Akira would have admitted that he was standing a bit too close to the new school counsellor when he and Sumire found him in the middle of talking to Rem. It was, therefore, a bit confronting for the counsellor to be asking for him, Rem to point at him, and then come face-to-face with the man as the counsellor whirled around to face him.
"Oh! Hello! I didn't see you there!" Doctor Maruki gave a genial smile as their eyes met.
Putting that off to the side for the moment, Akira gave Rem a wave of acknowledgement which she returned before she quickly returned to Ryuji and Ann.
"Yoshizawa-san!" Maruki exclaimed as he noticed Sumire by Akira's side, the redhead giving the counsellor a shy smile. "I wasn't aware you were acquainted with Kurusu-kun…" he said, a slightly troubled look appearing on his face.
Sumire smiled apologetically. "Oh, I'm sorry Doctor Maruki!" she apologised, "Do you remember when last we met I told you about the person who saved my sister and gave me advice? That person was Akira-senpai."
The slight troubled looked on Maruki's face vanished and was instead swapped for one of stunned surprise. "Wait, Kurusu-kun, that was you?" Maruki asked, his voice tinged with shock.
Akira nodded.
"Wow… To think you'd get into an accident so quickly after saving Yoshizawa-san's sister…" Maruki muttered but shook his head. "Sorry about that, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm Doctor Maruki as you know, the newly appointed counsellor for Shujin Academy," he introduced himself, a hand extended.
Akira accepted the proffered hand. "Akira Kurusu. You were looking for me Doc?" Akira asked a brow raised.
"Oh? You heard that?" Maruki took back his hand and rubbed the back of his head in sheepishness. "Actually… Principal Kobayakawa advised me of certain students that had and noticeable previous interactions of Mr. Kamoshida," Maruki explained.
"So, students such as Takamaki-san, Sakamoto-san, and Rem?" Akira asked, earning him a look of surprise from both Maruki and Sumire at his last comment.
Maruki looked at him startled. "Oh, you're acquainted with Amamiya-san?"
"We're in the same class, and she lives at a café I frequent," Akira shrugged. "But why do you need to give me counselling sessions?" he asked wonderingly.
"Well… there was video evidence that Mr. Kamoshida did come close to physically assaulting you had Principal Kobayakawa not intervened," Doctor Maruki explained. "Coupled with the fact that you yourself got injured saving Suzui-san, it was decided that you should be one of the students that I should focus on during my tenure here."
Akira nodded in understanding. "So, is a counselling session mandatory for me or…?" Akira trailed off askingly.
Maruki shook his head. "Of course not, making it mandatory wouldn't help you, especially if you don't want to share your thoughts," Maruki said, "Like I offered Amamiya-san though, there are snacks on offer should you wish to attend…"
Akira just looked at him for a moment.
"Akira-senpai, I think you should do it," Sumire urged him quietly but eagerly. "Doctor Maruki helped me a lot, it was thanks to him that I ended coming here meeting you again after all…"
Great…
He couldn't say no after that, not with Sumire's eyes looking at him pleadingly, no small level of concern in her eyes.
"Fine…" Akira relented as he looked at Maruki, "But I'll be taking some of those snacks!"
"I'm glad to hear it," Maruki laughed jovially at the interaction between the two. "You two really have connected, haven't you? The last time I met Yoshizawa-san she was nowhere near as animated as she was now. It's certainly a big improvement, and as a counsellor, it makes me glad to see she's living her life."
Sumire blushed, not having realised how much she'd changed over the course of the last month, only now having realised it thanks to Maruki's observation. "U-um…" she shied away, self-conscious now. "It's… all thanks to Akira-senpai… he's been my closest friend…" she muttered causing a small smile to appear on said teen's face.
Akira just patted the top of her head lightly causing her to blush even more, and allowing a small pleasant and happy smile to spread across Maruki's face. "Well, I'm glad my advice to follow Kurusu-san's suggestion and change schools had allowed you to move past your problems Yoshizawa-san. If you ever need to talk, you're also more than welcome to come to the nurse's office and see me."
