The problem with trying to distract someone suffering depression was that it could only delay the inevitable for so long. There were quick fixes with varying outcomes. Drinking was a band-aid that led to a worse infection when it peeled off and exposed a depression poisoned with alcohol. Jovial activities with friends just made the silence of solitude all the more pronounced. Sometimes the best thing for depression was to let it work its course on someone but sometimes that was very the worst thing too as it led to unspeakable acts by a vulnerable being whose loneliness gave their darkest thoughts a chance to take control. It was difficult to know when to give someone space and when to crowd them with comfort and hold them tight with round the clock company until you were certain they were safe in their solitude.
Company, music, drink and dancing were the combined distractions for Cadence McGarry tonight. Impressed upon her chiefly by her sister Mallory and their family friend Zoey, they were aided in their effort by Sam Seaborne, Charlie Young, a reluctant Josh Lyman, an intrigued C.J Cregg who had always complained about being left out from nights out, and Gavin Drake who claimed to Josh to 'come in peace'. Gina Toscano had come as well as part of Zoey's detail.
The news about the tragedy of Cadence and Robbie Donovan had broken four days ago, news about Colombia and the CIA had followed in its wake but there was no solid story there yet and so the press continued to punish the White House for its secrecies by continuing to make a story of the McGarry family's mental health problems. They were never the cover story or anything more than a sneering article on the inside covers or an additional line on the news programmes at the end of the main rundown but it was enough to keep the story fresh.
There was also another nasty tale lurking in the shadows of the papers- the rumour of threats to Zoey and Charlie. It was another headline for the journalists to grab hold of as they waited impatiently for the truth surrounding the CIA.
The reason the CIA had yet to make the news was because despite all promises the President had still to meet with the now sought after four agents. The planned meeting had been cancelled abruptly due to the supposed decline of a wounded member. President Bartlet was in a fury and ready to throw them to the wolves for the blatant avoidance of him and, as he termed it to Leo, their 'dirty tricks to buy time'.
It was the wolf analogy that got to Josh and Sam. Toby had murmured about 'wolves at the door' in reference to the press and the President too had, in a roundabout way, termed the press wolves when discussing throwing the CIA operatives to them.
The President had issues the ultimatum to CIA Director Wolfe just four hours ago, either the four agents and Wolfe presented themselves to the President in twenty-four hours or he announced their betrayal to the press.
Josh hoped it was a bluff because if not he wondered if people would truly believe that it was renegade agents who had operated in Colombia and had armed drug pushers. It was madness. How could the agents have ever believed that the cartels would destroy each other? How could they think the innocent causalities were a necessary sacrifice? The Colombian President wanted justice and who could blame him?
In public they were acting like everything was fine but in the background they were struggling.
Josh reached for his beer and took a grateful sip. He was glad for the distraction. It was their first break, a brief pause in the chaos, the eye of the storm as it were. Leo had permitted it only because there was nothing they could do for twenty-four hours and, though he would never admit it, because the night out was for Cadence's benefit.
Josh knew what they were considering depending on what the agents said. The Vice President of Colombia, to their misfortune, got on very well with the President of Colombia, it was a friendship unlike Hoynes and Bartlet's relationship. Vice President Rojas had bent his superior's ear and late in the afternoon his suggestion had come to them.
They wanted Vice President Hoynes down to Colombia to apologise in person for the CIA's actions. Jed was considering the offer whilst everyone was under strict orders not to let Hoynes find out out until the President had made his decision on the matter.
"Oh Cady there's our song! They're finally playing it!" Zoey squealed with delight.
Josh glanced up at the cry and gave a small smile. Zoey's youthful joy was always contagious. Josh glanced from her to Charlie, who was seated to her right, protective and loving, and he felt fresh prickle of anger. Why couldn't they be allowed to enjoy their young romance? Why did people who didn't even know them have to threaten violence because of it? It was a twisted kind of unreasonable hate that Josh would never come to understand.
Zoey stood up from her chair hastily and hurried to Cadence. "Come on Cady Cat up now!" she ordered. "I requested this especially for us!"
Zoey's green eyes searched the tables for Mallory.
Mallory was sitting beside a flustered but delighted Sam, engaging him in a playful, political argument about education.
"Mal it's our song!" Zoey called.
Mallory glanced up in surprise and gave a wide smile as she heard the lyrics. She turned her stare to Sam with a hint of apology in it. "Sorry Sam, family tradition," she explained as she stood.
Sam didn't mind, Mallory's smile was beautiful, he wasn't going to dim it with an objection.
