Running was even worse than Eleanor had imagined it would be.
She couldn't imganige how someone in their right mind would submit themselves to that torture. She wasn't in shape, that much was obvious. Her chest hurt, her legs ached and she felt she would collapse at any second. She felt she had been running for a long time, but she knew if she had a watch no more than fifteen minutes would have passed.
And Minho did that everyday?
She hadn't told him she was going to run because she didn't want him to make fun of her. She wasn't really runner material and they both knew it. Well, everybody knew it.
She had hid herself away within the woods of the Glade hoping nobody would see her attempting to run.
She thought she would feel a lot better, more accomplished, but she didn't. She felt even worse. She couldn't even run a whole lap around the forest.
She didn't stop.
Her legs screamed for her attention, begged her to stop but she didn't.
She refused to give up.
She was weak, but she would change that. She would not stop.
She would run until she collapsed. She needed it. She needed to hurt, she needed to feel the pain. And maybe then she could stop being afraid of everything around her.
She wasn't tough enough for the glade? Well, she was going to make herself tough enough. She knew she wasn't really trying to be a runner. The thought of the maze scared her to death.
She was punishing herself, she deserved the pain. She deserved it for being useless, for always being scared, for always needing Gally or Minho.
Maybe that way she'd learn to be a glader like the rest of them.
She had been running for a long time then, her thoughts consuming her.
She had scratches on her arms and legs from the twigs she run into, but she didn't care. She felt so tired her vision had started to go blurry. But she didn't stop.
She screamed to herself in her head.
Keep going! Keep going! Her thoughts rang so loud she started screaming out loud.
She crashed on the ground, panting heavilly. Her lungs felt like they were going to explode.
She laid there on the ground, every inch of her body hurting, but she didn't care. She knew she was getting mud and leaves on her hair, but she didn't care.
Then a wave of peace she hadn't felt before washed over her.
For the first time in such a long time she could think clearly. It felt like she had a broken dial in her mind that had been blasting a non-stop buzz in her head and it had finally stopped.
She was still scared, and lonely, and she felt utterly incredibly small.
And she was angry.
Oh, she was very angry.
She was angry at herself, for being so shucking sentitive about everything.
She was angry at the gladers for treating her differently and looking at her like she was worth less than them and whispering things behind her back.
She was angry at Newt for ignoring her ninety percent of the time, and the other ten percent treating her like a child.
She was angry, she was so angry at Gally, for getting stung.
She was angry at the boy who looked like Gally but wasn't him.
But most of all, she was angry at whoever put her there; whoever took her life away, whoever took her freedom and her privacy away. Whoever was probably watching her right on that very moment.
Her mind still couldn't fathom the thought of anyone doing that to a group of children. And yet, it was her reality.
She stayed on the ground for a few more minutes, eyes closed, gritting her teeth.
She slowly calmed down and a numbness started taking hold of her body, but that was to be expected after all that running.
When she finally stood up, her tired legs almost gave in under her weight. But she felt calmer, she felt better, a lot better.
She hadn't realized how late it was.
As she stepped into the clearing of the Glade she was surprised to see the sun had lowered considerably since she last checked. She must have ran a lot more than she thought. The doors hadn't closed yet but she was sure the runners must've been back by then.
She cringed at the idea of dinner with all the boys and contemplated once again skipping it. She knew it wasn't a very wise idea considering the exercise she had done.
Plus, she had already skipped a considerable amount of meals for the week and she knew some people were starting to get suspicious.
By some people she meant Minho, because she doubted the others cared much about her abstence. Still, she was very aware she needed to eat, specially if she wanted to continue with her running sessions.
But at the same time, she really needed a shower. And what a better time to do so than when everyone else was preocupied with having dinner.
Plus, she could always grab something from the kitchen after hours. She knew Frypan wouldn't be too happy if he knew, but it was better than starving or having to be social. It wasn't such a hard decision to make.
The cold water against her skin felt incredibly good. It awoke her entire body and almost made her smile... Almost.
As she washed away all the dirt and sweat she enjoyed her moment alone.
The light had dimmed and only a faint light came through a window on her right, barely illuminating the silhouettes.
She enjoyed the dark. She liked the night because it was the only time she felt alone. Out of prying eyes and judging stares. Out of Alby's grumpiness. Out of whispering voices following her around. Out of Gally's vacant eyes and stoic expression.
She pondered over how much had changed over the course of only a few days.
To put it simply, she had stopped trying to fit in. She didn't get them, they didn't get her. She no longer felt the need to be accepted, and she no longer wanted to be.
If she was being honest, the only boy she actually talked to was Minho. Unless you counted Zart's grunted orders, which she didn't. And even so, she didn't hang around Minho a lot, he liked being with the rest of the runners, not to mention he spent the whole day running in the maze. So, she didn't really see him that much.
She still did her job, and worked very hard on it so no one would have any complaints about her.
She did not complain either. She did as she was told.
She didn't take breaks. She didn't stall. She no longer sang. So, Zart mostly left her alone to her own doing.
She longed fot the nights. She had secluded herself away from the rest of the Gladers.
