Party was an awful choice of word for what took place that night. Sitting with Gally in a racked wood-stock for over an hour, watching a bunch of adolecent boys wrestling and cheering as they humiliated and hurt each other wasn't Eleanor's idea of a party.
At least she felt a bit better. She was clean and changed. She had managed to find a clean set of clothes thanks to Minho, who turned out to be more helpful than she would have liked to admit. Her clothes were still too big but it was an improvement. She wore a blue button up and some jeans, both of which had to be rolled up several times in order to fit her form. She still wore her worn out trainers, since they hadn't been able to find a single fit for her.
Eleanor supposed she had gotten lucky with Minho. He had been a great bodyguard. No matter how much she didn't appreciate small talk while she was showering, and only a small wooden wall separated the runner from seeing her naked form. But at least, he had done his job and no one had come in-
Gally had stopped talking.
She stole a glance at him and found he was longingly looking at the other boys.
She could see he was restraining himself from going over and joining then. Even if she wasn't really enjoying herself, she wasn't going to keep her only friend from having his own fun.
"Go on." she said.
He looked back at her coming out of his inner thoughts.
"Go with them." she added, nodding her head towards the group of boys.
"What? No, no." he replied shaking his head, "I'm fine here with you."
She raised her eyebrows at him.
"We've been together all day. C'mon, go!" She nudged him with her shoulder.
He let out a shaky chuckle. "Alright, Alright!"
Eleanor watched, with a smile gracing her lips, as he joined his friends on the chanting and a few boys patted him on the back.
She felt very overwhelmed all the sudden. Alone. The threats they all faced suddently felt very real in the darkness.
As she watched the boys' shadows dancing in the light of the fire her heart swelled up and her breath caught in her throat.
How did they all do it? How did they all not lose their minds in this secluded place with nothing but their lack of memories and their pressing thoughts eating away their minds?
And in that moment, she was sure she couldn't do it, that she wasn't strong enough to handle it all.
Then, as she watched Gally's smile lit up at something one of the others had said, she understood. They were just kids. Scared, terrified kids like her, but they had eachother. They were friends. They were family, in a way.
But not her, she wasn't part of that family, to her they were simply strangers. Loud, obnoxious and a little mad strangers.
She believed she might've had friends outside of that place, a mother, a father... Maybe even a brother or a sister. But no matter how much she tried, how much she forced her mind until it hurt, she couldn't remember a single name; or a face, or anything at all.
A tear ran down her cheek and down into her lap. Once one got out, more soon followed. She turned around hoping no one would see her crying.
She thought by now she would've made sense of things, but she hadn't.
She knew the basics of what was going on, how things worked and roughly where she was.
But why?
Why was she there?
Why were they there?
At least they followed a pattern. They were all teenage boys; some older, some younger but they were all the same. But her, she was most definetly not a boy.
Maybe someone had made a msitake. Maybe she wasn't supposed to be there.
That possibility made things even worse. She thought she didn't deserve to be imprisioned, but she also doubted the others did deserve it.
But why weren't there any other girls?
Maybe they would start sending them up next.
Though, she wasn't sure she would get along with girls either, but at least they would be more alike.
Still, she didn't believe she would last a whole month there, by then her sadness was already eating away at her. She felt really lonely, she didn't even know who she was. She simply knew her name. She didn't even know how she looked like. She knew she was short at least she had to look up in order to have conversations with the boys.
She knew her hair was dark because she could see it, but that was it.
She didn't know what colour her eyes were. She didn't know how old she was.
She didn't know whether she had a family, where she came from... She knew nothing of herself.
She was startled as she saw a figure moving in the dark, as it got closer his tall form and blonde hair became more visible.
She was quick to dry her tears with the back of her hand, but it was too late.
Newt had seen them. He stopped and stood still, as if wondering what to do. His face barely iluminated by the flames. She watched as his brows furrowed in confusion.
