded in response, staring straight ahead of her, slumped in her seat. 'I bet we have room for Benjy.' Quick as a whip, she sat up and Lily laughed.

'Oh sod off.'

Twenty minutes and four seconds. That's all she had left. Nineteen minutes and fifty-six seconds now, before her mother would find out she'd failed her. Nineteen minutes and thirty seconds before her mother would see she was still single, and would bring up the incident at Hogsmeade. She would doubtlessly question how Ambrosia managed to chase away the only man that had been interested in her, and simultaneously ward off any boy that would even dare to look at her again. She would be suspicious of why Edwin refused to show up to lessons for a week after, and the rumours running from the hospital wing that his penis had been shrunk, and she would no doubt blame Ambrosia for the whole ordeal. Well...she supposed she was to blame for the last part. But who would know how good revenge felt? Especially when she found out that the spell couldn't be reversed and would have to wear off, which, judging by the anger that coursed through her veins when she'd cast it, would be in a few months. Ambrosia allowed herself a little smirk as she stared at her face in the bathroom mirror, his face had been so purple when he'd come back. He'd all but refused to look at her, his hair still patchy in places. He wouldn't be trying anything anytime soon. What had been even more gratifying was when he shot down Magnolia, and for 'unknown reasons', telling her they'd have to wait until his 'hair had grown back to its normal length'. Yes, that had been the most gratifying at all, knowing he wouldn't be able to slobber over anyone for at leats a few months, what a favour she'd done the women at Hogwarts. Apart from Maggie of course, who shot her venomous looks every chance she got, assuming correctly it was her doing.

A bang shook the door. 'Occupied,' she called out, but hurried to splash water on her face and go back to her compartment again, which was once again uncomfortable full of Slytherins. Taking a deep breath she calmed herself and unlocked the door, sliding it open. She came face to face with Jake Constince.

His lip curled slightly but he stepped back to let her pass, not looking her in the eye. Awkwardly she maneuvered around him, muttering a quick 'Sorry,' before fleeing the scene, with his unforgiving piercing eyes that told her how much he had been wronged, and how little she had done to stop it.

Giselle's welcoming smile made the compartment seem almost warm, that is until Edwin's surly glare caught her eyes, and she quietly dropped into her seat, wondering what was wrose: facing her mother with no boyfriend or staying here. Everyone was quiet, all of them seemed to be looking at her. But setting her jaw she didn't reciprocate, instead turning her attention to her book, this not being the first time she had to steer herself through an uncomfortable evening with these people. She was just thankful for her hair, and the way it covered her red ears and neck, her magenta cheeks and flushed forehead. She didn't read a word of the book, just kept her eyes stuck to the page, her mind whirring.

Where could one find a boyfriend at such short notice? Scoffing at her ridiculousness, she berated herself. It was time to just come clean and face her mother. She may not have been a Gryffindor but that didn't mean she was a coward. Slowly she breathed, in and out, staring at the creases in the page, the picture of a particular plant-which one she didn't know as no information was entering her brain.

The rest of the compartment slowly began to resume its chatter, but the eyes never left her face, and the squeeze of her best friend's hand, plus some hidden ice mice, did nothing to stop her from noticing them.

Finally the train halted to a stop, and grabbing her trunk, she raced out of there, deciding to face her mother rather than her classmates. Forgetting in her hurry, to be graceful, she hopped down off the train with her luggage in tow, straight into her disapproving mother. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, her eyes cutting, as she stared at her only daughter. 'We have a lot to discuss.' Nervously, she gulped. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. A million different excuses ran through her head, Avery was a swine, he'd goaded her into it, she'd been protecting her honour, but before she could voice any of these, her mother had spoken. In the lowest, most controlled voice she had ever heard her use, her mother said, 'I don't know who you think you are or what was going on in your head, but if I ever have to hear from the Mulcibers again how embarrassing your conduct here at school was, education be cursed, I will pull you out of Hogwarts and marry you off to that fool Lucius Malfoy, am I understood?' Ambrosia felt tears prick in the corner of her eyes, this wasn't even the worst of what was to come. Her mother usually resorted to short threats in public, waiting for the private moments at home where she could really start to discipline her daughter, and she knew, with everything she had done this term, it would be days before her mother could speak to her again without rolling her eyes. She was about to respond, do anything really, anything to change the subject when Arnold bounded towards them, pulling their mother into a deep hug. All flustered, their mother laughed while pushing him off, 'Not so tight dearest, I'm getting to be an old witch you know.' Setting down his trunk with a clunk, Arnold proclaimed,