Josh watched as the three women hurried to the dance floor. Neil Diamond's 'Girl You'll Be A Woman Soon' was playing. He smiled as he thought of how it applied to Zoey in many ways. He realised with a sense of bitterness that one could argue it was how those still faceless but very much threatening voices who spoke of targeting Zoey and Charlie viewed Charlie. The lyrics 'he's not your kind' sent a thrill of revulsion through Josh.
Josh took another sip of his beer as he sat back in his chair and attempted to relax. He glanced to Charlie and saw that the young man only had eyes for Zoey.
Josh's dark stare resumed viewing the dance floor. The three women were magnetic, drawing all eyes to them as they linked arms and swung about wildly with giggles. They twirled and Mallory and Zoey sent the colourful skirts of their dresses up in a flurry as they sung along to the lyrics with enthusiastic glee. Cadence surprised some of their audience as her voice hit each note beautifully.
Josh realised grimly that the lyrics were just as apt for her. 'The boy's no good' caused a stirring of a memory in him that he didn't want. It was one that had come to him often since the press had unearthed some of Cadence's past for public viewing. He wondered if they were going chronologically, would they discuss her shameful thesis next, then her sudden departure from the Hoynes' campaign, not so long after Josh's betrayal, and then those mysterious two years of isolation that Cadence was unwilling to explain to anyone?
"You know Sam you really should close your mouth before a fly gets in," C.J teased.
Sam flinched and broke his stare from the women to give C.J a protesting look. He raised his hand and gestured to the trio. "I was just admiring the dancing," he said innocently.
C.J let out a loud laugh. "Sure Sam."
The press secretary glanced around their surroundings with an impressed expression. Mallory had been the one to pick the place, it was called The Copperpot and was the bar of Hotel D.C Rose, an upmarket hotel with an appropriately stylish but expensive bar to match. It did at least promise a suitable clientele and offered up a security team and CCTV that seemed observant enough to offer Gina some ease.
The music was a mixture of decades with a DJ in a booth by the dance floor. C.J had been surprised to see the DJ, expecting some form of classical music through speakers or live entertainment. A piano in the corner suggested there might be some of that on other nights.
For one moment C.J felt they could just be themselves and not their job titles. For her it was a novelty to be dressed up for a sociable affair and not a work one. She knew it wouldn't last, hell she'd glanced at her watch and saw nine thirty and figured they were overdue the expected interruption.
Watching the women dance made C.J a little envious as she thought of her own girlfriends who she had exactly no time to spend with. Being the White House press secretary meant a serious lack of a social life. Seeing Charlie with Zoey had made her a tad envious too and nostalgic for her old romances. She thought of Danny and wondered how good a dancer he was.
C.J gave a small smile as she considered the scandal of the press secretary out dancing and drinking with the chief White House correspondent. All the other journalists would call foul and favouritism. It would be unfair because much as C.J battled and bantered with them she fiercely guarded and defended them too. She knew all their names and their quirks. She could usually guess who would find trouble with which topic, who would be the pain in the ass with the multiple questions, who would seek sound bites, and who would want essays. She knew people considered her closeness to the White House press pool as a weakness but she never could, it was a strength surely.
The song ended and the women returned to the table.
Gavin awarded them with applause. "Ladies that deserves a drink," he said as he stood up from the table. "Same again?"
"Well if it's on offer," Mallory answered with a smile.
Zoey gave him a grateful grin even though Club Soda wasn't exactly full of appeal. Josh had suggested a virgin cocktail but Zoey had pulled a face and told him she found them patronising.
Zoey returned to Charlie but chose to stand behind her seat instead of occupying it.
"We always used to dance to that when we were young," Zoey informed Charlie as she glanced down at him, the grin still bright on her face.
"Well you were young," Mallory corrected as she smoothed down her red dress, "I think I was about sixteen."
"We used to dance in our slippers in our living room," Zoey said happily, "Liz, Mal, Ellie, Cady and me. That song was my favourite, dad and Leo absolutely hated it," she informed the group with glee.
Cadence smiled at the memory. She was standing beside Mallory, a little reluctant to return to her seat just yet. The area was warm and starting to get crowded, one moment Cadence felt jovial and energised but in the next she felt trapped and eager for air.
She was trying hard to be happy but it was taking a lot of energy and she starting to feel the fatigue from it.
Cadence reached for her martini glass and gulped down the remainder. It numbed her sense of unease just a little.