"Thank you, Doctor Maruki," Sumire bowed, her blush fading slightly. "I'll make sure to visit."
"Same on my end," Akira nodded as well. "Snacks though…" he reminded.
"My, you and Amamiya-san certainly seem to be fixated on snacks," Maruki chuckled with the shake of his head. "Don't worry I'll have some snacks and drinks ready if you choose to come by, but I think for now I've held you two up for long enough. I think you two should head to homeroom for the end of the day," he advised looking at his watch.
"Oh!" Sumire uttered in surprise, withdrawing her phone and looking at the time. "We don't have much time until homeroom!" she said as she grabbed Akira's hand and dragged him along, "We have to hurry, Senpai!"
The two rushed off, leaving Maruki behind.
"So… she really managed to move and face reality head-on…" Maruki muttered looking at their retreating figures, a wistful smile edging from the corner of his lips. "She didn't try to become someone else… I guess some things don't go how you expect…" he shook his head but even as he walked away that small smile tugged at the edges of lips.
After the end of homeroom, Akira made his way to the nurse's office in the practice building. He rapped his knuckle against the door.
"One moment please!" Maruki's voice called out. Akira heard the sound of another voice, a female excusing herself before the door opened and he found himself face-to-face with a familiar pair of clear blue eyes.
"Oh, Kurusu-kun," Ann stepped back in surprise as she saw the taller teen standing just outside of the nurse's office.
"Takamaki-san," Akira greeted, "You decided to attend a counselling session as well?"
"Mhmm!" Ann beamed brightly, "It certainly took a load off my chest. Are you going to go as well?"
"Yup," Akira nodded. "I've been suggested to do it so I figured I should give it a shot."
"Oh, then I hope it works out for you," Ann waved before turning around and giving Maruki another grateful nod before leaving.
"Kurusu-kun, would you like to come in?" Maruki asked as Ann left, leaving the two of them standing in front of the door, "We can get started if you like?"
"Lead the way Doc," Akira nodded, following Maruki into the nurse's office.
"I must admit, when I offered the counselling session I wasn't expecting you to be so swift having one," Maruki said, "You didn't seem all too enthused about doing this, to be frank?"
Akira shrugged. "Well, Principal Kobayakawa seems to have an interest in certain students taking counsel. Miss Kawakami ended up telling us during homeroom that it'd become mandatory for certain students," Akira explained.
"Oh..." Maruki's face fell at that tidbit of information. "I'm sorry to hear that. I told Principal Kobayakawa that pressuring students like this would be detrimental rather than helpful, but it seems he didn't pay me any mind," Maruki apologised as they sat down. To his surprise, however, Akira ended up shaking his head.
"Well… it may be mandatory but I did tell Sumire that I'd go to a session, and well…" Akira looked around searchingly, "…snacks."
Maruki looked at him for a moment before his downcast face turned into one of humour. "You really are trying to get as much out of this as it's worth, aren't you, Kurusu-kun?" Maruki chuckled as he moved over to a nearby chest fridge, withdrawing some drinks and some cookies.
"Do you happen to have any preference for drinks?" Maruki placed them on the table, a small selection for Akira to choose from. "I have come cold-brew coffee, apple juice, and some chocolate milk," he motioned to the three along with some misshapen and lumpy cookies.
Akira picked up the apple juice.
"Oh? I'd have thought you'd have gone for the coffee given you said you frequent a café," Maruki murmured.
Akira shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "No offence meant Doc, but I'm very particular with my coffee," he smirked as he picked up one of the misshapen cookies, slightly surprised by how heavy and hefty it was. "These are… interesting…"
Maruki smiled, "Given this was my first day, I'd thought I'd buy some treats for students that came. I decided to go to a local bakery that sold packaged cookies," Maruki explained but grimaced as Akira opened one, a normal white bit with pink bits spread throughout, "Admittedly, they're quite rough and their sugar content…"
Akira took a bite and immediately recoiled. It was a nice strawberry-chip cookie, and very hefty in volume as well while still being quite soft but… it tasted like that single bite had a cup's worth of sugar in it. He quickly placed the cookie down and drank half of his apple juice.
