Josh figured the answer was simple but the looks he was getting suggested otherwise. "Oh come on!" he cried out with an expression of disbelief for their doubt. He slammed his hand down on Toby's table for good measure.

Toby frowned at the gesture and stared pointedly at the part of the table that had been smacked. "You don't have to take it out on the table Josh," he scolded, "we're not in theatre, we can take your point without the dramatics."

"Oh can you?" Josh sneered as he turned his scorn on Toby.

Toby nodded sombrely. "I can and I agree with it, I'm just not sure about your methods."

Josh looked surprised as did Sam but for very different reasons. Josh took a step back and lowered his hands before glancing about the office awkwardly. "You agree?" he quipped in a quieter voice as he lost his dramatics.

Toby nodded again. He was seated at his desk wavering his attention from Josh to Sam to the newspapers on his desk and the muted television in the corner that broadcast the news that was the main focus of their discussion.

"You agree we need to burn her," Josh said firmly. He looked to Toby, waiting for the man to actually say those words.

"Toby no," Sam protested.

Sam was seated on a chair opposite the desk, tense with unease and unsure what else to say.

Josh pointed at him in a scolding manner. "Sam you can't look at this personally, I told you that," he snapped. "You want to go soft because she's Mallory's sister but she's burned us damn it! I mean I knew she had skills for scandal but this, this is global Sam!"

Sam rose from his seat suddenly to glower over at his co-worker. "Josh you are the one taking this personally," he protested, "and you know it. This is not just about a thesis, what did Cady do to make you so mad at her?"

"You see, that right there is personal, you call her Cady," Josh remarked as he shook his finger up and down animatedly before clapping his palm to his chest, "I don't!"

Toby sighed as he stood too, feeling a little too much like he was losing control by being the only seated one.

"Gentlemen," Toby addressed the pair firmly, "we are not here to discuss relationships with Cadence McGarry, we are discussing how to deal with the public accusation by the CIA that she tried to help terrorists in Colombia and her alleged story that the CIA was actually guilty of orchestrating the murder of innocent villagers in Colombia."

"Alleged," Sam repeated with scorn. He turned a stern stare on his boss. "Toby look I'm a lawyer, we all are and I know the evidence is scant but it is the CIA we are dealing with and we have only just started looking for it. We have a CIA agent who is supporting her story. We know the CIA were in Colombia giving weapons to the cartel, it is a fact, so why are we assuming they're telling the truth about Cady?"

"Sam your logic could apply to this agent who supports her, there's nothing to prove he isn't lying but the fact is we don't believe the CIA about her," Josh retorted wearily. He frowned at his friend with exasperation. "It doesn't matter, she's damaged either way by this which is why we have to burn her and hell maybe the Vice President should be taking a wrap for this mess too."

"Josh," Toby interrupted sharply, "that is a decision out of our remit."

Toby pressed his hands down on his desk and leaned onto it slightly. He was tired, they had been in his office for three hours now discussing speeches to match the news. They had delivered a few already for C.J who was definitely in the lion's den today with the press but they didn't know what to offer the President because they didn't know what side he was going to take.

Josh pushed his hands through his hair and shook his head angrily. "Well it's for someone to consider," he said pointedly. "I mean he didn't set us up too well for Colombia."

"Josh that isn't fair," Sam protested quietly. "I agree he let the Vice of Colombia get the better of him but that was a mistake, we all make them. I think burning Cady not only implies she's guilty when there is no way she is but you're also suggesting she should be punished for the mistake of trying to help people because, as you seem to be forgetting or ignoring, that's what she was doing Josh."

Josh shook his head as he paced the office and wished the space was bigger. He wondered how it was that Cadence was a magnet for trouble and considered that all the scandals he knew about her seemed to be linked. She had lost her boyfriend to tragic circumstances leading to a suicide attempt, trying to come back from this tragedy and distract herself from her grief, she had thrown herself into her studies. Her excelling at her work had led to a placement on John Hoynes' campaign team and, apparently, the writing of an ambitious thesis. Said thesis had come out prompting her to flee Hoynes' already floundering campaign and attempt some anonymity for herself but then her father had become Chief of Staff, a role a little too public and prominent so she had fled to another country, Colombia. There she had tried to help people in an obscure village but had stumbled onto the CIA and what exactly? The annoying what was exactly what Josh couldn't figure out. What had the CIA been doing in the village? Why would they had persuaded Colombian soldiers that innocent villagers were actually rebels or terrorists or both to be executed?