Mallory gave her sister a tender stare. Cadence had gone back to work two days ago and was playing the 'everything is fine' game when everyone knew it wasn't. Leo had offered to get a psychiatrist for her and she had snapped at him that it wouldn't help. She was adamant that routine and normality were what would help and refused to discuss it further.
"Remember you sung it on karaoke in that bar," Mallory mused. She folded her slender arms and grinned. "Dad wasn't impressed you picked that song."
"Maybe that's why I didn't get first prize," Cadence retorted.
"You got second," Mallory reminded her, "but it's always hard to beat the Elvis impersonators."
"Elvis impersonators?" Gavin quipped as he rejoined them with a tray of drinks in hand.
"Hey Gavin the waiter look suits you," Sam teased him in a friendly manner.
Gavin, without looking up as he unloaded the tray, retorted quickly, "it beats being a Lost Boy in the Eisenhower Sam."
"Lost Boy?" Mallory echoed as she glanced to Sam with confusion.
Josh, who had tensed along with Sam, retorted before Sam could embarrass them with honesty. "What was that about Elvis impersonators? Did you get beat by one?" he queried loudly as he looked over at Cadence.
Cadence gave Josh a mocking glance, knowing what he was trying to do. Gavin had told her all about him and Sam getting lost in the Eisenhower trying to find the Vice President of all people. "At karaoke. Say Josh," she said as she raised her hands to her hips, "you still owe me a song."
Josh gave an awkward laugh as everyone looked his way.
C.J clasped her hands on the table as she leaned across it to give Josh an enquiring gaze. "Why Joshua I didn't know you could sing," she remarked tauntingly.
Gavin was grinning. "I remember those karaoke nights in the early stages of the campaign," he reminisced.
"Sounds like you guys worked hard," C.J murmured with a hint of taunt to her tone.
Gavin bristled slightly at the jibe and a look of irritation flickered through his eyes.
"We were just trying to lighten up," he defended, "and it was only in the early stages."
Josh looked conflicted at the conversation and felt Sam's curious eyes boring into him. Josh looked up to Cadence instead, she was wearing her smile like a shield and he wondered how she was really feeling inside.
"Why do you owe her a song?" Charlie pried as he gave Josh a curious stare.
Josh sighed as he turned to Charlie and frowned at him. "Not owe exactly, we had a bet a few years ago, ancient history."
"You didn't honour it," Cadence complained.
"What was the bet?" C.J queried as she looked to Cadence for an explanation.
"He dared me to sing That's Life," Cadence explained.
"In fairness I didn't know you could actually sing!" Josh protested.
Cadence shrugged as she reached for her new martini and twisted the olive around before taking a sip.
"The bet was if I made it the whole way through the song then Josh would sing one," Cadence explained as she tugged out the cocktail stick and sucked the olive off.
Gavin watched as her lips crept around the fruit and inhaled it in one mouthful.
Josh watched her too and gave a shudder as he thought of the olive's unpleasant, bitter taste. It made him think of Donna who seemed to like them for some reason and he smiled again. He wished he had invited her now, she was always complaining about missing out on dates and dinners because of him and work.
"So you got cold feet?" Sam queried as he smirked at his friend. "I have to say, from a legal perspective you breeched a verbal contract which is a punishable offence."
"Can she sue him?" Mallory asked teasingly.
Sam nodded solemnly. "I think I could make a good case for it."
"Hey you haven't heard her sing!" Josh protested as he gestured to Cadence with one hand. "You know she's like a siren, evil but a good voice."
"Josh," C.J scorned him.
Cadence laughed. "It's okay C.J, I'm used to the insults, better a siren than A.A, right Josh?"
"A.A?" Charlie asked. He had his arm about Zoey's shoulders now as she had finally sat beside him.
Zoey leaned against Charlie lightly, her smile now a beam for the entire table to be warmed by. Right now Zoey didn't want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. Her father's team had always been good fun when they had one of those very rare moments to be sociable. C.J could drink at the pace of any of the men, Sam was a lot more chatty when he had a few beers and Josh was Josh, eccentric, talkative, energetic and delightfully entertaining, intended or not.
Gavin snorted as he looked down at his glass. He glanced at Josh out of the corner of his eye. "Anal asshole or argumentative asshole, it just depended on the day," he retorted.
Sam gave Josh a serious stare and nodded. "Hmm that suits you," he informed him.
"Sam I don't think you're one to talk," Josh replied as his smile tautened slightly.
"Always pressing the Vice President to argue," Gavin recalled wistfully as he lifted his glass. "Ah well," he lamented, "I guess you won in the end. We called you AWOL asshole after that," he informed him in a more serious tone.