Quickly, She threw her head down, using her hair as a shield to avoid his sight, a technique she had apparently perfected, praying he wouldn't go over to her.
After a while she looked up again and he was gone.
Living in the glade didn't get any easier for Eleanor as days went by.
She was a lot more busy which she was thankful for, but she wasn't necessarily good at the things she was told to do.
The first day in the Blood-house had been a nightmare. To say slaughtering animals wasn't her calling was an understandment. Winston was surely not going to let her back in the blood house after he had to spent a whole afternoon having her sitting down so she wouldn't pass out every few seconds. And it had been sure to give her nightmares for weeks.
She had tried almost every job in the Glade but none of them stuck. She was to weak for a Builder, and not smart enough to design things. So, sadly, she hadn't been asigned with Gally.
Being a Cook was the one thing she had been moderately good at, but she had hated it. She got so bored, and Frypan wasn't exactly the best of bosses when it came to his kitchen. So she was sure that was not going to be the place for her.
Med-jack was out of the question, which was kind of a disapointment because both boys who worked there were the nicest she had met in a while. Jeff and Clit had seemed sad to see her go too. But getting dizzy while curing a simple cut and having to sit on the injured's chair instead of them wasn't exactly healer material.
So, she was mostly spending her days in the gardens.
It wasn't such a bad job, she liked the plants and nobody bothered her there. But since she wasn't the strongest, Zart wasn't really happy with her being there. And because he said she distracted the rest of the Track-hoes.
In her defense, planting and watching plants grow wasn't the most entretaining thing to experience, and she found herself singing words she didn't even know she remembered.
Zart made her stop as soon as he heard her, but Eleanor simply dropped the volume.
It made her feel better... singing. And anything that helped was more than welcomed by Eleanor.
Also, if she had to endure the pain in her back from all the bending down she was sure Zart could handle a little singing.
Things seemed to move too fast in the glade but at the same time every day was the same as the one before. She saw the same faces one day after another. She had started getting to know them. She had learned who to wave to, who to avoid and what things annoyed them and what things made them laugh.
The days were gettine easier.
But the nights...
The nightmares cut like knifes in the dark. The shadows crept around her heart like demons waiting for the lights to dim. The voices in her head grew louder as the night progressed.
She found herself jolting awake drenched in sweat one day after another.
And afterwards, she would simply pretend she was okay. She would curl up in her mat, her eyes open, staring at nothing until dawn would break in.
She couldn't even make sense of her fears. It wasn't something specific that haunted her dreams, it was the feeling that came along with it. That feeling of despair and agony that was a lot easier to ignore in the day time, with Gally or Minho or any of the others.
But those were just the easy nights. There were other, much worse. When she barely got any sleep. When she would find herself screaming herself awake until her throat burned, her cheeks wet with tears and she was sure to wake the entire Glade.
No one protested, at least not that she was aware of, but she knew she woke them up.
Maybe they understood her, she didn't know. But none of them dared to say anything.
Except Gally.
The first night she had woken up screaming her lungs out was the night she had overheard one of the Keepers saying they didn't know what to do with her. They couldn't find a place for her and perhaps they should throw her in the maze...
"Maybe we should feed that Shank to the grievers."
They had laughed. It was a joke, but Eleanor knew it was true. She didn't fit.
She knew it wasn't their fault. She did not blame him for saying that. But that place was not her place, and she did not know what to do to change that.
So she had woken up with an aching in her chest, the voices echoing in her mind. Her own scream ringing in her ears.
She hadn't had time to regain her breathing before Gally was at her side holding her, desperately asking what was wrong.
She hadn't spoken, she couldn't. She didn't know herself. There was nothing to say.
So, she had clinged to him; her face in his chest, her fists wrinkling his shirt. And they laid there, silent. Eleanor trying to control her breathing and Gally waiting, praying for her to say something.
"I hate it here." she had whispered. "I don't belong here."
