"Eleanor." A timid voice called out to her.
She was sat against the wall of the Homestead back to her former sleeping spot. She hadn't even entertained the idea of going back to Minho's room.
Her eyes were open. She hadn't slept a wink. Her head felt like it could explode any minute. But she couldn't close her eyes for, when she did, visions of her best friend's corpse invided her mind.
That, joined with the unbearable shame and disgust she felt with herself after what she had done just a few hours prior, was starting to eat away her sanity, if there was any of it left.
She knew she couldn't handle human interaction.
She knew Chuck could see she was awake, but she couldn't bring herself to reply or even look at him.
"Eleanor." He tried again. "Are you okay?"
Said girl almost burst out laughing at that question. How could she be okay?
But she could hear the fear in his voice, and that made her feel even more ashamed.
Chuck had also lost someone that night and he was so small, and innocent.
How could she be there wallowing in self-pity when the young boy was suffering?
The concern for her friend broke through her state and she finally brought her blurry gaze up to look at the young boy.
"Sorry, Chuckie." Her voice came out deeply raspy. She didn't bother clearing her throat. "Yeah, I'm fine."
She could immediately see the relief on his face, clearly beliving her.
Oh, sweet, innocent, Chuck. Bless you. She thought.
She pat the ground next to her.
"How you holding up?" She asked as he plopped down beside her.
"Well..." He said.
She looked at him but he never continued, just stared straight ahead. The older girl had a small idea of what was going through his mind.
"I know, Chuck."
She grabbed his hand in hers.
"I know."
"Do we?" Chuck asked, as they observed a bunch of Gladers congregating around the Southern Door from afar. Door which she still hadn't been able to tear her gaze from the entire night.
The last thing Eleanor wanted to do was be there when the gates opened and there was nothing there to see. Or even worse, there were things she never wanted to see in her life, things that belonged to her darkest nightmares and deepest wounds.
"I told Newt they might make it. They might be there waiting for the Doors to open. Minho knows what he is doing, and Thomas..."
Eleanor thought she might pass out.
"Thomas is strong and brave, and-"
"Chuck!" She spoke abruptly, cutting the boy off.
She couldn't listen to his deluded illusions. She couldn't consider the possibility that they might somehow be true. It would completely destroy her.
Except, when she saw his expression, she knew it didn't matter what she was feeling.
"Okay, let's go." She said, quickly getting up.
If she had a single second to think about it, she wouldn't be able to take a single step.
She would acompany her friend in that situation, whether it would kill her inside or not.
She extended a hand to him.
The gates opened excruciatingly slower than normal for , from the moment they had started separating she could already see there was nothing on the other side.
Her stomach didn't drop. Her heart didn't skip a beat. She felt nothing.
"I told you, Chuck." Said Newt, standing a few boys from them.
She tried to ignore the urge she felt pulling her towards him. Shame splattered her once again. She buried it deep down, grabbing Chuck's hand in her own firmly. Chuck needed her and that was something she could do, be a friend. She could deal with her own shit later. Or preferably, never.
"But..." Chuck's light plea reached her ears as he looked up at her.
They could hear the Gladers start to leave in silence, even the no longer Second-in-command who probably ready to start organizing everything because Alby was officially gone.
Eleanor didn't envy him one bit. She knew he never wanted to be in charge, specially not like that. No matter how bad she felt, he had lost his best friend too, and he was being forced to take his place. She couldn't even imagine how he must've been feeling. But he was strong, much stronger than she was.
Eleanor looked down at Chuck, who was staring intensely at the concrete corridor before them, looking focused.
The girl took a deep breath. This is going to be hard.
She opened her mouth to tell the kid it was over.
"Look!" The young boy exclaimed, pointing straight ahead.
Eleanor whipped her head so fast she heard a faint cracking sound.
Two figures were approchng from the far end of the corridor. No, wait... three figures. The raising sun made it hard to see but she didn't need to.
No one would dare stop her this time.
She ran towards the approaching boys as fast as her legs would carry her. She couldn't've cared less about breaking the rules. She needed to see him, there, alive.
The closest she got, her sight could confirm that he was, in fact, living; not the mangled piece of bleeding flesh her subconcious had pictured. He seemed, strangely enough, unharmed.
