Regarding Harry
by Tsujton
Disclaimer: Anything recognizable from the Harry Potter Universe belongs to J.K. Rowling et al. I make no profit (story of my life…).
Summary: Harry destroys the last Horcrux and defeats Voldemort – but in doing so, winds up back where he started the night he got his scar: with the mind of a fifteen month old – big baby!Harry. But the Death Eaters are out for revenge… Slightly slashy. Some abuse and violence, so rated: M
A/Ns:
I hope all my formatting comes through. I justified as a newspaper does and used curior font. But I have a feeling it will be for naught. If so, my apologies.
Many thanks to katzeboston for her wonderful beta work and for her suggestions and help (a gross understatement) in writing some of the articles! Any remaining mistakes are mine...or the Daily Prophet's (they are notoriously sloppy with poor people's names)!
Also, just for fun: look for signs of nepotism at the Prophet…
Chapter 10: In The News
The Daily Prophet
IS HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED NO MORE?
Barnabas Cuffe, Editor-in-Chief
The Ministry of Magic has confirmed the widespread rumours of The Dark Lord's apparent death. The 'Where', 'When' and 'How' are still clouded in mystery. The 'Who', of course, is none other than Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived – again.
Percival Weasley, the newly appointed spokeswizard for the Ministry, has confirmed that it was, in fact, Harry Potter, who was once again responsible for the reported demise of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. "But this time," assured Mr. Weasley, "the Dark Lord is not ever coming back."
This editor has heard that before, and thus remains highly skeptical. Mr. Weasley was unwilling – or perhaps, unable – to provide even the most minimal of details surrounding the Dark Lord's supposed death. In light of this gross lack of information and the Ministry's numerous past transgressions when it comes to sharing information with the public, we at The Prophet are not yet ready to concede that the wizarding world is at last safe from the Dark Lord's magic. On behalf of the witches and wizards of Great Britain, we demand more information on the events surrounding The Dark Lord's end.
DEATH EATER MALFOY'S SON APREHENDED
Barnabas Cuffe, Jr., Senior Correspondent
Draco Malfoy, son of the late Narcissa (Black) Malfoy and the equally late Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy [whose body was recovered shortly after the Final Confrontation; see page 7 for related article, is in custody in the Ministry of Magic's Magical Law Enforcement department. Gawain Robards, head of the Auror Office for the MLE, has confirmed that the younger Mr. Malfoy was put under citizen's arrest by members of Harry Potter's inner circle. Although Auror Robards declined to release any further specifics, an unnamed source in the department of MLE has suggested that Hermione Granger and Donald Weasley were likely involved in subduing the suspected Death Eater. Mr. Malfoy was formally arrested at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry yesterday and will be scheduled for a trial at the earliest possible date. (Continued on page 13)
THE BOY WHO HID:
Still no word on the current location of our saviour
Barnabas Cuffe, III, Junior Reporter
Harry Potter's whereabouts are being kept tightly under wraps by the Ministry of Magic. Mr. Potter has yet to make a public appearance since the announcement of the destruction of the Dark Lord, reportedly at the hands of Mr. Potter.
A gala celebration was held in Mr. Potter's honour at the Ministry of Magic's new Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Memorial Hall [See sidebar for details of the unorthodox creation of this monumental construction. The Order of Merlin, First Class, was awarded to Mr. Potter in absentia, to the great disappointment of the numerous dignitaries in attendance. Though several of Mr. Potter's school chums were spotted at the gala, they refused to comment on his whereabouts or on recent speculations about Mr. Potter's poor health.
MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS STRIKES THE BOY WHO LIVED
Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent
It should come as no surprise to you, dear readers, that this reporter has uncovered the tragic breaking news of Harry Potter's unfortunate medical condition. Our beloved saviour has apparently suffered from Irreversible Magical Damage, as a result of his final battle with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. In an exclusive interview just this morning, Minister Rufus Scrimgeour issued the following statement:
Young Mr. Potter knew the risks – I expressed to him my own concerns for his safety as he planned to face Voldemort, but that boy is a hero in every sense of the word. He bravely went forth and vanquished his opponent with no thought for his personal safety. And though there is incontrovertible evidence that he was successful, it is with the deepest regret that I inform you that Harry did in fact sustain certain injuries during the final battle. These injuries have left him in need of some specialized care by experts who fully understand his needs as well as his sacrifice. The wizarding world owes a great debt to Harry Potter, and the best way we can repay it is to allow him the complete privacy he so richly deserves.