"…is quite high," Maruki finished lamely, watching Akira's scrunched up face.
"…Maybe I should've gone for the chocolate milk," Akira muttered as he placed down the cookie, wrapping it back up. "So… how do we do this…?" he looked at Maruki questioningly.
"Well… there are several ways we can do this, so you're free to choose whichever choice you want," Maruki pulled out a blank piece of paper and a clipboard. "I can ask some questions which you're more than welcome to skip, we could talk until you're ready to discuss whatever problems you might have, or you could even just take your snacks and leave."
Akira rose a brow. "That last one doesn't seem like something you should be offering as a counsellor," Akira stated bluntly, but his words just made Maruki give a small smile and shake his head.
"Quite the contrary, in fact, forcing someone to share their problems as I said earlier is more of a detriment than anything," the school counsellor explained. "Even if it's mandatory for you to attend, I'm more than willing to allow you to leave and just say you've attended if you don't want to."
"I see…" Akira nodded understandingly.
"Do you have any preference on how you'd like this to go Kurusu-kun," Maruki asked patiently.
Akira just shrugged. "I'm not all too fussed to be truthful, it'd feel wrong if I'd just up and left with my snack though," he said taking another sip of his juice.
"Okay… then how about I ask some questions until you're satisfied or you feel like opening up? Of course, as I said, you're free to skip any questions you don't wish to answer," Maruki offered patiently.
"Works for me."
"Wonderful… now… where to begin…" Maruki nodded before murmuring to himself in thought. "How have you been since the incident with Suzui-san?" he probed gently, an inquisitive look to him.
Akira gave him a look, "Going straight to the issue?"
"Do you not want to talk about it?"
"No, not at all, I just found it amusing," Akira reclined into the plush seat of the nurse's office. "I… don't feel anything now, I suppose. What happened, happened."
Maruki looked at him questioningly, quietly dissecting his statement. "Then… what about at the time with the suicide attempt? What made you jump after Suzui-san? For all intents and purposes, she was simply another student," Maruki asked further.
"Is there something wrong with stopping a suicide?" Akira asked questioningly, a slight edge to his voice.
"The opposite, it's quite admirable. I'm simply curious as to what motivated you to do such a thing," Maruki was taken aback slightly but quickly laughed it off. "Most people's self-preservation instincts would cause one to question such an act. From the report Mr. Ushimaru gave me, however, you didn't seem to hesitate in bolting from your desk and leaving the classroom without so much as a by your word. I'm curious why that wasn't the case with you…"
"…"
Akira sat in the chair pensively in thought, recalling that moment. He'd been in class at the time, and he didn't even consciously remember that Shiho was going to kill herself. It was only thanks to the fact that the Lovers Arcana, a facet of his own self, revolted and forced him into action.
"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to," Maruki said but stopped himself when Akira shook his head.
"No… I suppose… a part of me… couldn't stand the fact of knowing what was going to happen and not do anything," Akira said slowly, hesitantly.
"Hmm…" Maruki hummed as he wrote onto his clipboard. "Even at the expense of your own health you were determined to do something. That's quite admirable, Kurusu-kun," he praised, something which Akira took in stride and let it disappear.
"Actually, this wasn't the first time that you'd been in an accident," Maruki sat up, placing his elbows onto his knees as he looked at Akira. "Just a little over a month and a half ago, you saved Kasumi Yoshizawa, Yoshizawa-san's sister, correct?"
Akira nodded quietly, curious as to where he was going to take this conversation.
"My apologies if this is an invasion of privacy, but Yoshizawa-san informed me that at the time of the incident you were grievously injured," Maruki looked as Akira with concern. "In fact, your recovery period should have left you still recovering at the time of the incident with Suzui-san."
