Chapter 44

Callie wrapped her hands around Brandon's neck, their lips moving against one another as they sat on his bed. She lowered herself onto her back as she deepened the kiss. His hands slid down her body as his lips trailed down to her neck. Callie's hand slipped beneath Brandon's shirt, feeling the muscles engraved in his abdomen. She reached down to the hem of the shirt and lifted it. He pulled his lips away from her body to pull the shirt off his head. "Let me know when you want me to stop."

She gazed into his loving eyes and circled her hands around his neck to pull him back down. "I don't want to stop."

Brandon's lips crashed into hers once more. Their bodies moved together in perfect synchrony. Callie pulled her shirt off, leaving her in her black bra. Brandon's eyes ogled her body. Callie bit down on her lower lip, suddenly feeling insecure. She had scars; scars from the attack and a scar on her lower abdomen from the surgery following the delivery. "I'm ugly."

Brandon shook his head. "No, you're beautiful. You're so, so beautiful. I love you."

"I love you too." She whispered. His head swooped down to pepper kisses on the scars painting Callie's stomach. Goosebumps tickled her skin. His soft lips trailed up to her neck as her hands worked on his belt buckle.

"Are you sure?" Brandon asked, pulling away for a moment to look into her chestnut-colored eyes, searching for any hint of doubt or uncertainty.

"I'm sure." Callie smiled, pulling his face back down to hers. Her hand left his waistline and returned to his chest. His tongue swiped her lower lip as her fingertips traced his muscles. His hands slithered down her waist finding the waistband of her pants. She sucked in a breath as Liam's face flashed behind her lids. Brandon's hands froze when he felt her flinch beneath him. The anxiety dissipated when she met his warm eyes, glimmering with concern. "It's okay."

"Are you sure?" Brandon asked, brushing a strand curl off Callie's face. "We don't have to do this."

"No, I'm okay. I want to." She reassured, reaching up to capture his lips again. She pushed her own pants down, kicking them off her legs. A small moan left Brandon's lips as his eyes explored Callie's body. He followed her actions, kicking his own jeans off, and leaving both of them in their undergarments.

Brandon's lips gently sucked on Callie's neck as his hand snaked beneath her back to reach for her bra clasp. Callie inhaled sharply. Fear exploded in her stomach. Her chest tightened. She couldn't breathe. She was back in the woods, Liam crushing her. The smell of her blood permeated the air. The sound of leaves crunching beneath her aching body assaulted her ears. Rough hands touched her in places she didn't want. "N-no! Get off! Stop!"

Brandon tore his lips away from her neck as he felt her hands pushing at his chest. The terror in her eyes was unmistakable. He rolled himself off her, so he was sitting beside her. "Callie?"

Her chest heaved. Her lungs burned. She knew it was Brandon sitting before her, but the images of Vico and Liam continued to flash in her mind. "I…I can't breathe."

Brandon pulled her into a sitting position and brought her hand to his bare chest. He inhaled deeply. "Follow my breaths, okay? You're okay. You're safe."

Callie followed the gentle rise and fall of his chest. The burning in her chest dissipated. Her lungs finally filled with oxygen. She squeezed her eyes shut as tears stung her eyelids. She shook her head furiously. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He reached up to push her curls behind her ear. "Hey, don't apologize. You're not ready and that's okay."

Callie reached for her clothes, pulling them on quickly as Brandon did the same. Tears tumbled down her cheeks. "I…I want to be with you. I do. I trust you with all my heart and I want to take that step with you. To be as close to you as possible. And I know that…rape isn't sex and I know you would never hurt me, but…I just...go back into those woods."

Brandon frowned as guilt erupted in his stomach. He hated that he made her feel like that. "You were really traumatized and that doesn't just go away. It could take a long time and that's okay."

She swallowed thickly refusing to meet his eyes. "What if…what if I'm never ready?"

"I don't think that's going to happen. I think you just need time to cope further with the trauma. But if that is the case then we'll deal with it, Callie." Brandon reached into her lap to take her hand in his. "I love you and nothing is going to change that, okay?"