Minister Scrimgeour went on to hint that there may be some discussion of guardianship for Mr. Potter. The Minister further confided in me the following:
I have something of a personal interest in this matter. Harry has been like a son to me and I have promised that he will be well taken care of for as long as he has need. I'm sure that your intelligent readers will understand why I would be the best possible choice to manage our Harry's care and protection from misguided well-wishers and friends.
After a thorough investigation at St. Mungo'sHospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, this reporter discovered some disturbing details of Mr. Potter's condition. (Continued on page 3)
CUSTODY BATTLE OVER
'THE CHOSEN ONE' RAGES ON
Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent
The petitions to take custody of the now incapacitated 'Boy Who Lived' continue to pour in to the Ministry of Magic at an unprecedented rate. Seventeen-year-old Harry Potter, also known as 'The Chosen One', and more recently as 'The Vanquisher of the Dark Lord', suffers (as was reported earlier this week by none other than myself) from what St. Mungo's Healers believe to be Irreversible magical damage. Tragically, Mr. Potter's mind was reduced to little more than that of an enfeebled babe during his final battle with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Mr. Potter's aunt, a muggle named Petunia Dursley, had legal custody of the boy until he came of age, however, Mrs. Dursley suffers from a peculiar aversion to all things magical and has been deemed by the newly formed Ministry of Magic's Child Welfare Division (CWD) to be an unfit guardian. Mr. Potter has no other known living relatives, and his godfather, the late outlaw Sirius Black, was the only other person with a legal claim to Mr. Potter's guardianship. The resulting situation: the pitch has been thrown wide open for anyone to petition to care for The Vanquisher. Me, myself and I have indeed joined the ranks of those wishing to care for the wizarding world's greatest hero since Albus Dumbledore. This reporter got an exclusive glimpse of the status of several petitions for Mr. Potter's custody. (Continued on page 16)
'THE VANQUISHER'
DODGES WEREWOLF'S SILVER BULLETS
Barnabas Cuffe, III, Junior Reporter
Romulus Lupin, close friend to the late Sirius Black and Lily and James Potter, had his petition for the custody of The Vanquisher of the Dark Lord unequivocally rejected due to his status as a registered Werewolf. As such, Mr. Lupin has been given the classification of XXXXX by the Ministry of Magic Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures' (DRCMC). Arthur and Melly Weasley, who housed Mr. Potter over several school holidays while he was attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, similarly had their petition denied owing to the fact that their son, Bill, has been given the unusual designation of "Half-Werewolf" by the DRCMC. Bill Weasley was recently married to the former Triwizard Tourney Champion from Beauxbatons, Fleur Delacour. The newlyweds were residing with the senior Weasleys but have announced their intention to move to France. Rumour has it that Arthur and Melly Weasley plan to re-petition for custody, though their prospects remain dim.
UNSPEAKABLE TO TESTIFY IN MALFOY TRIAL
Barbara Cuffe, Junior Legal Correspondent
A Ministry spokeswizard who wished to remain anonymous has stated that the Unspeakable who first discovered Harry Potter's unfortunate condition, will testify in the highly anticipated upcoming trial of suspected Death Eater, Draco Malfoy. Mr. Malfoy is the son of the late Lucius Malfoy, convicted Death Eater. The younger Mr. Malfoy has had a nefarious past and is charged with three counts of attempted murder, conspiracy, endangering the lives of minors, and patricide. Mr. Malfoy is expected to get a life sentence in Azkaban. No word yet on whether Mr. Potter will be in attendance at the trial, though by most accounts he is not expected to make an appearance.
According to the same source, Mr. Malfoy's trial is expected to take place within days or possibly even hours. "Despite [Mr. Malfoy's arrest having happened just the other day, we feel that it is in the public's best interest to address the issue with all dispatch. As a known associate of Death Eaters, the facts are quite clear," said the source.