Akira stayed quiet.
"Would you permit me to make an observation, Kurusu-kun?" Maruki asked, his brows furrowing. "It may not be a kind one, and while it's one I believe you should hear, I'll only make it with your permission."
He could feel something small and ugly swell beneath his chest, urging him to say no. Akira let out a heavy sigh and slumped into the chair. "…Go ahead, doctor."
"Thank you… Kurusu-kun… for allowing me to ask this," Maruki nodded but his tone was heavy. "Did… did something happen to you prior to the incident with Yoshizawa-san?"
Akira looked at him for a moment, before inclining his head for Maruki to continue his observation.
"Well, with what you've told me about yourself and the information given to me by outside sources… Kurusu-kun, I wouldn't say that you have little self-preservation instincts… I'd actually hazard to say that you have no self-preservation instincts…"
Akira stilled at that, his face morphing into one of reflective introspection.
"It's unnatural for a person to have such little care for themselves unless they're extremely distorted," Maruki continued. Even though he could tell Akira was deep in thought, and as much as he was a stranger to the teen, he felt this was something the needed to be addressed or at least known. "The only way for a person to become this distorted is to either be born in such a way… or something have happened to them…"
Maruki stared patiently at Akira as the teen found himself quickly getting lost in thought.
Was… he really that self-destructive? He thought back on how he'd essentially thrown himself into the path of an oncoming truck for Kasumi Yoshizawa, which without his Persona adding him, would've turned the two of them into paste. Doctor Hisegawa had outright stated that it was a miracle that they were alive, and even with Ongyo-Ki having a physical resistance, half of Akira's ribs had been shattered on impact or outright destroyed.
Then considering Shiho's suicide, he'd taken the barest amount of precaution of jumping after Shiho and taking the impact between the two of them while he was still recovering. Sure, he'd used a Marakukaja on the both of them, and used Dia to heal some of his wounds, but that didn't change the fact that he'd essentially thrown himself onto death's doorstep.
He hadn't noticed until now, but… something was wrong with him.
Akira came to a decision as he looked at Maruki.
"Does… does what I say in this room stay confidential?" Akira asked hesitantly, letting the calm façade he wore fall. It felt like a weight fell onto his shoulders.
Maruki's eyes widened as the sudden change in the teen, but rather than saying anything he placed down his clipboard before standing up and walking over to the door. With a quiet click, he locked the doorknob ensuring no one could enter by accident. "Not a word will leave this room," Maruki said as he sat back down and gave Akira his full undivided attention.
Akira sighed, trying to figure out where to start. He didn't even know what he was doing, even telling someone about this was stupid, but…
COLD
He fingered his pendant, it's comforting coldness suffusing into him, calming his beating heart. Akira's breathing quickened slightly as he thought over everything that happened.
"Three years ago…" Akira swallowed as he closed his eyes, taking a deep shuddering breath and leaned into the chair. "Three years ago… I lost everyone I cared about."
Maruki sat quietly as Akira began.
"I don't want to say how, but… three years ago everyone I knew, everyone I cared about, everyone I loved… died," Akira exhaled slowly, the weight of an entire dead world pushing him down. "I watched as they died… one by one. They disappeared from my life in a matter of moments until I was left with nothing… until I was left alone…"
"I-I don't think I came out of it whole…" Akira admitted, swallowing the lump in his throat as a tear pricked his eye. "I never got over it… and I still don't think I have…" he said taking a deep breath as he opened his eyes and looked at Maruki.
"You said that I don't have a sense of self-preservation… I think you're right," he gave a brittle shaky smile. "Kasumi Yoshizawa was an accident that happened so fast… but Shiho… the only thing that went through my mind was that I needed to save her," Akira tried to explain.
