A/N: Originally Written for the Divergent Gift Exchange 2020 on AO3 for Symbioticdeath.
Just Think About It
"He's kinda cute, right?" I looked up from my clipboard to look at Lauren across the table. She was poking through her own stack of paperwork while she chewed on her apple. The question had been thrown out as casually as she stirred her coffee in the morning.
Lauren looked up when she could feel my eyes on her and raised an eyebrow. "I mean it, Tris," she said. "Not like a 'watch out, babe. I'm packing my bags' kind of way. But. You know. You've got eyes. Eric's cute, right?"
My head was shaking before she finished. "He pulls the 'I'm so tough' schtick constantly. It's not cute," I retorted. Returning to my clipboard, I tried to get back into the zone. It wasn't exactly fair to say that Eric only did the tough-guy routine. It was mostly a show to fall in line with Max's direction for Leadership what with Erudite posturing to try and tell us what to do. And his attitude wouldn't take away from any of his physical assets. I levied a grimace at my girlfriend.
"Now you've got me thinking about this instead of my reports," I growled.
Lauren pointed a finger at me, balancing the core of her apple between the rest. "That's because I'm on to something. If he wasn't cute, there would be nothing to consider."
I wanted to snap back how very wrong she was, but the tips of my ears were burning and dammit, did my girlfriend have a point here? I rapped my fingernails against the tabletop in a rapid tattoo. "Which one of us works with him every day? Me," I grumbled. "I would know if he was cute. And it wouldn't need to be this big of a discussion."
"Which one of us went through Initiation with him? You haven't seen him sans clothes. That's a very critical piece of intel that I have. Just think about it. You'll see I'm right," Lauren shot back. She tapped her temple with her finger and then grimaced.
I procured a napkin from under the clipboard and passed it over after shaking off the crumbs from my sandwich. A few months ago I might have felt weird about the turn this conversation had taken. Spending time with a Dauntless-born with the mouth Lauren had? That changed things. Lauren and I played the "Hot or Not" game probably three times a week. It was inevitable that it would be pointed towards Eric eventually.
"If he was cute, he'd look good in or out of clothes. If you only look good stripped down, what's the point?" I joked.
Lauren paused in wiping her fingers off. "What if your girlfriend only looks good dressed up?" she asked with mock seriousness. I lifted my clipboard and rapped it against her forehead with a smack.
"Then she leaves you for the cute boy you've been yammering on about for an hour now," I snorted.
Horribly, Lauren's question didn't remain at the little cafe table and instead lingered in the back of my mind the entire week. I was alright fundamentally with the theoretical. Lauren liked to look at everyone, and I didn't mind even when she talked about it with me. If she did more than look that was fine, too, so long as we talked about it beforehand. Another development that came from dating someone as free and comfortable with herself as Lauren.
I didn't expect it to happen to me, though. I was happy with my girlfriend. Managing the fluttering feelings of joy that came from one person was more than enough of a challenge for an ex-Abnegation. I was woefully unprepared for those pangs to rise up due to a second.
In part, I think, I could definitely blame Lauren for putting the idea in my head. But I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that I already had a pretty similar rapport with Eric that I had with Lauren. Snappy banter trying to one up each other? Check. Bull-headed attitude to problems and situations? Unfortunately check.
There was also the fact that on Monday Valentina stepped back from the project she'd been co-running with me and been replaced by Eric. We went from seeing one another in passing or the weekly drills to working almost exclusively one on one.
Lauren's oh-so-casual question rattled around in the back of my head, refusing to die down. When Eric pulled me onto the train for our trek to Candor one morning, I found myself studying the way that his jacket moved over his muscles. His jawline caught my attention when we were supposed to be discussing allocations for provisions. And most frustratingly I found myself preening when his gruff attitude softened to give a quick "Atta girl" when I made a good call.
I threw open the door to Lauren and I's apartment at the end of the week and groaned. She tipped her head up from where she was flopped on the bed. "Bad day?" she asked. I ran a hand through my hair and, briefly, thanked my lucky stars that I'd landed someone caring like her.
"Not exactly," I admitted. "But I have a bone to pick with you."
Her face split into a sly grin in a way that was - luckily for her - still endearing. "You've been thinking about it," she crooned.