"Sam it isn't so simple," Josh grumbled, "what do you want to do here?" He stopped walking and looked to Sam again. "Do you want the President to announce he believes her and supports her, thus implying that the CIA are not only giving weapons to drug dealers but that they're also murdering Colombians for reasons no one, including Cadence, can tell us. The CIA are our people Sam, saying something like that will mean war."

"No, Cadence is one of our people Josh," Sam retorted heatedly, "we know her, she works on our side. I don't know these CIA agents but if they did what she says then we shouldn't cover for it."

Josh continued to glower at Sam, hating him for being prepared to stand by Cadence so easily.

Toby intervened before the squabbling could start up again. "Fellas let's take a break," he ordered. "We aren't getting anywhere with this bickering and we don't know what way the White House is going to go on this matter yet."

Toby gestured to a notepad on his desk he had written points on. "We have the key points here, we can review them again before C.J's next press meeting," he suggested tiredly.

"They won't wait for the President to speak," Josh grumbled. "They've already started to form their opinions based on Director Wolfe's leaks and the silence we have given them so far is damning."

"Yes Josh I know," Toby shouted angrily as he finally let his own temper seep out. "I know and I wish our President wasn't being hesitant with this, especially since I think he's looking at this not as the President but as a family friend and that is dangerous but here we are! Get out of my office and take ten, go grab a coffee, go focus on something else, go pull your hair out, damn it I don't care, just go do something else."

Josh looked a little stunned at Toby's outburst before he moved towards the door. It involved bypassing Sam with another unpleasant stare. Josh blamed Sam for the discord in the office, Toby was agreeing with Josh and only Sam seemed unable to see that all they could do was measure the rope Cadence had hung herself with.

Josh slipped out to an office space that seemed somehow both crowded and empty. Everyone was quiet in their work but busy, trying to avoid eye contact with him as they dealt with other White House matters. Josh avoided looking at them too as he headed for his office.

Josh wondered at Sam's accusations. Was he being too personal about this or was he the only sane one right now? How could Cadence come back from this? How could they? Even if she was a victim in all of this how could it matter? To stand by her meant betraying the CIA and admitting that they, the White House staff, had known nothing about their nefarious deeds, and it meant risking war with Colombia surely. It also meant accusations about nepotism as many members of the press were likely to think Cadence was getting protection and support simply because she was Leo's daughter and they would be right about that.

Josh sat at his desk and bowed his head into his hands. He let out a loud curse into his palms before dragging them down his face.

For most of the staff it was a sign to stay away but for his loyal assistant Donna it was a cry for help and she was quick to answer.

The blonde opened the door unhesitatingly and poked her head in with a worried blue stare. "Josh?"

Josh glanced up at her with a sardonic smile. "Hey Donna," he greeted tiredly.

Donna was looking lovely in grey but Josh didn't know if it was a distraction he wanted or not.

"You know Leo doesn't like to hear cursing in the White House, at least that's what he keeps telling Toby," Donna reminded him.

Josh nodded. "Well sometimes the situation calls for it," he muttered, "and I think in this situation Leo might consider some cursing himself."

Donna stepped into the office and closed the door behind her. "Josh I could hear some of what you and Toby and Sam were saying," she admitted.

Josh gave her a calm stare. "You mean you were eavesdropping," he accused.

"You were yelling," she corrected calmly.

Donna folded her arms and regarded him with her own look of scorn, unperturbed by his anger. Donna understood Josh's show of rage, he was a passionate person often animated by his emotions, it was usually a trait she found admirable in him.

"Josh," she addressed him quietly, "I don't get it. You've stood by me when I've slipped up and Sam, he had relations with a hooker," she reminded him, "and you never once suggested he should be let go."

"That was different, this could be war Donna!" Josh protested.

Donna frowned and shook her head. "She was helping the Colombians, they should be grateful to her, she could have died for it."

"If you believe her," Josh grumbled.

"Josh," Donna cried out. Her eyes widened slightly and she dropped her hands to her sides. "You can't believe the alternative. You were getting along with her, why do you still have this grudge against her?"

