It had been a while since she had been able to breathe properly, without a heavy weight on her lungs and a painful knot in her throat.
Eleanor had taken up residence in Minho's room.
Screw Newt, screw Alby and screw all their stupid rules. They wouldn't allow her in the Med-hut to see Ben. She'd be dammed if they took this room and the much more comfortable bed away from her. Besides, it wasn't like he was always in the room with her, because, unlike her, he was indeed permited to visit the Runner.
If she was being honest with herself, Eleanor knew if it was up to her she probably wouldn't go anywhere near that building. She was about ninety-nine percent sure she would not be able to handle seeing another one of her friends going through the Changing.
The simple thought of Ben, sweet, innocent, beautiful Ben; strapped down to that ragged bed, his face gosthly white, with black veins invading his skin, shaking, suffering...
How could someone as kind and loving as good old Ben deserve such a thing? And what would happen when he woke up? If he woke up. Would he be changed, like Gally?
Bile rose in her throat and she had to swallow it down.
But she wasn't about to tell them that she didn't want to see him, because she was well aware they weren't keeping her out for her own sake. They were keeping her out so she wouldn't disturb. Although, apparently, no one else was suffering such restriction. That pissed her off.
So no, maybe she didn't want to see Ben. Maybe she wanted to see Minho.
She took several deep breaths. She couldn't break down. This kinds of things were always happening in the Glade, and would continue to happen. She had to learn to cope with them. Although he didn't know how any human could be able to cope with any of this.
They were people. Their lives mattered; or at least they should matter something.
Then, how could she not give it the importance she believed it deserved? How could she watch young boys, boys she knew, boys she lived with... maybe even her friends; like Ben, or Minho, or Jeff or Clint, maybe even Newt. Hell! Even Zart!
How could she watch these people suffer, or if things came to worst, even watch them die, and continue with her life?
She couldn't.
She couldn't survive getting attached to these boys if it also meant she might have to watch them go through something horrible. But, at the same time, she was perfectly aware she could not survive it without friends either. Just the thought of going through it all without Chuck's sweet smile, without Newt's confusing kindness, without Ben's; well, Ben being Ben. Without Minho...
A shiver ran through her that had nothing to do with the Glade's temperature.
She would not think about that, there was no point.
A loud siren startled her. She flinched, closing her eyes tightly. It took her brain a while to register what it was.
Was it really time already?
With all that had happened she had forgotten it had already been three months since she had first heard that same sound. But she immediately knew what it meant, new supplies, a new young boy cursed to the same fucked up hell they all shared.
She already knew it was going to be another boy, and even if it wasn't, she couldn't afford to think she might have some female company and then get her hopes crushed into the dirty ground. She had already been through that. She would continue to think she was destined to be the only girl unless proven otherwise, no matter how depressing that thought was.
However, she did not move from Minho's bed. She knew no one was going to miss her anyway. She closed her eyes once again and after a while, sleep claimed her unbearable thoughts.
A loud scream woke her up. She knew not much time had gone by.
She knew it had been Ben screaming. She also knew she could do nothing about it.
She stayed still for a few seconds, wondering if she could make herself fall back to sleep. But her stomach ached, signaling it had been way too long since she had last eaten anything. She pondered on skipping dinner but she knew she shouldn't. It had been more than a whole day since her last meal.
So she got up, and though she did so very slowly, a sudden dizziness overtook her.
Yup, she definitely needed to eat something.
Eleanor could barely wait to leave the Kitchen before she started attacking her sandwich. It had been hard resisting the temptation of devouring it before she had exited but her will to get away from the rest of the Gladers won against her inmense hunger. It didn't take her long to finish it, and she felt hungry not even a second after. But she'd be damned if she went back in here. The actual minute it had taken her to get her food was more than enough. Even though most of the boys didn't pay much attention to her, she had seen the way Newt and Alby had looked at her. She wasn't ready to face their pity. Pity that she felt coming specially from the former.
However, for the first time in two days, she did not want to go back to Minho's tiny room.
Then, standing outside, with the stars blinking down at her, she felt like she could breathe a little bit better.
Maybe it was the food, maybe it was the fresh air, maybe it was both but she didn't feel like she was suffocating. Still, she didn't want to have to small talk with anyone so, she resolved the best idea was getting away from the Kitchen's entrance and, while she was at it, away from the clearing. Therefore, she made her way to the only place she knew she could feel like she wasn't going crazy.