If she was being honest with herself, she knew what the reason behind dragging her sleeping bag all the way to the other side of the homestead was.
It was Gally. It was always Gally.
She needed to be as far away from him as possible to feel like she wasn't suffocating.
It had been a week since Gally had woken up from the Changing and it had only taken Elelanor a day to confirm that he was no longer the same boy. He looked like him, he sounded like him but it wasn't him. His cold menacing eyes gave it away the most, but even his tone was different.
He spoke differently. He behaved differently. He even walked differently. He had become quite the solitary figure himself but she could see that he was starting to make friends again, different kind of friends, but friends non the less.
She guessed in the Glade snapping and glaring around earned you friendship points.
She rolled her eyes. It was simply unfair, or perhaps she just couldn't understand. After all, she wasn't a boy.
She hadn't spoken a word to Gally since he had kicked her out of the Med-jack hut. And she didn't want to.
Well, that was not entirely true.
She sometimes found herself imagining what she would say to him, but she was terrified to even try. She hated that feeling, but what was the point?
She didn't know this version of Gally, and she wasn't sure she wanted to. That did not mean she didn't feel a pang of pain in her chest everytime she got a glimpse of him.
She closed her eyes tightly, the water hitting her face, clearing her mind.
She was hurt. She knew it.
She knew she was sad, but she couldn't let herself give into it.
It was her own fault. If she hadn't been so weak and needy, she wouldn't have become so dependant on Gally.
She should've know better than to put her well-being on someone else's hands. Her eyes stung as she blinked away tears.
Well, at least then she knew. She had learnt it the hard way but she knew not to get too involved with anyone. Not there, not inside that awful place they lived in, not with a freaking maze trapping them in.
She turned the lever down, cutting the water stream.
She knew she couldn't stay in the showers for too long. Dinner did not last forever. But she knew she still counted with a good fifteen minutes or so. So, she didn't worry too much.
She squeezed her long hair with her hands, trying to get rid of as much water as she could. She loved her long hair, it was comforting and protecting, and something that made her different. But it was really starting to get in the way and she thought that maybe she'd have to cut it.
She let herself enjoy the cold air on her naked body for a second.
Just as she turned around to grab her towel. Someone burst through the door.
She gasped, quickly covering herself as well as she could with her hands.
"What the-?" She exclaimed.
He stood there wide eyed, simply staring at her.
She was incredibly thankful it was nightime so the light was limited. But, she could see him, so she was pretty sure he could see her as well.
"Newt!" She said once more, drawing him out of his thoughts.
He quickly shook his head, a crimson colour had invaded his face.
"Shuck- I-" He mumbled, "I mean- Bloody hell- I-"
She could tell he was trying to look everywhere but her. His eyes shiftly moving around.
Her own face felt hot as he tried forming a coherent sentence. It then ocurred to her the towel was a better form of coverage, so she grabbed it and quickly rolled it around her body.
That seemed to draw him out of whatever trance he was in. And without a word, he turned around and left, almost running into the wall in the process.
She scoffed, annoyed.
She couldn't understand why he always did that. A small sorry wouldn't have hurt anyone.
Why did those things always happen with Newt?
It was like whenever she embarrassed herself he was always there to witness it.
And why did he always just left her hanging? Wasn't he capable of human interaction?
Maybe it was because she was a girl, but to her it sounded like the lamest excuse ever. Maybe he was scared of her, it sure seemed that way. But it was ridiculous an made no sense at all.
Don't be ridiculous. She told herself. He just doesn't like you.
Even if it enraged Eleanor, she knew it was true.
Newt didn't like putting up with her, and even if she didn't like being treated that way, she understood.
It's not like she actually made an effort to get along with him either, she didn't see the point. But he didn't get to walk in on her naked and walk away without so much as a sorry.
She angrily started dressing up. Her mood not letting herself enjoy the luxury that were clean clothes in the Glade. Thankfully, the creators had started sending smaller clothing up in the box that actually fit her, so it was a big improvement. But nothing could top the joy she felt when, instead of the requested pads or tampons, they found a box of pills labeled "Girls" within the medical suplies with the instructions to take one once a month. Alby let her have them, but he insisted on keeping them with the rest in the Med-jack hut. She didn't complain, she was simply happy to have them.
Once she had made sure her skin was covered, she burst out of the door searching for the blonde source of her anger, slipping on her shoes along the way.
She furiously searched around for him. The only place where she could actually see people were the kitchens, so she decided upon that direction.
Perhaps she should have pondered on it more, taking into account every single member of the Glade was having dinner in that very place. But in the heat of the moment, she couldn't care less. She was fuming.
"Newt?!" She yelled as she entered the room.
All eyes turned to look at her but she didn't care. Her own eyes searched around the room until they spotted that mane of touseled dirty blonde hair that belonged to the only person who was avoiding her stare.
Eleanor made her way over to the Keepers' table, lighting whispers as she passed by.
Once she got to her destination, she raised her eyebrows, only looking at Newt and crossing her arms infront of her. She waited until his eyes slowly came in contact with hers to speak.
"Aren't you going to apologize?" She demanded.