Josh leaned back into his chair before gesturing to himself with both hands. "I don't get it!" he retorted in disbelief. "Why do you all defend her? Donna she's been nothing but problematic for everyone, she wrote that stupid thesis which put Hoynes as much at risk as Bartlet and honestly, I still can't understand that. Sure maybe it was some rebellion against Leo but why hurt Hoynes?"

Donna cocked her head in confusion. "And you care about Hoynes?" she queried sardonically.

Josh's dark stare became confused. "Donna it's complicated," he tried to evade the question.

"Then uncomplicate it," Donna ordered as she refused to give up on the matter. "What else has she done? Scored points for him? Josh that's her job and she's done well for the President too, he and the Vice President have been unified, publicly, for the first time in a long time and you know that's a good thing. It's what the public expect and how I thought things happened until I came here, I mean who knew the President and his Vice could be bickering so much when they should be on the same side?"

Donna shrugged as she continued to stare down at Josh with annoyance. "Cadence went to Colombia to avoid some bad press, she admits that but she helped people while she was down there, people who were murdered, probably in front of her, then she was threatened and blackmailed and God knows what else and instead of seeking justice for her and those people you just want to get rid of her, why is that? This is one you're going to have to explain to me."

Josh sighed. There he had been thinking he would have a reprieve from this topic away from Toby and Sam but apparently it wasn't meant to be. He wondered how in the hell Cadence's version of events was even sweeping through the White House so fast when it hadn't been released to the press or public.

"You were out dancing and singing with her," Donna reminded him. "You used to work with her and you used to dance and sing with her then too, it sounds like you should be friends and you're meant to help friends Josh. What am I missing here?"

She looked to him appealingly, trusting that Josh somehow would have a sufficient defence for this, an explanation that would justify his cold desire to see Cadence tossed to the wolves.

Josh swallowed hard at that analogy, wolves again, it wasn't one that was going away anytime soon. The problem was Josh didn't know who the wolves were- the CIA, the Colombians, or members of the USA government? Was he a wolf?

Josh realised it wasn't groups, it was individuals- the CIA still had plenty of good men and women in it who didn't deserve to have their reputation undone by this mess, the Colombians as a people were like anyone else in the world, they had their good, their bad and their mediocre, and the USA government had its mix as well.

In the current government there were wolves determined to get the job done no matter the cost but there were also folk like Donna who came in with hope shining in their eyes and who believed in the old values of justice, honesty and freedom. There were the Republicans, who were categorised with the same brush of hate simply because they hadn't won this term, seen as the enemy in the Senate trying to block the Democratic President's policies out of a loser's spite. Except it wasn't true or so simple and Josh knew it even as he made jokes about the vampires in the Senate.

Josh realised Donna had raised a good point about Cadence, she had gotten the President and Vice President to be seen as getting along better publicly. It had been good in a time when the Republicans who did detest them had been quick to use the discord against them, stating openly that the people couldn't trust a leader who couldn't even get along with people in his own party.

"Donna she's not my friend," was all Josh could say.

Donna's look of disappointment had an effect Sam's heated words could not and it cut Josh to the bone.

"I see," Donna said solemnly in a quiet voice full of woe.

"Donna," Josh began a protest. He dropped it as soon as he started and waved her off. "Never mind."

Josh wasn't willing to unload the heavy truth he carried with him onto the blond. It was there though, always lurking in the back of mind every time Cadence was mentioned or in his presence. He knew he had to push it to one side, that it couldn't be relevant to his feelings on current matters but he knew it was influencing him and that Sam was right, he was making this personal.

There was a low knock on the office door.

Donna whirled round and hurried to answer it.

Sam peered in to the pair sombrely. "The President wants to see us Josh," Sam informed them stiffly.

Josh nodded as he rose from his desk.

Cadence took a deep gulp of the generous glass of whiskey she had poured for herself. It had been, until ten minutes ago, an unopened gift from Mallory, both a house warming gift and a congratulations gift. Now Cadence was determined to drink away the irony of that as she took gulps between conversation.

She stood in her kitchen with the cream cord of her phone twisted about her waist as she listened to her mother scold her for today's headlines.

"Your father gave you a chance and you've disgraced him!" Jenny McGarry snapped down the phone. "And Jed, God bless that man, he welcomes you after everything, takes a risk on you despite his position and this is what happens."