Elanor was almost by the edge of the trees when she noticed someone sitting with their back against a tree. His head was in his hands and all she could identify was a mop of dark hair.
Her first instinct was to turn around and flee. He snapped his head up before she could do so, and she found herself facing the brown eyes of a boy she had not seen before.
Against her better judgement, she approached.
Eleanor considered herself to be the opposite of social. She had learnt as much during the previous three months. But she was seeing something in the boy's eyes. Although he didn't look particulary scared or vulnerable, not more than what was expected of a Greenie, something about him reminded her of herself.
"Thomas." He said as she watched her approach as if he already knew what she was going to say.
Eleanor took a seat across from him, crossing her legs. "Eleanor."
She quickly busied herself with the task of yanking bits of grass from the ground, the way his stare bore into her making her feel self-concious.
"You're a girl."
The surprise that coloured his tone did make her look up from her hand movements.
"I'm glad someone else noticed."She snorted. And only because it had come out harsher than she had intended, she briefly smiled at him.
He didn't smile back. His eyes left hers to roam freely around the visible part of the Glade.
"Sorry."
Thomas sounded defeated.
She felt suddenly bad so she could help asking, "How are you doing?"
"Okay, I guess..." His response came out quickly.
Eleanor knew he did not mean it.
"You seem better than okay. Definitely better than I was." She said, "When I came here I cried for a whole hour."
He did look at her then, giving a breathy chuckle. In response, she arched her eyebrows and pointed her finger at his face.
"If you tell any of the boys I will gut you."
He gulped, but still slightly smiled. "Noted."
She sighed, her own eyes now leaving his to observe the clearing.
Some boys were already exiting the kitchens but she knew there were still a few minutes left before the Runners came back.
After a while, and mostly for his benefit, she spoke, "Don't worry, it gets better. It does."
She risked looking back at him, but he was not looking at her. He was actually facing the other way. She knew he was looking at the walls, and she had a pretty good idea about what was going through his mind.
Then, mostly for her own benefit, she added, "Piece of advice, stay away from Gally. And don't get fazed by those macho men. They're really just softies on the inside."
"Oh, I've met him. That Gally guy." He said, his expresion changing . "I might have actually called him Captain Gally."
Eleanor let out a loud laugh, before she could stop herself, "You what?!"
He smiled as he watched her laugh and she did too after her laughter died down.
She hadn't laughed or smiled since Ben's attack. It felt good, good to be with someone who didn't even know the horrible thing that had happened only two days before. It made it less real.
"Frypan wasn't too happy about me invading his kitchen," Chuck's voice interrupted her train of thoughts.
He took a seat next to Eleanor and extended the sandwich to Thomas. Said boy hesitated for a second but took it.
"I see you've met the girl." He said.
Elanor gasped, grabbing Chuck's head on a head-lock, "You do not call me the girl again, Chuckie boy."
Chuck laughed and scrambled away from her grip, laughing. Thomas' loud chewing filled the silence after he stopped.
"Ah, man." Thomas mumbled through a mouthful. "I was starving."
After, he had finished his first sandwich, he went for the second one.
Eleanor felt her hunger like a punch in the gut. A sandwich had definitely not been enough for her empty stomach.
Thomas seemed to notice her eyeing the food hungrily and soon separated it in two halves, offering one to her.
Eleanor thought of refusing. He probably hadn't eaten in a while too. But she did not think she could resist. So she grabbed it, muttering a soft 'thank you'.
Thomas didn't seemed bothered as he shrugged. "What's actually wrong with that Ben guy? He doesn't even look human anymore."
And just then, her hunger didn't seem as important anymore.
She forced herself to keep eating, preventing her from speaking.
Chuck glanced at her before he spoke.
"Don't really know," he muttered absentmindedly. "I didn't see him."
"Well, you don't want to see him. Trust me."
He continued to eat, while he studied the doors that stood tall away from them, as if he hadn't said something that had completely torn Eleanor from the inside.
She toned down Thomas' questions about the Glade, letting Chuck take the job. She focused all her attention in eating what was left of her food and trying not to picture the state of her friend at that very moment.
She was lost on her reverie when Thomas got to his feet and started walking toward the Eastern opening.