"One of my friends… one that I lost… she had a friend like Shiho who tried to kill herself… she almost succeeded," Akira said, his vision turning misty as he thought about Ann. "Even though she never said anything, she was broken over it for a while… I'd sometimes see her with a faraway look in her eyes and I'd always know she was thinking of how her friend tried to kill herself…"
"When Shiho tried to commit suicide… a part of me, the one that cared for the friend I'd lost… I don't think it could stand that happening again…" Akira whispered. "It didn't care about what happened to me… only that Shiho survived."
Maruki's patient observation shifted as alarm filled his gut, even still, he continued to listen to Akira's story.
"That day when Shiho jumped, my only priority was to make sure she survived and came out better than… came out of it largely uninjured… hehe..." Akira gave a watery self-deprecating laugh as he looked at Maruki and shook his head.
"I think… that's as much as I want to share for today… I'm sorry..." Akira said quietly, allowing his calm façade to rise back up. The weight of the world vanished as the pain in his chest eased.
Maruki was once more alarmed at the sudden change in Akira's emotional state.
"You're not okay… are you, Kurusu-kun? You haven't been for a while…" Maruki asked sadly, looking at the evidently hurting teen that he'd just met, but had already bared what seemed to be one of his biggest held secrets.
"No… I don't think I am… but… at least I know that now…" Akira said quietly, leaning back into the plush chair. The nurse's office fell into a contemplative silence.
"Kurusu-kun… do you still wish to continue this counselling session?" Maruki asked hesitantly. He didn't want to allow Akira to leave but pushing a student that was already emotionally compromised and judging by the teen's own words had developed a form of dissociative identity disorder due to survivor's guilt, would end with disastrous consequences.
Akira took a deep breath.
"No," he said firmly, even as much as he wanted to kick down the door and run, he needed to… do something about this. "I think I want to continue…"
Maruki looked at him in concern. "Would… if you don't want to talk…. would you mind if I make some more observations?"
"Go ahead…" Akira said quietly looking off into space.
Maruki gave him another glance before taking a deep breath to gather his thoughts. "I noticed earlier that… you seem to have a fondness for patting Yoshizawa-san…" he said looking at the teen.
"…I'd never noticed," Akira admitted softly.
"It was only something I noticed in passing but after your… admission," Maruki skirted around the topic warily, afraid he might trigger something in the teen. He let out an internal sigh of relief as he noticed Akira still looking into space. "You've developed a close… relationship with Yoshizawa-san… do you have anyone else like that in your life?"
Akira's first thought was Goro.
He nodded.
"Do you happen to make it a habit of keeping physical contact...?" Maruki asked.
Akira thought about it for a moment. He'd sometimes pat Goro on the back, or when he'd noticed he was crying when he'd presented him with those gloves a year ago his first instinct was to shake him.
"Yes…"
"I see…" Maruki sighed as he finally understood how emotionally fractured the teen was. "With those you've become close to… you make it a habit to make sure they're still with you… you keep close physical contact to make sure that they're still alive, don't you?"
"…" Akira hadn't noticed that.
"I'm glad you've decided to confide in me with this Kurusu-kun…" Maruki said truthfully, but his face held no small amount of concern as he looked at the teen. "I'd suggest you keep close to Yoshizawa-san and the people you're close to… from what I've observed the seem to act as anchors for you…"
"Anchors…?" Akira looked curiously at the brown-haired counsellor.
Maruki nodded, internally happy that Akira seemed to be in the here and now rather than where he'd been inside his head. "They seem to be people that you've attached yourself to, they make you happy and help you heal while keeping you in the present…" Maruki nodded.
His words did seem to ring true to Akira.
"Your problem… For now, I'd suggest you keep close to Yoshizawa-san…" Maruki scolded himself as he suggested that, unable to suggest more. "I'm sorry that I forced you to bring up horrible memories…"
"No…" Akira shook his head as he stood up, "You were only doing your job as a counsellor… it might not have been what you wanted… but I think I needed to know that something was wrong with me… this might have been something I needed..." he said softly.