"Uh huh." Cadence tilted the glass up and drained the remainder. "Hey mom did you notice Robbie in the news?" she queried sarcastically. "Because you didn't call about that, unless I missed it. Hey mom, did I miss that call?"

"Really Cadence is that going to be your excuse for every screw up? That boy got murdered so you can get drunk and you can cut yourself and put your parents through hell with a suicide attempt and then you can join a presidential campaign simply to spite your father and write damning essays about your government because you were on the losing side and now this, whatever this is."

Cadence balanced the phone between her head and shoulder as she reached for the open bottle and poured again. "Gee mom thanks for asking if it was true or not," she sneered. "Thanks for assuming I'm telling the truth and then asking how I feel after almost getting murdered and being in a plane crash and...and..." Cadence paused and pushed a hand through her hair before reaching for the glass. "And fuck mom," she snapped angrily, "I was put in a hut for days, it was dark, it was damp, people yelled at me, people threatened me, made accusations and told lies and sometimes hit me. People I knew died. A man who I had feelings for turned out to be someone else, he betrayed me and then he made me stay quiet to stay alive," she remarked bitterly.

Cadence brought the glass to her lips again and swallowed hard. "It got to the point where I just wanted home but I couldn't go home because I was scared but then dad was in the news and I just needed to be with you again. I didn't know this would happen, I didn't think they ever wanted this story public, and I didn't know they were trading weapons for drugs damn it!"

"Cadence I can tell you're drunk, which certainly doesn't excuse your vile language," Jenny scolded. "Even in all this you're still making bad choices."

Cadence hung up the phone at last. She finished her glass and tried to walk back to the bottle but the phone cord was still wrapped about her.

Cadence glanced down despairingly. "Ah shit," she grumbled.

She fidgeted with the cord briefly before the knife rack caught her eye. She reached for the steak knife in the centre, tugged it out and sliced through the cord sloppily.

"Can't call back now," she murmured cheerfully as she stumbled over to the bottle.

Cadence poured again, little caring for how quickly she was knocking back the drinks. Hell she really didn't care for much right now. She hadn't heard from anyone in two days. She was on leave and she didn't know on whose orders that was- John or Jed's- but she didn't think it mattered either way. Innocent or guilty they'd have to let her go either way. The leak from the CIA had happened and the news had broken this morning. The press talked about confirmed sources but they didn't name anyone, Director Wolfe wasn't that stupid.

Cadence had figured she was prepared for it, she had offered to quit twice before now for lesser offences but now that it was becoming a reality she realised she wasn't prepared at all.

Cadence tossed the knife back to the counter with a careless clatter. She wasn't going to look to it for help anymore, she couldn't go back to that. Her blue-grey gaze caught on the silver sheen of the blade and she thought of the oblivion it might bring. A few minutes of pain and then eternal escape. She shook her head and poured another glass instead. Drink might only be a temporary escape but if she changed her mind about desiring oblivion at least this method she might recover from.

Cadence cursed when she heard her front door knock. She turned with the glass in hand, sloppily spilling some amber droplets to the off-white lino floor.

She walked for the door, imagining a tough stride to express her annoyance at being disturbed, completely unaware that each step was more of a stumble than a march.

She levelled with the keyhole but it seemed smudged because she couldn't quite make out who was there.

Apathetic to the visitor, she slid the chain off the door and opened it.

Gavin Drake stared at her with some mild displeasure as he caught the odour of whiskey.

"Oh good, you're drunk," he said dryly.

He was a contrast to Cadence, neat, smartly dressed, hair combed and smelling of an expensive but appealing aftershave with a faint whiff of lavender soap.

Cadence, who had propped herself against the door frame, gave him a smile in answer. "And you're not, jealous?" she queried cheerfully.

She leaned sideways as she raised her glass and took a deep sip.

Gavin raised two fingertips to his brow and pressed it slightly before smoothing down his dark blue blazer. "Okay, well I wasn't expecting this but I guess maybe I should've. If I were you, and thank God I'm not, I might be drinking too," he reasoned aloud. "At least you're classy with your drinks choice."

Cadence gave him a stony stare, sober she would have been pleasant to him but he would have been pleasant to her too, drunk she couldn't care for pretence anymore.

"You have some balls coming here, golf balls mind, wouldn't credit you with better," she sneered. "You put the spotlight on me," she accused.