I toed the door closed and tossed myself onto the bed next to her without bothering to take off my boots. I closed my eyes and pressed my face into her shoulder even as her arms wrapped around me. "I've been thinking about it," I mumbled into her. I felt her shoulder shake as she chuckled.
"It's not the end of the world, you know," Lauren managed after a minute. She edged backwards so that she could tip my chin up and my face out of hiding. I even begrudgingly opened my eyes. "I did tell you so, though," she teased.
"You said 'kinda cute'," I protested. "'Kinda cute' doesn't make you turn into an idiot gaping at someone's shoulder to hip ratio."
Lauren carded her fingertips gently through my hair. The sensation was blissful and utterly soothing, exactly what I needed right now. I still had those jackrabbit nerves running through me. "You gave me a crush. How did you even do that?"
She laughed. "What can I say? I have good taste," Lauren said. I tipped my face to press my lips to hers.
"Well you have good taste in women. Jury is out for the rest," I retorted.
"Oh, true. I did have that horrible go with Charlie," she said. He had been the only guy so far that she'd dated at the same time as me. It hadn't lasted.
"And Stephan," I added. He'd been before my time, but Lauren had told me enough horror stories where the name had stuck.
She grimaced and her hands paused their ministrations. "You don't need to remind me about that."
I booped my nose against hers. "Sorry," I said earnestly. Her hand returned to its glorious stroking, and I closed my eyes to savor it for a moment.
"So," Lauren said. She didn't continue until I made a noise in my throat. "What are you going to do?"
"Never leave this bed," I replied thickly.
She chuckled and shook her head. "You know that wasn't my question. Are you going to do something about Eric?"
I pried open one eye. "I believe I made my decision quite clear. Staying here. In the bed. Bed is nice and it has you. S'all I need," I murmured. I didn't want to think about the problem that, as far I was concerned, didn't need addressing. It was a crush. It would pass. I didn't want to mess up what I already had. Who would mess with this?
Lauren stilled her hand and the lovely feelings went away. "Tris, you know this isn't a one-sided deal. I brought up Eric because, well; A, he is cute. I'm glad you finally see the light," she said brightly.
"B, you guys have amazing chemistry." I made a face at that. She wasn't deterred.
"I should know. Since, you know, you and I are already dating. C, it's just fun to mess around with other people. See what you like. See what else you can get from other people that maybe you didn't know you wanted," Lauren said.
I propped myself up on my elbow. "That sounds just… wild though," I admitted.
"Why? You get it when it's me trying with Charlie or Shauna," she pressed. I cringed.
"Yeah, but… it's easier because I know what I can't bring to the table. And I want you to be happy and get that," I said. She stared at me until I blurted out "What?"
"Tris, why on Earth would you then not think that's what I want for you, too?" Lauren asked.
I chewed on my lip as I tried - and failed - to come up with an answer. "Just… because? It's not something I think about for me. It's easier to like… give that flexibility than to take it." Saying all that made me feel silly because of course it was ridiculous. Lauren had spent a long time making sure that I was comfortable with the arrangement when we really got serious as a couple, and she had already been very clear that she was fine with me dating others, too. But there was a big difference between agreeing to the theoretical and actually doing it.
"It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes, you know," Lauren said gently. She pressed her forehead to mine and pulled me by the hip against her. "You let me do it all the time."
"Yeah, well, I let you get away with a lot more than I should," I mumbled. "Like this damn crush."
"The crush you're going to do something about?" Lauren asked pointedly. She nudged me when I tried again to hide from her. "C'mon! We can talk to him together if you'd rather."
I looked at her through my fingers that were covering my eyes in mortification. "That can't possibly go well," I muttered.
She raised an eyebrow. "Two hot girls asking him if he would pretty please join us for a date one night that might end up with a threeway? Oh yes, you're right. That can only fail horribly. That's never worked for me in the past," Lauren replied flatly.
"C'mon, Tris. Live a little. Just promise me you'll keep thinking about it." I groaned and begrudgingly removed my hands from my face.
"Fine," I huffed. "I'll think about it."
The wry smile on her face told me she thought she'd won already. Heh, maybe she had.
A/N: Blanket statement for my oneshots - Please do not ask if I am continuing these. They are single "chapter" fics which I am considering complete. Thank you. - DragonMaster65