Maruki nodded downcast as he also stood up. He walked over to the door and unlocked it. "Kurusu-kun," he turned around to address the teen.
Akira looked at him.
"My office is always free for you to visit if you choose to do so. Anything you wish to discuss will naturally be placed under doctor-patient confidentiality," Maruki offered gently as he pulled out his phone. "If you'd like I can offer my contact information if you wish to contact me," he held it out and was surprised that Akira actually accepted.
"I think I'd like that… thank you for your help Doctor," Akira smiled.
Maruki nodded but found himself disconcerted by how easily the teen was able to mask his emotions. No… he didn't mask them… he simply showed a side of himself that wasn't emotionally compromised.
"If you ever need me, I'll do everything in my power to lend you my support," Maruki stated as he took his phone back before holding out his hand.
"I'll… be taking you up on that Doctor," Akira stared at his hand for a moment before shaking it.
Akira stilled as he felt the sound of wind blow around him as time came to a stand-still.
I am thou, thou art I…
Thou hast acquired a new vow.
It shall become the wings of rebellion
that shall free thy shattered soul.
With the birth of the Councillor Persona,
I have obtained the winds of blessing that
shall lead to freedom and new power…
So… that was how it was, huh?
Maruki opened the door allowing Akira to exit.
Akira found himself coming face to face with two orbs of red, Sumire and Rem looking at him in surprise.
Rem groaned as she cracked her back, her vertebrae popping as she looked over the message she received from Ann.
Ann: Well, I went in for counselling.
Ann: You're going soon too, right, Rem?
Rem: Yeah
Rem: How'd it go?
Ann: Hmm… Well, it honestly wasn't as rough as I was expecting.
Ann: I think you should just go and give it a shot.
Ann: Dr. Maruki's easier to talk to than you'd think.
Ann: Okay, well I'll leave you to it. See you tomorrow!
Rem tucked away her phone, Morgana popping out of her bag.
"Miss Kawakami said you should go to a counselling session, today didn't she?" Morgana asked curiously. "That's in the nurse's office in the Practice building, right? I'll just pass some time in the area until you're done."
"You could always hide in my bag," Rem offered.
Morgana gave her an almost offended look. "Do you know how hot it gets in there? I'd pass out!"
"Fine…" Rem muttered as she made her way to the front entrance to let Morgana roam free before heading back inside and over to the practice building.
She found herself surprised as she saw a familiar head of red, the girl with the straight hair that always seemed to be hanging around Akira was milling just outside of the nurse's office.
"Oh… hello…" the red-haired girl said quietly as she took notice of Rem, "Are you here for a session as well?"
Rem nodded. "Are you waiting for one as well?" she asked curiously.
The red-haired girl shook her head. "Actually, I'm waiting for my friend. I was told he went in not too long ago," she admitted.
Rem rose a brow. "You're really close to Akira, aren't you?" she asked.
The red-haired girl looked at her stunned, a red blush blossoming across her face. "H-How did you know I was waiting for Akira-senpai!?"
Rem just shrugged. "Every time I see him outside of class or the café, you're always basically clinging to him," she stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Her words caused the redhead's face to turn to an atomic-level shade of blush.
"W-Wha-?"
She didn't get to say anything further as the door to the nurse's room opened, and the two found themselves looking as the source of their admittedly short discussion. "Sumire?" Akira asked as he looked down at the blushing red-head, her blush quickly dying down in front of her friend but not fading all the way. "Were you waiting for me?"
The redheaded nodded. "I'd thought you'd like to walk home together," she said softly.
Akira shrugged, a hand drifting to the top of her head. "More than fine with me," he nodded before looking at Doctor Maruki, "I'll come back another time, if that's okay with you?"
Doctor Maruki nodded, "I'll be ready when you wish to come back."
Nodding, Akira departed with the redhead close to his side.
Rem looked at Maruki now that the two were gone. "What say we get started?" Maruki asked as he motioned to the open door.