Eleanor almost collided with them in her hurry, making them stop abruptly and almost dropping what she now could see was a still unconcious Alby hanging off Thomas' and Minho's shoulders.
Minho.
Her hand shot up to his face grabbing him as her eyes quickly scanned for injuries on the Runner.
"Minho." She barely got out.
"Hey, El." He tiredly replied.
Suddenly, she was crying.
"I thought you- I thought you..." She choked.
Her best friend took her hand in his free one gently.
"I'm okay."
"What happened?" Newt asked as soon as they had crossed through the doors. "How in the bloody-"
Eleanor thought he looked angry, but she knew he was just extremely worried.
"We'll tell you later," Thomas interrupted, gesturing to Alby, as they kept carrying his unconcious form forward.
Newt followed. "Is he … alive?"
Oh, god! Eleanor thought. It hadn't even ocurred to her that he might not have been.
The rest of the Gladers were making their way back over.
"Shuck…" Newt said softly, shaking his head. "You and Minho get your butts to the Med-hut, get yourselves checked. You look bloody awful. I want the whole story when they're done and you're rested up."
Gally strode forward, following Jeff and Clint, to help carry Alby towards the wooden building.
Thomas looked like he was about to retort but Minho grabbed his arms and led him away.
Eleanor followed suit, not willing to leave Minho's side any time soon. Her brain was a mess. She couldn't believe any of what had happened.
He was alive.
She wanted to say, to ask, so many things to him on the following hours; but she didn't get the chance. Also, she could feel her best friend wasn't in the mood for a lot of talking.
So, she just stood there, tears flowing every now and then. But everytime her friend would look up at her and give her a small smile as if saying everything's okay, she would feel her heart about to explode.
They had allowed her to be by his side, maybe because they didn't want to argue with her, maybe because Newt was busy tending to Alby after they had injected him with the serum. Eleanor hadn't been able to see much, neither did she want to. She knew Alby would be going through the Changing and she'd rather not see or even think about it.
After Minho had been checked on and bandaged, part of which she had to tear her gaze away after seeing the wounds on his skin, he was ordered bed rest.
Eleanor helped the exhausted Runner get to the Homestead and up the stairs to his bedroom in comfortable silence. She didn't want to pressure him in any way. He would speak when he was ready.
Eyes followed them as they went, some in complete awe, some in confusion, some in suspicion. Well, that last one had been Gally which Eleanor had immediately ignored.
Once he had laid down on his small excuse for a bed, he immediately shut his eyes, looking completely exhausted.
Eleanor breathed deeply. He really was alright.
She almost started crying again just by seeing him there, unharmed. She didn't know how she could have any more tears left to cry.
She bent forward and brushed the hair back from his forhead. He looked a lot younger that way, she thought.
Minho smiled slightly at the contact, still with his eyes closed.
"I'll let you sleep." She spoke softly, not wanting to disturb the moment.
His eyes opened and his hand grabbed hers before she could pull away.
"Stay."
His voce was soft, never demanding, but Eleanor didn't have to think twice.
She laid down as she had gotten used to doing over the previous week. His arms automatically snaked around her form and she relaxed.
Her head now resting in his chest, Eleanor felt like she could breathe properly for the first time in what felt like an eternity.
"You really need a shower." She whispered, when she wanted to say so much more.
He emited a loud chuckle which made her head shake slightly.
"Only if you come with me."
Eleanor scoffed. Of course, after almost dying he would still say things like that.
She hit him lightly, but she was smiling and she held him closer.
Eleanor woke up a few hours later feeling like she had finally had a good sleep after more than a week.
She detangled herself carefully from a snoring Minho and streched her numb limbs, yawning her sleep away. She resolved she'd go to the kitchens to make something to eat.
Finally, in that moment that she felt calm and had slept a little, she realised she was famished. She also knew her friend would be more that capable of eating a whole cow when he woke up.
As Eleanor had suspected, barely any Gladers were working after the whole commotion. She could see some groups huddled together, unsure of what to do and what was going on. Everyone seemed to be on edge.
She caught more than a few stolen glances towards the Med-hut, maybe expecting Alby to walk out and start barking orders. If she was being honest, a part of her hoped that was the case although she knew it was impossible.
Things were about to change. Things were changing. And that was completely terrifying without Alby around.