'Never, don't pretend you don't see the wizards sneaking you glances even now.' He punctuated this with a wink and giggling of all things, she shoved his shoulder lightly. 'You're so silly,' she said fondly, brushing back a piece of his hair, the same shade as Ambrosia's. 'I do so value you being near Ambrosia. With everything that's happening, at least she has someone who can show her how she needs to behave, though I fear it's had little effect. I suppose some will always run wild.' She was about to take this hit, stick out her chin and ignore like she'd done for years and years, but then Arnold responded, 'Well I don't know about a good example, but I forgot to tell you, Dianne's Uncle has offered to tutor me in charms, as it's his professional field, due to his being so taken with me.' Her mother clapped her hands in pride, 'Dianne, that's your girlfriend, isn't it dearest?' he nodded, and Ambrosia felt the fury running through her again, the same as when she was with Edwin, and had ended up shrinking his penis. 'You're so ahead of everything,' her voice oozed adoration, sticky and sweet, making Ambrosia gag, 'A girlfriend, in your sixth year. Whilst your sister here doesn't even have a boyfriend.' It needed an outlet, the anger needed to get out of her somehow. And unfortunately for her, that 'somehow' ended up being her foot in her mouth. 'But I do have a boyfriend.' she blurted out.

Her mother stopped fawning over her son, and slowly turned. 'Pardon?' Oh. dear. Merlin.

What had she been thinking? Was it really so bad that she just had to go blah and ruin everything? What was she doing? She couldn't magic a boyfriend out of thin air. There was no coming back from this. A sad lonely girl was one thing, but a sad lonely liar was a girl who would never see her school or finish her education again. And that meant no freedom...ever. Gulping, because she'd been silent for so long her mother and brother were giving her weird looks, Ambrosia took a steady breath. Well, she'd already said. Might as well go along with it. 'I have a boyfriend,' she repeated. Still her mother's face looked wary, as if she didn't dare hope, as if this would only lead to yet another disappointment. It hardened her resolve even further. Arnold let out the smallest of disbelieving snorts, he'd been there at the Great Hall, he'd seen how no one had rushed to her aid, witnessed her embarrassment. 'Who is this boyfriend then?' She'd never wanted to hex her brother so much as in that moment, that arrogance that smattered his tone, his cocky tilt of his head and his crossed arms. But he'd raised a fair point. Who. Who could she pick to be her boyfriend that embodied everything her mother wanted her husband to be whilst also being believable and hopefully would never have to come around to prove their love? And because her mouth was already spewing nonsense, it wasn't in it to stop now, before she knew it she said the first name that sprung to mind, in order to avoid the large gap that had been there when her mother had first asked her if she was being serious. 'Nicandro Parkinson.' Her mother pulled her face taut in a frown, 'The one dating Corisande?'...Well what the fuck was she supposed to do now. Cursing her tongue, the pureblood gossip chain, and Nicandro for already having a girlfriend (ok so maybe that one a little less), she pulled her best 'no mummy no one even touched the cake' and smoothed her face. 'They broke up a few weeks back when he decided he wanted to be with me instead.' There. Now she not only had a boyfriend, but she was so desirable she had ruined someone else's chances at having the perfect pureblood boyfriend. Her mother stood still, unspeaking for a second, as if this revelation had shocked her to her very core. Around them the station's overcrowded population started to peter out, as more and more people left for their homes. In the corner of her eye she could see Narcissa being embraced by her older sister, a hole where the other one was missing. Lucius was being fussed over by his father, but his mother, who he was watching, was checking her purse, ignoring both of them. Nicandro...there he was. Brushing his black hair out of his eyes he smiled and allowed himself to be hugged by his two little sisters, who jumped on him. Corisande was nowhere to be found, she'd probably made her escape as quickly as possible, seeing as she needed to travel all the way to France. She'd been a rare late arrival to Hogwarts in their fifth year, supposedly having been thrown out of Beauxbatons the year before, and was sent to her Uncle in Scotland for 'reforming'. When she'd joined her hair had been cropped close to her head, her eyes dangerous and cutting. Over the years she'd mellowed out, relaxed in her new environment, and grown her hair out to her waist. She still never touched firewhiskey however, and although no one knew what she had done in her last school, it wasn't difficult to connect the dots.

'Well, this is wonderful news. How long have you been dating?'

'Three weeks,' she replied without thinking, and when her mother's eyebrows rose up her head she hurried to add, 'We made sure to keep it a secret from everyone; out of respect for Cori.' Meaning the pureblood gossip chain had not gotten hold of this piece of information. Judging by the way her mother relaxed after learning this however, she had been wondering why she hadn't heard about it from anyone else. Nothing they did at Hogwarts was a secret, not really. She wasn't free, not anywhere.