"Well, no one said I couldn't look around."
"Whoa, wait!" Chuck cried, running to catch up.
Eleanor considered leaving Chuckie in charge of this one. Eventually, she admitted to herself that wasn't the right thing to do. If the Greenie took off into the Maze, the little boy would take the blame.
She groaned, rolled her eyes and slowly got up as well. It didn't take Eleanor very long to catch up, as they had stopped several meters away from the door.
"...the Runners'll be back soon; then those big walls are going to move until the gaps are closed."
"You're jacked in the head." Thomas muttered.
Eleanor laughed at this as she came to a stop next to them.
"Oh, that, he is. But what he said is true." She told Thomas.
"This is called the East Door," Chuck added, visibly proud to have some imput that the new guy did not know.
Thomas however didn't seem to be listening anymore as his gaze examined the openings. Although, to be fair, Eleanor had kind of stopped listening as she usually did when he went on one of his monologues. It was no surprise he was doing so right then.
She opted on examining the Greenie's reactions instead.
"...one heck of a grinding noise. Same thing happens out in the Maze—those walls shift every night, too."
Thomas' gaze snapped to Chuck, his attention suddenly awokened by a new detail, and turned to face the younger boy. Eleanor resisted the urge to face palm herself.
"What did you just say?" At Chuck's huh? he added, "You just called it a maze. You said, same thing happens out in the maze."
Chuck's face reddened.
"I'm done with you. I'm done." He walked back toward the tree, leaving Elanor alone with him.
Great! So he drops the bomb and leaves. Perfect!I'm gonna kill you little guy. Eleanor thought. Then prayed that the Greenie's questions were too bad.
To her surprise, he was still analysing his surroundings, and he didn't seem to be paying her any mind.
Suddenly, her attention too was stolen as she watched one of the Runners getting close to the opening. From where she stood she could already tell it was Minho.
She actually felt a weight being lifted of her shoulders. She had been waiting for that moment all day.
He was covered in sweat, his face red, clothes sticking to his body, but all she wanted to do was run up to him and hug her friend.
Minho did not slow his pace as he entered the Glade. But then, he saw her, and to Eleanor's surprise quickly changed his path to meet her. She knew he had to go straight to the Map-room before he could do anything else, but she wasn't about to complain. Eleanor barely had time to take a few steps before he reached her.
She wasted no time and wrapped her arms around his middle, inhaling his scent. It wasn't nearly half as bad as she had expected and she almost giggled. She felt him kiss her hairline.
She let out a long breath. Breathing came easier then, when she was with Minho. Everything was easier with Minho.
"Come." He said.
Not bothering to remove his arm from around her, he lead her away.
Eleanor didn't even think about refusing his offer. She glanced back and saw Chuck had come back to Thomas. Good. Before they were out of earshot, the last thing she heard was the Newbie's alarmed voice.
"Who are those guys and what were they doing? What's in that building? And why do you live inside a freaking maze?"
Good luck, Chuck. She thought.
She would have been amused if she didn't know with accurate clarity what Thomas was feeling in that moment.
The sound of the doors closing accompanied them on their way to the Map-room.
"I'm glad you're back." Eleanor said, after they had.
Minho smirked down at her as they walked. "It's only been a few hours, El."
She exhaled, "I know. But I missed you."
She let her head fall on his shoulder, and he kissed her head again.
Eleanor knew they looked like a couple. She knew why the Gladers thought they were dating, and why Alby and Newt wanted her out of the Runner's room. But she couldn't care less. They just did not know. They did not understand.
He didn't ask about Ben, and neither did she. There wasn't anything new to say anyway.
Soon they had arrived at the round building. Eleanor tore herself from Minho, even if it was the last thing she wanted to do. She knew she could not go inside. Another place she wasn't allowed to go.
Stupid rules.
Minho must have seen her expression because he looked apologetic.
"One day I'll show you the inside. I promise."
She lightly scoffed at that.
"As if you would break the rules. Oh, Mighty Keeper of the Runners." She said only half joking.
He frowned a little bit, faking offense. She smiled feeling exhausted once again.
"Anyway," She spoke again, "You go renew you suscription to Alby's fanclub. I'll wait for you in the room."
He laughed also half-heartedly. He was tired too, she could tell, but he smiled warmly at her.
"Good that." He said.