No one was around when she entered the Kitchens. Frypan wasn't even in his usual spot near the cooking stove. In fact, he was nowhere in sight.
Watching the empty space was like a surreal experience.
The girl took her sweet time getting all the ingredients from the cupboard. Any distraction was a good distraction if she didn't have to think about any of the last events that had transpired. She didn't want to think about Ben. She didn't want to wonder about what kind of hell Minho and the Newbie had gone through, which they still hadn't talked about.
Eleanor shivered.
Cooking. She could do that.
She wasn't an amazing chef as far as she could tell, but she was confident she could prepare something edible to kill the hunger. If Newt could make a decent sandwich, she'd be dammed if she couldn't do at least half a decent job.
Newt.
Don't think about it.
Someone came into the room when she had already devoured her sandwich and was on the process of making Minho's third one. She didn't pay them any mind knowing whoever it was wouldn't even acknowledge her presence.
"Hey Eleanor."
Said girl almost jumped.
She turned around quickly, even though she had immediately known who it was.
The temperature seemed to raise all of the sudden.
"H-hi." She said awkwardly.
Way to go, Eleanor.
"I came to get some food for the girl." He explained.
Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth but, before she could ask, he quickly clarified.
"She's still asleep, but she needs to eat."
"Oh." She replied, not sure if she was disappointed or glad. She didn't know if, when the girl woke up, that would mean added drama to her already worthy-of-a-full-novel few weeks.
"I'm just making something for Minho." She said stupidly, not knowing how to break the awkwardness.
That gave her an excuse to turn back around and busy herself with the task. She couldn't even bring herself to look at him without feeling overwhelmingly embarrased.
"Right..." He spoke, her back now facing him. "How's he?"
"Still asleep." She quickyl replied. "He hasn't- He hasn't said anything yet."
"He will probably wait for the Gathering tonight." The blonde announced. "I've called in one."
"Right..." She said, knowing fully well she wasn't welcomed at any Gathering. "He really doesn't like explaining things twice."
So, Newt was using her newly aquired leadership. She couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She guessed they did have to figure out what to do from know on. It was just weird, thinking about going forward without Alby heading them all.
Newt walked forward until he was next to her. She spied his movement from the corner of her eyes as he started grabbing utensils and ingredients.
"How's Alby?" She blurted out, partly because his sudden presence made her nervous, mostly because she was worried.
"He's better." He sighed. "The serum seems to be working."
She did look at him then, from his oily hair to the bags under his eyes. He looked ran down and extremely tired and much, much older.
"That's good." She didn't know what else to respond.
"Yeah..." He let out.
"Eleanor-" He quietly said, turning towards her.
"Mm?"
Nerves floded back in and she lamely turned back to the already finished sandwich, hoping to avoid whatever was about to happen.
"I think we should talk." He said seriously.
Elenor's heart skipped a beat.
She could feel his gaze on her but she forced herself to keep staring away.
"About what?" She asked as innocently as she could.
Two guesses on who the mature one out of the two is?
"You know what." He whispered.
He was clearly embarrassed as well.
No one was even there with them, yet it still felt like they were doing something wrong.
"Newt." She closed her eyes, wishing she was somewhere far, far away. "We don't have to talk about it."
"But El," His use of her nickname caught her completely off guard. "I can't just forget it happened."
"Newt."
The short girl finally turned to look at him.
She suddenly felt like a deer in the headlights of his puppy dog eyes.
She gulped.
"I'm sorry I kissed you. I shouldn't have done that. It was selfish. We were both hurting and I made it worse. I don't even know why I did it, it just happened."
He didn't say anything. She wished she could dechiper the glimer in his gaze.
"I'm sorry." She repeated, out of her element. "I didn't mean to confuse you, I shouldn't have done it. I know how you hate when I do impulsive things and I destroy your precious order-"
She cringed at her awful joke. Her embarrassment made her turn back around, avoiding his gaze once more.
"I promise it won't happen again." She added.
There was silence for a few seconds, that ticked like long minutes, before he spoke.
"So, it didn't mean anything?" He asked.
His usually transparent expression was not giving anything away.
She replied sincerely, unsure on how to answer that question.
"I'm sorry."
The older boy seemed to have an answer and nodded, turning back to his task at hand without another word.