Her mother straightened her robes and craned her neck for the boy, 'Well, you've invited him over for Christmas haven't you?' Ambrosia's mouth fell open...think think think think think,

'No,' she gave out a forced laugh that was way too high for her liking, 'We thought as it's a secret, it was best to just act nonchalant. Besides, his family probably won't want to miss him on his last Hogwarts Christmas.' Her mother scoffed,

'Nonsense, we have the annual dinner every Christmas Eve anyway, what is one more day. I'll go ask Aoi and Gabriel right now.' Panic flashed through her mind as she held out her hands and hurriedly said, 'No please, let me ask Nicandro first. He might not have even told his parents about us yet.' Her mother sniffed,

'I find that hard to believe, any boy would be incredibly proud with such a beautiful girlfriend.' Wincing, Ambrosia ignored the comment and hurried her way over to where the Parkinsons stood.

'Hi.' Mr and Mrs Parkinson both looked very surprised to see her, but both smiled. However from the pitying look in their eyes, it was clear that they knew of the Avery incident. Wonderful. She really was determined to embarrass herself in front of absolutely everyone in her life. Both his sisters squealed and held out their little hands for her to pick them up. Allowing herself a small smile she crouched and quickly hugged them both, determined to get back to task. 'Nic...Nic. Can I maybe talk to you?' He quirked an eyebrow, a small crease in his forehead, but nodding he followed her obligingly to a quieter part of the platform.

Swallowing nervously, curling her palms into fists she turned to him. 'I have a favour to ask.' Any other boy her year would have scoffed and left her right there, after the way she had treated them. He didn't. Admittedly, his stance wasn't friendly, with his arms crossed over his chest, his heart, leaning against the wall of the platform. The hostility in his gaze disarmed her, and her throat went dry, but she was nothing if not someone who followed through, and so she barrelled on, 'I, I told my mother that I was dating someone. And you were the first person to come to mind.' His eyebrows shot up his forehead, and if she weren't so nervous, she might have noticed the amusement that hid under his frown, curling into his lips. 'The thing is,' she tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, curling it around her finger, 'She now wants to invite you over for Christmas, and it would be so great if you could just come for one day, and pretend-' he let out a disbelieving laugh, not inching from his position. A flush crept up her cheeks, 'Look, it's not like I wanted this, it was just a stupid slip of the tongue. She was harping on me and then of course Arnold burst in with his perfec-' He cut her off,

'I'm sorry. You're asking me to come to your house, pretend to be your boyfriend for a day, while I have a girlfriend?' Wincing, she nodded, adding,

'Please.' He dropped his stance, heaving a massive sigh,

'Ambrosia, think about what you're asking me. What if Corisande finds out?'

'She won't.' If he was finding reasons not to do it instead of flat-out refusing it meant she was close to convincing him. 'She won't, I told my mum that we were keeping it a secret, out of respect for her.' He scoffed,

'Like she won't try to gossip about it with my mum.' Crap. She hadn't thought about that.

'Well maybe just tell Corisande what's happening.' He looked at her incredulously,

'Are you insane?' Yeah, it was a bit of a stretch, but still, they were kind of friends.

'But we won't be doing anything, you won't have to kiss me, nothing. You'll just be there for one day, make up a story and hold my hand. That's chill, right? She'd understand wouldn't she?'

'Yeah no, she'd definitely understand. Of course, hey girlfriend, please can I be the fake boyfriend of the girl I've known forever and you're crazily jealo-' he stopped suddenly, regarding her nervously. Ambrosia frowned, 'She's jealous of me?' Casting his eyes on the floor he muttered, 'She's jealous of everyone. You know her.' She really wasn't jealous of everyone, Corisande could be very sweet at times, but now wasn't the time to argue about that. Storing the information away carefully for another time, Ambrosia sighed. 'You're right, nevermind. I'm sorry, I shouldn't even have asked.' What was she thinking? It wasn't fair to pull him or her into all of this, not when she wasn't even nice to him. 'Have a nice holiday Parkinson.' Trying for an easy camaraderie, she punched his shoulder lightly-ignoring his surprised look at the movement- and walked away, heart sinking to her feet, fabricating some sort of lie about how the Parkinsons were very private in their holidays, and wanted to keep them exclusively for each other-

'Wait.' She whipped around, her heart in her throat.

'Yes?' He left the wall to stand closer to her, that same unreadable expression in his eyes, the one she didn't really understand. He bit the inside of his cheeks, 'I'll do it.' A smile inching up her face she whispered, 'Really?' He sighed a sad little sort of sigh, and it was with a resigned voice that he said, 'Of course I'll help you.' She felt it would be inappropriate and disrespectful to Corisande to hug him, so instead she held out her hand and squeezed his warmly. He jumped as if in shock, and dropped her hand like it was scalding. Ignoring his weird behaviour she said, 'Thank you so so much.' Inclining his head awkwardly, he cleared his throat, 'But look, what's in it for me?' She frowned instantly,

'I'm not sleeping with you.' A small shocked laugh escaped his lips as he said,

'I'm sorry, do you think I'm that much of a pillock?' Curling her toes uncomfortably, she murmured, 'Well what was I supposed to think?'