Cadence took another sip before nodding. "I know duck boy, it was you."

"Duck boy?" Gavin echoed. He stood with an expression of calm confusion.

"Feathers not ruffled yet?" she taunted. "Too busy ruffling mine before you started hunting season on me."

Gavin raised one finger as if to ask a question. "Wait a minute," he interrupted, still calm despite her unpleasant, drunk behaviour. "Aren't I the duck? Why are you getting hunted?"

"Because you squealed, no," Cadence paused suddenly as she drew herself from the doorway. "You quacked to the press!"

Cadence tried to turn to add theatrics to her accusation but her effort was costly as her legs didn't quite move the way she wanted to and the room spun a little faster than she had anticipated.

Gavin winced as she stumbled and hit the floor, landing ungracefully at his feet.

"Okay, so I figured this might come up eventually," he said, still tranquil as he stared down at her groaning form, "but you are admiringly inebriated right now, I mean," he added as he stepped over her and into her apartment, "I am a little envious of your state but I am definitely not looking forward to the call I now have to make as a result of it. My battery's low, where's your phone?"

"Kishen," she mumbled to the floor.

Gavin reached for her, pulling her to sit upright despite resistance. He dragged her back so that she was propped against her hallway wall and then he closed the apartment door before heading through the apartment swiftly, leaving Cadence as she was.

Cadence, unhappy with her suddenly empty glass, grinned as she heard the loud 'God damn it' that followed as Gavin discovered the state of her phone in the kitchen.

Gavin was frustrated but not thwarted, he moved back through to the living room and spied a second phone resting on a table there. He picked it up and dialled. Part of him didn't want it to be answered but of course it was and he soon found himself put through to the receiver he needed.

"Mr Vice President," he greeted calmly, "I'm here at Miss McGarry's house as you requested but if you want her to meet with you I'm going to have to advise on something first."

"What is it Gavin?" John's tense voice quipped.

"Well sir, she's steaming," Gavin explained calmly, "judging from the bottle in her kitchen she's had about seventy percent of a bottle of whiskey, without any diluting if I'm to go by the glass she dropped in her hall and there's the fact that she's lying in her hallway."

"What? Jesus Christ," John cursed.

"I don't think He can help," Gavin mused. "Sir, do you really want to help her?"

Gavin could visualise the frown he knew his boss was giving the phone right now and he suppressed the urge to sigh. When he heard the lyrics to 'The House of the Rising Sun' being sung down the hall he smiled.

"Bring her to the Naval Observatory Gavin, better I see her there," John ordered. "Subtly, you know the entrance to take."

"Sure sir, through the kitchen, I assume security will be expecting us."

"They will."

The phone line went dead and Gavin frowned before returning the phone to the hook. He was irritated at being an errand boy but he realised it was a deserved penance. Hell he probably deserved worse and was going to receive it but he wasn't ready to get into it now, not while she was drunk, that was unfair.

Gavin moved back to the hall to Cadence, she was sitting on her knees, upright and singing loudly as she swung her empty glass about.

"Alright Cady, time to go, I've to bring you to the Vice President," Gavin informed her.

Cadence shrugged and raised her hand to the doorframe to pull herself up. "Well if he's firing me I'm glad I'm drunk then," she said happily.

"Sure, do you want to change?" Gavin quipped.

Her outfit was alright, Gavin figured it could be worse, hell he had been expecting jogging pants or a dressing gown but instead she was wearing a wrinkled cream shirt with a creased grey skirt and some raccoon slippers that were a little jarring.

"Nope," she said confidently, "let's just go."

Gavin winced as she strode ahead of him, fumbling with the door before she escaped out of the apartment. "Do you have keys?" he called after her.

"Sure, doesn't everyone?" she called back as she continued walking.

"Alright then, I asked," Gavin muttered to himself as he tugged her apartment door shut behind him.

The Number One Observatory Circle had seen many things and many people over the years. It was part of the biggest scam in history, a long-term loan from the navy to the President for his Vice to be housed in until suitable accommodations were bought or built, except they never were. In 1991 the navy finally accepted the truth that Congress was never going to bother to give the Vice President a new home, it was just another way the Vice got screwed, and so the navy had remodelled and repaired the house and accepted that it was now and probably always would be the residence for the Vice President of the United States.