"So back to the karaoke," Charlie hastened to change the subject again as he saw the anger flare in Josh's eyes. He pointed to Josh and then to Cadence. "You still owe her a song? Can we get on that?"
"There's no karaoke here," Josh retorted with a look of relief.
"Not here," Zoey said, "but elsewhere, right?"
Zoey turned a hopeful gaze on the group, trying hard to ignore Gina's exasperated stare.
"Hmm now there's an idea," Gavin pounced upon it.
"I know a place," Mallory admitted.
Josh groaned and pushed both hands into his hair. He started shaking his head. "Nope, nope, nope. Too late, too...dangerous?" He glanced at Gina hopefully.
C.J laughed at the display. "Josh Lyman don't be such a pussy," she mocked him. "You owe that woman a song," she insisted as she gestured up to Cadence with one hand, "and I think she's waited long enough!"
C.J snatched up her purse and stood from the table. "Is this place far?"
Mallory shook her head as she reached for her own purse, enthused by C.J. "No, five minutes in a cab."
"A cab?" Gina echoed. She shook her head. "No, no cab."
"Aw what a shame," Josh lamented sardonically.
"Nice try Lyman but we can get secure transport," C.J said triumphantly. "I'll get on it now." She headed from the table over to the bar to enquire about using their phone.
"Isn't that an exploitation of resources?" Josh quipped. He glanced from Sam to Gina to Charlie. "Guys help me out here."
"Ordinarily I'd say it was," Sam retorted as he stood, "but since it means hearing you sing I'm going to say it's an excellent suggestion and shows C.J cares very much for our personal welfare."
It was just after ten when the group reached the karaoke bar appropriately named The Silver Song. It wasn't as upscale as the hotel but it wasn't the dirty dive Gina had been expecting either. She had entered first and given it a glance over before reluctantly allowing Zoey entry with the others.
Gina was happy to see Zoey happy especially after the grief she had been getting for her relationship with Charlie. Unfortunately, the scare was real and that made Gina eager for Zoey to return to her college dorm despite her charge's joy.
Gina picked the table, it wasn't her first choice but the place was busy and they were lucky to get a table at all.
Charlie wanted to head soon too. He was tired and he knew they couldn't act like time wasn't passing, it was, quicker than he wanted. He would have to be up in a handful of hours to attend to the President. There was no leeway for hangovers or tiredness. Not that he had drank, he shared sobriety in solidarity with Zoey. It wasn't just so Zoey didn't feel left out but also because he wanted to keep his wits about him because he had all of Gina's fears. He knew from his mother's demise that sometimes all it took was seconds for things to go wrong.
Cadence stood and held out a hand to Josh. "Come on then, let's sign you up."
Josh eyed the hand warily. "There's no mushed up cookie in that hand, is there?" he pried suspiciously.
Cadence's smile widened. "No Josh, if you decide to sing 'Highway to Hell' we can make a joke about me leading you there."
Josh smiled despite himself. "I like that," he admitted. He ignored the hand and stood. "Alright but you need to sing to."
Josh gestured to the table. "These people need to know what I was up against."
Cadence shrugged. "Alright, if you really want to follow me." She turned and walked off without waiting for a response.
Josh continued to smile though he wanted to feel annoyance towards her. He had to admire her confidence.
Josh followed after Cadence, looking for the figure fitting black dress in the crowds. He had wondered, as they all had, if the black was a deliberate choice. Even as she attempted to have fun was she also in mourning? Josh hadn't had a clue about Robbie Donovan and had been surprised when the story broke.
Like everyone else who had known Cadence on the Hoynes' campaign, Josh had struggled to remember what she was like then in the beginning, if there had been any mention of Robbie or any signs that she had suffered such a traumatic loss. Josh didn't think so.
They reached the karaoke station and Cadence was quick to pick her song and sign up. She allowed Josh the honour of picking his own song.
Josh closed his eyes for a moment before picking a song hastily and glancing at Cadence like she had made him sign on for punishment.
"I need a drink for this," Josh announced.
"Whatever helps," Cadence murmured.
Josh headed for the bar whilst Cadence waited by the karaoke stand.
The bar was busy and by the time Josh got to it and ordered a drink Cadence was ready to start. Josh smiled when he heard a recognisable bass guitar start. His drink arrived as the singing started and he was able to return to the table to enjoy a good view of Cadence singing 'You're So Vain' with full gusto.