His eyes held a mixture of embarrassment and fright.
She didn't shift her judging stare. She watched as he looked around the table to his companions, searching for something to say. When he didn't reply, she felt her rage growing.
"Oh, so that's how it is?" She said, "If this is a payback for walking in on you shirtless quite frankly that's a little bit childish."
His eyes widened at her statement, and she could see Alby raising his eyebrows in a questioning look. But she wasn't finished.
"And you don't get to see someone naked and walk away without so much as a sorry."
That did it. Many gladers started talking between eachother about the new revelation.
Newt was so red, she thought he might have stopped breathing.
Eleanor blushed, immediately regretting sharing so much information with all the boys.
Newt looked like he was going to explode, but Alby was the one who spoke.
"Wait, what?" He asked confused, and then signalled to his friend, "You? And you?"
He pointed to Eleanor. She felt herself blushing madly and tried to supress it, without much success.
The whole room felt silent once again, awaiting their response.
Newt was quick to intervine, "It was a bloody accident!"
"Well, if it was a freaking accident, you could at least say sorry." She said, once again angry.
"I- bloody-" He seem to struggle with his words, "I'm sorry"
It didn't sound like he was sorry at all, but it was enough for Eleanor.
She decided to let slip by his quiet mumble of 'shuck-face' that was clearly meant for her not to hear.
Eleanor fake smiled, "That wasn't so hard now, was it?"
Newt didn't glare at her, but he did the closest thing to it, so she could tell he didn't apreciate her.
Satisfied, she turned to leave. Then, as if remembering something, she turned to the table once again.
"Oh, and one little request." She said to both Alby and Newt. Alby looked annoyed but didn't interrupt. "I want a lock in the showers."
Seeing Alby about to retort she added, "Because I might start walking in on you all, and let's face it," She let her stare drop lower onto Newt's body, "There's not that much to see."
With that she smiled sweetly and she finally turned on her heel and walked away, leaving them with their mouths open.
Voices erupted all around her and she could very distinctly spot Minho's loud laugh in the background.
She ignored them all and kept walking. It wasn't until she was outside that she felt the smirk on her own face.
She almost laughed.
She kind of felt bad for Newt but doing that had given her a weird rush of power. If she could stand up for herself like that maybe she would be just fine.
"Wait up!" She heard someone call up to her.
She slowed down but she didn't stop. Minho easily caught up to her.
When he did, he drapped an arm over her shoulders.
"That was quite something, Shank." She could help but smile at his amused tone, "I knew you had it in you."
She rolled her eyes, "Are you ever going to call me by my name?"
He laughed, "Do you think that's likely?"
"Ugh." She groaned and threw her head back onto Minho's arm.
Even without looking at him, she knew he was smirking. The bastard.
"How was your day?" She asked him.
She had barely seen him all week, and she'd never admit it to him but she missed the runner.
"Was alright." He replied nonchalantly, "Not as eventful as yours apparently."
"What do you mean?" She asked confused.
She wondered if anyone had seen her running and had told Minho, but she doubted it. She had been very careful not to attrack attention.
They had made it to her sleeping place.
Minho took his arm from around her and plopped down on the ground, leaning onto the back of the homestead. She sat down next to him, her whole body felt tired so she was glad she could finally sit down.
"I mean Newt." He clarified, "Did he really see you naked?"
Eleanor simply nodded.
"Poor shank," He said, "he'll have nightmares for months."
Eleanor gasped, letting her mouth fall open. She hit him on the shoulder, which only made him laugh.
"Way to boost my self confidence, Slint-head." She said.
He chuckled, "You know I'm just joking, girly."
She smiled at him.
She felt the tiredness of her body weighting her down. She yawned loudly and laid her head on Minho's shoulder. He moved his shoulder up and down making her head bounce. She whined only making him smirk more.
"Minhoooo..." She complained, her head bouncing lightly.
Chuckling, he stopped.
"What happened to you?" He asked, "You look knackered."
"I am." She replied, her eyelids feeling heavier, making it harder for her to keep them open.
They fell into a comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of the night. But her peace didn't last long.
"El?" He asked.
"Mm?" She mumbled.
"When am I going to see you naked?" He asked. She could hear the smile on his voice.
She snorted unattractively, elbowing him on the ribs.
He slightly twisted away from her reach chuckling, but trying not to move his shoulder, which in her tired state Eleanor appreciated.
"In your dreams, Minho." She said.
"You can count on that." He replied.
She looked at him and he winked down at her.
A laugh scaped her lips.
She kept her head in the same possition, enjoying the rare moment of calmness and listening to Minho's breathing.
"Min?" She said.
"Since when do you call me Min?" He asked chuckling lightly.
The were nearly whispering by then.
"Since now." She said, "Deal with it."
He laughed, "Alright, alright."
"We should hang out more." She said.
And she meant it. She really liked Minho. He was laid back and funny and never failed to make her feel better; even if he was an annoying pain in the ass, and all he did was tease her.
She closed her eyes. She was on the verge of falling asleep.
"Done, Shank." She heard Minho say.
A smile slowly made her way through her face.