SOCIETY OWLS
Grizel Hurtz, Society and Advice Columnist
…Mr. Harry Potter is still under the care of Poppy Pomfrey, the Nurse at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. When asked why Mr. Potter has not yet been transferred to St. Mungo's, Pomfrey had only this to say: "None of your business, nosey parker!" Such an attitude might easily lead one to believe that Pomfrey is overly aggressive and unstable and thus an unsuitable choice to care for our Greatest Hero…
MINISTRY OF MAGIC'S CHILD WELFARE DIVISION STEPS UP IN APPEAL OF MALFOY CONVICTION
Barnabas Cuffe, Jr., Senior Correspondent
The CWD has announced its intention to represent convicted Death Eater, Draco Malfoy, in an appeal of his sixty-year sentence in Azkaban. A formal request was filed this morning with the Wizengamut to have Mr. Malfoy's case reassigned to the CWD court. Judge Tiberius Ogden released a statement explaining that the appeal is based on the fact that Mr. Malfoy was still a minor when he received the Dark Mark [see sidebar for more on the mysterious disappearances of the Dark Marks, and therefore cannot be held accountable for his actions as a Death Eater. According to Judge Ogden, as an underage wizard, Draco Malfoy is not considered by wizarding law to be capable of freely consenting to take the Mark. The CWD further argues that "In light of Malfoy's upbringing – ne, inculcation – by parents who were strong supporters of You-Know-Who, it is likely that young Malfoy was never in a position to feel as though he had a choice in the matter."
On a related note, Bertrand Singh, the Unspeakable who testified in the original trial, recently released a statement to the effect that his testimony on behalf of Mr. Malfoy was grossly misinterpreted to Mr. Malfoy's detriment...
POTTER'S FATE STILL UNDECIDED AS CUSTODY BATTLE NEARS ITS END
Dempster Wiggleswade, Senior Legal Correspondent
The final date has been set for the custody hearing for Harry Potter. Readers will recall that Mr. Potter, who was recently awarded the Order of Merlin, First Class, for his utter defeat of the Dark Lord, suffered Irreversible Spell Damage in the final battle. Mr. Potter, while physically still a healthy seventeen-year-old, now possesses the mind and emotions of an infant.
The entire wizarding world, demonstrating simultaneous joy and sadness at the demise of the Dark Lord and the subsequent permanent injury to our hero, Harry Potter, is fervently hoping for Mr. Potter to find a good home and guardian. There have been many applications for that role, most notably that of our esteemed Minister of Magic himself, Rufus Scrimgeour [see sidebar for complete list of current applicants, and for a summary of applicants who have already been denied.
The Daily Prophet has submitted requests for comment to Mr. Potter's friends, most notably Ms. Hermione Granger, Ms. Genevra Weasley and Mr. Ronald Weasley, who were reportedly at his side during the final battle. Unfortunately, all requests for interviews or comments continue to be denied. Minister Scrimgeour, however, when asked to comment on his application for custody of Mr. Potter, stated that he remained cautiously optimistic that he would be recognized as the best possible choice to ensure Mr. Potter's well-being.
MALFOY SENTENCE OVERTURNED!
Winkus Oddpick, Op-ed columnist
In an unprecedented move, the Wizengamut ruled that Draco Malfoy's sentence of sixty years in Azkaban Prison was unjust. Immediately following the ruling, young Mr. Malfoy was transferred to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries where he will undergo counseling. Rumours have been flying faster than a Firebolt about what sort of treatment Mr. Malfoy will receive. Though a spokeswitch for the hospital denies that Mr. Malfoy will be partially obliviated, an inside anonymous source told this reporter otherwise – and added that the Malfoy boy is currently on round-the-clock suicide watch. It is quite understandable that the board of trustees at St. Mungo's wishes to keep this under wraps. The ethics of obliviating a witch or wizard for medical or mental health purposes are questionable at best. To do so to a once convicted criminal – one who this reporter believes did the Dark Lord's work willingly – seems unthinkable. (continued on page 42)
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A/N: Barnabas Cuffe is the canon editor of The Daily Prophet. ;) Winkus Oddpick and Dempster Wiggleswade are also Prophet writers in canon. Oh how I love the Lexicon!!!
Next, Chapter 11: Trying Times