Gally hugged her tighter. "None of us do."
"Then, how?" She had said, "How do you do it?"
"It gets easier..." had been his answer.
She hadn't replied, but he could feel her body tense up.
"It's okay." He had added, "You'll be fine."
She had simply nodded agaisnt his chest. She didn't feel like it would get better, but she hoped it did.
"You've got me." He had said.
Eleanor's eyes filled with tears because it was true.
She felt closer to Gally than she had felt any day before. She knew she was lucky to have him She didn't know where she'd be if it weren't for him. She probably would've gone mad.
She had wanted to tell him that, wanted to somehow let him know how much he meant to her; how glad she was of having his warmth on that cold night, how lucky she was to have him. But she hadn't.
"Thank you"
And then she had hugged him tighter. Eventually, they both fell asleep.
After that night, Gally made sure to be by her side every time it happened, It was like her scream had become his on personal alarm clock. She felt awful for waking him up every time, but she couldn't just tell him to leave.
She needed him, she felt horrible and selfish, but she knew she needed him. He kept her sane, And he said he didn't mind.
That way Gally not only made her days worth living, but he made her nights bearable.
On the day of the accident, Eleanor had been in the glade for almost three weeks. She knew that because Alby had told her that same morning how the Box would come the following day and she would find out if the creators had listened to her requests.
That day she was helping Zart in the Gardens, as she had gotten acostumed. He had sent her to the woods to get some more soil, which was the code for 'leave me alone for a while, I need my sanity back'.
Getting soil was the worst job as a Track-hoe but Eleanor did not mind. She liked being on her own every once in a while, which was something that rarely happened in the Glade. She took her time on her duty, dreading the moment she would have to go back to Zart.
She liked the woods, at least in the day light. They were empty, no Gladers wandering around. But most of all it was natural, it didn't look forced or theatrical like everything else in the Glade. It reminded her of freedom.
She took her time, wandering around, enjoying the smells and the peace she felt.
She reflected on her days in the glade.
Life was getting easier.
She had Gally, of course. But then there was Minho. She thought she could call him a friend, though with him it was always hard to tell. He had become her own personal bodyguard for when she needed to use the showers and he had yet to complain once. She was lucky to have him too. He made her laugh. He made things seem normal and laid back which was something Eleanor surely apreciated.
She didn't really interact with any other Keeper outside of the protocol, except for Zart but that was a given, and it wasn't something either of them enjoyed. The builders were her friends too, she guessed, although she wasn't sure if that friendship stood if Gally was not around. But it was something, at least.
Then, there was Newt. He hadn't talked to her at all, nor had she talked to him.
She wasn't sure why. Maybe, they were still embarrased about her barging in into his room, something she was most definetly doing again. It wasn't like they had a great acquaintance before, but it bothered her.
Everyone seemed to love Newt, and he seemed to be there for everyone. He was second in comand. He was everywhere all at once. But at the same time he seemed to avoid her.
Maybe she was reading too much into it. But it bothered her and she did not know why.
She couldn't have been in there for longer than an hour when she heard her name being shouted.
She turned and made her way in the direction of the sound, confused.
She heard it again. This time closer and clearer, she thought she recognized that voice.
"Minho?" she questioned out loud.
Just then, he made his way through the trees and approached her.
He had been running, she could tell. His breathing was quick and uneven and his face didn't hold his infamous smirk he usually carried around her.
She wondered if she had lost track of time, maybe she had been there for hours. If Minho had come back from the maze it must have been pretty late. But the light was still as bright as ever.
And as he arrived to where she stood, she could tell, something wasn't right.
"What's wrong?" She quickly asked, "Are you ok?"
He shook his head.
"No, I mean... Yes, I am." Eleanor urged him to continue "It's Gally."
Worry filled Eleanor's mind, her thoughts quickly racing with millions of possibilities about what could be wrong.
She was about to ask but he continued.
"He's been Stung."