'How about you stop acting like you hate me and expecting the worst from me?' Alright, touche. 'That's probably fair.'

'You think?' She scowled at him,

'You're very sarcastic, I don't remember that about you.' Smiling sweetly at her he leaned over, his face inches from hers and she sucked in a breath, his eyes really were all encompassing. 'And yet out of all the boys, you picked me. I must say I'm very honoured. I had no idea you loved me all this time.' Two could play at this game, jutting up her chin to look him in the eyes she said 'I couldn't help it, you were just so good at wetting the bed, it really got me.' He reddened, no doubt remembering the night where they'd shared a bed and he'd wet it. They'd been five, but still. 'I could always change my mind Rosie,' he said, a challenging gleam in his eye as she scowled at the nickname, 'I could always tell Cori about the incident.' The playfulness left his face at her name, and leaning back he rolled his eyes, 'Little known fact maybe, but everyone wets the bed Ambrosia,'

'Mm, I never said how old I'd tell her you were.' He studied her for a moment,

'You're a very evil person.' What made her smile falter was the total honesty in his tone, the lack of sarcasm. Struggling to pretend it didn't cut through her like it did, filling her joints with the icy fear Avery had drawn upon, she turned around,

'See you at Christmas Parkinson, dress nicely.' The mask of bitch was comfortable.

Dorcas wasn't speaking to Mary, who was throwing up into a summoned bucket on the other side of the compartment. Leila was playing exploding snap with Dorcas and Marlene, whilst Lily was regulating between joining in the conversation, reading, and checking up on Mary. all the while the letter burned a whole in her pocket. Pushing it away firmly she entrenched herself in the moment, in everything that she was busy with right then and there. Goodness knows she was busy enough, and Mary was far from finished, coughing and sputtering into Glynnis Griffiths' smiling face, the bucket a souvenir from a quidditch match Marlene had visited that summer. She wasn't entirely thrilled to be giving it up to Mary's vomit, but, as she muttered to Lily, 'It'll be an amusing anecdote for when I actually meet her right?' Nodding, Lily had assured her that this was definitely the case, and not something incredibly weird to say to an idol. Mary heaved again, and Lily leaned forward, redoing her ponytail from where strands of hair were hovering dangerously close to the bucket's contents. 'Don't worry honey, it'll be ok,' she murmured softly, rubbing Mary's back, a maternal tenderness filling her for the poor girl, especially considering the letter's contents...berating herself furiously, Lily focused all her attention on her friend, and on wiping the tears from her face.

The train arrived at the station, and taking a deep breath Dorcas went over to her girlfriend and sat by her. The rest of the compartment made themselves scarce, tugging their luggage, sure that whatever had happened between them would all be fine. They were solid, hadn't even really fought until this year, had been best friends for years. It would all be fine, it had to be. Marlene tucked her arm through Lily's as they stepped onto the platform, and into the hustle and bustle of the home-goers. Lily didn't bother scanning the crowd, knowing that she had to take a bus home anyway. Marlene on the other hand, was darting her gaze about left right and centre like a niffler searching for gold, until a smile broke onto her face. Turning to Lily she said, 'Have a lovely holiday love.' and threw her arms around her. Closing her eyes for a moment, Lily held onto the security of Marlene, the warmth and safety she carried with her, trying desperately to not tear up. Her hands dug into her shoulders, and then she let go, waving her off as Marlene ran off to her cheery older brother who ruffled her hair and fought for her trunk. Sighing, Lily picked up her trunk and turned to leave the platform when her eye caught the one of a kindly woman. Her gaze was like Marlene's hug, warm and steady, threatening to make her cry again. Offering the random woman a smile, Lily hurried off the platform, missing how her eyebrows creased in worry, before it was smoothed by the arrival of her son and his best friend.

The bus ride had been longer than it normally was, and Lily was torn between the need to be home and how much she desperately didn't want to face what was happening there right now. Taking a shaky breath she gathered her trunk to her chest, staring at the white house with the barren front garden, which was always full in the summer. But it wasn't summer. It was winter. Unlatching the gate she walked up the path, her shoes slipping slightly on the tiles made wet by snow, her scarf sliding off her shoulders with every step, until she reached the front door. There it was. A tentative hand knocked three times, shaking with a force that had nothing to do with the cold. Sometimes she wished that she wasn't so secretive with the whole ordeal, that she'd shared it with Marlene. Now none of her friends knew about this, now all she could do was deal with it alone. All of it was on her shoulders.

The door swung open and a soft smile greeted her, and Lily sucked in her breath at the sight,

'Hello my darling.'