John figured it had probably hosted drunks in it before now, hell Vices had probably gotten merry in it after a stressful day and maybe they had even permitted guests to join them. John didn't want alcohol in it but Suzanne had mocked and vetoed that request, suggesting it would be a sign to their visitors that something was amiss and so he had allowed a small stock of it in the living room. It was something he was regretting right now as it tempted both him and his guest.

The Observatory Circle was so close to the White House and yet so far just like the man it hosted. It came with the security deserving of one in his post but lacked the busy trappings of the President's residency, which was a part of the complex the President worked at. At least for the Vice President work and residence were separate to a degree. This combination of privacy and protection made it an ideal place right now for the meeting John was attempting to conduct. There was also the added bonus of the Second Lady of the United States being out of State on official business.

John stared across the sitting room at Cadence McGarry with a measure of scorn, sympathy and guilt. He was angry that she had turned to drink as a quick fix and obvious distraction but he could understand why and considered it was better than other choices she might have made.

Cadence was leaning forward, almost doubled over the table before her which had a steaming cup of black coffee resting there on a delicate tray with a fresh silver pot, a small jug of cream and a sugar bowl. She had yet to take a sip as the smell was making her nauseous.

There was a napkin in her lap which occasionally fidgeted with, trying with both hands to turn it into to something but what John couldn't tell.

John turned away from her. He had his chin resting on his knuckles, propped up by his elbow resting on his knee. He didn't know what to say or why he had insisted on this.

Gavin had said she was drunk and lying on the floor and John had filled with alarm and knew that he couldn't have her left alone like that but she couldn't be Gavin's responsibility either and John wasn't involving Leo so here she was. He reasoned that it was logic but he knew it was downright reckless of him.

Cadence let out a hiccup and John's blue gaze darted back over to her. She hiccuped again before sitting up and flopping back into the chair. Her blurred eyes rolled over to John.

"Is this the firing ceremony?" she quipped wearily. She looked about with disappointment. "I mean it's nice, nice place, but I thought it'd be at work. Is it different in your...department?"

John turned round to face her again and let his hands rest in his lap. "Cady I'm not firing you," he insisted. "I told you that already."

She shrugged. "Been two days," she mumbled, "and I'm a terror apparently."

She looked confused before pressing a finger to her lips and miming out 'shh'. "Shouldn't say that, Tom will get mad. Hmm would he tackle me do you think?"

John sighed before standing up. "Cady I'm going to put you to bed-"

"Hmm alright, so it's a farewell fuck," Cadence retorted with forced humour and a biting smile to match, "what's that, sting with sugar? No um..." She pushed back some of her hair but just sent it into a bushy tangle. "I dun know," she slurred the words.

"It's not any of that," John said flatly as he gestured down to her with open palms. "You are out of your mind on whiskey, I'm not going to take advantage of that and you shouldn't think I would," he scolded her as his voice rose slightly.

John glanced to the closed sitting room door warily. He knew no one should be standing out there but sometimes one couldn't tell with the Secret Service or the workers.

"You got that Texan twang," Cadence mused merrily as she gave him a teasing smile. "Always gives me a shudder."

John took a step towards her. "Cady don't," he begged.

She shrugged. "Not attractive when I'm in trouble, am I?" she quipped.

"That isn't fair," he snapped as he pointed down at her. "Haven't I offered it several times now? You're the one who rebuffed me. Anyway, we're not having this conversation, not while you're drunk, we're not having any conversation," he repeated firmly. "I'm putting you to bed with some water and after you've slept this off we're going to talk."

"Bed where?" she demanded heatedly.

"The spare bed here, we have a few," he grumbled dryly.

John held out a hand to her.

Cadence accepted it but as she rose she grabbed his other hand with a giggle. "Oh this is naughty but I don't care anymore. Mom shouted at me, Robbie made the papers and she didn't call but this shit hits the fan and she's all over it. Don't matter if I got hit and yelled at and...and watched people die, friends you know, I know, who knows?"

Cadence quivered slightly as tears appeared in her eyes. "I keep smelling the damp and hearing the guns, I don't like the noise, the yelling, the banging, I don't." She shook her head.

John nodded sympathetically. "Cady why in the hell did you run that far away?"

"I had to," she said quietly.