"Hmm that wouldn't be about you, would it?" Gavin queried mockingly.
Gavin was standing, watching with folded arms and an impressed look.
Josh shrugged as he gave Gavin a brief glance before he gulped at his beer. Josh couldn't like Gavin the way Sam did, tonight, even though he acknowledged Gavin was making an effort for Cadence, Josh still considered him a smug asshole. He was dressed in a designer grey suit, wrinkle free with a crispiness and lack of odour to suggest it was new, and a perfect cut to it that made Josh think it was probably worth four or five of his suits.
Josh resumed listening to the song. He figured it probably was a tongue in cheek jibe at him but his thought shifted to Hoynes again- the charming, handsome Vice President with an ego ever needing checked by the West Wing. Josh thought maybe the song could be about him too.
Josh felt a hint of melancholy as he thought of his former boss, the man who tied him, Gavin and Cadence together. John Hoynes had been serious, misguided and unwisely ambitious, figuring he could go into details once he had won the campaign rather than before and yet he had also been outgoing, sociable and at times even fun. John had been the leader of the group but still part of the group and right now, in this very brief moment, Josh actually missed talking to the man.
When Cadence finished her song to the loud applause and whistles of the bar patrons, who had fallen silent upon realising a genuine singer was performing, Josh realised his humiliation was going to be all the worse simply because she had been good.
"Can you sing like that?" Sam asked Mallory.
Mallory threw back her head in laughter before shaking her head. "No, mom signed Cady up for singing lessons and me for piano, I think she wanted children schooled in classical music but she didn't quite get it."
"Can you play the classics?" Sam queried with intrigue.
"Yes but I don't enjoy it," Mallory admitted.
Josh finished his drink and readied himself to perform until the blessed sound of his cell phone intruded. Josh tugged it out with relief.
"Josh Lyman," he answered.
"Josh," the fatigued and eternally fed up voice of Toby retorted, "time to come back. The CIA responded and the President's going to make an announcement in the morning."
"Um okay." Josh rubbed a hand down his face. "We've been drinking you know."
"I know, lucky you," Toby retorted sardonically, "but it'll be brief. We'll go through it properly in the morning when you're sober and presumably hungover and deserving of the punishment of a long conversation but we need to make a start now, Leo's orders. He said to bring Sam too, something about ensuring he doesn't stay over at Mallory's."
Josh laughed before he could help it. "Alright I'll let him know, see you soon Toby."
Josh hung up the phone and looked at the accusing eyes apologetically. "Sorry guys, you'll have to wait another while for my song, work calls, literally."
Josh looked to Sam who had been kissing Mallory amorously in the corner. "Sorry Sam the summons are for you too."
The hour was late but Cadence couldn't sleep. The silence of solitude had started to overwhelm her. Whilst she had had a good time tonight a lot of it had been a show of happiness for Mallory and Zoey and the effort of her pantomime had exhausted her. When Zoey had grasped her in a tight hug at the end of the evening and offered to stay with her and asked if she was okay Cadence had realised she was not okay but she couldn't say it to Zoey, she, Charlie and Gina wanted Zoey safe in her college dorm.
She was standing in her kitchen but she couldn't remember why she had left her bedroom to come here. She glanced down in confusion and realised she was still wearing her dress. Her eyes searched for a clock and she suddenly became aware of the darkness surrounding her. She hadn't turned on the light but she still didn't want to. The dark was a comfort in a way, it kept her thoughts a little more lucid.
The sight of her dress reminded her of the dancing and drinking and she felt a lump build up in her throat. She had thought about Robbie, coming to take her for dancing but it had never happened. It would have been their first formal dance but it was an experience he had died without. It was a trivial thing but it had led Cadence to consider everything else he had missed out on.
Robbie had been a little eccentric but he had also been ambitious, he had always talked about being a fire fighter and in the years Cadence had known him it was a goal that had never changed. He had had his head screwed on but he had died. She got to continue on but she seemed to waste her gift of life on scandal and it sickened her.
Cadence's grey-blue gaze fell upon the knife rack in the shadows and she felt a shudder run through her. She had wanted a moment to be alone with her thoughts but now she wanted anything but as in this instance she despised her own mind.
The sobs came without warning, tearing up through her body to send pained pangs through her ribcage before erupting from her throat accompanied by salty tears that stung the corners of her eyes as they seeped down her cheeks. Cadence couldn't stop them but letting them was giving her no relief.
I have no idea if anyone is reading this fic or not, if you are thanks and I hope you're enjoying it :)