More tears glistened in her eyes as she shook her head. "I can't ask you to wait."

"We've been over this. Yes, you can and you're not even asking me. I'm telling you I will wait for you. No matter how long that takes." Brandon gently lifted Callie's chin so he could look into her eyes, sparkling with unshed tears.

"Brandon…" Callie's strained voice trailed off as a single tear carved a path down her cheek.

"No, I'm serious." His thumb reached up to brush away the tear, but others followed. "I don't want to just have sex with anyone. I want to make love to you and only you and I'm willing to wait no matter how long that takes."

Callie met his eyes hesitantly to find nothing but love and honesty. "I just don't want to be dealing with this anymore."

"I know, but you are." Brandon frowned. Those words seemed to leave her mouth often lately. "Can I just ask, was there something I did specifically that made you nervous?"

Callie shook her head and wiped at her tear-stained cheeks. "No. One minute I was kissing you and the next…all I saw was Liam."

Brandon tore his eyes away from her guiltily.

"It wasn't you, Brandon. The way you were touching and kissing me was nothing like what they did. You were gentle and loving, but I just…something just snaps in me and I can't separate the past from the present." She let out a breath before finding his concerned gaze again. "It wasn't you or anything you did, I promise. I really wanted to be with you because I feel 100% safe with you and I want to share that love and connection, but I guess this is just another thing they've taken from me."

Brandon shook his head furiously. The terror he saw in Callie's eyes was heart-wrenching. He couldn't understand how anybody could ignore that, how anyone could be encouraged by that fear. "I'm sorry, Cal. You take as long as you need."

"I think…I think it's hard too because I don't know what to expect. My only…sexual experiences have been forced." Callie chewed on her bottom lip and shrugged slightly. "I'm never going to know what sex was like before it was tainted."

Brandon frowned again. "It's going to take time to separate the two, but you said before, sex and rape aren't the same things."

"I know that. On some level anyway. But I think I'm just associating it with shame and fear and pain." Callie confessed, hesitantly meeting Brandon's eyes. "I don't know how to feel in control."

Brandon found Callie's hand, intertwining their fingers. "You are in control. You're in control of me, okay? You say no, and I stop immediately. I will never, ever not listen to what you want."

"I know that and I'm so grateful that I have you. You do make me feel in control. I love that you always ask if I'm okay, that I'm comfortable, and remind me we can stop. But then when we try to take it further, I'm not in control anymore. I can't control going back into those woods. I can't control feeling terrified." Callie inhaled shakily, tearing her eyes away from Brandon. "They told me I was only good for sex. That I was theirs. That you wouldn't want me because they marked me."

Fury ignited within Brandon and he had to take a calming breath to halt its intensity. Callie had recently been opening up more about that awful night. Normally when someone mentioned it, she clammed up. Some of the details of that night had been revealed at the trial, but it still didn't necessarily paint the whole picture. This was the first he was hearing of the awful things they said to her and even though it made his blood boil and the need for revenge to intensify, he had to remain calm. Callie opening up was a huge step and he couldn't risk jeopardizing that. "What they said isn't true. I imagine it felt that way, but you're not theirs. You're not anybody's. You're not an object, nobody owns you. And I hope you know by now that there is nothing that would make me not want you."

"Part of me knows that, but part of me doubts it often." Callie shuddered as she recalled that dreadful night. "I mean they didn't care about the fear or pain I was in. They used me as an object to fulfill their power and control. They used me, Brandon."

Brandon lifted her chin gently to gaze into her eyes. The shame etched in chocolate orbs was clear. "You shouldn't be ashamed of what you went through. It shows the awful people they are, not you."

"I think I know that I just don't feel it yet. If that makes any sense."

"It does. And that's a huge step. I think it's just going to take some time for you to truly, 100% not feel ashamed." Brandon said. He was pretty sure her recent progress almost made her more frustrated. Now that she was feeling happier, better, it seemed as though she just wanted to speed it up.

"I'm sorry. I made you think we were going to have sex and now I'm pouring out my feelings to you."