"No, you didn't," he retorted sternly. "You didn't have to run at all, I would've protected you."

"John you couldn't and shouldn't, stop it."

Cadence tried to pull away from him but his grasp on her hands tightened. He stared down at her with piercing blue eyes, his face serious but etched in worry. His dark eyebrows crept up his brow slightly as a thrill of alarm danced through him as he realised how deep his concern for this woman went. She was drunk, teasing him and demonstrating that pathetic self-loathing that he despised in people, she was at her lowest and unwillingly at risk of taking him and many others down with her. He should be casting her aside and saying it was business but all he wanted to do was pull her closer and make good on his word to protect her.

"Cady I don't know why you keep going for this solitary self-destruct mode but it isn't happening," he said crossly. "Now, let's get you to bed, we'll talk more later."

"John you don't even know the danger I put you in," she murmured quietly.

The alcohol had her forgetting ranks and statues briefly and for a moment gave her the courage to address John frankly as the man she knew and not be intimidated by his office.

"Me?" John queried with confusion.

"I didn't just leave over a thesis." The confession Cadence had thought never to make slipped out in a whiskey tinged breath.

John gave her a bitter smile at this and nodded.

"I do know that Cady," he admitted frankly. "The moment you left me I went digging for the leak, I was determined to punish them somehow because you were gone and things were miserable. Cady I know my luck shifted before you left me, hell I was done the moment Josh jumped ship but I never felt the failure until you left."

Cadence glanced up at him in silent despair. Her head was throbbing and it was a struggle to meet his gaze but she was determined too despite the blurry haze at the edge of her vision.

"You leaked it Cady," he said calmly. "You leaked your thesis to the world but what I've yet to work out is why."

Cadence gave him an unhappy smile. "Can you believe I had something worse to hide?" she queried with false cheer. "Something worse than all this, God it's never ending with me right? I suppose that was the start of it, the trigger point, it happened so I leaked my thesis as a cover and fled to Colombia to escape the popularity of dad's new post and the pain. Somehow I bumbled into the CIA. Bad luck I can't figure and now it's all comin' back to haunt me because I was stupid enough to think I could bury it."

"Cady, what in the hell drove you from me?" John demanded.

John knew he was taking advantage of her state now but he had waited years for the truth now and he knew that sober she would clam up again and he might never know.

Her unhappy smile wavered in and out of existence.

"You know I think Josh knows about us," she confessed. "He never said anything but I think he knows. His demanner," she slurred out another word without realisation, "to me changed one day and he clearly despises me. I'd swear he knows, we weren't careful enough. Oh damn that's an..." She paused and looked confused for a moment. "A double something huh." She shook her head in frustration. "God damn, with you I felt something John, more than I ever did with Robbie but you were married, I should have never..."

John frowned as his blue gaze filled with alarm at the thought of Josh Lyman knowing about his affair with Cadence. He figured coldly that if Josh did know he apparently wasn't going to use his knowledge or surely he'd have done it by now.

"Cadence, don't tell me my marriage is why you left, that's a lie. What happened?"

Cadence bowed her head and started hiccuping. "Don't...don't..." She gulped out between hiccups.

John sighed. "Cady your secrets all keep coming out and they're doing damage, you can't have anymore."

John knew he was being a bastard with that line, it was cruel and manipulative but it had the expected result. Cadence confessed.

"I had a miscarriage."

Four words. John had always thought it would take more than that to shock him. He felt himself turn unsteady and it caused him to loosen his support on the woman.

Cadence broke from him and turned away in grief. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she brought a hand up to her mouth and cried pityingly into it. It was a sloppy expression of grief, ruined by her hiccups and swaying.

John looked at her and felt a mix of emotions- revulsion and anger first for her drunken display in delivering this news and for having kept it from him. The grief swept through him unexpectedly, catching him off guard. An odd sense of mourning for a being he had never known.

John moved for Cadence instinctively. It was an automatic, a gesture given before he could think about it. His arms embraced her close, cradling her back into his warm body, sheltering her there against his torso. He realised through his grief that there was a much worse emotion to consider, one that brought too many complications with it. One he didn't want to voice but as he weaved a hand through her hair and murmured soft, soothing nonsense to her he knew it didn't matter if he voiced it or not, it was still there. Love, a terrible thing that he realised might ruin him.