"Don't do that." Brandon scolded gently. "Don't apologize and don't dismiss this. I want you to talk to me. You talking this out is part of the healing process. And I don't want you to ever apologize for changing your mind, okay? I don't care what we're doing, how far we are with whatever we're doing, or however many times we've done it, you say to stop then we will and that's okay. I don't want you to be sorry."

Callie nodded, inhaling deeply. She was tempted to find Stef, Lena, and Mike and give each of them a hug for raising such an incredible man. He was the complete opposite of the majority of men she had been exposed to. "Thank you."

"We don't have to do everything at once, you know. We can take it slow and eventually work our way there. When you're ready. And when that time comes, if you don't like something or you feel uncomfortable, you let me know and I'll stop." Brandon's hand reached up to cup her cheek again. "I want you to feel good, okay? Sex shouldn't be a chore or obligation. It isn't just about me. It's about us sharing intimacy and making both of us feel good."

Callie let out a long breath. "Okay."

Callie and Brandon's heads both moved towards the front door as it clicked open, followed by multiple footsteps. Mariana and Jesus both headed upstairs while Lena placed her bag down and made her way into the living room with a car seat. She placed the car seat, holding a sleeping Frankie, down and smiled at the two teenagers watching tv.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" Lena asked as she took a seat in the chair facing Callie and Brandon.

Callie disentangled herself from Brandon's arms to sit up. Anxiety erupted in her stomach. Those words always led to something bad. "Sure."

"I just wanted to give you a heads up that we're announcing the info for the winter ball tomorrow." Lena watched Callie's face falter for a moment as she shifted on the couch. "I'm not expecting you to go. But I wanted to give you a warning so you weren't ambushed tomorrow when you hear about it. I know it may bring up some unpleasant feelings."

Callie nibbled on her lower lip. It never crossed her mind that there would be another winter ball. She was aware it was an event Anchor Beach held every year and she knew that what happened last year wasn't going to end that tradition, especially being that the assault didn't even take place at the actual event. But it never occurred to her that she would be dealing with another winter ball.

Brandon reached into Callie's lap to take her hand in his when she remained silent. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I just…" She began, struggling to form her words. "I don't know."

"We're also increasing the number of chaperones to avoid any harassment or alcohol issues like last year," Lena said. "But again, I'm not expecting you to go."

Callie shrugged. "I mean it's not like it's where it happened or that those people will be there."

"It's completely up to you, bug. And I'm not asking you to make a decision. You could decide the night of it if you want, so think about it." Lena offered the young brunette a warm smile. "We're also sending out the sexual harassment survey this week and we're planning on having an assembly after Christmas break."

Callie let out a puff of air as she nodded. This day suddenly felt like a whirlwind. From failing to take a major step in her relationship to now learning about the winter ball and a sexual harassment assembly- one that was being held because of her. "Okay."

"I'm sorry to drop all of this on you." Lena frowned before she stood up and grabbed the car seat. "I'm going to change this one's diaper before I get dinner started. Let me know if you want to talk about anything."

"Thanks," Callie whispered as she watched Lena start up the stairs. She looked at Brandon whose eyes were focused on her. "What?"

"Maybe you should talk to her about earlier." He suggested, earning a horrified look from his girlfriend. "I know they've said before that they were there to talk about it and maybe it would be easier to talk to someone that isn't me."

"You know how I struggle to talk and you want me to talk to your moms about our sex life? Or lack of sex life?" Callie arched an eyebrow at her boyfriend, who couldn't help but chuckle at the appalled expression in her eyes.

"I know it's not easy, but you know they're there to talk if you need. They're open to talking about stuff like that." Brandon shifted on the couch and gently tugged on her arm to pull her back in his arms. "I'm not saying you even have to talk about it or find a solution. You know I'm not rushing you. I just can tell that it's bothering you."

Callie sighed. "I know. I'll talk to my therapist."

"I love you." Brandon reminded and pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head.

Brandon voiced those words a million times a day and yet every time it made Callie's stomach flutter. She snuggled closer to him and cherished the safety and comfort that his arms provided. "I love you too."

Thanks for reading! Hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! Next chapter will be up in the next couple of weeks.